I wish I was dead, never been born, I was somebody else.

[Razor X]

Razor, but bro...we need to help support this guy to help coax him into going somewhere and getting some help.  If we all just sit here and just say go talk to a professional and just leaving it at that it is going to sound like no one cares.  Almost like you dont want to deal with it.  Im sorry, Im going to leave how I wrote that but please understand I am not rakin you across the coals.  I just always have the tendency to sit and listen to someone talk about their problems.  I may or may not have any words for them but at least they know I care when they can sit and talk and to know that it will not go any further than the two of us.  It sounds to me like he has a big Trust issue too and that is what he needs right now too, is trust.  Trust that we are going to help lead him in the right direction.

It's not that we don't care, Tim.  It's because we DO care that we're telling him to get professional help.  If he wants to talk about his problems here, and folks want to listen, that is fine --- as long as it doesn't take the place of professional help.   I wasn't saying "shut up, go see a shrink and don't bother us anymore with your problems."   Sorry if I wasn't clear about that.   

[MagmaBabe]

Razor, but bro...we need to help support this guy to help coax him into going somewhere and getting some help.  If we all just sit here and just say go talk to a professional and just leaving it at that it is going to sound like no one cares.  Almost like you dont want to deal with it.  Im sorry, Im going to leave how I wrote that but please understand I am not rakin you across the coals.  I just always have the tendency to sit and listen to someone talk about their problems.  I may or may not have any words for them but at least they know I care when they can sit and talk and to know that it will not go any further than the two of us.  It sounds to me like he has a big Trust issue too and that is what he needs right now too, is trust.  Trust that we are going to help lead him in the right direction.

Timmay, as much as I love ya, you're kinda missing the point here. We are not abandoning William. like I said, and Razor said and Paul said, we are here.. and we are more than willing to listen. But he does need to seek outside help. We do care. Which is why we've said what we've said. If William wants to talk to anyone individually via pm, then I'm sure he will and I'll reinforce that he is more than welcome to do that and I'm pretty sure that everyone else on this forum would be willing to talk to him. It goes deeper than that Tim. I know you mean well by saying if you were in his town you would drag his butt wherever... you aint. None of us are.. and although talking on here will help in some way, it's not enough. But hopefully, it will give him the motivation to go that one step further and get proper help.

I'm sorry William that I'm speaking as if you're the third person. We do care on this forum and we will be here to help you as much as we can. But you need to help yourself and the first step towards that would be to seek professional help.

[Timmay]

OH HUSH Magma..you dont know what you are talking about. LOL  Just kidding.  I understand, totally.  Maybe my words werent the best choosen ones.  Im sorry if I made you all think differently. 

[Kojack]

Thanks for all the replies and suggestions. Not gonna say it has made huge impact on me even though you are trying to help me.

I belong to several online forums and it seems there is always a guy that has serious issues and decides to post about how miserable they are. If you are like them, you'll get good advice and do nothing. You'll ignore everyones advice, you'll use excuse after excuse how nobody understands or how you tried somthing and it didn't work and you'll post the same thing over and over every few weeks about how miserable you are. Eventually people will stop giving you sound advice because they know you won't take it and they know you're not serious.

DON'T BE LIKE THOSE GUYS

Not trying to sound like an ass, but bottom line, if you're confused whether you need help, you do.  I've only seen a handfull of posts from you and it's obvious you need serious help to straighten out your way of thinking. You have way to much negativity running through your head. You need someone with experience to figure out whats causing it and help get rid of it. Posting here and getting it off your chest is great, but now that you have folks advice, take it and run with it. Don't be like so many other people I've seen who just hide behide excuses and never change. Think of it like this. Many of us here on SGF have made changes and feels great afterward. Sometime you have to change to feel better about things! 

[Bensen]

I think you all have spoken true words. Having no doubts about that what he wrotes, i also think
he did one important step, getting in contact with people, not hidding anymore and so on.

I bet he knows, that it's not the only way just doing some posts in a forum and all will be good.
I guess sharing some expiriences is ok. To block this completly would be wrong. As long as his
his expectation won't get to "high" to find all answers in a forum.

Beside of that, i wanna share the following with ya all, some wise words so to speak:

Desiderata - Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others, even to the dull
and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your acheivements as well as your plans.
Keep interest in your own career,
however humble; it is a real possession
in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the council of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings,
Many fears are born out of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should be.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labers and aspirations,
in the noisey confusions of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy!

[MagmaBabe]

that was fantastic Ben 

[william]

Thanks for all the replies and suggestions. Not gonna say it has made huge impact on me even though you are trying to help me.

I belong to several online forums and it seems there is always a guy that has serious issues and decides to post about how miserable they are. If you are like them, you'll get good advice and do nothing. You'll ignore everyones advice, you'll use excuse after excuse how nobody understands or how you tried somthing and it didn't work and you'll post the same thing over and over every few weeks about how miserable you are. Eventually people will stop giving you sound advice because they know you won't take it and they know you're not serious.

DON'T BE LIKE THOSE GUYS

Not trying to sound like an ass, but bottom line, if you're confused whether you need help, you do.  I've only seen a handfull of posts from you and it's obvious you need serious help to straighten out your way of thinking. You have way to much negativity running through your head. You need someone with experience to figure out whats causing it and help get rid of it. Posting here and getting it off your chest is great, but now that you have folks advice, take it and run with it. Don't be like so many other people I've seen who just hide behide excuses and never change. Think of it like this. Many of us here on SGF have made changes and feels great afterward. Sometime you have to change to feel better about things! 

I have been on one different forum (people that are trying to grow their hair back) and talked about myself, but well I think I was getting help from the wrong kind of people. People that themselves don't allow them to be themselves or allow people around them to accept themselves as they are, something like me. I have always wanted to be accepted for the one I'm.

Here when reading so much about hair loss is about being the one you are and taking control of yourself, and letting people around you accepting the one you are, I should not let people think of me as somebody I'm not. That's what I have been doing.

I have let other people control myself, and it has only made me more insecure of the one I'm, I simply must start controlling myself and accept myself.

I haven't wrote so much about myself and my thoughts anywhere else than here. I'm trying to be a honest person when telling this to you. I like people who can be themselves and honest about themselves, for some reason I know you are. Even though we live in two different worlds.

Another reason why I told this here was because other people could read about it. And maybe it will help someone more than myself.

I haven't planned to stay here the rest of my life and share my problems with you but think I'm gonna stay here because I'm going bald. And I like the mentality here.

As I did when I realized I was going bald. I might start *google* about how professionals work and what their job is. And what it is for kind of help that I need/ will get.

Think it have helped me in someway telling this even though I'm not saying it has.

[Stu]

William, a lot of folks here have offered what advice they can because they care and have your best interest at heart, no matter how well they expressed their thoughts.  We are here to help you as best we can.  The only thing I would add is that the moment that thoughts of 'I wish I was dead' (in the title of this thread) begin to dominate your thoughts, that is the time to seek some serious professional help (not the kind of help most of us can give), and fast, whether it be psychologist or psychiatrist.  Take good care.

[william]

William, a lot of folks here have offered what advice they can because they care and have your best interest at heart, no matter how well they expressed their thoughts.  We are here to help you as best we can.  The only thing I would add is that the moment that thoughts of 'I wish I was dead' (in the title of this thread) begin to dominate your thoughts, that is the time to seek some serious professional help (not the kind of help most of us can give), and fast, whether it be psychologist or psychiatrist.  Take good care.

The headline might be wrong, It's nothing I wish anymore, just something I have felt the entire my life, that *I wish I was dead, never been born, I was somebody else. *

I have come to realize that I need to start controlling myself, and do something about my life situation. I need to look on the future and not hook up on old stuff and for that I might need professional help. I guess in time I will realize that.

[Tyler]

My two cents:

William, I think that you've taken a huge step in knowing that you need to take control of your life. 

Unfortunately your parents were selfish and didn't think about how using you as a messenger would affect you.  You couldn't control that just like you couldn't control losing your hair.  But you took control of your hairloss by reacting correctly; shaving your head.  Now it's time to take control of the rest of your life by controlling how you react to past, present, and future events. 

Past:  It's over and done.  You can't control it anymore.  There were good times and bad times.  You can react by either focusing on the good times or focusing on the bad times.  Which do you think is going to give you the best outcome?

Present:  This is something you can control, to a degree.  You can control exactly how you react to every minute of your day, how you react to everything that is said to you, and how you react to each little even that occurs.  The more you react in your best interest, the better outcome you're going to have.

Future:  This is controlled by the present.  The more positive of outcomes that you create in the present, the more you're going to be able to have a better future.

[DJ_Bald]

William. The few posts Ive read from you do seem like you just need a good friend to talk to...whether that be personal or professional.
You can always post here...but it wouldnt hurt to have a professional be that person. Not every therapist is like Dr Phil...
Call a few on the phone and go talk to one.  Us telling you to "get the negative thoughts out of your head" is certainly not going to help you do it...
talk to someone. If you get someone good you will wonder why you never did it sooner. Much like shaving your head.
Looks great on you by the way. 

[william]

Firstly, I want to say that I'm very glad for everyone of your answers here. I know that everyone is posting because you care and being honest, that you even take time and write something must mean that you care or have something to say. I'm very glad that I can read it.

Secondly, I'm very glad that I can have a discussions about myself with a bunch of experienced people like you. That's why I posted this crap, I knew you had something to say.

I know that ultimately when I have overcome my problems, I will look/think more positive about people/myself. I will see the world as it is, I will see everything I can do,  I will learn how to deal with future problems, I will learn how to ask help when I need, where to seek it, where to get it, I will be a normal person but with a lot of experience of whom I'm.

Back to me, the problem. I know that I got problems, I know I need to do something to change myself, I knew I had to open myself up to someone or talk to someone about myself. I knew that it could be one step closer to getting the help I need.

I think now, why I have spent so much time alone and why I never opened myself up to someone. Because of my childhood, and the way I felt back then, the anger/hate I was born up with, and the fact I never felt home anywhere, couldn't relate myself to my friends or people around, I don't speak the same language as people around me even though I very well understand what they say to me.

I'm still this little kid with a lot of anger and hate.

I have had this voice in my head, that kept me going, he was my best friend and understood me, he was the only one that knew what was going on in my mind. When I was kid, he was there for me, made me think, I'm *immortal* I can handle every problem by myself. That's also what I have done, if there ever was something I needed help with, I didn't ask for help, I did something else or found another way around the problem.

I have always felt most secure when I have been with myself.

Now as I have grow older and older and trying to take that step out of my house. I can't do it because I have built up tons of problems that I'm gonna have to deal with. And yes I'm realizing that this might not be something I can do by myself or just talking here.

I have to stop denying that I got some very serious problems that I need to deal with. I need to seek  help for that too. I can't deny myself anymore, it's scares me. I'm still very confused about myself. But I know I got problems, I know I need help to get past them. I know it's not too late for me. I know I can seek help. I know I'm gonna be myself someday.

I'm gonna get help soon when I understand that I need, I do understand that I need but I need to get that help too, I know it's waiting for me and that my voice wanna leave me too, he have started to realize that I can't live with him inside me anymore.

I'm soon there, I can almost feel, just need to seek my forgotten powers!

[marshd1000]

William,

I know I don't have the total answers for you.  But you do sound like you are in great pain.  Nobody should have to go through that.  I know that there are guidelines in the forum about religious topics or debates, so I am not looking to step on any toes.  But I am a Christian and my church has a ministry called, "Celebrate Recovery".  Many churches worldwide have this ministry. It is for people with hurts, habits and hangups.  It is not just for alcoholics or addicts.  It is a recovery/support group that is Christ centered.  For more information go to: www.celebraterecovery.com .  If it is something that you are open to, you might want to have a look.  If not, please get some help.  The fine folks on this forum are great people but you need someone  to walk this through with you.  Flesh and blood support can take you further than us folks here on the internet.  There are also other good groups and counselors besides Celebrate Recovery too.  That was just one I am familiar with.

Marsh

[champ007]

William,
Life is what you make of it. You didn't chose your parents, your up-bringing, or your location. So what!
Learn from it, life is but a lesson. Are you in a war torn country? Did your mother-father-brother-sister-friend get blown up today by a sensless act of voilence? ....life could always be worse.
You are you, don't forget the kid you once were, learn from him. My parents divorced, fought, slanged each other in front of me, until I stopped it. I made the stand, cost me a few years without one parent, but I am now close to both... on my terms. I can't stand the society that stands there and accepts a persons faults "because both his/her parents were alchoholics" .... I mean WTF?? They have a brain, a choice. If you hate it that much then why become this or that in a negative?
Do some soul searching, find yourself and the type of person you want to be. If you have trouble look to a professional.
When you make eye contact with someone...smile. Most will smile back... the world is not full of evil people.
Before you dissappear from your parents, speak your mind, otherwise you will be running the rest of your life.
You feel alone, your not. You need a friend, you have several here... pm me if you want friend, I will always write back when I log on.

[GASlick]

William,

I believe you really need to focus on positives and surround yourself with positive people that support you.  I deal with my depression without drugs through tight friendships and my relationship with my wife.  I tried to end it all when I was bout 17 or so.    I found that my friends and personal relationships were my saving grace.  I also learned that we ALL have a reason being here.  Find that, and you will be OK.

If you are unable to do that, then you may need to find a group like Marsh brought up and get some one on one conversations going.  We are here for you obviously, but we can only get you so far over the internet.