Just took the plunge after 10 years of living a lie

[J.J.]

I am obviously more difficult to look at b/c of the scar, but that is the price that I am paying for my stupidity, desperation, and poor decision making.

Jack, we're all hypersensitive about our own flaws that we perceive to be monumental, while the rest of the world may briefly pause to gaze (that is, if they even notice) but then plods along...oblivious.

Your scar is on the back of your head; so presumably, you have to really work at it (with mirrors) to even see it, right?   I was recently involved in the care of a young cancer patient with a highly aggressive tumor that invaded the nasal cavity and resulted in the need to surgically remove the nose, leaving just a large hole in its place.  Does that sorta put things in perspective for you?  

[Jack21]

That is a very sad tale and yes, it certainly puts things in perspective and makes me feel terrible for dwelling on such superficial things.

I am obviously more difficult to look at b/c of the scar, but that is the price that I am paying for my stupidity, desperation, and poor decision making.

Jack, we're all hypersensitive about our own flaws that we perceive to be monumental, while the rest of the world may briefly pause to gaze (that is, if they even notice) but then plods along...oblivious.

Your scar is on the back of your head; so presumably, you have to really work at it (with mirrors) to even see it, right?   I was recently involved in the care of young cancer patient with a highly aggressive tumor that invaded the nasal cavity and resulted in the need to surgically remove the nose, leaving just a large hole in its place.  Does that sorta put things in perspective for you? 

[Jack21]

As I mentioned in my mea culpa post, this is not the first time that I have shaved my head and tried to make a go of it only to succumb to pressure and end up back in a rug. Everything that I listed as having been said to me was in fact said - HOWEVER - I conflated the three incidences. Some of those things listed were said to me the last time I shaved and came in to work and not this time.

I think people are coming around this time now b/c I did not back down, grow out what hair I have and spray a bunch of crap in my hair. And, I am standing my ground proud in my baldness b/c of the support that I got from you all.

I don't deserve a place among brave men like you, but you men helped me.

I really don't require dermabrasion or anything like that b/c there is no scarring at the front or on top of my head. I just have the scar at the back. The top just looks like 5 o' clock shadow.

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. I don't deserve it. I did not disclose a number of important factors.

I knew that I would find no support from men who were brave enough to shave their heads at the first sign of losing it rather than resorting to pathetic, desperate measures like I did.

Well, you were mistaken about that.  Some of the members here are in the same boat and some of them can probably advise you about the dermabrasion procedures available to minimize the scarring.

So what's the real deal with respect to how people are currently reacting?

[Rob]

Just keep positive.  The guys on here are a great bunch, and they'll try to help as much as possible.  Glad you've 'come clean', and now we can all take you seriously again.  You just have to keep going and eventually those folk who complained about your hair will get fed up.  Becomming 'SLY' doesnt happen overnight: it takes a while for some people to fully accept that you are doing what you want to do.

 

[Jack21]

Thank you very much, Rob.

I am very sorry for not having disclosed all that I should have from the get go. I didn't believe that I would find any support here because I had taken the coward's course when I had the surgery (which was a total failure anyway). Today has been better as I am starting to embrace my shaved head and I think it shows. That and people are simply getting used to it. Nobody has made any negative remarks in a couple of days. Last week the fear and insecurity was visible in me making me easy prey. I only see things getting better and better as I come to like the way I really look. I am optimistic.

Just keep positive.  The guys on here are a great bunch, and they'll try to help as much as possible.  Glad you've 'come clean', and now we can all take you seriously again.  You just have to keep going and eventually those folk who complained about your hair will get fed up.  Becomming 'SLY' doesnt happen overnight: it takes a while for some people to fully accept that you are doing what you want to do.

 

[J.J.]

That is a very sad tale and yes, it certainly puts things in perspective and makes me feel terrible for dwelling on such superficial things.

Jack, you missed the point.  My intent was not to make you feel terrible; I merely wanted to remind you that, in the grand scheme of things, you have a lot going for you: you're young, healthy, intelligent, gainfully employed, and a lot happier (admit it!) since you ditched the subterfuge and embraced your natural look.  Try to move on now. 

[andrew]

Jack,

You're gotten some great advice from the guys in this turbulent thread.   You've come clean with us, so don't look back.   Embrace your decision to stop lying to the world with all of the cover-ups and look forward to the opportunities that are ahead.  Many of us on the site have been through similar stages you've gone through, but we've moved on and celebrated the freedom we have now.   I know you will eventually wish you'd done this earlier.  It takes some longer than others, but it will happen.

Don't look back ...

Andrew

[Jack21]

JJ & Andrew,

Thank you both for your kind words of encouragement. I have a friend who told me something that they say in AA; "You're only as sick as your secrets". I have held in so many secrets for so long that it is frightening to open up. That rug was a metaphorical locked door which I have now flung open. It is horrible for me to come face to face with the real me and not the false persona which I for so long wore. Authenticity is something which I have to relearn to embrace.

[chgobuzzbald]

OK Jack I will give you the benefit of the doubt here. I also had HT and have multiple scars. I have had  a laser used in the donor area to flatten it all out. Next Im going to have micro tattooing done in the scars to simulate the look of hair stubble. I do this because I do want to always be able to be smooth or clipper shaved all over. I leave the back a bit longer than stubble now to sort of conceal the scars. If you want to hear more PM me.
But if you have just one long incision scar you may not even need any of this. I do it because my scars are quite extensive and remind of a time when I was young and horribly insecure. It has been a great life lesson for me that I gave myself and apparently was meant to give myself. I have grown immensely from that point in my life.
Back then we didnt have the Internet and the ability to mass communicate and support each other as we do now. Google Hair Replication from Artistry Concepts in FL. There is a whole industry grown out of guys who had HT and now want shaved heads...you are not the only one.

[Mick R]

Hello I have followed your posts over the last couple of days;  

I have just done the same thing and removed my rug after 21 years 6 days ago.

I am looking at the long term benefits. I am struggling a little at the moment but I can see some light.

The metaphor about secrets is a good one.

And yes I wish I new then what I no now about the hair replacement industry I would have just gone bald and been happy.

 I actually went in to have the dreaded scalp reduction surgery back in the early nineties as a replacement option (That is where they cut skin out of the bald area of the head and stich it together) ,  I had had enough of the Rug back then. Thankfully I was talked out of it but I got a hard sell. I think that has been out-lawed these days.I have seen what some people have ended up looking like after and it was horrendous the scaring that occured. I was at least happy that I stuck with the rug than going down that path.

Stay strong Mick
 
 

[Jack21]

I really didn't know that anyone else on here had had a hair transplant procedure. I do just have the one long scar at the back. The donor area (the front) doesn't look unusual when it it is cut as short as it is. I have of course looked into EVERYTHING over the years including Artistry Concepts. It looks like the guy runs a quality operation and knows what he's doing. The thing is I feel like having what they call an ACMH (or something like that) would be for me just another way of hiding. I am not saying that about you. It is just that - as is probably obvious- my issues go beyond my bald head. I HAVE to learn to accept it as is. Of course the prospect is enticing, but that is exactly what I said about the HT 7 years ago, and have regretted that decision from the minute I walked out of the dr's office.

But that's me. I hope that if/when you do get it done it works out for you. Hell, if I weren't a school teacher I'd love to get all kinds of crazy tribal tats on my head. Unless I end up in mixed martial arts though that isn't going to happen.

 

Hello I have followed your posts over the last couple of days;  

I have just done the same thing and removed my rug after 21 years 6 days ago.

I am looking at the long term benefits. I am struggling a little at the moment but I can see some light.

The metaphor about secrets is a good one.

And yes I wish I new then what I no now about the hair replacement industry I would have just gone bald and been happy.


















 I actually went in to have the dreaded scalp reduction surgery back in the early nineties as a replacement option (That is where they cut skin out of the bald area of the head and stich it together) ,  I had had enough of the Rug back then. Thankfully I was talked out of it but I got a hard sell. I think that has been out-lawed these days.I have seen what some people have ended up looking like after and it was horrendous the scaring that occured. I was at least happy that I stuck with the rug than going down that path.

Stay strong Mick
 
 

[Jack21]

Oops! Sorry. I replied to chgo but quoted Mick's entry.

[Hawk]

I just shaved my head after almost 5 years of concealers and then a hair piece. I feel so incredibly liberated. The problem is that I am a school teacher, and I know just how mean kids can be, having been a juvenile jerk when I was their age. I just have to realize that if they don't like it, its their problem not mine. I could not take living a lie anymore. Its funny b/c I spent 4 years in the army when I still had hair and used to shave it regularly. After the army I felt like I had to conceal my thinning hair. Well, enough is enough. I am embarking on a new life of being the real me.

Your dome looks good.  Your kids will prolly think you are cool for doing it.  CONGRATS!!!!   

[marty22]

another one here with the old-style transplants. e-mail me at m45922@aol.com if u wish to discuss.

[Jack21]

Firstly, I must say that it took a lot of guts for you to take off a hair piece and shave your head after so many years.
Fortunately you never went through with the procedure and don't have bad scars. It must be quite an experience coming face to face with the real you after so long. I know that it has been for me. Every time I look in the mirror - which is actually not very often at all as I am not constantly fussing and obsessing about my "hair - I get a bit of a shock. For a split second I think that I am looking at someone else. I oscillate emotionally. My confidence goes up and down. Last night I was very, very down until I read two posts from guys on here. They pulled me out of a bit of a tailspin.

It takes time, and I cannot rely on a website for support. I must make peace with who I am and how I look or the remainder of my life will be absolutely miserable. My attitude must change. I am not quite sure how to go about doing that, but I know that this cannot go on in this manner.

Hello I have followed your posts over the last couple of days;  

I have just done the same thing and removed my rug after 21 years 6 days ago.

I am looking at the long term benefits. I am struggling a little at the moment but I can see some light.

The metaphor about secrets is a good one.

And yes I wish I new then what I no now about the hair replacement industry I would have just gone bald and been happy.

 I actually went in to have the dreaded scalp reduction surgery back in the early nineties as a replacement option (That is where they cut skin out of the bald area of the head and stich it together) ,  I had had enough of the Rug back then. Thankfully I was talked out of it but I got a hard sell. I think that has been out-lawed these days.I have seen what some people have ended up looking like after and it was horrendous the scaring that occured. I was at least happy that I stuck with the rug than going down that path.

Stay strong Mick