Just took the plunge after 10 years of living a lie

[TheBreeze]

Jack,
I know that I am new and not even sly yet, but there was something I was thinking about.

When you look through all the posts on this form from all the great sly brothers here, have you noticed a big difference between their profile pictures and yours? . . . . .A SMILE!      It is starting to sound like you are no longer that guy from your original post and picture. 

Maybe a profile pic with a smile comes after you feel more comfortable being sly or maybe a profile pic with a smile will HELP you become more comfortable sly.  I don't know, but in my humble opinion I think it would be a positive change at some point. 

[Jack21]

With all due respect you have to first walk a mile in my shoes to say something like that. Would you like to see why it is not so very easy for me to smile? Below is me in the summer of '07. Loss is not easy. Not when its a loved one, a prized possession, or one's hair. Obviously it hits different people with differing degrees of severity. It hit me hard. Now I've done the only manly thing and shaved my head but I am not going to lie for a minute and say that I didn't prefer having hair.

Jack,
I know that I am new and not even sly yet, but there was something I was thinking about.

When you look through all the posts on this form from all the great sly brothers here, have you noticed a big difference between their profile pictures and yours? . . . . .A SMILE!      It is starting to sound like you are no longer that guy from your original post and picture. 

Maybe a profile pic with a smile comes after you feel more comfortable being sly or maybe a profile pic with a smile will HELP you become more comfortable sly.  I don't know, but in my humble opinion I think it would be a positive change at some point. 

[Jack21]

and as you can see, I never smile in pictures:

[Jack21]

Do this for 4 years of your life and then tell me when to smile.

[xnewyawka]

Quite the contrary Jack, you have plenty of reason to smile. You should try it sometime, it does make a difference. 

[Jack21]

Sorry. Got into a very bad mood there for a while. The smile will come....sooner rather than later I hope.

Quite the contrary Jack, you have plenty of reason to smile. You should try it sometime, it does make a difference. 

[TheBreeze]

No worries Jack, but you have now felt the need to apologize on this forum several different times.  Might want to think about that one.

And I never told you to smile, I merely offered it as a suggestion that goes hand in hand with a good attitude.  There is a big difference and I respect your choice not to. 

Walk a mile in your shoes huh?  Like so many others here, I have been dealing with profound hair loss for many years (along with other problems, just like you and everybody else).  I started losing it at age 20 and by age 22 I had lost so much that drugs, surgeries and concealers weren't even an option for me (a positive only in hindsight).  You don't think that was tough? 

You posted a bunch of stuff from the past, but I wasn't talking about the past.  The smile and a good attitude has to do with the future and you can choose to go that route at any time. 

Good luck to you, I really do wish you the best. 

[Jack21]

good luck in whatever you do.

[chgobuzzbald]

In your earlier posts you went on quite a bit about how you loved shaving your head when you had all the hair to shave...the years in Army... my best advice for you and  anyone reading this is to sort of command yourself to let go of and command to leave your mind (life), any and all thoughts of being a victim of anything, anyone, any circumstances, hair loss, illness, bad decisions in the past, this economy, ANYTHING. You will see your reality improve dramatically every day. We are all taught we are "victims" of whatever as we grow up and this tends to color how we experience (create) life. Whenever you have a  thought about not having what you want or assuming you will not get what you want, stop, say, I command all encodements of victim based thinking to leave my life NOW. Believe me everything starts to improve in just a few days.

[Jack21]

There is a great deal of insight in what you say. For purposes of clarification I do not feel that I am a victim of anything or anyone. That does not mean that if given the option I would take baldness over hair. I do not dislike baldness. I do not find it unattractive. I think it looks quite virile which is why I would shave my head when I was younger. I understand what you are getting at in terms of attachment to material things and the suffering it causes (if we see hair as a material thing lost like a car or house). I am learning to live with it and the world is learning to live with me bald. To say that every last man on this site, however, if given the choice would opt for baldness is naive. You yourself have been discussing permanent scalp tattooing. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with that. It is simply reality. We long for things we used to have and have lost. Buddha expounded upon this very eloquently millenia ago when discussing the relationship between desire and suffering.

All I was irritated about was this character's giving me advice when he himself has yet to face the world with his head shaved.

In your earlier posts you went on quite a bit about how you loved shaving your head when you had all the hair to shave...the years in Army... my best advice for you and  anyone reading this is to sort of command yourself to let go of and command to leave your mind (life), any and all thoughts of being a victim of anything, anyone, any circumstances, hair loss, illness, bad decisions in the past, this economy, ANYTHING. You will see your reality improve dramatically every day. We are all taught we are "victims" of whatever as we grow up and this tends to color how we experience (create) life. Whenever you have a  thought about not having what you want or assuming you will not get what you want, stop, say, I command all encodements of victim based thinking to leave my life NOW. Believe me everything starts to improve in just a few days.

[JN]

Man, this entire topic is so relevant to me. I just joined SBG and I am not sly yet. 20 years ago I had 4 hair transplants. That was never going to work and I got nothing but a bunch of scars. I have been wearing a hairpiece/toupee for about 17 years now. I know that I am not fooling anyone. Most importantly, I am not even fooling my kids. When my daughter was 7 she asked if I was wearing a wig. I decided that day that I was not going to teach self-loathing to my kids and instead was going to try to teach them something about courage and being yourself. Since then (about a year ago) I have had 4 Active FX laser treatments to the horrible pitting scars in the front of my head (the recipient area), as well as 2 or 3 other laser surgeries to get things looking right as possible. I think I am just about at the place where I can take off the wig and go sly, despite the 4 scars on the back of my head, which I will deal with later. I am scared crapless. I will still have scars in the front of my head and definitely in the back. I am a lawyer and work in a pretty cut-throat area of the law. I deal with clients all day, different courts, other lawyers, judges and administrative assistants. I am not going from balding to sly, but from a full head of "hair" to sly with scars. I am planning to do this around Christmas if everything goes well. It has taken me a long time to get here, and I still don't know if I have the stones for it.Hearing the negative reactions in this post really shook me up. Anyone who has dealt with this, please help.

[D.A.L.U.I.]

I am a lawyer and work in a pretty cut-throat area of the law. I deal with clients all day, different courts, other lawyers, judges and administrative assistants. I am not going from balding to sly, but from a full head of "hair" to sly with scars.

I don't come from the HT scar background or the piece history either, but I am a lawyer who managed a "combover" for several years.  Do it--get it behind you and my bet is that it won't have any effect but positive results.  As for appearances in court, recently I was called for jury duty--unusual but I sat on a jury.  Although the case settled, I came away with a new perspective on our profession in the court room.  The attorneys had different takes on their clothes, one was physically challanged and their overall appearance varied tremendously.  Did the other jurors comment on any of that, NO.  What they picked up on immediately was the preparation and lack of preparation by counsel.  So it's not the scars that matter in your practice--that's strictly personal--but as long as you've prepared your case, read and know the depositions, understand the law and present the facts clearly and crisply so that the jurors find the case interesting you will successful. 

[marty22]

write me at m45922@aol. I had tp's 33 years ago and had a lot of work done to clean sh*t up.

marty22

[clarkent]

It looks good on you! Welcome home.

[alabamalawyer]

Man, this entire topic is so relevant to me. I just joined SBG and I am not sly yet. 20 years ago I had 4 hair transplants. That was never going to work and I got nothing but a bunch of scars. I have been wearing a hairpiece/toupee for about 17 years now. I know that I am not fooling anyone. Most importantly, I am not even fooling my kids. When my daughter was 7 she asked if I was wearing a wig. I decided that day that I was not going to teach self-loathing to my kids and instead was going to try to teach them something about courage and being yourself. Since then (about a year ago) I have had 4 Active FX laser treatments to the horrible pitting scars in the front of my head (the recipient area), as well as 2 or 3 other laser surgeries to get things looking right as possible. I think I am just about at the place where I can take off the wig and go sly, despite the 4 scars on the back of my head, which I will deal with later. I am scared crapless. I will still have scars in the front of my head and definitely in the back. I am a lawyer and work in a pretty cut-throat area of the law. I deal with clients all day, different courts, other lawyers, judges and administrative assistants. I am not going from balding to sly, but from a full head of "hair" to sly with scars. I am planning to do this around Christmas if everything goes well. It has taken me a long time to get here, and I still don't know if I have the stones for it.Hearing the negative reactions in this post really shook me up. Anyone who has dealt with this, please help.

As another lawyer on the forum, I went sly and have never regretted it.  I don't have the best looking head due to some red birthmarks on one side of my head, but it is not something I worry about.  I think the willingness to shave one's head, in and of itself, indicates a confidence that people respond positively to.