whats long and hard and filled with seamen ?       a submarine !    what goes in long , cold n hard ,  and comes out shorter warm n gooey ?    a tootsie roll in your pocket ! 

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

Two ladies are sitting on opposite sides of the river fishing one evening.  The sun is going down and it is starting to get dark.  The blonde lady realizes that the brunette has been catching fish all day, and the blonde hasn't caught one. 

So the blonde yells over to the brunette "Hey, I see you have been catching fish all day and I haven't caught one.  What is your secret?"  The brunette sits there for a bit and replies "I think it must be that the current over here is less than where you are."  The blonde sits and thinks for a bit about that then shouts back "How bout I come over on your side and try to catch some?"

The brunette realizes she has caught plenty of fish for herself and replies "Sure that would be fine, you just want to swim over here?"  The blonde sits for a minute and remembers she can't swim.  "Well, I can't swim, so how do you think I can get over there?"  The brunette yells back "I tell you what, I will trun on my flashlight since it's dark enough, and you just walk across on the beam."  The blonde packs her stuff up and stands up ready to go, then all of a sudden she throws her stuff down and angrily yells back "Heck no!  I know you brunettes don't like us blondes.  I will get halfway across the river and you will turn the light off!"

Tony I'm not calling you a liar but this "story" sounds awfully familiar to another story that Ben Affleck recounts in the movie Good Will Hunting.

According to Snopes, that story has been circulating since 1978 in one form or another.  http://www.snopes.com/autos/law/copcar.asp

Wow I don't know how I just found this thread but I do have to say,"those were some of the worst jokes I have ever heard!! *big grin"

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus." "Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"

      What`s the best way too eat a chicken ?
   
      Put one leg around each ear .