19 and Bitterly Depressed... Can Anyone Help me?

[FormerlyBitterNBroken]

Hey folks, I'll try and keep this short, as Im a wordy person.

I just turned 19 this past weekend, and since roughly my freshman year of High School, I've been fighting rampant, aggressive MPB. I had messy long hair, and simply did not notice it until near the end of my sophomore year, when a school friend put it to me bluntly, you're going bald. I had no idea. One a$$hole in one of my classes even told me to hold my bangs up so he could laugh periodically, and I didnt even know 

For the last 2 years of High School I fought it as best I could- first trying to cover it up (futile) then cutting it short (1/8"), but it grows back fast and the MPB is still painfully obvious. I tried hats but they only made things worse.

Finally I'm out of High School and still fighting it. I want to embrace being bald, but I'm afraid I've got a gigantic, lumpy head. Now I know you guys have heard this alot, but I sincerely have a huge head. Hats are so tight they cut off my circulation ( I swear to you I've worn hats that nearly made me faint), headphones and sunglasses stretch to the breaking point, and to top it all off, I'm a skinny twig of a kid, so its all the more obvious. The best way to describe it would be to say that I have the body of a Tootsie Pop.

Can I get some straightforward opinions on what I should do with my pathetic hair? This is just so hard to take... all of my friends have gorgeous full heads of hair and I look like Im in my 40s... (I've actually had friends of my friends walk up to talk, but then walk away and leave because they thought I was their parent or uncle or something    )

Please, tell the truth but please dont be callous... my entire life I've been a pincushion for terrible, cruel remarks, and I've reached the point where if I dont take a razor to my head, it will be to my wrists. All I want to do is be a regular teenager.

All I ever wanted was to find love in this life...

Sly guys, please help me 

[allegrodonfuoco]

Why not shave it and just see what it looks like?

I started shaving my head my freshmen year in college and nobody seemed to care (most comments were positive, so any people who didn't like it must have kept it to themselves). 

I think you'll find that in the "grown up" world (aka, not high school) people care much less about this stuff or at least mind their own business way more.  I remember in high school people could be so rude and catty, and in college that never happened (maybe rarely, but I can't remember any high school type drama amongst college people I knew).

You can't stop your hair loss or change your hairline.  So, you can either take control of it or let it continue to control you.  I promise you'll be way happier with the first option ; )

[Tyler]

BNB, you've come to the right place.  We can help! 

First off, you can still find love without hair, actually, if you follow our 30 day rule, you'll notice a huge change in tide afterward and even during. 

What is the 30 day rule?  Just shave your head for 30 days straight.  Most guys have noticed a huge increase in self confidence which will lead to other great things.

[Rusty Shackleford]

It's possible that your head won't appear as large as you fear.  Sometimes shaving your head can make your head appear smaller before because you no longer have a layer of hair on your skull.  This is where buzzcuts differ from a shaved head because those short hairs can make your head look larger.  Also, in your first picture you are positioned so that your hairline is roughly at the edge of your head so it gives a good idea what you'd look like with a shaved head.  If you were to shave your head and sit in that exact position and take a pic, it would look actually similar.  I already think that first photo looks fine.


You're still on the young side, but it seems like the guys who get screwed in the scalp hair department get blessed in the facial hair department.  In a few years you might be have one of those coveted thick beards where you can grow anything.  I'd gladly give all my scalp hairs for a real beard!  This will give you a chance to make lemons out of your lemonade, and it might also give you the chance to find a style that can reduce your dislike of the shape of your head.  Like clothing,  different styles can make something look slimmer, fatter, or whatever.


As for your skinniness, that might be a due to your age.  It's almost a universal reality that the bodies of males get larger during early adulthood, and I don't mean fat.  I don't know if its true, but sometimes I think a body will grow taller faster than it can fill out.  You could always try working out to give yourself more body mass.

[aleutiancowboy]

Yes we can guide you in the right direction but it's all up to you to make it work. First off stop being depressed. Okay so maybe it's not that easy but what I am saying is you are who you are so learn how to live with that instead of wishing you were somebody else. You have to find the confidence in yourself first. So how do you do that?

Well like Tyler said try the 30 day rule. Shave it for 30 days and see what happens. Be honest with yourself and see if you like it or don't. You may find that it is a good look for you. If you do then you are just that much closer to gaining confidence in yourself. If you don't like the look then hey it's only hair and it will grow back so you got nothing to loose.

As Rusty said the skinny body may be due to age. However, you can always exercise and eat right and develop a body that you are happy with. If you are not happy with your own body then others will pick up on that vibe.

So here is my advice to you. You are still young and still have a lot to look forward to in life. So put down the video games, turn of the TV and computer and start shaving your head. Once you got it shaved take care of it with some lotion and sunscreen. Next get you a couple bottles of water, leave the iPod and cell phone at home and go for a walk or a hike. Enjoy how the sun feels on your freshly shaven head and the compliments you get from others. Enjoy the sights and sound that are all around you as you are getting exercise that will build you a strong body. And who knows maybe while you are out hiking and enjoy life you will run into a pretty young girl who loves bald guys with Tootsie Pop bodies. You will only find love in this live after you find the love in yourself.

And remember this forum was created for us to help out our fellow man who may be experiencing the same thins we have or are. So we are here to help and lend a hand anytime we can.

[stasiu]

Hey BNB !

You have come to the right place for advice! Take your premature hairloss in stages with much shorter haircuts to build up your confidence.  Ask the barber to buzz it #2 top, #1 sides/back so you and everyone can adjust.  Give this a month and ask the barber to take it down more.  Give this a month and then ask the barber to clippershave it and go home and razor it.  Your self-confidence needs to be boosted. You said "All I ever wanted was to find love in this life..."  Well, you must first love yourself and you will find love in life !  Good Luck as everyone here understands !

[sellitman]

Not many hats fit my watermelon of a head. Guess it must be all the brains the Good Lord gave me.    Anyhow I had a nice Bozo ring growing around this head making me feel even older than my advanced age so about a month ago I did the deed.

I feel younger, look younger but still have to beg the wife.........

[marty22]

shave it to start; we will worry about the bumpy head later, if it is bumpy.

[DCdome]

The guys here are giving good advice. 

I will just add a comment or two.  Shaving your head or getting a supertight buzzcut is going to give you a tougher look.  I suggest that you start working out with weights and intensify it if you already are.  In pretty short order you will notice increased strength and a tougher body. 

You are a young guy with the whole world ahead of you.   I understand that you are "Bitterly Depressed," go the route the guys on the Board are suggesting and you will lose those feelings and discover a new joy in life.

Hang in there man....the best is yet to be.

[slyatlast]

I agree with Allegrodonfuoco.

You've survived HS and all the dumb things kids say and do.  Now you're in the real world where people treat each other with respect for the most part.  I remember feeling the way you do when I was your age - trust me, there's light at the end of the tunnel.  Life will be great and your hair loss will be a non-issue.  In fact, since you're here, I'm predicting you'll be embracing it.

[FormerlyBitterNBroken]

Thank you for the positive replies guys... I guess it boils down to being bald with a big goofy head, or being balding with a big goofy head and confidence issues.

I'll have to get this crap taken off, I believe my friend has a 3mm setting for his razor, I'll try and get it down to that and then go from there.


I've also realized that a good workout regimen would be the best thing for me... I'd like to embrace a healthier, more physically fit lifestyle, but the simple problem is... I'm such a weak wimp I'm almost scared to go to the gym... I've got the number of a personal trainer I'm trying to work up the courage to call, but I'm worried I'm too weak for even gym equipment.

It sounds pathetic, but I cant even do a single pull-up (I'd love to, but its really hard to practice them... when you cant do them) and I'd be surprised if I could bench press the bar. I understand this is a catch-22 that I cant beat until I just suck it up and get to it, but its embarrassing and I'm worried I simply couldnt physically do even a basic trainer's regimen.

[ElessarSeregon]

Hey man

I know EXACTLY what you're going through (I'm 19 as well btw)...the aggressive MPG, the cruel remarks, the lack of confidence in yourself...it all just flat out sucks. Before my hair line started noticeably receeding (my sophmore year in HS) I was known for my long hair and people loved me for it, so of course I became utterly depressed when MPB began settling in. I went through the rest of high school trying to hide it by using my long hair to cover the parts the were fading (hats not allowed)...but people saw right through that.

Finally, a year after I graduated I became fed up with people always wanting to push my bangs back so they could laugh and total strangers asking me how old I was and ridiculing me for losing my hair so soon in life, so I began to debate shaving my head clear off, and luckily stumbled upon this site. After looking through a lot of the forum topics and seeing the happy and full lives these guys were living even without a hair...I took the next huge step and just shaved it clean off...no stubble at all.

Of course, I went through even MORE ridicule immediately after doing it and had to deal with remarks like "Why are you making yourself look even dumber?" and "You should have just kept what little hair you had on your head." But the guys on this site gave me the confidence I needed (Thank guys ) and I decided to keep it for 30 days...continuing to shave it clean off. After a while people began to come around about it and complimented on how well bald looked on me and some of them even wanting to shave their own heads...I hadn't felt so happy in a long time.

After looking at your pics, especially your first one, I believe you should definately shave it all off, your head did not look too big at all. As for the "bumps"...I have no idea...I always thought I would have a nasty bumpy head, but surprisingly I didn't. I mean, what will you lose (besides your hair)? You don't like how your receeding head looks now, so why not change it? I always though that one day if I ever had the money I would just pay for hair implants, but now that I've shaved it...I like this look even more, and I think you will too. As for the skinny body...I honestly suggest to start working out...a nice toned body goes well with a bald head and it will boost your confidence so much that you won't even care about your bald head anymore.

Sorry this was so long, but I thought you would benefit from hearing from a guy your own age. Any more help you need...all the guys on this site are more than willing to offer you a hand.

[SBG Math Guy]

Hey BitterNBroken,

Welcome to the right place!!
If you don't shave it off you will always wonder what if I gave it a try, how would it really look?  To many guys here, the common theme is I wish I had done it sooner. 
So think of that for yourself.
Once you shave your head for about a month, you will start embracing your sly look and you will be much happier with life!  It will eliminate or significantly reduce the stress.  So what do you have to LOSE?
I hope you stick around and post often.

[andrew]

Yo BitterNBroken,

You've already gotten some great advice, but I want to emphasize that this site shall be your path to happiness.   Lots of genuine support and advice from many guys that have been in exactly your situation.

I think you'd look real cool with a shaved head.  You should consider it, but do it when you're ready.   tap tap tap tap....  ready yet?

Andrew

[Razor X]

Sometimes it takes a while to come to the point of acceptance, but deep down you know what you need to do -- as all of us who have been in that situation have known, but may not wanted to acknowledge at first.   Just remember that thinning, receding hair doesn't look good on anybody.  Most guys look perfectly fine with shaved heads -- even the ones who think they won't before they try it.  It's hard to go through this at such a young age, but look at it this way -- it's the perfect way to start the adult phase of your life.