New Member Needs Advice PLEASE! - page 1 -

• New Member Needs Advice PLEASE! by ajs248 on 13 Oct, 2008 14:08
• Hey everyone. So here's my story. Hoping I can get some advice/positive reinforcement from you all. I've been reading the site on and off for about a year now, but just decided to make my own account so I could post this.
  
  I have pretty much been gradually losing my hair since I was about 16. I am 21 now, and I am almost completely bald on the top of my head. Throughout highschool and early on in college I would wear hats basically every day, ashamed of my hair loss and trying to pretend that it was not there. About a year and a half ago I realized that I could not just continue to wear hats all the time and had to come to terms with losing my hair. Last summer things really came to a head (no pun intended) when my trying to come to terms with me being bald coincided with me going throuh a terrible/nasty breakup with my first serious girlfriend. For about 5 months I was severely depressed, and having trouble coming to terms with my baldness. After some therapy I began to put things into perspective, which really helped me forget about wearing hats all the time, and realizing that it is much better to go through life balding and happy, then balding and miserable, because I can't do anything about it.
  
  All of my closest friends from home and school are well aware that I am balding, which has put me much more at ease of not having to hide it around them. I am even seeing a girl now who doesn't seem to mind much either (or at least she doesnt let me know!).
  
  Anyway, I always assume that I would shave my head one day, but as that day seems to be rapidly approaching, I find all of those past insecurities and feelings of depression coming back. I still get uncomfortable when it is sunny outside and always bring a hat with me when I go swimming with friends. I keep worrying about what all my old friends who haven't seen my in a few years will say when they see me. I find myself especially worrying about seeing my ex girlfriend, who I think has gotten better looking while my baldness has caused me to get worse looking. I was pretty popular in high school, and I think considered pretty good looking, and I don't know what to expect with other peoples reactions.
  
  Once I shave my head it will be a life time decision, as I do not want to have to regrow my hair when it is so short. But I am having trouble taking the plunge. I don't think I have a good head shape for being sly, but I definitely don't want to have that MPB look at the age of 21.
  
  Do you guys have any advice about steps I should take before I shave to make it look as good as possible? Is there a special technique/product I should use? Should I go to a barber for the first time?
  
  I am really at a loss here, but after reading about a million other posts here, I know that there are lots more of you out there, which is very reassuring for me. If any of you have any advice to share with me I would really appreciate it. I would especially like to hear any other stories about people balding in their teens/early twenties, as just knowing that I am not alone in that respect has done a lot to help me already. Thanks guys.
  
  Picture coming soon.
• #1 by SlyHigh on 13 Oct, 2008 15:29
• MPB is nothing to be ashamed of.  It's a fact of life for men.  Every man will lose at least some of his hair if he lives long enough.  Some more than others, and some earlier than others.
  
  It's what you do with your hair that makes the difference.  What makes MPB look bad is when guys have massive combovers or have a hairstyle that is only suited for having a full head of hair.  I'm sure you've seen the guys who keep their hair way too long, and it just looks stringy and unkept.  Not to mention the ones going bald and have a ponytail...
  
  So what if people know you are balding?  Like I said, it happens to men.  People have pointed out my early onset of greying hair, but that doesn't mean they are making fun of me or putting me down.  It's grey hair.  It happens.
  
  My philosophy is that the more hair you lose, the shorter you need to cut it.  I've seen men with only a horseshoe left that's cut very short and it looks good.  But I'm sure the guys here will agree that if you've lost a lot of hair, bald is the best look.  Shaving it is not about hiding your MPB.  It's about choosing a "hairstyle" that best suits the hair you have left.
  
  If you are insecure about taking the plunge and shaving it all at once (which the guys here will say that it doesn't result in the negative reactions you might expect), then do it gradually.  Get a set of clippers and buzz it down a little at a time.  You will probably find that each time you buzz it shorter, it will look better than it did before.  You'll probably shave it sooner than you think!
• #2 by herronm on 13 Oct, 2008 15:32
• Welcome ajs!!!  One thing I think we all have in common is a rise in self confidence with our shaved heads.  It is hard to explain...something you have to experience yourself.
  
  A couple of tips:
  1.  Get your hair buzzed a close as possible.  Go to the barber if necessary.
  2.  Use some quality lube instead of shaving cream or whatever you currently use on your face.  I like HeadSlick or BaldGuyz shaving gel.
  3.  Go slowly on the first shave and don't use too much pressure.
  4.  Cold water rinse
  
  Jump in and go for it.  It's only hair.
  
  Max
• #3 by marty22 on 13 Oct, 2008 15:44
• buzz it close; then decide if u wanna take it all the way.,
• #4 by time2shine on 13 Oct, 2008 16:10
• Welcome dude.  My story is almost exactly as yours.  I think what takes away my anxiousness of seeing people from the past is that I know that I made the best decision for me, for my family, for my friends.  I could go the route of doing drugs, rugs, or plugs, but there goes the money that I've been saving for my marriage and my future.  Not to mention putting up a fake facade that would catch up to me sooner or later.  You have to weigh the options, and for me, the list goes on, proving that shaving my head is the best [physical looks] decision I've made.
  I've been where you are, and it can be tough to lose your hair young, but it sounds like you're coming to grips with what needs to be done.  Just think about your future, and the possibility of being hair-worry-free.  Let the real you weigh on the people you know, and let them deal with it.  good luck.
• #5 by Brkeatr on 13 Oct, 2008 16:18
• Welcome to the forum ajs...great to have you aboard !!  The guys are giving you some good advice...
• #6 by tomgallagher on 13 Oct, 2008 17:12
• Welcome
• #7 by slickjay on 13 Oct, 2008 17:18
• Quote from: herronm on 13 Oct, 2008 15:32

  Welcome ajs!!!  One thing I think we all have in common is a rise in self confidence with our shaved heads.  It is hard to explain...something you have to experience yourself.
  

  
  100% agree with herronm.
  
  I took the plunge one week ago tonight. The last thing I expected from the decision is the boost in confidence I feel. I've always been a fairly confident guy. But being hair-free just increases it. I ignored my mpb until my mid-twenties, when the small bald spot on my crown became too noticeable. My increasing baldness just made me believe I had an average appearance. I couldn't do anything with my hair, so why try being fashionable at all? I also wore a hat frequently, just to cover up the average-ness.
  
  But now the thing that made me feel average is gone! Even in the day-to-day, I feel more confident. I never used to wear sunglasses. I thought I couldn't "pull the look off." Now, I'm looking forward to purchasing a pair this weekend. And you know what, I'm pretty sure I'll look good in them. That may sound vain or arrogant, but I know the members on this forum would understand its not. I've referenced Spinal Tap in another post, but I'll do it again: It makes your amp go to 11. I don't know how. It just does.
  
  I also had the fear that my head wouldn't be the right shape. But many people since I've shaved have told me how well-shaped my head is for the bald look. I'll bet you get the same comments, should you take the plunge. I think most men would find that this fear is unfounded once the deed is done.
  
  So like the others have said: I think you should go for it! But no matter what you choose, its good that you have a solid group of friends and loved ones. They'll always be more helpful to you than a hairstyle.
• #8 by hammerdrill376 on 13 Oct, 2008 17:23
• Quote from: marty22 on 13 Oct, 2008 15:44

  buzz it close; then decide if u wanna take it all the way.,
  

  
  Hello Ajs..Good to have you as part. I agree with what marty22 said.  One thing I found was that we are usually more concerned about ourselves balding than the people around us except for health issues of course. MPB seems to be prevalent in alot of cultures and let me tell you at the ripe old age of 45 I have found to my delight...."chicks dig it!" when your SLY. Let me give you a piece of advise and this is from experience. There is no need  to get depressed over hair loss. It, like getting older, is part of life. It truly seems like I should be your age so let me tell you time goes by fast. If you live yoru life always trying to look like you did in high school or always be the "popular guy" you will be chasing a dream you will never find. Be at peace and love yourself first and foremost, with hair or bald. The REAL you is inside you. As for other peoples reactions..don't worry about it. You can stand in a room with 30 people and each one of them will have their own opinion of you. The only opinion that matters is the one..YOU have of YOU. Most peoples opinions and judgements are based from the standpoint of.."If you would be more like me......" and that just dosen't work. Be yourself...and learn this lesson early. Trust me..I wish I had.      
• #9 by nomad on 13 Oct, 2008 18:26
• First off welcome to the neighborhood brother
  
  Secondly all the brothers here have given you great advise, all I can add is just do it, I went through the buzz cuts for a couple of years and if I could kick myself in the ass I would because the only phrase that comes to mind is "why the hell didn't I do this SOONER"
  
  oh ya and chicks DO dig it, the head rubs are AWESOME
• #10 by buuckkweet on 13 Oct, 2008 18:48
• Welcome ajs248!
  
  Go for it Bro!
• #11 by OzPete on 13 Oct, 2008 20:48
• Welcome to SBG!
• #12 by c16188 on 14 Oct, 2008 00:30
• welcome ajs;
  
  take the plunge; go to a barbershop and ask for a very short haircut. You won't regret it.
  
  good luck!
• #13 by champ007 on 14 Oct, 2008 20:50
• Welcome AJS... As the others stated, just do it and everything will become clear 
• #14 by xnewyawka on 15 Oct, 2008 11:22
• Welcome to the SBG site ajs, good to have you here.
  
  Once again, all good info from the bro's. I will echo every one, and only add that it really only matters what you think. You do what feels right, or should I say Is right for you.
  That's it. Simple.
  
  We're men, and we get mpb, like SlyHigh said, (great post by the way). We get to choose how we want to look, and buzzed close, and eventually sly and smooth, is the only way to go.
  
  I also have to second Nomad on his very good point, and many of us have said this, myself included; "why didn't I do this sooner"?
  
  Get it smooth, you'll be glad you did.