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#30 by champ007 on 20 Jun, 2008 12:05
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Sorry about being late for this but here ya go.....Tucker, Put the ball in her court. Show her you are desirable to more women than just her. And hit BaldRob up for some advice!
i'm anxious 2 hear the advice from R sly single brothers like baldrob & champ007. baldrob? champ? we need your input...
WARHAWK
<------ Thats what you have been thus far, her whipping boy.
Don't tell her how you feel about her, thats just giving her assurance.
Quit spending money on her, if you ain't getting any give your money to a homless person, you will get more satisfaction from it!
Why does she still bang her ex (and she is banging him...trust me), because he rejected her as a person and it drives her crazy, she thinks if she keeps giving it to him he will like her
He is the smart one!
What he isn't giving her you are... so time to become unavailable. Don't call her, don't intiate anything. If she calls play her... put her off a but tell her maybe later and to try you back.
Let her invite you to dinner of lunch, when your done eating excuse yourself to the restroom, then walk near the table and say, I'll meet you outside and stiff her with the tab!
You have to show her that your time is vaulable and she should respect you more than her ex.
If she has feelings for you she will change, if not then find some action and you will quickly see that its not worth the bother. Don't ever try to win someones affection, its not gonna happen or you will be doing it the rest of your life... either way you lose!
There are plenty.... PLENTY of hot chicks out there, go order up a few
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#31 by nomad on 20 Jun, 2008 12:19
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i say do her best friend and send her pictures. but i may not be the best person to give advice right now. ha ha ha ha seriously bro, just let it go.
thats "F"ing funny, but anyway...
you have got to freeze her out(move on) like Tyler said if you freeze her out and she comes back then maybe there's something to work with and quit being the "nice"guy it doesn't work bro', you can be nice but have a back bone. women need to have a chalange and a "nice" guy isn't a challange. Brother I have been there before I WAS the "nice" guy and it got me nowhere. I'm not saying that you have to be an A-hole but don't be to dang easy. -
#32 by barberette on 20 Jun, 2008 22:53
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Great advice here guys! I agree with Magnababe too, proud to be hangin with ya'all.... and bro whatever you do... DO NOT CHASE HER! It just makes you appear desperate and Im thinking you got put into the "friends" category... and once we put you there its reallllly tough to get out.
So my advice is do not call her or ask her out again, let her come to you and make her beg this time if she does come around, until then suck it up and move on!
Good luck and if its meant to be it will be. -
#33 by Tucker-54 on 20 Jun, 2008 23:31
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Thanks guys (and girls)
Yeah so I talked to her tonight and she said I was "smothering". She said it was too much of me texting her 24-7, which BTW she would text me and I would talk, and talk, and talk.....
Yeah, she said that just friends for now and if it's meant to be it will work its way out.
Also, I think she is just over reacting to school being out... -
#34 by nomad on 21 Jun, 2008 00:56
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Thanks guys (and girls)
Yeah so I talked to her tonight and she said I was "smothering". She said it was too much of me texting her 24-7, which BTW she would text me and I would talk, and talk, and talk.....
Yeah, she said that just friends for now and if it's meant to be it will work its way out.
Also, I think she is just over reacting to school being out...
she said you are smothering?
?
I have one word for ya....
NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#35 by DanDan on 21 Jun, 2008 02:06
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Women are impossible to figure out. I think all women have multiple personalities. Some days they want Mr. Sensitive mushy guy and some days they want a macho guy. So I always try to be a little a both without going to far in either direction. It hasn't worked yet but maybe it will someday.
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#36 by barberette on 21 Jun, 2008 07:17
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Women are impossible to figure out.
I think youre right DanDan, I know personally for myself and alot of other women we dont like men we can push around.. we like to have to work for it just like you guys do... and remember..."whatever one chases runs away", thats true for both sexes. I think all women have multiple personalities. Some days they want Mr. Sensitive mushy guy and some days they want a macho guy. So I always try to be a little a both without going to far in either direction. It hasn't worked yet but maybe it will someday. 
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#37 by Pshrynk on 21 Jun, 2008 08:43
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[ and remember..."whatever one chases runs away", thats true for both sexes.
......but thats what makes it so much fun ;-) -
#38 by buddha on 21 Jun, 2008 08:52
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She ended up losing about 10 pounds of fat, and looks AMAZING.
There was just one thing holding us back from a relationship, her ex. She is still attached (she claims its love, but she is just attached/lust) to a guy she dated about a year ago. I've asked her, and she said they don't have a sexual relationship anymore, and are just friends, but she still "loves" him.
Dude, these are the 2 things in your original post that raise the most red flags for me. Please keep in mind that I'm among the older people writing in this forum. That should raise a couple of issues, like: people have changed in the years since I've been on the dating market, or, I've never met this particular girl so how can I make judgements about her.
There may be others and they probably all are true so be prepared to disregard what I say as total bs. But I am relating the reality of what I have seen and experienced while "in the market".
Item #1: The fat issue. I would have to wonder if she got dumped by the ex because he lived his romantic life by the "no fat chicks" rule. This may be important. If he dumped her she clearly has unfinished business with him and it could run from "I'll get back in shape and show that a$$hole what he got rid of" to "oh God, I am so miserable without him, I'll do whatever he wants just so I can be Mrs. so and so and have all his babies....." This issue with the body fat could have happened before and she is living he vengeful life, taking it out on every guy she can. I kinda doubt this one but I've seen it before and it's toxic. Don't get any on ya!
Item #2: "She still loves him." She said it, not me. Clearly this is a DANGER sign in big red letters. Don't ignore this. It will undoubtedly be the undoing of any relationship that gets forced with this girl. Even if you pursue from a distance or play coy and stand back and wait for her to see what a good guy you really are are you really ready to spend your time at the office wondering why she's not answering her cell phone? And she has given you more than ample warning that she will be thinking about the ex whenever she has a little down time.
Based on my own experience both in the dating world and in police work I would say that the best thing to do as far as this girl is concerned is to put down your expectations of ever having a happy life with this one and back away from them. I say this for two reasons. Based on what I've seen and experienced any relationship that any guy but her ex has with her stands a high probability of a rapid crash and burn scenario at the end of it. (Picture yourself in the green room at the Jerry Springer show). And because you are going into law enforcement, dude, you need to have your wits about you at all times on the job. You cannot afford to be wondering if she's being faithful to you while you are on the midnight shift too far from home to do a drive-by to see who's car is sitting in your garage. (I put it that way to be a gentleman). I would do some major distance from this chick and when I see her number on my caller id I would hide in my closet.
Remember the old adage about the guy who found the frozen rattlesnake, took it home, nursed it back to health, only to have it bite him. When he asked the snake how he could do such a thing the snake replied "I'm a snake, that's what I do". You can't change anybody, that's a job for the shrinks. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Find a woman that you can be HAPPY with, not one that you know is gonna stress you out every chance she gets.
But I'm a crusty old fart and I may be wrong. Keep us posted.
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#39 by Nick912 on 21 Jun, 2008 09:19
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Thanks guys (and girls)
Yeah so I talked to her tonight and she said I was "smothering". She said it was too much of me texting her 24-7, which BTW she would text me and I would talk, and talk, and talk.....
Yeah, she said that just friends for now and if it's meant to be it will work its way out.
Also, I think she is just over reacting to school being out...
Like Nomad said if she said that....dont ever talk to her again. You have to act like you got it going on and could care less about her existence. Like my dad always told me about dealing with women. " You got to act like your thing is 2 inches around women.......2 inches from the floor" -
#40 by Tucker-54 on 21 Jun, 2008 10:35
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Remember the old adage about the guy who found the frozen rattlesnake, took it home, nursed it back to health, only to have it bite him. When he asked the snake how he could do such a thing the snake replied "I'm a snake, that's what I do". You can't change anybody, that's a job for the shrinks. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Find a woman that you can be HAPPY with, not one that you know is gonna stress you out every chance she gets.
But I'm a crusty old fart and I may be wrong. Keep us posted.
buddha and Dan, Your guy's helped alot. I think you are both right. I'm just going to give up on her. It's going to be hard, I know it, becuase every time she calls I get the butterflies and she makes everything seem okay. I think that's why she is such a hit with other guys. I'm going to stop communications on my end to her, but if she wants to say Hi or hang out, she can. I think this type of girl could be a good friend but maybe not relationship material yet. I think she needs herself to grow up, and when she realizes that a$$hole guys get you nowhere, she'll realize the mistake she made. She talks about wanting a family and a wonderful husband and a nice house.......... yeah with the guy's she associates her self with (besides me), thats not going to happen. She just wants to be a free spirit right now and I;m going to let her....... her loss.
Thanks again for all your help and support -
#41 by buddha on 21 Jun, 2008 17:16
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Tuck, when a woman says that she wants to be "friends" with a guy that means she has absolutely no interest in anything to do with that particular man's loins.
I wouldn't answer my phone if I had any idea that the person on the other end of the line was her other than to tell her to "eff" off. And I definitely wouldn't "hang out" with anyone, man or woman, who had shown me that kind of "love". This chick is not relationship material and she seems not to qualify as a friend, either. But you gotta do what is right for you, my man, I just hope that it doesn't turn out to be a frozen rattler.
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#42 by Tucker-54 on 21 Jun, 2008 17:39
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Yeah thanks buddha.
Hey guys what do you think of this:
should I send her the URL to this thread???!!! -
#43 by PBurke on 21 Jun, 2008 17:40
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what does her mom look like? that would really piss her off.
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#44 by Tucker-54 on 21 Jun, 2008 17:47
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haha, no I don't want to make enemies...her mom is actually really sweet. Like I still really want to be friends with her cuz she makes me feel good. she makes everything seem alright. I think thats why i fell for her