Scared of going bald...

[Scarecrow]

Hey guys. This is my first post on the forum.

I'm a 27 year old guy with diffuse hairloss. I'm about a Norwood 4 on the scale and it's getting to the stage where people are commenting on it. Some have even suggested I just shave it off.

I'm torn. On the one hand I don't want to spend the rest of my life popping pills and rubbing chemicals on my head but on the other hand I really don't think that the bald look suits me (or most guys for that matter).

Obviously I'm most concerned about how women will view me. You can't deny that a lot of women are turned off by bald guys...

I've posted on hairloss forums before and the responses are obviously biased in favour of using Propecia and Rogaine and possibly getting a hair transplant.

I come to you to hear the opposing viewpoint.

Allay my fears bros.

Thanks in advance!

[TheSlyBear]

Welcome to SBG!

>I don't want to spend the rest of my life popping pills and rubbing chemicals on my head

I think this sums it up perfectly. Think about it -- especially when it comes to Propecia, you want to attract the ladies, so you pop pills that risk making you impotent? Does that really make sense?

>but on the other hand I really don't think that the bald look suits me

You don't know. Try it. Likely you'll like it if you give it a fair shot.

> You can't deny that a lot of women are turned off by bald guys

It's like natural selection -- helps to weed out the shallow ones.

[Cave Dweller]

Welcome, Scarecrow

You are not the first man to worry about his hair loss. An entire industry of hair "restoration" products and procedures is out there ready to separate you from your money by stirring up insecurities and taking advantage of your anxiety. Personally, I would not invest in that stuff. In my opinion, they just create new sets of problems and anxieties.

Men have been losing their hair for millennia. Most of us did not like it when it started, but we came to accept it as just another aspect of who we are. Look around you and take note of how many men have thin or balding hairlines but are going about life with little thought or worry about it. It is NOT the end of your world or your charisma unless YOU allow it to be.

Unless the woman is extremely shallow, she is not going to reject you just because you have less hair than another man. Most women are interested in the man beneath the hair. I was balding all through my twenties, yet never had trouble meeting and dating women. My wife never even considered the fact that I had a bald dome and horseshoe when we met.

You might try buzzing your hair short. It makes the thinning less noticeable without going fully shaved. But, as SlyBear said, you just might find out you like the shaved look.

The bottom line, however, is that you have to have confidence in who you are. Men who act insecure or as if they are not confident in themselves usually are immediate turn offs for most women.

[slymyke]

Welcome, Scarecrow.  

You came to the right place for the "opposing viewpoint"!   There is nothing to gain for any of us to say you should go ahead and speed up the naturally occurring process that is already taking place in a big way on your head.  The chemicals and hair clubs, on the other hand, have a lot to gain by feeding on the insecurities and false hopes of balding men.

Realistically, you must have thought to yourself already that if any of these methods were as good as they claim to be, there would be no balding men walking around.   (There are plenty of BALD men, however.)   These are men who -for one reason or another-  have embraced the look as a choice of hairstyle.  Women are more turned off by balding men than they are turned off by bald men.  Also, since the majority of men are not bald or balding, you have to know that there are a great percentage of men with full heads of hair who aren't attracting a mate either.  It is about so much more than hair.  

Read around the forum and see countless stories of men just like you who felt the same way... and are now so glad they made the choice to shave their heads (or buzz closely).  Take note of the many men who worried about how their heads would look without hair, thinking they didn't have the head for it...that it didn't "suit them".  I felt this way too.   Nobody has a PERFECT head, and in my opinion, a badly balding head looks way more silly than any shaved head I've seen.  

You said you don't think the shaved look suits some other guys you have seen too.  I really think you opinion will change on that too, if you embrace the look for yourself.  I think it is your inner insecurities about the bold move of shaving that are causing you to see it that way.  It is such a bold move, and I have such respect for anyone (man or woman) who chooses to do it for themselves... to free themselves of SO much garbage... and to reap the rewards of the freedom and boldness it gives them.

My vote is:   Give it a try.  Buzz it down first, if you feel more comfortable doing it gradually.   If others are already telling you that you should shave it, I'm imagining you will have great reactions from those people and others, and it will be a huge boost for you..... WATCH OUT ladies!  

[slybeard]

Welcome to the forum, Scarecrow.

You are not likely to find anyone here that will recommend drugs, hair transplants, or wigs to address your hair issue.  My hair only started thinning in my lat 40's, and I still have enough hair to sport a full head of hair - only its thinner.  So I cannot speak from the experience of loosing hair at your age.  There is not much I can add to what the others have said.  The major side affects of the drugs are usually permanent.  You can always give buzzing or shaving a try, because what you have will grow back if you don't like it.  Just be prepared, it may not be love at first site, that is why we recommend giving it at least 30 days to adjust.  Some also have gone the route of buzzing progressively shorter.

If you do shave and give it 30 days, you will likely like the style, and find that ladies will too.  The ones who don't like you with or without hair are really superficial. 

You haven't posted a photo, but some facial hair also helps with the bald look.  If you don't already have some facial hair, consider that as well.  Others have also found with their step to shave, new confidence and motivation to make other improvements as well, such as working out more, loosing weight, dressing better, etc.  Embrace it as a time to make overall lasting improvements that are good for your health.  The confidence boost will do more to attract ladies than any hair ever would.

[Raison_d_etre]

Hi all.

I'm more or less in the same place as Scarecrow, same age, my balding is less advanced though. This thread urged me to participate since I can relate perfectly.

I too would never consider chemical castration to save my hair. But letting go is tough. I did try shaving last summer and I felt like a complete wreck for weeks. I know I am going to have to contemplate taking the plunge for good sooner or later, and believe me, I am not looking forward to it.

I wanted to address what you guys said about some ladies being superficial.

I can't help but think, if I respond to looks in a female, why should I judge them for having the same attitude? And why would they be any different from us in the world of today?

There's a good chance that women with more options(those I obviously am attracted to the most), will be more picky, and seen as shallow. Especially at our age, and having to wait for them to lose their youth and attractiveness is a depressing prospect.

Sorry about the negativity.

[slybeard]

I know what I am about to say is a generalization, and there are many exceptions.  If I offend anyone, my apologies.  I am also talking about straight guys and girls, it may not hold true in the gay community.

Most men find their first attraction to a woman is based on her looks.  We soon go beyond that, but a woman's look is always near to the top of the list for attraction.  The ladies, on the other hand, usually see through the looks of a guy and are more interested in confidence, security, and personality.  Hair is not on the top of their list of qualities they want in a guy.  That is why when a guy gains confidence in himself after shaving a thinning/balding dome, he notices an increase in attractiveness with the ladies.  The confidence gain may not be instant, you need enough time to become comfortable with the new style.

There will always be some ladies that say they will never be with/date/marry a bald guy, but we cannot please them all.  The older those get, the fewer choices they will have.  In the end, they will compromise their standard and/or become bitter and lonely.

[Raison_d_etre]

This is exactly where my problem is actually: the fact that women might become less shallow as they age. I don't like the idea of missing out romance and sex with women who are still in their prime years, having to wait on the sidelines while they are getting pumped and dumped by the handsome jocks until they realise they are less attractive and panic to finally settle for a provider. I don't want to be that guy, who will get the leftovers.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cock%20carousel

I hate to sound that bitter but this is far from being a myth, this is what I saw during my twenties.

[slymyke]

If that is the only type of women you are interested in, it sounds like you will have to wait for your turn.

[Raison_d_etre]

But as I said I don't see why women would be less visual and shallow as we are. The science behind attraction is pretty clear and I've read countless studies that confirm this. The women we usually see as shallow and superficial usually are the prettiest, let's not kid ourselves. Why? Because they have options, a high value on the dating market. As a balding man my value on the dating market isn't exactly sky-high:


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/lifestyle/5065461/Women-prefer-men-with-a-full-head-of-hair.html

Dividing my options by five doesnt sound very exiting, what am I going to be left with?

I think a lot of you guys went through this later in life and that you are also mostly married and settled. But for the younger single guys out there it's a different pill to swallow. It takes a lot of courage and you sure have a lot more of it than me, although I'm certain some of you went through the same doubts.

[slybeard]

Stick around, I am sure some of the younger guys will post.

[Mike E. P.]

> You can't deny that a lot of women are turned off by bald guys

It's like natural selection -- helps to weed out the shallow ones.

Slybear - I just had to say how much I loved that comment!

Scarecrow - Going sly is extremely freeing. You won't have to spend your life a slave to pills, ointments, or chemicals. And once you're used to the look, there will be no more worrying about your hair loss. Personally, I think the sly look suits most guys.  I'm guessing it would look good on you, too. But you'll never know unless you give it a try.

As far as women go, I think there are plenty out there who don't care that much and there are others who like a sly guy.  And see Slybear's comment above.  Who wants a woman who is so superficial that a head of hair is requirement?

Welcome and good luck. This forum is a great source of support.

[Mike E. P.]

But as I said I don't see why women would be less visual and shallow as we are. The science behind attraction is pretty clear and I've read countless studies that confirm this. The women we usually see as shallow and superficial usually are the prettiest, let's not kid ourselves. Why? Because they have options, a high value on the dating market. As a balding man my value on the dating market isn't exactly sky-high:


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/lifestyle/5065461/Women-prefer-men-with-a-full-head-of-hair.html

Dividing my options by five doesnt sound very exiting, what am I going to be left with?

I think a lot of you guys went through this later in life and that you are also mostly married and settled. But for the younger single guys out there it's a different pill to swallow. It takes a lot of courage and you sure have a lot more of it than me, although I'm certain some of you went through the same doubts.

I am an older guy now but thinking back to my days at school, I remember a lot of really beautiful girls going out with guys who were not what you would call matinee idols. These guys, though, had something else besides their looks that attracted girls - lots of times it was the funny guy or the smart guy, or the athletic guy. Maybe it was charisma or just confidence. They thought they were good enough to get the good looking girl.

I started losing my hair young, too, and I remember worrying about being able to attract girls. But I managed to do okay and I somehow I ended up marrying a girl who probably could have gotten a much handsomer guy!

[Cave Dweller]

But as I said I don't see why women would be less visual and shallow as we are.

Welcome Raison.

I really hope I am misunderstanding your post, but are you stating that you will reject a woman outright if she does not possess every physical trait you find attractive? If so, may I suggest that you are seriously limiting yourself?

[slymyke]

Stick around, I am sure some of the younger guys will post.

SlyBeard, are you calling me old?   

Raison_d_etre, the article in the link you provided included this line:

 The profile showing the man with a full head of hair received 108 responses, compared with 22 received by the page showing him with thinning and receding hair.

I have to admit, I didn't read the whole article, but I'm assuming they didn't do a comparison of men with a full head of hair vs. a men with shaved heads.  There is such a difference in the look.