Not going well

[Pearlspark]

Hey guys,
I've joined the forum last year, but this is my first post. I'm 48, balding, although I trim my hair very, very short. I never had problems with balding until some five years ago. I guess, the balding pattern and the shape of my head make me look like I have a huge, bulbous head.
I'm educated, have a job at a very large and successful company, and my career is improving by the day. Yet, some people can't avoid smirking when they see me. If it were a small company, I'd confront the ones that let their reaction show and are disrespectful, but where I worked there are thousands of employees. So I'd be confronting people 24/7.
What bothers me is the social aspect. Women are the most disrespectful, looking at my head and going "geez" or something like it. Men not so much, unless they're very young.
It is sad, because I feel, for the first time in my life, ostracized, completely shut out. And undeservedly disrespected. And I have to say it does hurt.
Anyone feels the same? What have you done that has helped?

[Frontier Guy]

Welcome Pearlspark,

Is the negative reaction limited to the workplace? How are things with your non-work friends?

Most importantly, how do YOU feel about the new look? If you are not comfortable with the it others will pick up on your vulnerability.

Give us a bit more insight, and I'm sure you'll get many perspectives to consider.

Again, welcome.

[Mike E. P.]

When I went through this, I had a really difficult time. I always felt that people were looking at my rapidly receding hairline. I constantly worried about what people were thinking. Now that I am on the other side of this issue - now completely shaved bald - I think that maybe because I had such a rough time accepting it, that I imagined all the staring. Or at least a lot of it. I think mostly I was afraid people were going to judge my appearance. Could you be experiencing something similar?

If you read around the site, you'll find lots of us that question the shape of our heads. No one is perfect and mostly we are our own worst critics.

For me, time played a part in dealing with my feelings. I began to buzz my hair down as close as possible. After I while I got used to my appearance bald and so did other people in my life. Once I got comfortable in my own skin and accepted the fact that I was bald and nothing was going to change, I could accept myself and no longer worried about what others thought. It was a process for me.

This site is a great support for many guys. You'll find there are lots of others who have gone through or are going rough what you are. You are a lot more than just a head of hair.

[Pearlspark]

Hi Frontier Guy and Mike,
Thanks for the replies.
I get the reactions from people I don't know or know very little. I used to teach college, and I stood in front of 30 or so undergraduates several times a week. NO problem. When I walked through the streets, sometimes I got the look or some idiotic comment, but I would say those were far in between.
However, I changed industries and work at a large corporation. I've been working there for a year and change. Professionally, everything is going north. Personally, people react to me the same way I've seen car mechanics do when I dropped my car off for service. No ability to disguise their reaction.
I feel that I look kind of dopey, because I am out of shape, too. But overall I feel my life is going in the direction it should, except for my workplace.
Interestingly, I work in a R+D division and I'm surrounded by the oddest people. Yet, they behave as if they were the cool kids in high school. It is very strange. I told myself that wasn't important, but now I feel it is.
Well, I have to say that I got divorced and haven't dated in the past year or so, but right now I'm not looking for a woman. However, the woman part isn't going very well either. I mean, I used to get some hits even when I wasn't flirting. Now, girls avert their eyes. But that can be other things too, not just the baldness.
So, I'm thinking that I'd have to make some changes, get fitter and a bit more muscular, and shave completely. But I wouldn't shave just now. I'd look like an overgrown baby 
I feel silly saying all this... But I know that no one goes through life unnoticed, so it may be that I'm contributing to this issue too. I don't think I'm imagining anything, but I may be giving it too much importance.

[Sir Harry]

Welcome, Pearlspark!

I really don't have much to add to what Mike and Frontier Guy said above, but 99% of the time, people will treat you the way that you treat yourself....Do you dress accordingly? Do you maintain eye contact with people? Are you friendly with people? Why I'm asking is because most of the time if you lack confidence, people will just brush you aside and look at your flaws...Are there any other balding but not shaved guys at the workplace you can turn to for advice? What I will say is that, if you elect to shave, do it because it's something that you want, not for someone's approval or to make friends. Good luck to you, sir.

[nuts]

Hi Pearspark.  Welcome to SBG.

The advice from Frontier Guy and Mike is spot on.  I agonised for ages about what people would think if I shaved and then nobody really noticed or commented.  After a couple of weeks what they go was ME.

I think you are probably beating up on yourself  Perhaps some new clothes, a bit fitter and be a bit more confident (not easy I knjow) and then the world will seem very different.

Lots of good advice here and you can always send a PM if you want to follow up with anyone.  We are here to help.

Roge

[chgobuzzbald]

You just need a bit more confidence. You already said you need to get in shape so put a plan in place and execute on that. Once you buzz down your large forehead sort of disappears in that it just becomes a head.

[Goatee]

Stand proud and let them see that you are  not at all fazed by them! show them you are not bothered at all.

[AgentBald]

I feel your pain, brother.  One thing I have found is that many people look at men who cut their hair super short when their hair is either thinning out or they are balding, as a "typical balding guy trying to cover it up".  Its sad but its true - many people in today's society pass judgement that way and disrespect a man trying to hold on to whatever hair he has left.   

BUT...when a man goes SLY and shaves it all off because its his choice, it emits such a high amount of subliminal confidence that resonates among mainstream society.  Its a shame, but I find it to be true.

So that being said, be sly and proud!

[bennett11]

I was a professional in a r and d division of a large well known corporation when I first shaved me head. Of course got comments, people do have to say something.  Actually I enjoyed the banter.  This in 1980 when shaved heads were very uncommon.  I was happy to express my individuality.

[philp]

Agree with everyone else's comments, and just want to tack on the importance of self-confidence that has been mentioned. When you react to an environment, you will almost always feel like you are on your heels and that others are judging you. But if you are self-confident, you impose yourself on the environment rather than the other way around. People pick up on this quickly, and much of it can be non-verbal. It's just about how you carry yourself.

[slyest]

I'd point out that what they're doing is bullying and that's far uglier than any bald head.