Sly Bald Guys Forum
New Member Section => Introductions => Topic started by: ScottGrim on September 12, 2013, 09:15:02 AM
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Hi All,
Firstly, I'm thankful for this community. It has showed me there are people in a similar situation to me, and that life CAN go on once you accept your hair loss.
I'm 26 years old, and have noticed hair loss since I was 19. It's been very gradual, as I have a receeding hairline and thinning on top, but the crown is in decent shape still. Just recently it has gotten to the point where I can't really use creative combing to hide the thinness, and I've been wearing a hat in day to day life since I noticed the thinning started. I know the right thing to do is to at least buzz my hair down and ditch the hat, but I'm just really scared. I don't know how to take that step.
Just less than a week ago I told my girlfriend of nearly 2 years about my hair loss. When we would go out, I would wear a hat, and when we got in, I would go and spend time fixing my hair to make sure she didn't notice when the hat came off. I would avoid swimming and letting her see my hair wet. This has been a huge burden on my life.
She was very supportive about it, and said he father has been bald ever since she knew him, and that she loves me for me, and not for my hair. I really want to trust and believe her, but my hair isn't THAT horrible yet. I'm afraid if when I buzz it, she will abandon ship.
I just want to be happy. I want to know that when it's all said and done I will be able to love myself and be happy in my life. I've always been an attractive man, very generous and kind. I don't want to become "that bald guy". If this happened a bit later in life, I wouldn't be so upset. I'm afraid to travel and explore and be happy because of my hair loss. I feel like an inferior person, and I know this negative attitude has a lot to do with me not being able to move on, but I don't know how to change it. I've been losing sleep, can't eat, I can't focus, I've been depressed and anxious from the moment I wake up, to the time I fall asleep (if I fall asleep) and have even contemplated suicide. I just feel like being bald will make my life so much harder, and if I never accept it, I will never be happy.
Thanks for listening.
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Dude, if you can't trust your girlfriend to be telling you the truth, how could you possibly be happy? Contemplating suicide over hair? Really? Get a grip man. It's just superfluous appearance. I have a large red birthmark covering my entire right cheek. So what?
Trust your girlfriend. If she's lying to you about loving you for you, then she's not the one. But I strongly suspect she's being straight-up with you and buzzing your head will be the best thing that's happened for the both of you.
In fact, I recommend you have her do the buzzing on you. That'll certainly make it something that you share with her and that helps bond your relationship.
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Think about as a "Style". I agree that you should have your girlfriend buzz your hair. Maybe it will be enjoyable for you both.
I suspect that she is being honest with you and telling you the truth. I bet she sees past what you look like and what your hairstyle is to the inner you. My guess is there's something *there* that she likes and appreciates more than hair (whether thinning or not).
My uncle has been bald ever since I can remember. I knew it was coming and yes, I was a bit sad and upset when I saw the hair gradually thinning in the back, then over the crown. I tried to grow it back and see how it looked, but I was terribly displeased with the way it looked and buzzed it off. Not long ago, now, I went smooth. I love it.
So, take that to heart that you're asking a group of folks who have all been where you are, more or less, and have realized that life is too important to have to worry about hair and losing it. Dude, we have pretty much ALL been there.
I say, embrace the buzz to start with and go back to enjoying life. It will take a little time but I bet you will find new strength inside embracing the 'new you.'
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If you have contemplated suicide, I recommend you seek professional help. I would suspect there is more to it than loosing your hair.
Being bald is a very common "style" now even with those that have a full head of hair. I always had uncooperative hair that I could never style into what I thought was the modern style of the day. So when I embraced the sly style, it was a relief to not have to worry about styling my hair.
Face the issue head on. Since your girlfriend is supportive, include her in it, and soon you will realize it is not an issue.
If you do buzz or shave, and the feelings of suicide return, please get help.
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Coming to terms with hair loss is a difficult thing and for a lot of people it's hard and especially as a younger guy. However most people can acknowledge if they see a guy with a shaved head, whether it is clippers or razored. that the guy is taking control and making the best of himself.
Let's put it into context , you aren't losing a limb, you don't have a terminal disease, having a bald head will not stop you doing anything you enjoy. You may have a colder head in the winter and be more prone to sunburn in the summer but that's it.
If you're girlfriend of two years hasn't noticed or commented after that length of time it means she doesn't care, or it's not bad enough to be an issue - therefore the time you are spending hiding the hair loss is probably a waste of time. Believe me hairstyles that are designed to hide hairloss tend to look worse than a shaved head, as it's obvious what your trying to do - I've done it! Let's flip it, what do women worry about, especially after pregnancy?; that they have lost their pre-baby figure and are not attractive! To most husbands it doesn't matter because they love the person and we all have to realise we all change, people get fatter, people lose hair, people lose teeth - we can't be young and beautiful for ever.
If you're an attractive guy you have an advantage, as a bald head tends to look better on a good looking guy (or girl!)- because sickeningly as a good looking guy there's a head start. Look at Bruce Willis or Vin Diesel or if you want to go younger, look at Chris Daughtry, Danny Mills, Mark Sheehan or Jonathan Goodwin. Also check out Matt Damon or Channing Tatum when they did it for film roles.
If you are thinking suicidal thoughts you need some kind of support or help. I'm not religous, I don't believe in life after death, therefore I see this massive fluke of nature that we're here a gift and being down or missing a moment, or not doing something is a waste of that gift.
As your hair disappears, go shorter and get used to it. Not wanting to be 'that bald guy'....... there are several people that have been called 'that ginger guy' 'that fat girl' 'that black guy' 'that tall guy'. It never means anything, it just often means the people don't yet know your name. If they see a confident outgoing guy, they'll WANT to know your name.
Don't be a victim, be a chooser. Be confident with yourself and as I say, get some support
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Thanks everyone for your words. It's just a really hard process for me to come to terms with. I see a lot of people on this website who have gone through it, and are now happy. I hope I can find that same peace within myself. I've been fighting and hiding from it for the past 7-8 years, and I know that's why I'm generally unhappy. I need to accept it for what it is, but I feel like it will be such a huge change in my life.
I'm worried about coming into work and having people react so crazily. I'm 26, but I look about 17. I can't really grow facial hair, and having a buzzed down head with a bad hairline will make me look very different. I also don't see many people my age where I live (Toronto) with a buzzed down or shaved head. I keep blaming myself for this problem, but there's nothing I can do to stop it.
I joked with my girlfriend and told her I would gain 15 pounds of muscle (I already work out quite a bit), get some tattoos and a motorcycle, and she'll be dating a bad ass bald mother fucker. I want to make the best of this situation. It's just hard to see the bright side of things. It just feels very unfair.
I know people around the world are experiencing much harsher problems than hair loss, but right now this is my entire world...
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There'll be a time that comes and you're be pleased you look younger....
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Here's a current picture of me taken a few days ago: pic.twitter.com/6pnPVOBchB
As you can see, my eyes are red from not enough sleep, lol. I push my hair to the one side to cover up an uneven receding hairline. Can't really see the thinning on top in this pic, but I know it isn't too bad yet. It's one of those all or nothing things. I don't have a full head of hair, but I can still mess around with my hair enough to look not-balding (at least in ideal circumstances, like not outside on a windy day).
Can you tell if my head shape is decent enough to buzz it down low? Also, I'm nearly 27 and look at how young I look. I always get carded...
Watching this video kind of helped me a bit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFPjLwzL-14
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You know what your girlfriend will like more than a you with hair? A you that's happy and confident.
Work on what matters.
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After looking at the picture you posted, all I can say is get a grip on yourself. You are a good looking young man with a decent head of hair. Even if it is thinning or receding, hair should not be central focus of your life. You mention you have a girlfriend who loves you. My advice: take half of the energy you are devoting to you hair worries and devote it to her. You'll both be happier.
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Scott. Get a grip on yourself.
It's hair.
I am going to echo what a lot of the gentlemen before me have said. Your girlfriend expressed the attitude most women have. She is not interested in dating a head of hair. She wants the man underneath. Quit doubting her.
The question is whether you WANT to buzz off your hair. Don't do it because you are under the impression that it is the "right" thing to do simply because you are balding. There is nothing wrong with a balding head. I had a bald dome with hair on the sides (aka the "horseshoe") for over twenty years. During that time, I got my graduate degree, got into my career, met and married my wife, and had three kids. I only shaved it off when I was 51 because I got tired of the horseshoe.
People do not judge you by your hair. They do so by who you are. Be confident in yourself and let go of the notion that your hair somehow is the measure of your worth.
I am glad you found us. Stick around, please. And welcome.
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Hi All,
Thanks to this wonderful community, I'm starting to realize I was meant to be bald. I'm not sure why, but that's the reason I started balding at 19. It's part of nature, and I can't keep blaming myself for it. I will work on myself and make sure I'm a happy and healthy person. I think this will make me a much stronger person in the future. I'm going to be here for a long time, and I will check in to show you guys when I buzz and eventually go full sly. It's time for a change. It's time to embrace life, and accept myself for who I am, hair or no hair.
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Welcome, Scott!
Glad you came forward and reached out.....There are far worse things in the world that can happen to you and hair loss is certainly not a reason to lose sleep or, worse yet, to end your life. I think you have a decent head of hair, but even if you buzz it shorter, that will be a step in the right direction. That said, being happy with who you are is not an overnight process and it may take a little time, but now and then, take time to appreciate the things that you do have (supportive family and girlfriend, your youth, etc.) and it will make the things that you don't have and can't control much easier to deal with. Keep us posted and feel free to post and even PM one us of to vent anytime. Good luck to you, man!
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Hi All,
Thanks to this wonderful community, I'm starting to realize I was meant to be bald. I'm not sure why, but that's the reason I started balding at 19. It's part of nature, and I can't keep blaming myself for it. I will work on myself and make sure I'm a happy and healthy person. I think this will make me a much stronger person in the future. I'm going to be here for a long time, and I will check in to show you guys when I buzz and eventually go full sly. It's time for a change. It's time to embrace life, and accept myself for who I am, hair or no hair.
This sounds like you're taking advice to heart. Your girlfriend loves you for who you are and not where your hairline is. :)
I see a fine looking gentleman that will rock the new look, just hold your head up high and look past the things that we can 'imagine' are there. I certainly hope you do participate over and over again, let us know how you're doing and progressing to being sly. Who knows, your voice may give comfort and support to another young man down the road who might be going through the same thing. You'll become a role model to someone else and I can't think of a better position to be in than to inspire and uplift others. So rock the look and keep your chin and spirits up!
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Your hair looks fine. You're down on yourself, you pointed out red eyes no one can see and you need to just be confident,
More than anything you need a decent haircut, if there is any thinning - which I can;t see - you have too much bulk and length round the side and that would make the top look thinner. Can the sides and the back and the top will look thicker as you have enough hair.
If you're comparing yourself to the guy in the video, you're a long way off.
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Hi mate. You have been really up front and personal about your journey. I'm thinking you are comfortable with those who are part of this site and you would be right. Welcome.
I went through huge (yes 'huge') anxiety regarding my hair lose. In fact I can't think of anything that even comes close to the anxiety I felt for a long long time.
The amazing thing is this. A short time after I buzzed down and then shaved I was saying 'Is this all I needed to do?' and 'What the heck was I going on about for so long'.
I'm not saying everyone is the same or that I can walk a mile in your shoes but Please take the advice of those who have contributed so far. They are letting you in on a much happier way of doing things. For a start the buzz on you is going to look great and then just take it from there.
With respect, it's not the problem you might think it is. Keep in touch and share more if you feel the need to.
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Still not doing great. I can't think of anything other than fucking hair loss. This is consuming my entire life. I don't know what to do. I still have an incredibly hard time sleeping, and it just feels like there's no end in sight. This is a real problem. I have so much anxiety I can't focus, and I have neck pains from it too. I can't stand the thought of balding and slowly degrading. I don't even think I could just shave my head and get it over with either. This is fucking torture
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Past time to seek professional help. Anything as superfluous as appearance that is obsessing you to this extent needs attending to by an expert.
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I agree with the above. You need help, from the pic there is nothing wrong with your hair, so if it's having that much impact on your life you need to get support
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Sorry about my outburst earlier. I still have my bad days and good days I suppose. My biggest fear has always been ending up alone, and I get really down about it sometimes. At 26 it's hard to not base your self esteem on looks. I definitely need to work on that. Thanks again for listening.
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My biggest fear has always been ending up alone, and I get really down about it sometimes.
See: self-fulfilling prophecy. By being so down on yourself, you make that happen to yourself.
At 26 it's hard to not base your self esteem on looks.
In my opinion, I beg to differ. In high school, maybe. At 26 you should be learning to value things that go beyond how your hair looks.
Please take slyest's advice to heart and seek support.
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No need to apologize, Scott. A lot of guys who have gone through MPB have felt anxious and depressed. Most men who are going to lose their hair start to do so in their mid to late twenties. I started going bald at 17, and had less hair than you when I was your age. I can understand how you feel.
You have what seems to be a great woman in your life who has told you she loves you for you. Your hairline is not an issue for her, and it will not become one unless you make it. SlyBear is very correct when he said you are going to make your fear of ending up alone a self-fulfilling prophecy. Few women want to hang around a guy who is constantly depressed - expecially when he is depressed over something she has tried to reassure him means nothing to her.
Do yourself a big favor. Go out and do some people watching. Notice how many men are out there with balding heads. Then notice how many of them are with partners and/or families. A bald head is not a death sentence. Most guys who lose their hair would prefer not to, but they accept it and go on. Bald does not mean ugly or rejected or failure. I really wish we could convince you of that.
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Hey Scott,
My cousin's daughter thinks I am a mermaid. Yes, a mermaid.
I took it to heart running around after her trying to "pinch her nose."
She's a really cute kid. Did my bare scalp bother her? No. She still thinks I am a mermaid. It's really cute, actually.
One thing I can tell you is that you need to walk away from the things that were yesterday. What do you think my cousin's kid was obsessed with me being bald? Or do you think she was happy playing with a "supposed mermaid" trying to pinch her nose?
It's all a matter of perspective, my friend. As Rush states "He's old enough to know what's right but young enough not to choose it." - Rush, 1986 'New World Man'
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Hey Scott. Hope you have made some inroads. It does seem to me you are going through a phase and that it won't last.
Perhaps one consideration in your thinking (consistent with what others have said) is 'WHAT MATTERS'? Look at what you
take with you when you continue to stay put. You take all that 'STUFF'. Stuff that carries very little deep meaning/purpose in
the real day to day world.
I was in the Cancer Clinic a week ago (dermatologist visit) and struck up a conversation with a gentleman who has multiple
cancers throughout his body. "Perspective" hits home for me sometimes. I hope for you too.
Again, Thank you for being so open. Stay in tough mate. You're in the right place.
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ScottGrim -
I'm the same age as you, 26. There's a lot of younger guys who've gone through hair loss, just take a look around.
First of all, it does sound like you should find a counselor to speak with to help you through this. So please go do that.
Anyways, I've been through exactly what you're going through. At 19 I had longer surfer style shoulder length hair and loved it. Like you I knew I was going to lose it at some point as every male in my family is bald. However, my Dad didn't start losing his until his mid 30's so when I started losing it at 21 I was quite sad about it for a while but I've gotten over it and you will too. 5 years later I decided to just shave it off and I feel much more confident about myself and I think I look as good as I ever have.
I felt much better when I realized that nobody cares anywhere near as much about your hairloss as you do. That's a fact. Women especially, they don't think like us. Guys make a huge deal of it but as for women, on their list of important things they look for in a man hair is way down on the list. Almost all of them either like the bald look or don't care.
And your GF apparently had already told you she doesn't care so believe her. There's no reason not to. Believe me the number 1 thing women find atttractive in a man is confidence so if you do act insecure about your hair loss she will find that insecurity unattractive. But as for the hair loss itself the majority of women couldn't care less.
You've also got to realize that it's JUST HAIR. It's just a cosmetic change. You don't have a disease, you aren't inferior, you aren't aging rapidly, it's just who you are genetically. There are people at 26 who are blind, can't walk, have cancer, ect. so be happy that hairloss is all you have to deal with.
I can't look at your pic at the moment (twitter is blocked at work) but almost all guys look good with a buzzed or shaved look, I'm sure you'll look fine.
Best of luck.
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I don't usually do this...my professional opinion is that hair loss is the surface trigger for an acute anxiety episode. I suspect you funnel most of your anxiety into this one issue to keep from having to think of what really frightens you. I want you to promise me you'll find someone to work with you on this. It is VERY impotant to sort this out with a professional therapist.
That said, DUDE! You have a perfect oval face. You can pull off any style. Everyone wishes for that shape face for that reason. You will look amazing with little or no hair. I'd be envious of you if I wasn't so jealous... ;)
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Look bud I'm willing to help you out with your self confidence issue on your hair loss! I'll inbox you and talk to you.
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Hey Pal,
I have attempted suicide due to this very issue....I do NOT suggest you try it! There has to be an answer for you and I..we just have not found it yet. I admire the gentleman on this forum who are tough enough to accept that life dealt them a bad hand...I just have not gotten there yet......message me anytime...but do NOT try anything rash!
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HI- I just sent you a PM. Check out my profile pic as well when you read the message.