i need a little confidence booster. - page 1 -

• i need a little confidence booster. by Ghost1988 on 06 Jan, 2009 20:07
• i have my on and off days about my hairloss and recently ive been ok about it for the past 2 weeks or so which is a record. but all of a sudden i seem to be back in the depression boat again over it  . im not looking for sympathy or anything because i know theres a lot of guys on here that need comforting about there hair and it just gets tiring having to repeat the same things over and over. so this is just more of a chance for me to vent, with a few questions.
  
  i go on this site regularly to help people with their hairloss problems by giving them support and trying to make them feel better, but in all honesty, i cant seem to practice what i preach in my own life. i tell people what to do to deal with hairloss when i cant do it myself. its frustrating. i realize theres only so much people can say to someone about hairloss. its an unavoidable thing and when its gone its gone. since i joined this board i noticed my hairline has been receding even more. (even after i constantly shave my head!). it feels like a slow torture. i get on the site, feel better, go on with life, realize im losing more hair, then back to square one. its a never ending process.
  
  its embarasing but im at the point where i feel like i need to turn to you guys for girl advice because the situations gotten so bad i have no "game" anymore. i was thinking tonight that with the millions of guys out there why would a 20 yr old girl choose a balding guy when she has a choice out of millions of other attractive guys WITH hair. and that has been the case. i used to be attractive, popular, and get plenty of girls in middle school and high school, but as soon as i lost A LOT of my hair and started college ive gotten NO ONE. its been over 2 years since ive had a g/f and to be honest its embarassing because no guy wants to go through with this. it makes me feel like a loser which im not.
  
  i was talking to my mom tonight about getting hair implants or w/e and she said thats a stupid thing to do. you guys are more understanding than family. my family thinks its rediculous im depressed about my hairline. my sisters say "i need serious  counseling" and my mom just completely doesnt understand what the big deal is. even my grandparents laugh when i say how unhappy i am about my hair. what am i soposed to do!?
  
  i try to keep my chin up and make it through the days which obviously i am, its just hard. im finding myself not even being able to look people in the face when im talking to them because i notice they look at my head. the same when im in a crowd of people. i get extremely paranoid because i feel like everyones staring at me. its a horrible feeling. that was the case tonight when i was at the drug store. there was this attractive girl making conversation with me and smiling, and all i did was stare at the ground and not pay much attention to her because i didnt know what to do. stuff like this doesn't happen too much anymore, so my self esteem and confidence is pretty shot. i can only imagine how rediculous and self conscious i looked to her
  
  is there anything i can do to make a girl attracted to a balding 20 yr old because i have NO IDEA and i hate this. girls now adays dont give me a shot. im sure some of it has to do with my confidence and my inability to talk to them, but i know my looks are a bigger issue. 
  
  btw i do shave my head. these issues come even with a shaved head considering my shadows so dark. shaving my head doesnt cover much of the balding up 
  
  i really enoy your guys company.
  
• #1 by SLYinKC on 06 Jan, 2009 20:14
• Just hang in there, bro.  Sometimes it is a long process to accept yourself the way you are.  I think we all have our days.  Just remember that we are all here to talk to if you need someone.
• #2 by SBG Math Guy on 06 Jan, 2009 20:28
• Hey Ghost,
  Just curious.  Why don't you wear a hat when you go to places you feel people are staring at your head?
  I say wear a hat at places you are not comfortable and take it off only when necessary or illegal to have a hat.
  That way you will not feel that people are staring at your head.   Do this until you get comfortable.
  
  
• #3 by Ghost1988 on 06 Jan, 2009 20:31
• thats a good question, but i dont wear a hat because as weird as it sounds it makes me feel more self conscious and paranoid. it makes me feel like im hiding something which i am. i feel like it would be better to meet someone without a hat and let them see that im balding than meet someone while wearing a hat and then have them find out im balding later in the future. cuz either way they WILL find out.
  
  this way theyll just know that i wasnt trying to cover it up.
• #4 by SBG Math Guy on 06 Jan, 2009 20:41
• Ok you have a point.   But look at it this way.  You seem to care about what people think of you, that's natural.  So tell me which one you prefer.  (1) not wear a hat, in which case the person notices your hairline (according to you) and notices how uncomfortable you feel.
  (2) wear a hat, in here you have 2 cases.  Case 1: you will see this person again.  Well yeah maybe the first time you meet them you want to be without a hat.  Do that if you want, but from the 2nd time on wear your hat.  Trust me, they will understand.   Case 2: you will never see this person again.  Well with a hat on they will never know you have hairloss right?  wear a nice baseball hat.
  
  Ok, here is the thing.  For the past 3 years I went to my university lectures with my baseball hat on.  That was before I saw this site.   I didn't have much hairloss but to me it was hair thinning & terrible dandruff people always asking me "don't you take a shower?".   After I wore my hat I felt very comfortable because when I talked to other students I knew they couldn't see the dandruff that made me uncomfortable. 
  Why not give the hat idea a try? Now cheer up.
• #5 by andrew on 06 Jan, 2009 20:53
• Ghost,
  
  I truly believe that it's your attitude that's getting in the way of you landing a g/f.  Even in your avitar I can see that sad look on your face, and that's not going help you get the girls.
  
  You seem like a good-looking guy and I think the sly look suits you very well.  Dude - stop feeling sorry for yourself and be grateful that you've got a hairloss issue at a time when it's very fashionable to shave your head.   
  
  I think a more confident outlook, along with a clean-shaven head, will result in plenty of girls. I know it's easier said than done, but perhaps your sister's advice was appropriate, in that maybe some counceling could help you come to grips with your hairloss and move on.  If you're not interested in that, maybe get some good self-help books.
  
  When I started my business 13.5 years ago, and was pretty nervous about it, I read several books by Anthony Robbins, and they resulted in a giant confidence boost for me.  It might be worth checking out a few of his books.
  
  Andrew
• #6 by Ghost1988 on 06 Jan, 2009 20:56
• i do occasionally wear hats. but only if im too lazy too shave and im only leaving the house for a little.
  
  the only other time i wear a hat is when i dress up really nice. and these hats arent baseball caps theyre the old english style kangol caps.
  
  one of these...
  
  http://www.kangolstore.com/
• #7 by Impaired on 06 Jan, 2009 21:04
• Ghost, I dont see anything wrong with ya bro`, you look perfectly fine to me.You look like a normal guy with a shaved head,  I love when people look at my shaved bald head.Things will turn around for you ,sometimes we all get in that rut you just have to keep plugging along and soon enough bamm chicks are all over you.However, I do think attitude( confidence) plays a large role.Keep in touch with me and let me know how things go.
• #8 by SBG Math Guy on 06 Jan, 2009 21:13
• well there you go.   That's even better than a baseball hat.  I know you say it makes you feel even more self conscious but I disagree.   You will not feel as self conscious as you do when you look at the person right in front of you and (again according to you bro) the person is staring at your hairline. 
  Here is the thing.  We see many many people coming online (at this site & elsewhere) complaining about how they HATE hairloss, that it doesn't look good on them,etc.   So the people you meet will understand that you are just like most other people.  You don't like to have the hairline you have.   So they will not "judge" you for wearing a hat.....................unless, unless you are judging yourself.    People might observe your hairline and out of curiousity look at it, because let's face it to people without hair loss it's weird to see people with lack of hair.
  But when you are wearing the hat that curiousity is sort of gone.  What's left is why is he wearing a hat?  Most likely they will deduce that it's because you have hairloss that you don't feel comfortable showing and they will understand.   But you have to also understand that bro.  It's not just people having to understand that a guy who doesn't feel good about his hairloss is wearing a hat, it's you that also has to understand there is nothing wrong with it.   I don't know if you quite get that.    And no you will not look like a total idiot for wearing a hat, if that's what you are thinking.   Maybe when you get older you will know what I mean.   
• #9 by Ghost1988 on 06 Jan, 2009 21:19
• ya i understand your point of view. i just dunno......i do wear hats in front of people ill never see again. but the people that i meet the first days of class and stuff i try to not wear a hat so it gives them a chance to get used to my lack of a hairline.
  
  im the exact opposite in the summertime though. i always wear sunglasses on the top of my head, cuz that way they can at least tell that i have a shaved head without noticing my hairline so its a win win.
• #10 by SBG Math Guy on 06 Jan, 2009 21:54
• I don't think anyone will think less of you if you wear a hat, even first day of class.  People have too much going
  on in their minds so they don't necessarliy have that much time to think about why in the world wouild a guy wear a hat.   In that case you are actually in a win-win situation if you think about it.  If they suspect you are wearing the hat for fun then they think ok it's his style.   If they suspect you have hairloss they will think oh ok he doesn't feel comfortable with the loss of hair and again they will understand.   It's no big deal.  It's a hat. 
  Even in the summer if you don't feel comfortable simply wear a hat.   Here is your situation.   You are like a soldier that's been injured in the war really bad.  He has 2 options, to go back to the battleground without any weapon (i.e. no hat) or go with a weapon (the hat).   It's all in your hands.  I think I have spoken enough.  Just think about it, and I hope things work out for you.
• #11 by imb on 06 Jan, 2009 21:57
• Ghost1988 - I just wonder, are you sure people are constantly staring at your hairline? I mean, I can't imagine what there is that's so interesting to see. You're not the first guy to have had hair loss, and I really don't think it's such a big deal for other people. That said I'm in two minds about this and can sympathise. I'm going through a similar thing with the ladies, but I'm mostly convinced the problem is psychological. I'm further convinced by this when I see mates of mine, that frankly aren't that good looking (understatement), with very (emphasised) attractive women. At the same time, I do feel I have been getting less attention from younger women since shaving my head. Older women have given me a lot of compliments about it. It's tough, as I read earlier maybe younger women have an idealist view of what their men should look like, and a bald guy doesn't fit with that. I'm 23 btw in my second year of uni.
• #12 by chgobuzzbald on 06 Jan, 2009 21:59
• HI. I was your age once and felt the same about people not liking me becasue of thin hair or acne or one thing or another. After many years of life on this crazy planet I finally found that there are always people who will LIKE you for the same things you DONT like about yourself... and some people will NOT like you for those same things! For example I have a super hairy chest. Some people go crazy for that and it bores me and I buzz it down. Others like it buzzed down. The point is I LIKE it buzzed down and am confident that way EVEN though people beg me to let it grow out becasue THAT is what THEY LIKE. Guess what, I am now confident enough to have it the way I  LIKE it. The fear of what happens when I encounter people who dont like it has faded. The FEAR you have about some girls not LIKING you because you are balding, shaved bald, shadow bald etc. is just a very limited belief or way of looking at your world. If you go online to a dating site and post how you want ONLY girls who LOVE BALD SHAVED 20 year old MEN you would be overwhelmed with responses. YOU JUST HAVE NOT MET ONE YET !!!!!!!  Being bald is there to teach you something....to learn across your life how to be more confident. Now repeat 10 times per day- "what I want is a girlfriend who loves me bald and I love her". Do it and you will become more confident each day and one will find you.
• #13 by BaldMark on 06 Jan, 2009 22:07
• Hey Ghost,  I think there are a few ways to look at it.  1) People see your hair line and know your losing your hair then they see your head shaved and know you took charge.  2) They don't even notice your hairline and look at your shaved head which seems to be the case 98% of the time.
  
  Sure some people will notice it, but it's unlikely they would say anything to you, because you look like a bad ass!!!
  
  Have you ever had someone say something to you about it?  Does this girl that was chatting you up in the drug store work there?  And i guessing you didn't have a hat on so she more then likely saw your hairline and she didn't seem to care.  You really need to work on yourself esteem.  Even if your feeling down in the dumps keep your head up, shoulders back,chest out, and do you very very best at making eye contact. DON'T LOOK AT THE FLOOR!!! your just making your hair line more visible. It really is about confidence.  
  
  Your a good looking guy!  It is nothing to do with your looks or the fact your losing your hair it's about your confidence!!!!!!
• #14 by Cam on 06 Jan, 2009 22:17
• Alright man, when I came back to SBG, and I saw you posting, what was the first thing I noticed? How BADASS you look with a shaved head. I didn't even notice your hairline. Straight up, I don't bullsh*t. I'm NOT telling you this just to make you feel better. I mean it. Keep your head up, everything will work out, but it has to start with you.