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#15
by
Jodah777
on 09 Jul, 2008 01:41
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To BaldAndre: I know it's my age. As I get older, a bald head will be less and less (for lack of a better word) inappropriate. I feel cheated out of my youth. I knew balding was in the cards for me, I mean my father, both grandfathers, uncle, great uncle, and both great grandfathers went bald. It's not so much the what as the when. If baldness was my only/biggest problem, I don't think I'd have such a problem with it. The last few years of my life have been an effort to crawl out of the shitstorm it was. I've never been good at being young, and I know that when I'm 30, I won't give a crap, and I'll look a hell of a lot better than a lot of other people. BUT, I feel like I'm spending my prime years prepping my life to begin again, and if/when it does, it'll all be downhill from there. You only get to be young once.
To TheyCallMeTheHead: Well I'm glad as hell that you get exactly what I mean! I know what the answer is to the problem, but it's just so damn hard to accept. Things in life get you down, and misery is comfortable. The answer is that you have to choose happiness. Not once, but every time. I still can't bring myself to do it. Happiness is scary for me because I hate being vulnerable. Happiness feels like a setup for a fall. I know that someday I'll have the right dream to where I'll wake up and everything will make sense, and I will continually choose happiness. But that time isn't now. I'm just gonna let it roll around in my subconcious until my dreams rearrange my thoughts. These guys on this site are pretty awesome, and I think they're good at expediting the process.
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#16
by
J Digory
on 09 Jul, 2008 02:07
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I wish I had all the answers for you, but I don't. That said, I'll try to share from my own experiences, which all any of us can really do anyway. I do have a sinking feeling that if it wasn't hair it would be something else, though. You clearly have an issue with your self-image, and the funny thing about these types of problems is that we'll find any excuse to have the issue. I don't really believe that the hair is the real issue.
You're young. You look young. You're clean. You look clean. Old and diseased? I don't know what you see when you look in the mirror, but I promise you that no one else sees those things.
Something that really helps me out with my own identity issues is to speak positively about myself out loud. Everyone in the world can speak positively to you, but it's not going to mean anything if you keep putting yourself down.
I'm a straight christian guy, and I gotta say: You're handsome, you seem smart, and you also seem very kind. You're young, with a whole lot of life just waiting to be lived...so live it. Some people wait their whole life to come to peace about something like their sexuality...but you've got that nailed. Don't let something so small stop you from really living your life and loving yourself.
Seriously, man. God bless. (And not in a condescending way.) I'm sure you'll find the peace you're looking for.
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#17
by
BALDANDRE
on 09 Jul, 2008 16:07
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Happiness feels like a setup for a fall. I know that someday I'll have the right dream to where I'll wake up and everything will make sense, and I will continually choose happiness. But that time isn't now. I'm just gonna let it roll around in my subconcious until my dreams rearrange my thoughts. These guys on this site are pretty awesome, and I think they're good at expediting the process.
Hey I can see where you're coming from..
ever read the Anne Rice vampire series? the longest living and most successful vampire buried themselves in the ground (basically bailed out in misery) for 100 of years till they were ready to face the new and changed world again...
bro, hybernate, chill here and get rejuvinated to maybe sometime soon go out and start living your very promising young life...
being a bald dude is awesome and NOT a bad thing...
you'll find it bro!
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#18
by
Razor X
on 09 Jul, 2008 18:20
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If baldness was my only/biggest problem, I don't think I'd have such a problem with it. The last few years of my life have been an effort to crawl out of the sh*tstorm it was. I've never been good at being young, and I know that when I'm 30, I won't give a crap, and I'll look a hell of a lot better than a lot of other people. BUT, I feel like I'm spending my prime years prepping my life to begin again, and if/when it does, it'll all be downhill from there. You only get to be young once.
Hair loss is the least of anybody's problems. If you've got other problems that you're dealing with then that should help you put this in perspective and see how insignificant it really is in the overall scheme of things.
Yes, you only get to be young once -- so don't waste that precious time worrying about your hair. Live your life, have some fun. There are guys -- some of them in this forum -- who are younger than you who are bald, either by choice or by nature and are embracing it. You can too. The days when bald was a negative thing are long gone. Bald isn't bad, it's just different. It may take a while to get used to it, but ultimately you just have to. Don't waste time and energy being negative.
You may always think having a full head of hair is better, but since it isn't an option, you have to just let go of it. You've got three choices: horseshoe, shaved head, or concealment of some means (transplant, hairpiece, etc.) I don't recommend the third option. That leaves the horseshoe or the shaved head. Pick the one that's less objectionable to you, know that it's the best you can do and then just stop obsessing about it.
I have a whole laundry list of things that I don't like about myself. I'd love to be taller, tanner, and how I would love to be your age again. There's nothing I can do about any of those things. I choose not to let these "problems" ruin my life. That's not to say that they don't bother me from time to time, but at the end of the day, if you can't change something, you just have to accept it. Focus on the positive things in your life and you'll be a lot better off.
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#19
by
GASlick
on 09 Jul, 2008 21:27
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I can't tell you anything new that hasn't already been said. I will only say that you look good, stay positive and stay confident.
I have said this before in other threads: "It's only hair!" hang in there man.
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#20
by
NWTRNR
on 15 Jul, 2008 06:57
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Just catching up on this thread -- and have to chip on the sage advice that others have already posted. Having just been here a couple of weeks (and newly sly), these guys (and gals) know what they are talking about.
I completely get where you are coming from -- when I was in my early twenties I obsessed about my hair -- or rather lack thereof. It was horrible -- especially when it came to the whole dating scene. I made the choice to buy hair and go that route. On hindsight, I'd wish that I hadn't gone down that road. When it was looking good, it was fine. But, then the questions in my head starting revolving around how the piece looked -- did people know? What about when I started seeing someone regular? When would they find out, or when would I tell them? Just a lot of unpleasantness all around. Plus the time and $$ was a whole other downer.
So -- no good answers for where you are at, but just wanted to let you know that I've been there, done that -- and... I guess what gives me solace on occasion was/is the "it's beyond my control" frame of mind. Sometimes just repeating that in my head at night gets me to quit fretting about things and instead get some good sleep
Best wishes
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#21
by
Marz
on 15 Jul, 2008 12:18
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Welcome Jodah777,
Sorry you feel that way.
All I can say is being bald is very petty in the grand scheme of things... horrible things happen to people daily that put that into perspective.
Look past the mirror to the world around you... or look deeper into the mirror to the person you really are.
Hair is trivial compared to the mind and soul underneath
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#22
by
BALDANDRE
on 15 Jul, 2008 12:47
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Look past the mirror to the world around you... or look deeper into the mirror to the person you really are.
Hair is trivial compared to the mind and soul underneath
Here's something to think about too...when did HAIR make you a good looking person or not....it's fluff bro's...
ladies like a nice looking face on dudes (hair is not part of your facial structure)...ask them if they like a nice face...and most times they also like their dudes tall (see I dealt with that, short dude here... but whatever
, I found lots that it didn't matter...and all cute too!
)
and dudes liking dudes, well the face def. comes into play...but everything I've heard, body and being fit and confident is one of the biggest attracting factors...why are so many gay dudes at the gym and fit?
Hair is the icing on the cake....make a good cake bro and no one will notice the icing's missing..
BTW some folks HATE icing anyways!!!
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#23
by
Jodah777
on 15 Jul, 2008 21:15
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I just wanna say that thanks in part to this site, youtube, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster, my attitude has shifted 180 degrees. (For now)
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#24
by
BALDANDRE
on 15 Jul, 2008 22:32
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I just wanna say that thanks in part to this site, youtube, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster, my attitude has shifted 180 degrees. (For now)
Real nice to hear bro...
don't be so hard on yourself...life is too short..
and def. don't waste all the good things in life you've been given!
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#25
by
J Digory
on 19 Jul, 2008 01:08
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Salute!
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#26
by
don
on 19 Jul, 2008 23:56
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Jodah,I lost hair in my early 20s and wore a hairpiece for 25 years.I'm 51 now and when I was young shaving my head was not an option because back in the 80s the style was full heads of thick hair.You are in a better position than I was because bald is in today with young guys. Back then it wasn't. I'm also gay and it wasn't as accepted as it is today. So anytime you feel blue think of me and what I went through 25 years ago.You were born at a time when bald is in.I actually like the way I look now and I'm more and more attracted to bald men. I stopped with the hairpiece about 3 years ago but it was a slow transition but definitely worth it. I saw your picture and I think you're very handsome.If I saw you at a club I would definitely approach you.Your insecurity is all in your mind.I'm sure everyone else sees a nice looking guy.
And as for those sarcastic remarks people make,the hell with them,they're just ignorant.I get those remarks once in awhile and it burns my ass because I'm always careful not to offend anyone and yet they don't care what they say to me.But believe me,if I wanted to I could say plenty because they really need to see their own flaws.So hang in there,you're fine the way you are.
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#27
by
marty22
on 21 Jul, 2008 13:23
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I agree with u Don. Bald 25 years ago was unacceptable; thats why I went the tranaplant route and spent 2 years undoing most of the damage back in 2005.
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#28
by
BJ
on 22 Jul, 2008 08:53
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There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it's impossible to turn back."
When the body is strong the mind thinks strong thoughts.
Awesome advice DJ_Bald link.
“Mens sana in corpore sano”
You probably know it's translation as "A sound mind in a sound body" or perhaps the other popular version, "A healthy mind in a healthy body."
Well, I know the quote is in Latin but everything I'd ever read attributed the origin as Greek. So, I've been living for years with the belief that it was the Greeks, at times even believing it was Socrates who said it...
Now I come to see that perhaps it's not from the Greeks! Hummm... Wikipedia is attributing it to a first century Roman poet, Juvenal.
Well, I liked it better when it was of Greek origin... and who knows, one can hope this is inaccurate but likely not. And heck, isn't it all pretty much of Greek origin any way... Either way, there's no doubt that the Greeks lived to this philosophy - they knew that a strong mind could only be found in a strong body.
Yes, that's my version of this still ancient quote, A Strong Mind in a Strong Body.
The time when health was enough has passed... if you want to excel, to achieve, to contribute in this world today you need more than passing grade of health -- it is a time for strength!
Jodah77, you need to be strong and accept yourself as a bald man. Living in the past is NOT healthy.
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#29
by
jumissa.fi
on 22 Jul, 2008 09:51
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Hello Jodah and welcome onboard m8!
Im BBC myself and i´m just lovin it.. But it is my choise though, so i think that i dont have much help to offer for ya
Try to approve urself as u are.. Hopefully it will ease up on u !