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Guys I Need Major Help With A Girl Issue!!!! by Tucker-54 on 19 Jun, 2008 17:40
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Okay guys heres the deal.
Ever since january I've been really good friends with a girl. We REALLY hit it off.
I'm training for a military/ Law Enforcement career. And she has been doing ballet since she was 3. She was looking to tone up for her upcoming performance. I took her rockclimbing, to the gym and cycling classes, walking the dogs, hiking, running, biking, always something new, exciting, and different. We really started to fall for each other, well at least I fell for her. She ended up losing about 10 pounds of fat, and looks AMAZING. We would hang out maybe 3 days a week, and usually we spent friday nights with eachother at someones house wathcing a movie or some sort of romantic activity. We both met, and get along with, each others parents. And it seemed like she really liked me. I got along with her friends well, and we went to a few concerts and events together. There was just one thing holding us back from a relationship, her ex. She is still attached (she claims its love, but she is just attached/lust) to a guy she dated about a year ago. I've asked her, and she said they don't have a sexual relationship anymore, and are just friends, but she still "loves" him. well I told her i was the type of guy willing to wait for the right girl, which i am. I thought she was the right girl. We talked about summer coming up, and how much we'd see eachother, and all the things we'd do (like hanging out, get your minds out of the gutters 
). We even planned a possible vacation to Europe when we graduate next year. I even sat through her ballet performance AND bought her her favorite flowers which made her cry.
Well she is a pretty popular girl, well at least has ALOT of friends, so I knew she would be busy this summer. All of our friends told me that she and I were going to hang out alot and I was planning to ask her out sometime soon. It has been one week of summer, and it seems as if she doesn't even want to be my friend anymore..... I try to call her and make plans but its always "lets just play it by ear". She's always SUPER busy, and always out with someone. Its not a bad thing, its just that it seems she's unwilling to make plans with me. She keeps bailing last minute on the plans we do make, like when she says she's going to come to spinning class (which i go to cuz she likes it), but then last second she cancels... And Whats worse now is that I'll try to make plans on a day i know she is free and it's always "well i have no plans. I'll do something with you if im not doing something with somebody else. my life is an open book". It seems like i've become a "backup plan" for when she's bored or has no one else.... It bugs because we both got along SOO well. We both are alike in so many ways, and she is exactly the type of girl I can see myself marrying...
I don't think I've done anything wrong. I'm just being the sweet me. I bought her flowers, got on her parents good side. got along with her friends. always paid for everything. always let her have the final say. always made sure she was comfortable and everything was ok. She knows I'm always here for her, and I've been there to comfort her when she was feeling really depressed and down. I;ve talked to my friend and they have no clue what happend. She got along really well with all my friends too. Everyone honestly thought we were going to be the big couple of this year....
I want your guy's help/opinion/anything will help at this time. I'm a military brat, i don't usually share an opinion, especially on feelings. But with this it's different. She is/was really special to me and I really have no clue what happened...
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#1 by BlackJamesRackham on 19 Jun, 2008 17:48
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Hey Tucker,
Good to meet you, bro. Anyway, I think you may have got friend-zoned. It seems like she currently considers you a friend, and not anything more. Breaking out of the "friend zone" isn't easy, but it can definitely be done. Basically, she needs to know how you feel, and more importantly, how strongly you feel. You might be thinking, "but I don't want to scare her off". That's the tough part. You have to take that risk and let her know how you feel. I wish I had better/easier advice for you, but that's all I have.
Good luck bro! -
#2 by Tucker-54 on 19 Jun, 2008 17:51
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Thanks BJR,
I've gotten that advice from a few of my friends. I actually did tell her how i felt a few months back. I told her how strongly i felt about her, and how badly i wanted to be in a relationship with her. She said she strongly liked me, but not quite what i felt.
It just seems that she is starting to ignore me. Like today, she wouldn't even tell me what she was doing, which is a first. She's always been really open to me and everything. We tell eachother everything.
Anyway, it seems she doesn't even want to be friends? IDK!
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#3 by Pshrynk on 19 Jun, 2008 17:53
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You poor kid...... sounds like ya got it bad!!!!
Really though, it sounds like maybe the pressure to go further has turned her away as she's not ready for a new relationship yet?
Have you actually told her you have "feelings" for her? Let her know how you feel -- put the ball in her court and see what happens....
If she doesn't want to move forward with a romantic relationship with you....
Then man up and just let it go. Life's too short to waste.
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..
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and then start hitting on her friends
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#4 by BlackJamesRackham on 19 Jun, 2008 18:00
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Hmmm. I think maybe you should just give her some space then. I know that's tough and probably the last thing you want to do, but I would give her some space, and see how she reacts. It's a tough situation man, wish I could give you some more solid advice.
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#5 by schro on 19 Jun, 2008 18:00
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Tucker, long time no chat. In all honesty, I think you might have been too nice of a guy (as strange as that may seem). She took advantage of the fact "Hey, Tucker will always be there for me, I'll go do something else this Friday night" (or whatever event was at hand). Trust me, I've been there.
Women are odd creatures, proceed with caution....you might end up marrying one. -
#6 by Tyler on 19 Jun, 2008 18:14
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My advice would be to move on. Don't be a dick or call and let her know you're moving on. Just move on. My guess it that you'll still see her around and she'll notice that she's no longer on the pedestal that she was once on. It sounds like she knows what kind of guy you are and once she sees this she might decide to re-engage with you. If she doesn't, at least you've moved on.
I know this sounds cold, but you've put it out there and she hasn't taken it. -
#7 by marty22 on 19 Jun, 2008 18:32
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as painful as it may be, move on! Give her plenty of space; you never know.
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#8 by GASlick on 19 Jun, 2008 20:37
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My guess would be to much - to fast. I agree with Tyler kind of: Give her the impression that you have moved on. Don't make her think that you're not interested, just that you're busy too.
If she is interested in you, she will start "playing it by ear" with you instead of without you. Stay cool, don't be a jerk and be yourself, nobody can be you like you can. -
#9 by warhawk on 19 Jun, 2008 20:49
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hey tucker: as a happily married sly guy... i enjoy hearing stories from my single friends, co-workers, & my fellow chrome domes. like the other brothers have stated... move on. as much as it hurts.... move on. whatever U do... move on.
let her call U. U have already stated your feelings 4 her & U didn't get the response U wanted. if she does.... "like" U than she will eventually come around. in the meantime... move on. good luck & keep us posted on your situation. remember that everything will B okay.
WARHAWK
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#10 by wpruitt on 19 Jun, 2008 20:51
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Tucker, Put the ball in her court. Show her you are desirable to more women than just her. And hit BaldRob up for some advice!
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#11 by GASlick on 19 Jun, 2008 20:53
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I'm with Warhawk - I am so happy I am happily married. All that stuff gets complicated!
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#12 by warhawk on 19 Jun, 2008 21:00
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Tucker, Put the ball in her court. Show her you are desirable to more women than just her. And hit BaldRob up for some advice!
i'm anxious 2 hear the advice from R sly single brothers like baldrob & champ007. baldrob? champ? we need your input...
WARHAWK
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#13 by warhawk on 19 Jun, 2008 21:02
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I'm with Warhawk - I am so happy I am happily married. All that stuff gets complicated!
EXACTLY!!!
WARHAWK
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#14 by Nick912 on 19 Jun, 2008 21:03
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Tucker, Put the ball in her court. Show her you are desirable to more women than just her. And hit BaldRob up for some advice!
i'm anxious 2 hear the advice from R sly single brothers like baldrob & champ007. baldrob? champ? we need your input...
WARHAWK
And Nick!