19 and Bitterly Depressed... Can Anyone Help me?

[(|8-)]

Try it for 30 days.  If you don't like it, it will grow back.

Also, you have a great (if somewhat dark) sense of humor about things, so I'm sure you'll be able to handle people however they react.

I wouldn't worry about the bumps and stuff.  You notice more about your own head than other people will. Just today, a trainer at the Y who has seen me at least in passing several times a week for the last year asked what happened to me.  She was referring to a scar I've had since I was four which she only noticed today.  The light must have caught it, but I told her my body fat percentage must be going down.  :-)  (You can kind of see the scar in my photo if you look for it.)

[GASlick]

Welcome aboard first off.  I can't really add anything but to reaffirm what the others have said.

Try it, I bet you'll like it.  As far as what other people say, so what!  It's your hair and your life.  All these guys are great and I consider them friends.  Believe me, we will tell you the truth!  Do the 30 day rule, you will NOT regret it.

[Rusty Shackleford]

I've also realized that a good workout regimen would be the best thing for me... I'd like to embrace a healthier, more physically fit lifestyle, but the simple problem is... I'm such a weak wimp I'm almost scared to go to the gym... I've got the number of a personal trainer I'm trying to work up the courage to call, but I'm worried I'm too weak for even gym equipment.

HAHA!
And, no, I am not laughing at you.  I am laughing at how that's such a common fear of the gym and how I had it at one time, and how it has been so completely offbase from my experience.

Yea, there are gyms based around body-building elitists who will look down upon you and sneer at anything less than a body with 250lbs of pure muscle, but those are rare and you'd probably not be interested in the equipment in such a facility anyway.  The real thing that will make you the target of ridicule at a gym is if you break basic gym etiquette. 


What's gym etiquette?  Generally basic things like not hogging machines, wiping sweat from machines, not clanging weights around, and the biggie: failing to return equipment to its rightful place after using it.  Search for "rules of the gym" on Google and you'll find simple lists of general rules.


The second biggest thing that will make you a target of ridicule is if you have do exercises that are easily seen and look absolutely ridiculous.  That might seem intimidating in a "OMG!  How will I know???" kind of way. Well, first off you should use proper form when doing an exercise.  Generally if you're doing something that involves large, quick, showy movements you're probably doing it wrong.  You can avoid this by sticking with machines at first and looking at the drawings on them, and by being all 21st century and using YouTube to study up on how an exercise is performed before trying it out.


The third biggest thing not to do is to condemn every other male in the gym to years of therapy by being creepy.  You can do this by standing in the changing room directly in front of the main mirror, completely naked except for a layer of shaving cream, and then shave your entire body.  Yes, this happened in my gym and, fortunately, I didn't see it.  Thankfully the owner booted the guy after doing that.  It's doubtful you'd do something as bizarre as that but who the heck knows? 


Like it is when it comes to head shaving, other people are far more interested in themselves than what you are doing.  As long as you aren't actively interfering with another's workout you could curl magic markers and few would care.  The gym I attend has the obese, skinny, and elderly, and why not?  That's the point of a gym.  What's more laughable?  A fat respectful guy at a gym who is trying to better themselves or some fat doofus with perfectly functioning legs who rides around in a cart at the Walmart because he's lazy and settles for second best?


Check out Planet Fitness.  It has cheap ~$10 monthly rates and they are very, almost anally, protective in having an open friendly environment.

It sounds pathetic, but I cant even do a single pull-up (I'd love to, but its really hard to practice them... when you cant do them) and I'd be surprised if I could bench press the bar. I understand this is a catch-22 that I cant beat until I just suck it up and get to it, but its embarrassing and I'm worried I simply couldnt physically do even a basic trainer's regimen.

HAHA!
I think I can barely do one myself!  So freaking what?  How do you think those other guys got so strong anyhoo?  They probably joined a gym and started out weak!  Hell, I was fat and weak when I joined mine 7 years ago and felt odd at first but not only did the other people not point and laugh they were very supportive of me!

What do you consider a "basic trainer's regimen" anyway?  Did you know that trainers have basic programs for people with all sorts of physical impairments like paralysis and damage caused by strokes?  If you can get your body into a gym then you can use that gym to strengthen your body.  PERIOD! 


THE FACT THAT YOU ARE SO WEAK IS WHAT SHOULD MAKE YOUR SITUATION SO EXCITING!
As a former fatty I can tell you that the journey to becoming thin was more fun that being thin.  You are in the same situation!  Anything you do (short of using bad form and hurting yourself) can ONLY make your body stronger.  It would be hard for you NOT to make any gains.  You may be concentrating on your fears and insecurities right now, but trust me, you have the potential to begin a really exciting journey and who knows where it will lead?  You might take up some sports with friends, run in 5Ks, or even get into a weightlifting competition.  DON'T LAUGH!  Had you known me when I was fresh out of highschool I would have laughed in your face had you said I do something like that.  I hated sports and was never on a team.  I couldn't even run the required mile at school.  Hell, 5 years ago a quarter mile run might as well have been a transcontinental run because I couldn't do either!  Today?  I've ran as far as 12 miles without stopping!


OK, I'm tired, rambling, and going to sleep!

GET TO THE GYM! 

[FormerlyBitterNBroken]

Wow... thank you all for the positive feedback... this place gets the internet's most friendly community award, no lie.

I think I'll do myself the favor and give that trainer a call... as Rusty said, if you can get there you can train there.



And thank you for sharing your past Elessar, I know that before I started looking on the internet I felt like I was the only kid on the planet like this... I thought balding was a process for your 30s and 40s, not 16 and 17. Even after I started hunting all over the internet, I felt like a genetic anomaly, some kind of DNA pariah. Your story really paralleled my life in alot of ways.

Now I'm starting to realize that MPB is far more common than society would admit (I can see the signs of it in guys now, I mentally bet myself how long it will take them to lose it, its my own morbid little pastime ) and the media outlets push an unrealistic image on us all. Yay capitalism 

Anywho, its glad to know Im not alone. Thanks again for all your support. 

[allegrodonfuoco]

I felt exactly like you did about working out and though I've tried gyms many times, they weren't for me.

Have you considered any other types of fitness?  I practice pilates (I also teach it part time) and I do yoga occasionally and both of these are great for non-workout people (like me).  You can really make big changes in the way your body looks and feels without "pumping iron" or any other kind of traditional gym activity.  Also, pilates and yoga primarily use your own body weight for resistance so any weakness that might prevent you from doing some gym exercises  shouldn't be an issue.  Pilates is traditionally practiced by women, but it was created by a man with a man's body in mind, so it is a perfectly appropriate workout for a guy (the dance community was the first group to embrace pilates, and consequently much of modern pilates practice is heavily influenced by dance philosophy/aesthetics, although it's creator originally envisioned it as a rigorous workout designed to provide an overall fitness regime to boxers and other athletes - in addition to regulars guys and gals too -- of course, that's the topic of another post entirely... I just always feel like I need to defend pilates as a great workout for men!)

You can also do both yoga and pilates from videos at home, so it can be pretty inexpensive.  Just get a few great videos and you can do them for months and make good progess without getting bored.

Just thought I'd chime in as a person who pursues fitness through "non-traditional" methods.

[PeripheralxMvmnt]

Im another "I started losing my hair at 17" and im 23 now. I dont really have anything new to add, because there has been nothing but great advice from everyone before me. But Im telling you that the 30 day rule is no joke, and you will notice a HUGE difference. Its like it will make you want to work out more, and it will make you more confident. Hang in there buddy, and go for the shave!   

[DuffRyder17]

Yea, I second what my bros here are saying.
I also think that your "big head" is all in your head., I would have described your head as on the small side of average. also you don't look like your forty , I would have guessd 20 0r 21. THIRDLY, if you don't wanna be skinny then hit the weightroom and maybe get a protein suppliment, or eat until your seams bust.

[bem75]

You've gotten some great advice here.  You need to shave that head, build some confidence, and enjoy life.

As for bulking up, there are plenty of ways to put on some weight and muscle.  I gained 40 pounds (mostly muscle) from HS graduation until the end of my Freshman year of college.  I was also a skinny kid, but I bulked up and I am a pretty big guy today.  Beer certainly helped the bulking process, but I also worked out a lot and built a lot of muscle.

I vote that you shave that dome and start building up some confidence.

[FormerlyBitterNBroken]

Well, I went ahead and shaved it down to 3mm... much (much) happier with it now, but still want to finish the job.

I was wondering if anyone had any good advice on what tools I will need... so far Im thinking I'll need a good head razor, cream if it isnt an electric, perhaps some sort of sun tanning lotion? Anyone know a good place to purchase these sorts of items? I can order off the internet if necessary, but I'd prefer to pick it up in person. Easier that way.

Fortunately I dont think lumpiness will be as much a problem... I only feel one sort of "dent", and honestly, I think its a really small deal. If someone isnt interested in me over something as vain as dent in the back of my dome, they're too vain for my tastes anyway. Otherwise, Im loving the sleek feel. I think I can get used to being bald   


Thanks for all your help

[youngtraveller]

Way to go bro - I'm still suffering from the "going bald before 20 depression" and trust me I know how you feel... I've been balding since maybe 17.. im 20 now and my hairline is shocking and also receeding.. problem is i have long hair and try to hide it but im running out of hair!! I havn't yet gathered my balls up off the floor and shaved my head - but I don't think im far away.

Elessar, thank you for posting - you helped me as well as BnB.

BitterNBroken - do you have any pictures with the buzz? I'm interested in seeing your before (ones you've already posted) middle (buzzed) and after (shaved dome) pictures!

[RyanJP]

Disregard all that superficial crap that you endured in HS, today is a new day so move on. Quit beating yourself up and always look at the positive atributes you have. I say take the plunge, you got a good shaped head. BTW welcome to the brotherhood

[Rusty Shackleford]

Well, I went ahead and shaved it down to 3mm... much (much) happier with it now, but still want to finish the job.

I was wondering if anyone had any good advice on what tools I will need... so far Im thinking I'll need a good head razor, cream if it isnt an electric, perhaps some sort of sun tanning lotion? Anyone know a good place to purchase these sorts of items? I can order off the internet if necessary, but I'd prefer to pick it up in person. Easier that way.

I may be a bit biased for the look, but bias aside I think that you're really going to be happy with a shaved head.  Since you already like the 3mm look, you'll like the 0mm look even more because you'll you're going to have a much cleaner look (especially once your scalp tans to the shade of your face).

Did you use your own clippers for the 3mm?  I definitely recommend buzzing to the scalp to the skin before using a razor otherwise it's going to jam up many, many times shaving off hair that long.

As for tools, I recommend any good razor and a few blades.  Everyone seems to have a favorite and since you're a Sly Virgin right now there's no way to tell what you'll like best.  The Mac 3 might be a good first try, but use what you've got unless it's the universally-hated disposable!  You might need a couple blades if they get too jammed up with hair.  You probably don't want to try a Headblade just yet because it takes a little practice getting used to it, and some guys never really like it.  Also, your skin may feel raw and tender from the shave and that's normal.  It takes a few weeks for the skin to toughen up to the abuse of a daily shave.

Small dents are normal.  It's a skull, not a bowling ball!  

[youngtraveller]

Oh and about the gym - join one - any one but preferably with a lot of machines to start you off. Then get 2 or 3 lessons with a personal trainer and tell them you want to bulk up and they should show u the machines but I suppose you want to work on the chest arms shoulders and abs. Then COMMIT - go to the gym for 1 to 2 hours 5 times a week. Get some protein powder as well and after every work out mix up a big glass of high protein milk with some good high protein powder. You will bulk up fast dude.

[barcafan]

Dont worry about the gym part, the big older guys are usually the most helpfull.

[DuffRyder17]

Dont worry about the gym part, the big older guys are usually the most helpfull.

very true