Young shaver needs advice

[Bentham]

I noticed people on this forum were discussing whether MPB is worse earlier or later in life, please bear with me while I lay out my story. 

I'm 21, and I started thinning rapidly on top during high school, to the point where people I had never spoken to before would be like "Dude you're balding."  or more recently when I tried growing it out longer "You're balding badly."  I checked on that norwood chart and I'd probably be a V or VI, it's very thin.  Took rogaine during junior year of highschool, didn't help.  So I tried going short.

Took clippers to it myself, buzzed it all off, it makes the thinning even more visible.  This is when I noticed the huge disadvantage.  Cutting the hair off brings attention to my huge ears and nose.  I'm also pale and tall.  I look like a completely different, uglier person with this look.

My dad is bald as well, and he doesn't seem comfortable or confident about it at all.  In fact when I shaved it all off he just gave me a weird look.  This is painful for me, since people used to say how good I looked, now all I'll ever get is cancer / holocaust survivor jokes. 

I have no idea what to do, I can't even picture myself in my own head anymore.  I've looked for other hair options and all I can find are articles saying "Shave your head, look at bruce willis!"  The last time I went for an actual haircut the woman looked at my baldness, asked me my age, and then said I'm "too young for this" like I've got a terminal illness.

[Tyler]

Bentham, welcome to Sly Bald Guys.  You've come to the right place.  Stay open and we'll be able to help you get through this.

If you're comfortable with it, post a picture with you and a buzzed look.  Let us give you an honest opinion.

[warhawk]

hey bentham:  1st of all welcome 2 the sly fraternity.  glad that ya found us.  like tyler said..."U came 2 the right place".  this is a community that embraces baldness & enjoys the liberating feeling of a good headshave.  keep us posted 2 your road 2 slyness & if U have any questions, comments, or suggestions... we R here 4 U.

WARHAWK

[Mikekoz13]

Welcome to the Forum Ben. Post up some photos and then we'll talk some more.

[Wil87]

Welcome Bentham!! If you are looking for help and support with you MPB you have come to the right place!!

I am 21 too and trust me it does get easier once you accept that this is happening and take control!!

When you feel up to it post a pic!!  

[Brkeatr]

Welcome to the forum bro...it's great you have decided to join us !!   

[-Doug-]

Welcome!

[PeripheralxMvmnt]

Hey Bentham, welcome! I am 22, and my wife loves the bald look. Its the main reason we even met! Trust me, you are among equals now, and any kind of help you need, someone will have an answer. When you feel like it, put up a pic. Its easier for us to give you more detailed advice if we can "see what were working with. haha.


Agan, welcome, and take care!

[Tor]

Welcome to our site, Bentham. As Wil said, take control and it gets easier. And yes, it takes a little time to get used to your shaved look, but I tell you what,,,,,,when you're over that period, it gets better and easier from that day on, a lot better....... Stay in touch.

[The Scottish Ambassador]

Welcome. Post a pic. Beleive me you couldn't have came to a better place. The guys on here are AMAZIN

[time2shine]

Hey Bentham, I agree with everyone here - things can only get better, especially since you've taken the step to join this forum.  I'm another member of the Young & Bald - The Few, The Proud.  But fortunately, we've entered an era where more people seem to be honest with their baldness, and are not trying to hide it with drugs/rugs/plugs/bugs/lugs/pugs.... could u imagine a pug on someones head?  I love pugs.
Feel free to PM any of us if you feel like venting.  Most of us have been there, and all made it out alive and happy.

[SBG Math Guy]

Bentham, good to have you here.   
keep in mind that young people tend to be inconsiderate.  Those stupid jokes will go away as
you get older.  Don't let hair loss cause you to be unhappy in life.   I am also suffering from rapid
hair thinning.   If I let my hair grow I cannot go outside if there's a wind.  My hair will go all over the place.

[marty22]

welcome Bentham. Post a pic or two and we will discuss further. I started thinning at 19. It sux but its more acceptable nowadays.

[wpruitt]

Welcome.  Remember, we are all more observant of our own "faults"

[Razor X]

Shaving your head is usually a dramatic change in your appearance; it takes some time to get used to, and sometimes it's just the beginning of what needs to change.   Since you haven't posted a photo yet, I'll just give you a few general tips that you may want to consider:

Cutting the hair off brings attention to my huge ears and nose.   I look like a completely different, uglier person with this look.

You look different.  I doubt you look uglier; it's just that you've developed a sense of the look that is "you" and now it's started to change.  You need some time to adjust.

I doubt that your ears and nose are as huge as you think they are. We're all our own worst critics and often the rest of the world doesn't even notice them.  Facial hair is a great distraction from the features you want to draw attention away from.  It gives the eye something else to focus on and the features that bother you so much tend to fade into the background a bit.  If you've lost so much hair at 21, then you should be able to grow a decent beard or goatee.  Experiment a little and try to find a look that works for you.  You may be pleasantly surprised at the results.  This can also add some "color" to your face and help alleviate the pallor you complained about.

I'm also pale and tall.

If you're pale, try to get a little tan if you can -- some of us just don't get tan; I'm one of them.  If you can get tan, then this is an easily solved problem -- just be careful not to overdo it and damage your skin.   Tall is never a problem in my book, but based on what you've said, I'm guessing you're probably a bit on the thin side.  If that's the case, join a gym and start lifting some weights to build up your biceps, triceps and chest.  You'll be more physically fit and no one with a muscular build is ever mistaken for a cancer patient.  You'll also notice that at least 50% of the guys working out in the gym have shaved heads and many of them will be about your age.  It's the one place where you're guaranteed not to be outnumbered by guys with hair.

You might also want to consider upgrading your wardrobe and finding clothes that flatter your body type.  What I'm really getting at is you have to work on the whole package.   There's not a lot  you can do about your hair.  Shaving it off really is the best option.  It may not seem like that right now, so you'll just have to take my word for it for the time being.  But concentrating on the other things that you can control to one extent or another will make you feel a lot better about yourself.

Finally -- and this might be the most difficult thing you need to do -- you have to let go of the mental image you have of what you're "supposed" to look like.  All any of us can do is do the best we can with what God gave us to work with.  It takes a while to come to terms with that and maybe you're too young to see that right now -- so that's something else you'll have to trust me on for now.  I know exactly how you feel.  When I was younger, I had a mental image of what I was "supposed" to look like, but things didn't quite turn out that way.  I ended up being a lot closer to Michael Chiklis than Michael J. Fox.  Back in the day, it never crossed my mind that I'd one day shave my head bald -- or grow a beard, or even work out regularly in a gym (I was the original couch potato).  I never, ever thought I'd look the way I do now.  But over the course of time, the idea of was and wasn't "me" began to change.

Sorry if I've rambled on too long -- the bottom line is that things do get better, but it will require a little bit of work on your part.  Keep visiting this site as often as you can; it really does help give you a new perspective.