In serious need of help

[ScottGrim]

Hi All,

Firstly, I'm thankful for this community. It has showed me there are people in a similar situation to me, and that life CAN go on once you accept your hair loss.

I'm 26 years old, and have noticed hair loss since I was 19. It's been very gradual, as I have a receeding hairline and thinning on top, but the crown is in decent shape still. Just recently it has gotten to the point where I can't really use creative combing to hide the thinness, and I've been wearing a hat in day to day life since I noticed the thinning started. I know the right thing to do is to at least buzz my hair down and ditch the hat, but I'm just really scared. I don't know how to take that step.

Just less than a week ago I told my girlfriend of nearly 2 years about my hair loss. When we would go out, I would wear a hat, and when we got in, I would go and spend time fixing my hair to make sure she didn't notice when the hat came off. I would avoid swimming and letting her see my hair wet. This has been a huge burden on my life.

She was very supportive about it, and said he father has been bald ever since she knew him, and that she loves me for me, and not for my hair. I really want to trust and believe her, but my hair isn't THAT horrible yet. I'm afraid if when I buzz it, she will abandon ship.

I just want to be happy. I want to know that when it's all said and done I will be able to love myself and be happy in my life. I've always been an attractive man, very generous and kind. I don't want to become "that bald guy". If this happened a bit later in life, I wouldn't be so upset. I'm afraid to travel and explore and be happy because of my hair loss. I feel like an inferior person, and I know this negative attitude has a lot to do with me not being able to move on, but I don't know how to change it. I've been losing sleep, can't eat, I can't focus, I've been depressed and anxious from the moment I wake up, to the time I fall asleep (if I fall asleep) and have even contemplated suicide. I just feel like being bald will make my life so much harder, and if I never accept it, I will never be happy.

Thanks for listening.

[TheSlyBear]

Dude, if you can't trust your girlfriend to be telling you the truth, how could you possibly be happy? Contemplating suicide over hair? Really? Get a grip man. It's just superfluous appearance. I have a large red birthmark covering my entire right cheek. So what?

Trust your girlfriend. If she's lying to you about loving you for you, then she's not the one. But I strongly suspect she's being straight-up with you and buzzing your head will be the best thing that's happened for the both of you.

In fact, I recommend you have her do the buzzing on you. That'll certainly make it something that you share with her and that helps bond your relationship.

[g_bald]

Think about as a "Style". I agree that you should have your girlfriend buzz your hair. Maybe it will be enjoyable for you both.

I suspect that she is being honest with you and telling you the truth. I bet she sees past what you look like and what your hairstyle is to the inner you. My guess is there's something *there* that she likes and appreciates more than hair (whether thinning or not).

My uncle has been bald ever since I can remember. I knew it was coming and yes, I was a bit sad and upset when I saw the hair gradually thinning in the back, then over the crown. I tried to grow it back and see how it looked, but I was terribly displeased with the way it looked and buzzed it off. Not long ago, now, I went smooth. I love it.

So, take that to heart that you're asking a group of folks who have all been where you are, more or less, and have realized that life is too important to have to worry about hair and losing it. Dude, we have pretty much ALL been there.

I say, embrace the buzz to start with and go back to enjoying life. It will take a little time but  I bet you will find new strength inside embracing the 'new you.'

[slybeard]

If you have contemplated suicide, I recommend you seek professional help.  I would suspect there is more to it than loosing your hair.  

Being bald is a very common "style" now even with those that have a full head of hair.  I always had uncooperative hair that I could never style into what I thought was the modern style of the day.  So when I embraced the sly style, it was a relief to not have to worry about styling my hair.

Face the issue head on.  Since your girlfriend is supportive, include her in it, and soon you will realize it is not an issue.

If you do buzz or shave, and the feelings of suicide return, please get help.

[isleepinthebuff]

Coming to terms with hair loss is a difficult  thing and for a lot of people it's hard and especially as a younger guy. However most people can acknowledge if they see a guy with a shaved head, whether it is clippers or razored. that the guy is taking control and making the best of himself.

Let's put it into context , you aren't losing a limb, you don't have a terminal disease, having a bald head will not stop you doing anything you enjoy. You may have a colder head in the winter and be more prone to sunburn in the summer but that's it.

If you're girlfriend of two years hasn't noticed or commented after that length of time it means she doesn't care, or it's not bad enough to be an issue - therefore the time you are spending hiding the hair loss is probably a waste of time. Believe me hairstyles that are designed to hide hairloss tend to look worse than a shaved head, as it's obvious what your trying to do - I've done it! Let's flip it, what do women worry about, especially after pregnancy?; that they have lost their pre-baby figure and are not attractive! To most husbands it doesn't matter because they love the person and we all have to realise we all change, people get fatter, people lose hair, people lose teeth - we can't be young and beautiful for ever. 

If you're an attractive guy you have an advantage, as a bald head tends to look better on a good looking guy (or girl!)- because sickeningly as a good looking guy there's a head start. Look at Bruce Willis or Vin Diesel or if you want to go younger, look at Chris Daughtry, Danny Mills, Mark Sheehan or Jonathan Goodwin. Also check out Matt Damon or Channing Tatum when they did it for film roles.

If you are thinking suicidal thoughts you need some kind of support or help. I'm not religous, I don't believe in life after death, therefore I see this massive fluke of nature that we're here a gift and being down or missing a moment, or not doing something is a waste of that gift.

As your hair disappears, go shorter and get used to it. Not wanting to be 'that bald guy'....... there are several people that have been called 'that ginger guy' 'that fat girl' 'that black guy' 'that tall guy'. It never means anything, it just often means the people don't yet know your name. If they see a confident outgoing guy, they'll WANT to know your name.

Don't be a victim, be a chooser. Be confident with yourself and as I say, get some support

[ScottGrim]

Thanks everyone for your words. It's just a really hard process for me to come to terms with. I see a lot of people on this website who have gone through it, and are now happy. I hope I can find that same peace within myself. I've been fighting and hiding from it for the past 7-8 years, and I know that's why I'm generally unhappy. I need to accept it for what it is, but I feel like it will be such a huge change in my life.

I'm worried about coming into work and having people react so crazily. I'm 26, but I look about 17. I can't really grow facial hair, and having a buzzed down head with a bad hairline will make me look very different. I also don't see many people my age where I live (Toronto) with a buzzed down or shaved head. I keep blaming myself for this problem, but there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I joked with my girlfriend and told her I would gain 15 pounds of muscle (I already work out quite a bit), get some tattoos and a motorcycle, and she'll be dating a bad ass bald mother fucker. I want to make the best of this situation. It's just hard to see the bright side of things. It just feels very unfair.

I know people around the world are experiencing much harsher problems than hair loss, but right now this is my entire world...

[isleepinthebuff]

There'll be a time that comes and you're be pleased you look younger....

[ScottGrim]

Here's a current picture of me taken a few days ago: pic.twitter.com/6pnPVOBchB

As you can see, my eyes are red from not enough sleep, lol. I push my hair to the one side to cover up an uneven receding hairline. Can't really see the thinning on top in this pic, but I know it isn't too bad yet. It's one of those all or nothing things. I don't have a full head of hair, but I can still mess around with my hair enough to look not-balding (at least in ideal circumstances, like not outside on a windy day).

Can you tell if my head shape is decent enough to buzz it down low? Also, I'm nearly 27 and look at how young I look. I always get carded...

Watching this video kind of helped me a bit:

[TheSlyBear]

You know what your girlfriend will like more than a you with hair? A you that's happy and confident.

Work on what matters.

[Laser Man]

After looking at the picture you posted, all I can say is get a grip on yourself.  You are a good looking young man with a decent head of hair.  Even if it is thinning or receding, hair should not be central focus of your life.  You mention you have a girlfriend who loves you.  My advice: take half of the energy you are devoting to you hair worries and devote it to her.  You'll both be happier.

[Cave Dweller]

Scott. Get a grip on yourself.

It's hair.

I am going to echo what a lot of the gentlemen before me have said. Your girlfriend expressed the attitude most women have. She is not interested in dating a head of hair. She wants the man underneath. Quit doubting her.

The question is whether you WANT to buzz off your hair. Don't do it because you are under the impression that it is the "right" thing to do simply because you are balding. There is nothing wrong with a balding head. I had a bald dome with hair on the sides (aka the "horseshoe") for over twenty years. During that time, I got my graduate degree, got into my career, met and married my wife, and had three kids. I only shaved it off when I was 51 because I got tired of the horseshoe.

People do not judge you by your hair. They do so by who you are. Be confident in yourself and let go of the notion that your hair somehow is the measure of your worth.

I am glad you found us. Stick around, please. And welcome.

[ScottGrim]

Hi All,

Thanks to this wonderful community, I'm starting to realize I was meant to be bald. I'm not sure why, but that's the reason I started balding at 19. It's part of nature, and I can't keep blaming myself for it. I will work on myself and make sure I'm a happy and healthy person. I think this will make me a much stronger person in the future. I'm going to be here for a long time, and I will check in to show you guys when I buzz and eventually go full sly. It's time for a change. It's time to embrace life, and accept myself for who I am, hair or no hair.

[Sir Harry]

Welcome, Scott!

Glad you came forward and reached out.....There are far worse things in the world that can happen to you and hair loss is certainly not a reason to lose sleep or, worse yet, to end your life. I think you have a decent head of hair, but even if you buzz it shorter, that will be a step in the right direction. That said, being happy with who you are is not an overnight process and it may take a little time, but now and then, take time to appreciate the things that you do have (supportive family and girlfriend, your youth, etc.) and it will make the things that you don't have and can't control much easier to deal with. Keep us posted and feel free to post and even PM one us of to vent anytime. Good luck to you, man!

[g_bald]

Hi All,

Thanks to this wonderful community, I'm starting to realize I was meant to be bald. I'm not sure why, but that's the reason I started balding at 19. It's part of nature, and I can't keep blaming myself for it. I will work on myself and make sure I'm a happy and healthy person. I think this will make me a much stronger person in the future. I'm going to be here for a long time, and I will check in to show you guys when I buzz and eventually go full sly. It's time for a change. It's time to embrace life, and accept myself for who I am, hair or no hair.

This sounds like you're taking advice to heart. Your girlfriend loves you for who you are and not where your hairline is.

I see a fine looking gentleman that will rock the new look, just hold your head up high and look past the things that we can 'imagine' are there. I certainly hope you do participate over and over again, let us know how you're doing and progressing to being sly. Who knows, your voice may give comfort and support to another young man down the road who might be going through the same thing. You'll become a role model to someone else and I can't think of a better position to be in than to inspire and uplift others. So rock the look and keep your chin and spirits up!

[isleepinthebuff]

Your hair looks fine. You're down on yourself, you pointed out red eyes no one can see and you need to just be confident,

More than anything you need a decent haircut, if there is any thinning - which I can;t see - you have too much bulk and length round the side and that would make the top look thinner. Can the sides and the back and the top will look thicker as you have enough hair.

If you're comparing yourself to the guy in the video, you're a long way off.