Hello, I know this isn't really the right place to be complaining about it and this might not even be the correct section of the forum, but I really need some confidence or motivation of some type right now.
I'm 18 years old and everything in my life has always been terrible. My father was abusive and died when I was young, my mother is never around, I'm anorexic, I can't talk to anyone, I have no money in a pretty affluent area, and if I didn't have enough going on, I literally hate myself now with a passion to the point where I can't sleep at night from worrying about my hair because guess what? I'm 18 and I'm further into balding than any 18 year old I've ever seen, and I haven't even seen any of my peers even begin balding. Hell, all of the adults I know have more hair than me; I've been told I'm a diffuse thinned norwood 5 at 18 years old. Pathetic.
So yeah, I seem to be doomed to life a horrible life and now I'm going to be forever alone too. I'm way too ugly to ever have a girlfriend and I tried buzzing my hair down, hated it, and couldn't leave my house for weeks without a hat unless I had to for work (where I'm lucky to work in a professional environment with adults who wouldn't say anything).
I've had comments about it in school, overheard family talking about it, and and had an anxiety attack because I wouldn't take off my hat to have a picture taken for a school ID. When I came back from summer to my senior year of high school I got the great pointer that I was going bald (like I didn't know) and I'll give you guys a rundown of other comments about it this year. I've been called "Manu Ginobili", "You look like you're 40 years old", "I can see right through the front of you hair and see your bald head", "Nice hairline", had a coach tell me "He has too much hair, you should borrow some of his", and a few days before my graduation we were doing a rehearsal and someone yelled "Hey dude, you're balding!" when I was the only one walking across the stage.
I don't want to be bald and be the only bald person I know and I don't want to live my life alone because no one will ever date me when I look like this. I've been having thoughts of suicide and it's really scaring me as I don't even want to think like this and I've always tried to be a positive person to better the lives of people around me but I just can't anymore I'm completely worthless and haven't left my house without a hat in about 6 months. I really wish I could be someone else. I can't live much longer like this and the bald look does not suit me. Does anyone else here have a similar story who can maybe relate?
Thank you everyone. Sorry for being so negative, this is just a really tough time for me and I appreciate your understanding.
https://imgur.com/a/Ijo81