I still can't feel good about it.

[Jodah777]

    Synopsis: Crazy hair all during childhood. I got a perfect haircut that I could maintain at 18 years old. Then I started losing hair. I've been shaving my head for about 3 years. I've received many compliments and had boyfriends say that it either didn't matter or was sexy. I have all the support I could ever ask for, but IT STILL BOTHERS ME!!!!
    In my dreams, I have hair. I look much better with hair, I think. I know there's nothing to be done about it because every solution has a massive drawback. I hate the balding shadow on my head. I hate having to shave my head to avoid looking like a freak. I really don't care what strangers think, but I do care what I think, and I think it sucks. I can't delude myself into being proud of being bald. I'm fine with being gay. I can get through being born into poverty. I can deal with my bad skin. All of my other problems are manageable except for the bald thing because it is a lifestyle that has been forcefully thrust upon me, and no matter how hard I try, I simply can't accept it. It's really the straw that broke the horse's back.
    I like to be able to blend into a crowd and go unnoticed. Now I stick out quite literally like a light bulb. My head burns in the summer, I freeze in the winter, and the rain falling on my head is obnoxious. Hats, no matter the size, cut circulation off. Hats are also inappropriate at times and are like a big sign that reads, "I am trying to hide my baldness!!!!!!"
    So I go on feigning confidence when all the while I'm either seething, paranoid, or numb. Any response to this would be appreciated. (Anything besides rhetoric and thoughtless word vomit. I've been searching for real answers and finding none.)
 
    PS: I am not generally attracted to bald guys, and I think that makes me look at myself as less attractive. I know that I think some guys look good bald, but I still maintain that most guys look better with a full head of hair. Sometimes I wish I'd rather lost a limb or an eye. I'd just get a cool peg-leg, gauntlet-hand, or fake eye because I think that those things are sexier than looking like a plague-ridden old man.

[Razor X]

   
Sometimes I wish I'd rather lost a limb or an eye. I'd just get a cool peg-leg, gauntlet-hand, or fake eye because I think that those things are sexier than looking like a plague-ridden old man.

You really need to get things into perspective.  To prefer the loss of an eye or a limb over hair loss is insane.  You may not love being bald and you may never get to the point where you do, but you do have to learn to deal with it.  There's no other alternative.  There's no point in making yourself miserable over something you have no control over.  Focus on more positive things and move on.

[hammerdrill376]

Your hair is not who YOU are. Being bald is not who YOU are. The outside person that you see in the mirror is just the "carrying case" of the person inside and it sounds to me like that is the individual you need to work on. Things happen to us physically my friend. We lose hair, get older, etc. I am having to make a career change in part due to some physically issues at the age of 44. However one thing I have learned is if you are seeking happiness from external sources..you will never find it. It comes from within. Every morning find one thing, just one thing, to praise yourself about and focus on that. Not on negative self perceptions.

[Mikekoz13]

   
Sometimes I wish I'd rather lost a limb or an eye. I'd just get a cool peg-leg, gauntlet-hand, or fake eye because I think that those things are sexier than looking like a plague-ridden old man.

You really need to get things into perspective.  To prefer the loss of an eye or a limb over hair loss is insane.  You may not love being bald and you may never get to the point where you do, but you do have to learn to deal with it.  There's no other alternative.  There's no point in making yourself miserable over something you have no control over.  Focus on more positive things and move on.

Man Razor gets it exactly right!!! Dude... it's just hair......and these days SLy is definetly not only acceptable but fashoinable.

[TheSlyBear]

From one gay guy to another: you need to sit back for a minute and take stock of what's important and what's not.

Trading a limb for hair? Without a limb, you are physically disabled. Without hair, you are.... what? It's all just appearance. So what.

If you're having no problem finding guys who find you attractive, what's the problem?

If it's just the hassle of having to shave your head, that's small potatoes. Diabetics have to inject themselves daily with insulin. I'll take head-shaving any day.

Today's society places too much emphasis on appearance (mostly to try and sell you crap -- think of how much of the advertising that you are exposed to daily fits the pattern of: "buy our product, get laid!"). Don't fall into the trap.

If your appearance isn't holding you back from making a living or finding a mate, it's no big deal. Heck, I've gone through 50 years with this big-assed red birthmark covering the entire right side of my face. So freaking what! I've had good jobs and have a loving partner. Everything else is small sh*t.

You said that you prefer guys with hair -- no problem. That's what you should look for in a partner. What does it matter that you don't look like what you want your partner to look like? You're not trying to date yourself!

You are a good looking guy. Drag yourself out of the well of self-pity you've dug for yourself and look at yourself objectively in the mirror. You don't need to cringe at what you see.

[skiking]

Your hair is not who YOU are. Being bald is not who YOU are. The outside person that you see in the mirror is just the "carrying case" of the person inside and it sounds to me like that is the individual you need to work on. Things happen to us physically my friend. We lose hair, get older, etc. I am having to make a career change in part due to some physically issues at the age of 44. However one thing I have learned is if you are seeking happiness from external sources..you will never find it. It comes from within. Every morning find one thing, just one thing, to praise yourself about and focus on that. Not on negative self perceptions.

From one gay guy to another: you need to sit back for a minute and take stock of what's important and what's not.

Trading a limb for hair? Without a limb, you are physically disabled. Without hair, you are.... what? It's all just appearance. So what.

If you're having no problem finding guys who find you attractive, what's the problem?

If it's just the hassle of having to shave your head, that's small potatoes. Diabetics have to inject themselves daily with insulin. I'll take head-shaving any day.

Today's society places too much emphasis on appearance (mostly to try and sell you crap -- think of how much of the advertising that you are exposed to daily fits the pattern of: "buy our product, get laid!"). Don't fall into the trap.

If your appearance isn't holding you back from making a living or finding a mate, it's no big deal. Heck, I've gone through 50 years with this big-assed red birthmark covering the entire right side of my face. So freaking what! I've had good jobs and have a loving partner. Everything else is small sh*t.

You said that you prefer guys with hair -- no problem. That's what you should look for in a partner. What does it matter that you don't look like what you want your partner to look like? You're not trying to date yourself!

You are a good looking guy. Drag yourself out of the well of self-pity you've dug for yourself and look at yourself objectively in the mirror. You don't need to cringe at what you see.

Right on!
For the last two years, I have been in a sling or on crutches for more than half the time.  It is a bigger pain to not be able to get the door for a girl, or not able to do certain positions because your shoulder dislocates than to be bald.  I too like to blend into a crowd, but at the same time, if you hold your head up high and show confidence, there are advantages to getting everybody's attention when walking into a room.  When I go into a bar, I get eye molested 4-5 time as much as my buddies with hair do.  Why?  I don't blend in.

You pull off the bald look well.

[MagmaBabe]

   
Sometimes I wish I'd rather lost a limb or an eye. I'd just get a cool peg-leg, gauntlet-hand, or fake eye because I think that those things are sexier than looking like a plague-ridden old man.

You really need to get things into perspective.  To prefer the loss of an eye or a limb over hair loss is insane.  You may not love being bald and you may never get to the point where you do, but you do have to learn to deal with it.  There's no other alternative.  There's no point in making yourself miserable over something you have no control over.  Focus on more positive things and move on.

Man Razor gets it exactly right!!! Dude... it's just hair......and these days SLy is definetly not only acceptable but fashoinable.

you forgot damn sexy! 

[BALDANDRE]

Welcome dude!

You're right you can't make anyone love a bald head...you either do or you live with it...

funny though, it sounds like it hasn't hurt your social life at all...usually that is a big one.

Also, we've heard it here a lot, bald is a look in the gay community...you say you stand out too much...so I guess what we hear is wrong, at the gay places you to go, do all the dudes have hair?

I understand you don't like it, but i dont understand that you feel like you're the only one..you hang out with dudes and you date dudes....some of those guys or the place you go have to have other bald guys around..

I think you should be happy that you look good with a bald head, are healthy and have a long life ahead of you were bald is not looked down on bro...

I would rethink that limb comment...it's only hair and you look fine to me and I'm sure to everyone here.

Hang out here a while and see that it not a big deal...unless YOU make it one!

[Jodah777]

    Thanks for all the support, everyone. I like how positive and encouraging everyone is. I'm bipolar, so every now and again I feel a little resentment about the one thing I can't get over. Normally it doesn't bother me because I don't go out much, but when my mood swings, it just does. I've resisted joining this website for quite a while because it felt like surrender. It seems I have no other choice but to do so.  I've hidden behind my hair for 18 years, then my hedges were taken away.
    I'd still like to know how to avoid the "head shadow". And about the limb loss thing, don't take that too seriously. My mind reels into the extreme at times.

[The Zook]

Pretty sure the only way is permanent hair removal or shaving every couple hours. Mother nature may eventually kick into high gear, however until then I'm afraid there's no easy way to avoid 'the shadow'. Braun makes a handy little travel shaver that works quite well, I have a little write up on it in the review section of this forum.

I can relate to the hair thing, I was the same way... spent many hours in front of a mirror doing my hair just so. Anyway, embrace the baldness... I think it looks great, and does take getting used to. I was relieved to finally get rid of my hair though, so it took me all of 6 seconds to get used to the new me. As far as standing out, I don't think bald really stands out as much as it maybe used to? With people doing so many crazy things to their bodies these days, baldness is almost only noticed by those who want the look for themselves.

I know I'm not one to talk, but try smiling in your next avatar pic - might help brighten your visits The little things can make a big difference.

[skiking]

Well if your razor isn't cutting it, try the Spishak Mach 20

[Jodah777]

    One other thing.... People I meet in person don't know I'm gay until I let them know because that's not the first thing people need to know about me. I don't wanna be grouped or defined by one thing. I know who I am, confidence is not an issue, I know that everyone I've met thinks that I look awesome bald. I can't explain why I feel the way I do at times. I do know that I hate having to explain why I shave my head to people. I can do it, but I hate jumping the hurdle. Sometimes I get stupid comments thrown at me (in pseudo-cruel jest) to where I have to either ignore it or make a defensive come-back. If only I could kill that festering little gremlin in my soul that brings me down and bars my way.
    Hair is a small part, but it's still a part. It is innate. Some men are women on the inside. Some white people are black on the inside. Most paraplegics are walkers on the inside. My inner self has hair. Damn that little gremlin!

[BALDANDRE]

    One other thing.... People I meet in person don't know I'm gay until I let them know because that's not the first thing people need to know about me. I don't wanna be grouped or defined by one thing. I know who I am, confidence is not an issue, I know that everyone I've met thinks that I look awesome bald. I can't explain why I feel the way I do at times. I do know that I hate having to explain why I shave my head to people. I can do it, but I hate jumping the hurdle. Sometimes I get stupid comments thrown at me (in pseudo-cruel jest) to where I have to either ignore it or make a defensive come-back. If only I could kill that festering little gremlin in my soul that brings me down and bars my way.
    Hair is a small part, but it's still a part. It is innate. Some men are women on the inside. Some white people are black on the inside. Most paraplegics are walkers on the inside. My inner self has hair. Damn that little gremlin!

Well bro, I gotta tell ya you do seem very sincere about the whole thing...but I know you say you have the full confidence...by the words you write that doesn't seem the case.

I know YOU didn't choose to have a bald head, I did, that makes our situations different...I can relate though...in your mind, this is YOUR option , a shaved head. You're a smart enough dude to know that is the best way to go...

but you feel that isn't you and eventhough others around you find it attractive you don't...but you HAVE to bro..you're just hurting your life because you think you're not in control ...you are you shaved it smooth bro...others take years to do it...you have to own that shiny dome and say what the "f" it's me, but it doesn't define me...like you said gay doesn't..

maybe it's your age, that causes you not to embrace it...but bro, in about 5 years the dudes around you will start going the SLY route..it's a fact...why not start your life early and just go with it bro...

you look cool with it...people like you for you...go with it and don't be your own worst enemy!

[TheyCallMeTheHead]

Jodah-
Must say I'm spot on with everything you've said. I don't understand why this is hair thing is such a big deal, probably some deep psychological reason why we can't understand it, but I'm just letting you know I'm in the same boat as you.

I shave my head, other people say I look fine, have been doing it for a few years. I don't like it, and although it doesn't prevent me from finding a girlfriend, it does make me feel like my overall "value/stock" in life is not as high as it should be. And the limb comment, although logically I know it sounds ridiculous, I have said the same thing to myself at times. Good luck finding your solution to this, I know I haven't

[DJ_Bald]

Jodah...I am new to the board man and just shaved my head 4 days ago.  Would I prefer to have my rock star hair I had 15 years ago ? Hell yeah.
Do I prefer bald over the way I looked before ? ...no doubt.   It is what it is man...you are bald.  I think a balding guy who shaves his head shows extreme balls and I have always admired men who did it...and you are one of those men and I can assure you many of your balding friends admire you for doing it and wish they had the nuts to do it themselves.  You should consider working out...like pumping iron.  I believe it was Henry Rollins who once said

"The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it's impossible to turn back." 

When the body is strong the mind thinks strong thoughts.