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#30
by
oakdan5
on 30 Sep, 2015 13:50
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No-one likes to feel rejected, that's for sure. The question is how important to you are the people whom you sense are rejecting you? If they are only casual acquaintances, be careful not to let strangers dictate how you live your life and feel about yourself.
If you feel better with hair, then by all means grow it back.
I don't care about strangers rejecting me. It's just that the mass majority of women out there want men with hair and not only that but see guys without hair as less abd do not want to associate with them. Balding is one thing, but when you already short and fair skinned it is pretty much over with. Maybe I will learn to accept this somehow, but for now I'm having a terrible time and hate the cards I was dealt.
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#31
by
oakdan5
on 30 Sep, 2015 18:21
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i will work on projection
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#32
by
buddha
on 01 Oct, 2015 13:46
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Grow it back. Then conduct this experiment. If any of these girls (as opposed to women) ask about it make sure you tell them that you finally decided that it was time to do what everyone was telling you to do with their offhand little comments about baldness and pale complexions. Let them know that it was more important for you to be accepted by your peers than it is to follow a path of your own. Then report back to us and let us know if the relationship/marriage quest has shown any improved results.
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#33
by
oakdan5
on 01 Oct, 2015 14:20
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Grow it back. Then conduct this experiment. If any of these girls (as opposed to women) ask about it make sure you tell them that you finally decided that it was time to do what everyone was telling you to do with their offhand little comments about baldness and pale complexions. Let them know that it was more important for you to be accepted by your peers than it is to follow a path of your own. Then report back to us and let us know if the relationship/marriage quest has shown any improved results.
I get what you are doing here, and I understand. This has made me realise that it is probable time to get new friends. There are plenty that don't treat me like that, but for the ones that do well...time to go. As for the girls, almost all of them treat me as less because of my hair, even 'women' as you say..my moms friends and so on. It is conditioned in this society as acceptable way to treat balding men, as seen in the media. With the rampant feminism movement it even makes it more acceptable to treat men as if they are less with hairloss and for me this is multiplied as I am already short. The height never bothered me until I started losing my hair. I plan on getting back on the weights more so, but then again I will be called out for having a napolean complex and compensating for my height. You just can't win when you are short and balding..it is just how it is.
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#34
by
buddha
on 01 Oct, 2015 15:54
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I don't know what to make of your last post. There's part of me that says "no, don't write this dude off, he's really being sincere" and then there's part of me that says that you're just funnin'.
If you're just funnin' (joking around) or just trying to get a rise out of somebody, well, I get that. Maybe you're writing a master's thesis for psych and this is kind of like a poll where nobody knows they're being polled and you're going to use the results to establish a theory that bald men actually are the most prone to become serial killers.
But the dark side of this is if you're really sincere and that much of the time when someone writes something to attempt to give you some positive direction you are able to come up with some new malady like the Napoleonic thing. With all the issues you have going on I think that the hair question is the least of your worries as far as cohabitation with the opposite sex is concerned.
The problem here from my point of view, and this is just my opinion and I've been known to be wrong in the past, is the person you like the least in this life is the one you see every time you happen to gaze into a reflective surface. That is provided that you aren't pulling our collective leg. But if you're serious I gotta say that the last thing you want to worry about is getting into any kind of long term committed relationship. Because whatever relationship you end up with is going to turn to $h!t sooner rather than later because you have never had any respect for yourself to start with and when that's the case nobody else is going to feel compelled to respect you, either.
But this is stuff that you have to figure out, maybe with some assistance from a professional. There's no shame in that, it's something that sometimes needs to be done because humans are flawed.
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#35
by
oakdan5
on 01 Oct, 2015 17:11
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I don't know what to make of your last post. There's part of me that says "no, don't write this dude off, he's really being sincere" and then there's part of me that says that you're just funnin'.
If you're just funnin' (joking around) or just trying to get a rise out of somebody, well, I get that. Maybe you're writing a master's thesis for psych and this is kind of like a poll where nobody knows they're being polled and you're going to use the results to establish a theory that bald men actually are the most prone to become serial killers.
But the dark side of this is if you're really sincere and that much of the time when someone writes something to attempt to give you some positive direction you are able to come up with some new malady like the Napoleonic thing. With all the issues you have going on I think that the hair question is the least of your worries as far as cohabitation with the opposite sex is concerned.
The problem here from my point of view, and this is just my opinion and I've been known to be wrong in the past, is the person you like the least in this life is the one you see every time you happen to gaze into a reflective surface. That is provided that you aren't pulling our collective leg. But if you're serious I gotta say that the last thing you want to worry about is getting into any kind of long term committed relationship. Because whatever relationship you end up with is going to turn to $h!t sooner rather than later because you have never had any respect for yourself to start with and when that's the case nobody else is going to feel compelled to respect you, either.
But this is stuff that you have to figure out, maybe with some assistance from a professional. There's no shame in that, it's something that sometimes needs to be done because humans are flawed.
I am not trolling by any means. I don't think it is necessary to write me off as disliking myself. You can do research about the pyscholgical impact for hairloss in men and also heightism in society, the way I feel about myself is not in any way out of the ordinary of how it effects people as a whole. This is due to how society conditioned people to treat short and balding men, not of any bizarre reality that I have conjured up myself. I constantly have to defend and stand up for myself.
There are lots of things I do like about myself..do I like looking in the mirror? It does not bother me, but I can tell you it bothers women and other men feel as if it is a free zone to throw daggers because I fall into those areas where it is 'ok' to be treated as less. To me, this is a place to vent, I dont't talk about this or show how much it effects me to others. I pretend I'm cool with it, not sure what else I can do, does not mean I have to like it.
Like I have mentioned before I have my life together. I have Master's, Bachelor's and Associate's degrees, as well as a private pilots license. I work out regularly, have a great fit body and have lots of friends and hobbies. I am an NCO in the military, looking to become an officer or join the FBI. But believe me I have gotten overwhelming feedback in the dating world that I am too short and this hairloss has magnified that x100. All the other stuff I have going for me does not matter. Can research anything about men and height and how much of a disadvantage it is. I have never let it stop me, but the evidence is there.
Am I just looking to date a super model? No. I want some one who is decently cute and in shape, has life together, down to earth etc. I work out a lot and have my life together so I feel that is what I deserve. Most women and people for that matter lump short and bald guys into the same category as overweight women. Not fair, but how it is.
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#36
by
TheSlyBear
on 01 Oct, 2015 21:50
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You just can't win when you are short and balding..it is just how it is.
I'm 5'7" and I disagree. But if you believe that, you will make it true.
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#37
by
SlyMike
on 02 Oct, 2015 09:46
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I have been losing my hair since I was 19, I am now 45. I never had much success with women, until I stopped worrying about it and decided that if it was going to happen, it would happen. The person I met (when I was 23) couldn't really care less about the fact that my hair was thinning, they liked me for me, appearance did not matter to them.
If you can't find someone because of how you look, that is their problem not yours, at some point you will meet the right person, until then have fun.
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#38
by
chgobuzzbald
on 02 Oct, 2015 23:38
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watch this video above- he has self confidence in baldness . Please stop crying VICTIM OF BALDING AND BEING SHORT. no one finds that appealing. It projects a profound lack of self confidence/self worth. your life will not change until you change your limiting beliefs about being bald/short. people smell that a mile a way and will reject you for the lack of self worth, not lack of height or hair.
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#39
by
buddha
on 03 Oct, 2015 09:49
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watch this video above- he has self confidence in baldness . Please stop crying VICTIM OF BALDING AND BEING SHORT. no one finds that appealing. It projects a profound lack of self confidence/self worth. your life will not change until you change your limiting beliefs about being bald/short. people smell that a mile a way and will reject you for the lack of self worth, not lack of height or hair.
Well put.
One of the great things about this forum is that it's a supportive place but every once in a while the truth needs to be written and while it may not be pleasant it's still the truth.
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#40
by
oakdan5
on 06 Oct, 2015 20:33
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watch this video above- he has self confidence in baldness . Please stop crying VICTIM OF BALDING AND BEING SHORT. no one finds that appealing. It projects a profound lack of self confidence/self worth. your life will not change until you change your limiting beliefs about being bald/short. people smell that a mile a way and will reject you for the lack of self worth, not lack of height or hair.
It looks good to be honest. He has tan skin, which makes a huge difference.
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#41
by
TheSlyBear
on 07 Oct, 2015 09:54
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He has tan skin, which makes a huge difference.
Bull. Just another victim statement.
Look at my avatar
<----------
I'm bald, fat, short, gay, pale, and my right cheek is covered by a bright red strawberry birthmark.
Yet, I've never let any of these supposed "short-comings" stop me.
It's what's
in your head that's tripping you up, not what's not
on your head.
You can be short, pale, and bald and still be successful. You just need to learn how to get out of your own way.
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#42
by
EmDe
on 07 Oct, 2015 15:01
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@oakdan5
It has been a while since I've been active here, because I basically forgot about the forum. The interesting thing about that is that after I buzzed my head as short as possible (1mm), I have never seen my lack of hair as an issue anymore. I seriously became a tiny detail in my life, compared to the big mental struggle it was to me before. From the start, I grew to like it in many ways and I would not go back if I could. And for your info; I went from a full head of curls to a buzzcut within a year. It quickly got very thin.
I showed the pictures of you to my girlfriend, and just like I thought she said: "this is a typical example of someone who's problem is a mindset-thing". You have a good facial structure and a very fit posture, you're far from an unattractive man. If you buzz your hair short (which I would do) it should absolutely not affect how people perceive you in any way. Maybe it could even be positive, like it felt in my case.
It may sound a little judgmental and harsh, but it's time to wake up. Buzz/shave it off, put on a nice outfit and get your head back on straight. In the things you write, you show insecurity in between every line, and I'm almost certain that is what wears off on the people in your environment. You're a man, a Norwegian viking for **** sake, you don't have to be the flawless boyish type to be seen as attractive. It also helps to look around at other men, and notice that the ones with a full head of hair are not necessarily good looking. And most of the men who are, would also look handsome without it.
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#43
by
Arnie
on 08 Oct, 2015 15:10
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Seem to rock the look, took me awhile to get used to it...it was more me than anyone else that was hard on me.
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#44
by
oakdan5
on 11 Oct, 2015 21:42
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@oakdan5
It has been a while since I've been active here, because I basically forgot about the forum. The interesting thing about that is that after I buzzed my head as short as possible (1mm), I have never seen my lack of hair as an issue anymore. I seriously became a tiny detail in my life, compared to the big mental struggle it was to me before. From the start, I grew to like it in many ways and I would not go back if I could. And for your info; I went from a full head of curls to a buzzcut within a year. It quickly got very thin.
I showed the pictures of you to my girlfriend, and just like I thought she said: "this is a typical example of someone who's problem is a mindset-thing". You have a good facial structure and a very fit posture, you're far from an unattractive man. If you buzz your hair short (which I would do) it should absolutely not affect how people perceive you in any way. Maybe it could even be positive, like it felt in my case.
It may sound a little judgmental and harsh, but it's time to wake up. Buzz/shave it off, put on a nice outfit and get your head back on straight. In the things you write, you show insecurity in between every line, and I'm almost certain that is what wears off on the people in your environment. You're a man, a Norwegian viking for **** sake, you don't have to be the flawless boyish type to be seen as attractive. It also helps to look around at other men, and notice that the ones with a full head of hair are not necessarily good looking. And most of the men who are, would also look handsome without it.
Thanks
I appreciate all the help from everyone and the encouragement to keep it shaved. Something happen this last weekend that really has changed my perspective. I shaved it down to a 1.5 and went out to octoberfest and then out to the bar scene in Tempe Arizona (which is a huge college area). I had a female approach me that runs a modelling agency and asked me if I was interested. I was astonished. She said I am very fit and handsome. I have never in my life asked to do modeling. It put me in such a good mood that I went out for the rest of the night and found that everyone thought I was either a student going to the campus (that I was around 23) or they thought I was a Marine.. Something happened after all this, I looked in the mirror and saw the attractive person that everyone else is seeing. It feels great because now I can just accept myself and move on with my life. It has also pushed me to want to put on more muscle and live more active lifestyle...instead of going to bars and being depressed. It has been a thorn in my side since it started going at 16, and heck maybe I'm better looking now than I was before. I had only one negative comment and I think it happened because the guys gf was giving me compliments.