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I really need help. I feel horrible about myself and my life right now. by ihatemylife243 on 18 Aug, 2017 09:19
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Hello, I know this isn't really the right place to be complaining about it and this might not even be the correct section of the forum, but I really need some confidence or motivation of some type right now.
I'm 18 years old and everything in my life has always been terrible. My father was abusive and died when I was young, my mother is never around, I'm anorexic, I can't talk to anyone, I have no money in a pretty affluent area, and if I didn't have enough going on, I literally hate myself now with a passion to the point where I can't sleep at night from worrying about my hair because guess what? I'm 18 and I'm further into balding than any 18 year old I've ever seen, and I haven't even seen any of my peers even begin balding. Hell, all of the adults I know have more hair than me; I've been told I'm a diffuse thinned norwood 5 at 18 years old. Pathetic.
So yeah, I seem to be doomed to life a horrible life and now I'm going to be forever alone too. I'm way too ugly to ever have a girlfriend and I tried buzzing my hair down, hated it, and couldn't leave my house for weeks without a hat unless I had to for work (where I'm lucky to work in a professional environment with adults who wouldn't say anything).
I've had comments about it in school, overheard family talking about it, and and had an anxiety attack because I wouldn't take off my hat to have a picture taken for a school ID. When I came back from summer to my senior year of high school I got the great pointer that I was going bald (like I didn't know) and I'll give you guys a rundown of other comments about it this year. I've been called "Manu Ginobili", "You look like you're 40 years old", "I can see right through the front of you hair and see your bald head", "Nice hairline", had a coach tell me "He has too much hair, you should borrow some of his", and a few days before my graduation we were doing a rehearsal and someone yelled "Hey dude, you're balding!" when I was the only one walking across the stage.
I don't want to be bald and be the only bald person I know and I don't want to live my life alone because no one will ever date me when I look like this. I've been having thoughts of suicide and it's really scaring me as I don't even want to think like this and I've always tried to be a positive person to better the lives of people around me but I just can't anymore I'm completely worthless and haven't left my house without a hat in about 6 months. I really wish I could be someone else. I can't live much longer like this and the bald look does not suit me. Does anyone else here have a similar story who can maybe relate?
Thank you everyone. Sorry for being so negative, this is just a really tough time for me and I appreciate your understanding.
https://imgur.com/a/Ijo81 -
#1 by Razor X on 18 Aug, 2017 09:59
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I strongly suggest that you seek professional help.
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#2 by Tyler on 18 Aug, 2017 10:05
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Hey bud, it sounds like things have been rough for you, but that doesn't mean that they can't be great for you in the near future.
We can help you with how to deal with going bald, but you also need to find someone to talk to regarding the other aspects in your life. If you're in the USA there are free professional resources.
Back to your hair, if you commit to shaving your head for 30 days straight I think you'll find that you'll be more confident with a bald head versus a balding head. -
#3 by Magoo on 18 Aug, 2017 10:07
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I was just about to say what Razor posted. What these crude people have said is terrible. But when you mention thoughts of suicide , this is time to get help.
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#4 by Sir Harry on 18 Aug, 2017 12:50
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While it looks like you need professional help, it looks like you need a friend or friends to reach out to. PM me please if you want to talk further.
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#5 by ihatemylife243 on 18 Aug, 2017 13:30
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Hey bud, it sounds like things have been rough for you, but that doesn't mean that they can't be great for you in the near future.
We can help you with how to deal with going bald, but you also need to find someone to talk to regarding the other aspects in your life. If you're in the USA there are free professional resources.
Back to your hair, if you commit to shaving your head for 30 days straight I think you'll find that you'll be more confident with a bald head versus a balding head.
I might but I hated when I went to a #2 guard because my whole life until about a year ago I've always had very thing hair that swept down almost to my eyebrows and now I just don't have any. I know it's unrealistic and a lot of people pull it off very well but I don't think I do.
Right now my plan is just to wear a hat for my whole life because I'm tired of being made fun of for being bald or balding; I might be fine with it if I were late 20s or so but I really don't want to be the only bald college freshman and be known for that so at this point I just don't think I'll ever remove my hat. -
#6 by ihatemylife243 on 18 Aug, 2017 13:36
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While it looks like you need professional help, it looks like you need a friend or friends to reach out to. PM me please if you want to talk further.
I've tried to PM you but it's not working; I'll try again later. Thank you anyway, I really appreciate the willingness to listen. -
#7 by StillLurking on 18 Aug, 2017 14:00
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The trouble with not removing your hat is that then you are known as the person who always wears a hat.
It's normal for people your age to feel this extremely bad about... something. For you, it's your hair; for me, it was my weight; for that cool guy who seems to have a perfect life, it's SOMETHING. Unfortunately, that's part of being 18. We all judge ourselves harsher than others.
I wish I could offer advice that would lighten your concerns, but it's not that easy. Self-acceptance and confidence aren't easy to develop, and some never do. You just have to have faith in yourself and not give up. It does get better.
If I can repeat a famous quote (often ascribed to Eleanor Roosevelt), "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." People are going to say what they will - that is out of your control. But how you react and how you feel is in your control. It is NOT easy, but try not to give them the power. Try to not care what they think about superficial things.
It reminds me of a teacher who was comforting a bullied child and said she felt sorry. The child assumed for him, and she clarified, "No, for them. You are a great kid, but they are obviously so filled with ignorance and hate, it's a pity." Let the pain be theirs, not yours. -
#8 by ihatemylife243 on 18 Aug, 2017 16:27
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The trouble with not removing your hat is that then you are known as the person who always wears a hat.
It's normal for people your age to feel this extremely bad about... something. For you, it's your hair; for me, it was my weight; for that cool guy who seems to have a perfect life, it's SOMETHING. Unfortunately, that's part of being 18. We all judge ourselves harsher than others.
I wish I could offer advice that would lighten your concerns, but it's not that easy. Self-acceptance and confidence aren't easy to develop, and some never do. You just have to have faith in yourself and not give up. It does get better.
If I can repeat a famous quote (often ascribed to Eleanor Roosevelt), "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." People are going to say what they will - that is out of your control. But how you react and how you feel is in your control. It is NOT easy, but try not to give them the power. Try to not care what they think about superficial things.
It reminds me of a teacher who was comforting a bullied child and said she felt sorry. The child assumed for him, and she clarified, "No, for them. You are a great kid, but they are obviously so filled with ignorance and hate, it's a pity." Let the pain be theirs, not yours.
The problem is though that not everyone's insecurities are visible to the whole world and not everyone's are so rare for their age. Honestly I think I'd rather be hat guy than prematurely bald not by choice guy. I just find it really hard to not care about what everyone else thinks when I have the looming fear of being alone for my whole life and not being able to enjoy my youth and whatever. That's just how it is; call me materialistic or shallow but that's how I feel and other people have told me that I'm nothing but ugly. -
#9 by Quiet_Dan on 19 Aug, 2017 04:09
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One thing I've been told is suicide doesn't help the pain, it just prevents things from improving. I'm a survivour of suicide attempts, I probably didn't have much more than you at your age, but I didn't shave til my mid twenties when my then girlfriend encouraged me to do so. I'm now 32, and I've been married and divorced, lost everything several times, been very familiar with druggies, got a criminal record, and after all that I came back to God, then studied to be a mechanic and auto-electrician. So as you can see life can turn around. I do still struggle with my mental health issues. I do suggest that you see a professional even CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) can help massively, some people do require medication also (though I think a lot of the time it is over prescribed, that said I am on medication also too)
Like others have said you are welcome to message me also (I'm Australian so might be online at odd hours)
I wish you the best for the future, and may it be a long one.
Daniel -
#10 by Tyler on 19 Aug, 2017 21:41
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One thing to know, is that by shaving your head you're no longer the balding guy. You're now the guy that shaves his head. This simple difference is what helps with the confidence. Why not try it?
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#11 by ihatemylife243 on 21 Aug, 2017 17:12
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One thing to know, is that by shaving your head you're no longer the balding guy. You're now the guy that shaves his head. This simple difference is what helps with the confidence. Why not try it?
I tried it and I hated it
A lot of people look good bald, I am not one of them. Even my grandfather made fun of it. I also don't want to be the only guy who shaves his head in college; it would be fine if I liked it but I don't. I loved my hair and I'd love for once in my life to just be normal and not look 40 years older than everyone my age -
#12 by Tyler on 26 Aug, 2017 04:14
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How long does you keep it shaved for?
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#13 by ihatemylife243 on 26 Aug, 2017 07:18
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How long does you keep it shaved for?
One day and wore a hat for the next 8 months (up until now) when my family and friends and random people made fun of me.