In serious need of help

[50plus]

Hi mate. You have been really up front and personal about your journey. I'm thinking you are comfortable with those who are part of this site and you would be right. Welcome.

I went through huge (yes 'huge') anxiety regarding my hair lose. In fact I can't think of anything that even comes close to the anxiety I felt for a long long time.

The amazing thing is this. A short time after I buzzed down and then shaved I was saying 'Is this all I needed to do?' and 'What the heck was I going on about for so long'.

I'm not saying everyone is the same or that I can walk a mile in your shoes but Please take the advice of those who have contributed so far. They are letting you in on a much happier way of doing things. For a start the buzz on you is going to look great and then just take it from there.

With respect, it's not the problem you might think it is. Keep in touch and share more if you feel the need to.

[ScottGrim]

Still not doing great. I can't think of anything other than fucking hair loss. This is consuming my entire life. I don't know what to do. I still have an incredibly hard time sleeping, and it just feels like there's no end in sight. This is a real problem. I have so much anxiety I can't focus, and I have neck pains from it too. I can't stand the thought of balding and slowly degrading. I don't even think I could just shave my head and get it over with either. This is fucking torture

[TheSlyBear]

Past time to seek professional help. Anything as superfluous as appearance that is obsessing you to this extent needs attending to by an expert.

[isleepinthebuff]

I agree with the above. You need help, from the pic there is nothing wrong with your hair, so if it's having that much impact on your life you need to get support

[ScottGrim]

Sorry about my outburst earlier. I still have my bad days and good days I suppose. My biggest fear has always been ending up alone, and I get really down about it sometimes. At 26 it's hard to not base your self esteem on looks. I definitely need to work on that. Thanks again for listening.

[TheSlyBear]

My biggest fear has always been ending up alone, and I get really down about it sometimes.

See: self-fulfilling prophecy. By being so down on yourself, you make that happen to yourself.

At 26 it's hard to not base your self esteem on looks.

In my opinion, I beg to differ. In high school, maybe. At 26 you should be learning to value things that go beyond how your hair looks.

Please take slyest's advice to heart and seek support.

[Cave Dweller]

No need to apologize, Scott. A lot of guys who have gone through MPB have felt anxious and depressed. Most men who are going to lose their hair start to do so in their mid to late twenties. I started going bald at 17, and had less hair than you when I was your age. I can understand how you feel.

You have what seems to be a great woman in your life who has told you she loves you for you. Your hairline is not an issue for her, and it will not become one unless you make it. SlyBear is very correct when he said you are going to make your fear of ending up alone a self-fulfilling prophecy. Few women want to hang around a guy who is constantly depressed - expecially when he is depressed over something she has tried to reassure him means nothing to her.   

Do yourself a big favor. Go out and do some people watching. Notice how many men are out there with balding heads. Then notice how many of them are with partners and/or families. A bald head is not a death sentence. Most guys who lose their hair would prefer not to, but they accept it and go on. Bald does not mean ugly or rejected or failure. I really wish we could convince you of that.

[g_bald]

Hey Scott,

My cousin's daughter thinks I am a mermaid. Yes, a mermaid.

I took it to heart running around after her trying to "pinch her nose."

She's a really cute kid. Did my bare scalp bother her? No. She still thinks I am a mermaid. It's really cute, actually.

One thing I can tell you is that you need to walk away from the things that were yesterday. What do you think my cousin's kid was obsessed with me being bald? Or do you think she was happy playing with a "supposed mermaid" trying to pinch her nose?

It's all a matter of perspective, my friend. As Rush states "He's old enough to know what's right but young enough not to choose it." - Rush, 1986 'New World Man'

[50plus]

Hey Scott. Hope you have made some inroads. It does seem to me you are going through a phase and that it won't last.

Perhaps one consideration in your thinking (consistent with what others have said) is 'WHAT MATTERS'? Look at what you

take with you when you continue to stay put. You take all that 'STUFF'. Stuff that carries very little deep meaning/purpose in

the real day to day world.

I was in the Cancer Clinic a week ago (dermatologist visit) and struck up a conversation with a gentleman who has multiple

cancers throughout his body. "Perspective" hits home for me sometimes. I hope for you too.

Again, Thank you for being so open. Stay in tough mate. You're in the right place.

[alexk15810]

ScottGrim -

I'm the same age as you, 26. There's a lot of younger guys who've gone through hair loss, just take a look around.

First of all, it does sound like you should find a counselor to speak with to help you through this. So please go do that.

Anyways, I've been through exactly what you're going through. At 19 I had longer surfer style shoulder length hair and loved it. Like you I knew I was going to lose it at some point as every male in my family is bald. However, my Dad didn't start losing his until his mid 30's so when I started losing it at 21 I was quite sad about it for a while but I've gotten over it and you will too. 5 years later I decided to just shave it off and I feel much more confident about myself and I think I look as good as I ever have.

I felt much better when I realized that nobody cares anywhere near as much about your hairloss as you do. That's a fact. Women especially, they don't think like us. Guys make a huge deal of it but as for women, on their list of important things they look for in a man hair is way down on the list.  Almost all of them either like the bald look or don't care.

And your GF apparently had already told you she doesn't care so believe her. There's no reason not to. Believe me the number 1 thing women find atttractive in a man is confidence so if you do act insecure about your hair loss she will find that insecurity unattractive. But as for the hair loss itself the majority of women couldn't care less.

You've also got to realize that it's JUST HAIR. It's just a cosmetic change. You don't have a disease, you aren't inferior, you aren't aging rapidly, it's just who you are genetically. There are people at 26 who are blind, can't walk, have cancer, ect. so be happy that hairloss is all you have to deal with.

I can't look at your pic at the moment (twitter is blocked at work) but almost all guys look good with a buzzed or shaved look, I'm sure you'll look fine.

Best of luck.

[MarshalArtist]

I don't usually do this...my professional opinion is that hair loss is the surface trigger for an acute anxiety episode.  I suspect you funnel most of your anxiety into this one issue to keep from having to think of what really frightens you. I want you to promise me you'll find someone to work with you on this. It is VERY impotant to sort this out with a professional therapist.
That said, DUDE! You have a perfect oval face. You can pull off any style. Everyone wishes for that shape face for that reason. You will look amazing with little or no hair. I'd be envious of you if I wasn't so jealous...

[Derris The Barber]

Look bud I'm willing to help you out with your self confidence issue on your hair loss! I'll inbox you and talk to you.

[NeedAdvice2013]

Hey Pal,

I have attempted suicide due to this very issue....I do NOT suggest you try it! There has to be an answer for you and I..we just have not found it yet. I admire the gentleman on this forum who are tough enough to accept that life dealt them a bad hand...I just have not gotten there yet......message me anytime...but do NOT try anything rash!

[chgobuzzbald]

HI- I just sent you a PM. Check out my profile pic as well when you read the message.