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#150 by JDog on 12 Aug, 2007 00:11
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Best buy to pick up one of those new iPod shuffles. The worlds smallest mp3 player. 120 songs and the size of a matchbook,pretty awesome.Clips right on the top of my shirt collar. While in Best Buy, I head to the Plasma TV's, and on the display there is a newscast. My jaw nearly falls off when on the screen,greeting me with his big pearly whites.is....
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#151 by SLYinKC on 12 Aug, 2007 19:19
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Howie Mandel (ultimate SLY Guy spokesman) and he is holding a news conference to discuss "HIS" new invention: a souped up version of the Headblade with new and improved supersonic shaving power and a blade that never wears out, but continues to sharpen itself as you shave. And standing next to Howie at the news conference is....
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#152 by marshd1000 on 14 Aug, 2007 19:08
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Jesse Ventura, former governeror of Minnesota and Jay Buhner former Seattle Mariner. Both have announced that they will help Howie promote this new version of HeadBlade. All three have announced that they have made a major investment in Todd Greene's company to take it to the next level.
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#153 by SLYinKC on 14 Aug, 2007 20:05
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At the conclusion of news conference Jesse Ventura looks to the back of the room and motions someone to come forward. All eyes are turned as we see... to everyone's surprise....
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#154 by marshd1000 on 21 Oct, 2007 23:57
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Janet, the Fat Purfume Girl who by this time has blimped up to 340 lbs by eating tons of Cold Stone Ice Cream. After Jesse Ventura motions to her, she is escorted to the stage by Sly wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin and Bill Goldberg. Janet is crying uncontrollably since she knows she is a fat and can't marry Jerry Springer bouncer, Steve Wilkos. So the two wrestlers carry her up to the stage to be psychoanalyzed by sly psych, Keith Ablow. By this time I recognize that I need to get out of here since I might be held responsible for originally making Janet fat. So I did the only thing a self respecting sly guy would do and that is to head out of New Orleans and up to Seattle where I find.......
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#155 by PBurke on 22 Oct, 2007 06:15
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......BIGFOOT......
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#156 by Timmay on 22 Oct, 2007 08:02
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......but..once I realize who BIGFOOT is...I jump on my pink scooter and get the "Hell out of Seattle". After days of scooting along on the interstate, I decided I needed to take a rest and pull into this road side gas station, but a scratching my head...oh in which I need to tell you, I forgot to wear my tabogon and I didnt have my sunscreen with me and now head looks like a shiny red christmas bulb. Anyways I was scratching my head and tryin to figure out why on earth is this gas station sitting here in the middle of nowhere and the gas pumps read $1.19. Yes, I said it right ...$1.19 a GALLON, not teaspoon, but gallon. I put my key in my gas cap and as I open it you can hear the suction noise of the air rushing in..man I was almost empty..I think I was running on vapors. I insert the nosel, pull the trigger.........pull the trigger......flip the switch.....flip the switch again....pull the trigger......kick the gas pump, kicks it again. SUDDENLY I feel the ground shaking, the earth is opening up. OK im gettin scared at this time Boys, all i can imagine, it was HER. But wait...whats that? Ihear voice, a beep then a voice, a voice of an old lady..rough old lady, one that sounds like she has her mouth full of food and a cigarette......Please pay for your gas before pumping. I turn and look inside the gas station. Im like "WHAT IN THE HELL?" The wind is blowing, dust in the air, my mouth getting dry because of the dust and being that my jaw was resting in the ground because I cant believe what I am witnessing. I see a sign, yes a sign......HUGE SIGN. STONE COLD CREAMERY. Behind the counter, in some silly ass looking uniform is PBurke....serving up this huge bowl of icecream to no other than Warhawk. I run to the building, forgetting to put my kickstand down, my scooter falls to the ground. I turn look at it...say ahh hell with it. Im greeted with a big Hey BRO how the hell are you doing and a big hand shake from both. I proceeded to tell them about this HUGE lady who comes and attacks people who are sitting in ColdStone's. Warhawks eyes basically pop out of his eyes, he is excited...Like ohhh goodie goodie Pburke..we gonna have another customer..can I serve her can I , can I ,huhh huh...please Pburke can I can I? "SIT DOWN! Warhawk "Pburke says. I continue to tell them, that they must seek shelter and protection because this lady is mean. I left Seattle and that was the last time I seen her. I have no idea where I am even at. I look at Warhawk and he is like man you dont know where you are even at? Im like ummmm nope and all i have is like $5 in my pocket and my tank is empty and all I want is some gas and a soda. Warhawk has this sheepish grin on his face and as I glance up to Pburke, I notice he is growing larger and larger, I step back. Pburke turns around and rips a mask off of his face........................
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#157 by guvnor_12 on 22 Oct, 2007 10:26
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and its really Tyler!!! I scream and....
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#158 by Timmay on 22 Oct, 2007 11:29
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I was like Holy sh*t...now what am I gonna do I need to make a quick getaway. I look across the room and I see a CD player sittin on the counter. I rush over to it..press play and ...the song...it was the song..ITS RAINING MEN! So i begin my dance moves...rip my tear away chipendales pants off to reveal my RED AND WHITE SHORTS! Tylers eyes begin to grow dark. Warhawk....couldnt get his icecream down fast enough. To my amazement...waht do i see before me . I stop dead in my tracks, bend down to gather my pants keeping my eye on both of them as they turn into..not one...but two...Fat perfume ladies. She has grown so large she is now formed two bodies. WHAT! she only has three feet? As she moves from behind the counter I notice she gives a whole new meaning to having a third leg. LOL Im totally freaked out at this point and I make a mad dash for the door ( grabbing a snickers bar on the way out....damn Richard is going to kill me for this one) The fat perfume lady reaches into her "pouche" and pulls out a bottle of aerosol Rogaine and tries to stop me. I get to my scooter and there sitting on the seat is a note. I pick it up and I cant understand what it is saying. The spelling is all wrong..im like what numbnuts wrote this...as Im scratching my still sunburnt head i get to the end of the note and it is signed.....................
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#159 by Timmay on 24 Oct, 2007 11:53
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.........
? ok who is next?? intermission has lasted 2 days here...................
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#160 by SLYinKC on 24 Oct, 2007 13:42
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by Richard Simmons, he's mad as hell and wants his shorts back. But ain't no way he's getting these babies back, so I jump on my scooter and I'm off to....
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#161 by marshd1000 on 24 Oct, 2007 15:43
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Romano's Macaroni Grill. I figured that Richard Simmons would not be caught dead there because of the high calorie count of the food. So I proceeded to order a plate of pasta and the waitress brings me some bread with some olive oil for dipping. At this point I happen to see the Raderettes as they sultry saunter my way. They then start applying the olive oil to my silky, smooth, sly dome. Then one of them asks, "Can I.....
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#162 by Timmay on 24 Oct, 2007 20:59
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Have a bite of your macaroni?
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#163 by Timmay on 14 Nov, 2007 20:46
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I suddenly realize Im just sitting at my breakfast table at my house and Wow what a wicked dream that was.....the sun rays are beamin thru the window as it is rising above the mts in my back yard....the birds are churping, Jdawg is riding down the hill on a moped with red and white shorts on, the sounds of the country in the back ground looking at the clock..thinking im gonna be late for work....Jdawg...still going down the hill.....the scent of fresh baked cinnamon rolls wift thru the ............SCREEEEEEEEEEETCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHOOAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! JDAWG What THE HELL YOU DOING....Riding around like that...get your ass outta my .......................
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#164 by SLYinKC on 14 Nov, 2007 20:49
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Red and white striped shorts (sorry Jesse). So off he goes on the moped toward...