19 year old balding college freshman

[CaChew]

Hello, I've been lurking on this site for several months and am now at the point where I am ready to post. Sorry if this is a long post, but I have a lot to get off my chest. I am 19 years old and I've been losing my hair since about 16. Growing up I always had naturally thin blonde hair and I always kept it short to medium length. Anyways, come sophomore year of high school my hair began to recede. I kept my hair fairly short through the next few years of high school and maintained a decent head of hair. I would get the occasional comment from people at school, but not too often and it didn't bother me that much. By the end of my senior year it was pretty obvious to anyone who saw me that I was balding. I opted to cut my hair down to a three and people at school told me I looked better. I kept that haircut for the next few months and then started college. I don't know if it was the stress of moving away from home and starting college or the natural progression of my hairless, but at the beginning of the school year my hair started shedding and now the top is pretty thin and you can see the horseshoe pattern progressing. I've been experimenting with different buzz cut lengths trying to see what looks the best. Right now I pretty much have the same haircut as Matt Schaub except with blonde hair. I've pretty much excepted that I'm balding even though it really sucks especially this young. I want to just shave my head and rock the bald look, but I'm having trouble letting go. I shaved my head no guard a couple of times and I thought it looked pretty good, but I wasn't comfortable with it and now I've been growing my hair out and then buzzing it different lengths for the past few months.

Pretty much my hair loss has gotten to me and I feel like I'm going insane. My confidence is shot, I have low self-esteem, and feel hopelessly unattractive. I've developed a kind of social anxiety where I'm always super anxious and nervous about going anywhere or doing anything because I feel like people are going to stare at me or make fun of me. Sometimes if I'm having a bad day or feeling depressed about my hair I'll just lay in bed all day and skip class. I've also been having trouble concentrating on my studies and my grades have been suffering as a result. On the weekends there's always parties since I'm in college, but I'm always super nervous about going because of my hair and have to get really hammered or my friends have to force me to go and I always end up having a bad time and feel depressed afterwards. Basically I'm too scared to try to talk to any girls because i'm worried about how they'll react to my baldness.

I'm a pretty quiet person. I like to keep to myself and tend to internalize all my problems. For this reason I've been having trouble opening up to anybody about my baldness. The prospect of opening up to my parents, friends or anybody is extremely scary to me for some reason even though they can all easily tell I'm losing my hair. So I've been pretty much dealing with this on my own. I'm definitely not in denial about my hair loss, but it probably seems like I am. Whenever my friends talk about haircuts or comment on my hair I always get super embarrassed and either ignore them or try to change the subject.

I just want to get to a point where I don't care anymore. I want to be able to open up to people and I want to be able to make fun of myself. I know that once I shave my head and keep it shaved I'll feel a lot better and be able to move on, but my insecurities are holding me back. I'm worried about other peoples reactions and I'm worried no one will ever find me attractive again. I just feel like if anyone ever made a mean comment to me I wouldn't be able to handle it. I know you guys are just going to tell me to just shave my head and get on with life, but I just don't know if I'm strong enough. I could really use some good advice.

[Lynchy]

Welcome mate....

It sounds like you are ready to shave it all off. Have a look through some of the older threads and see all the people who like you were  worried about shaving. All of hem then write back saying "I should have done it sooner" etc.

People will still find you attractive.... To be completely honest most people don't even notice that your are bald.

I hope it works out for you mate!

[Sir Harry]

Welcome! One big thing to remember is that at the end of the day "shaving your head" is just another haircut....Just like people with hair can dye it purple, pink, etc., why is going sly bald any different?....99% of the time if you don't show your concern about your hair, no one else will....As far as girls, a real girl will want you for you and what's in your head not on it. Good luck with the headshave (if you go that route) and in school!

[chgobuzzbald]

dont view it as losing something valuable you really need like an arm or eye. view it as trivial and gain confidence from others you encounter each day who are shaved, i saw more shaved guys today out than not. commit to shaving for even a week and your problems are solved and own the look.

[Bluebriz]

At the moment the hair loss is controlling your life.  I was in the same situation as you, but I was into rock and heavy metal so me and all my mates had long hair.
You're judging your appearance and everything else about yourself based entirely on your hair loss.  As a result you feel helpless and like life is out of your control.  It might be that you're even suffering from depression, for which you'll need to speak to someone professional.
As you know, most people on here will more than likely advise just shaving your head,  for me, the best reason to do that initially is to take ownership of your own life back.  Don't let this control and define you any more.  If you shave your head, and give it the recommended 30 day trial as suggested here on SBG, you will find that this stops being an issue.  In a few weeks your friends will forget how you looked before.  New people you meet will be meeting a more relaxed and confident version of you, and won't know about the issues you went through to reach that point.  Of course I can't promise that everything will be perfect, but like many people on here, I've gone through this, at the same age, and lived to tell the tale.  Strange though it may sound, shaving your head brings a huge sense of freedom.  Grab the freedom with both hands and take control of your life.

Good luck my friend.

[Billy]

Don't delay, take that 30-day challenge!  if you wait and get much color in your face you'll be tempted to put it off.  Likewise you'll have a great looking scalp for the spring season if you carefully tan it over spring break.

Also you mentioned internalizing all your problems...  That's never a good idea!    Congradulations on consulting this fine group of folks about this issue and I hope you find the courage to open up about other problems with your new-found freedom.

[bennett11]

at your age many many years ago I buzzed my hair to very short when I first left to go to college. In those days really close cuts were very uncommon.  My nickname by roomates was cueball.  Sort of like that.  I was pleased to have the confidence to be different.  I had not been balding then.  Just do it. 

[Mikekoz13]

Welcome to the Forum, Chew.

If you have had the Matt Schuab look you are so close to shaving anyway..... especially with your blonde hair.

It seems that your biggest problem isn't your hair, it is your self confidence.

I'm going to make a somewhat radical suggestion for you since you've already clippered down to basically nothing and that didn't work for you.

1)Get your shaving supplies together.
2) Pick a Saturday as your day to shave your head.
3) Pre-plan a public place to go where there will be only strangers.
4) Get up on that morning, march into the bathroom, look at yourself in the mirror, and say out loud with confidence, "Today my life starts over".
5) Shave your head. Take that first swipe down the middle and it is "game on".
6) Get dressed and head out to the place that you pre-planned on going to.
7) When you get to that place: stand tall with your new self confidence, enjoy the day, the feel of the sun on your face, say hello to strangers, and enjoy the first day of the new you. Remember.... they are all strangers where you will be and NOBODY will even care.

Once you realize that those strangers don't care, that is the first step..... nobody else will care either. Oh yeah.... there will be those that you know that make comments. You know what.... it doesn't matter. In a few years you probably won't even still know most of those people.

You really don't have a hair problem..... you have a self confidence problem. Try what I've suggested. It will take some balls to do it BUT the rewards will be great. You are too damn young to be sad or miserable for even a day.
Take your life back!!

[Laser Man]

Welcome.  You've gotten solid advice from the others so far.  It boils down to this: your hair is controlling your life right now and there's no need for that.  At your age, you should be enjoying life.  The people that really matter to you will adjust quickly to you as a bald man and that's what's important. 

Most of us went through the pre-shave anxiety, e.g., what will people think, will women think I'm attractive, am I going to get snide comments.  Guess what? Most of that is in our minds.  People are too busy with their own lives to dwell on our changed appearance for very long.  The comments fade away quickly.  And we discovered that many people like and admire the bald look and the confidence it projects.

Mikekoz gave very good advice about shaving then going to a place full of strangers.  They don't know you, so to them, you've probably been sly for a long time.  You'll quickly see how accepted a shaved head is these days.  And as Mike said, smile, be polite and self-confident.  You'll see things in a whole different perspective.

[CaChew]

Thanks for all your replies. I really want to shave my head, but I'm nervous about other peoples reactions. Have you guys found that it is better to shave your head without telling anyone or to let a few close friends know before you do it. Also, I have about two months of school left before a long summer break. I feel like it would be easier to deal with this in the summer when I'm home, but I'm not sure if I can wait that long, I'm going crazy. I hate being in this college environment where i'm surrounded by all these good looking full head of hair people. I have noticed a few bald/balding guys on my campus so I guess I'm not alone. One of them even had a really good looking girlfriend and he was rocking the super receded hairline buzz cut look.

Also, what should I tell people when they ask me why I shaved my head and how do you deal with negative comments. My confidence is pretty low as it is. I don't want it to get any lower.

[TheSlyBear]

I really want to shave my head, but I'm nervous about other peoples reactions.

How is that any different from now? You're already overly concerned about how people react to your thinning hair. How would this be any different?

Have you guys found that it is better to shave your head without telling anyone or to let a few close friends know before you do it.

Telling people beforehand is tantamount to asking permission. Why do you need permission to take control of your own haircut? Would you tell them in advance that you're going to buy new clothes? Perhaps a new pair of boots? It's a haircut; don't make a big dramatic deal of something that's not.

I feel like it would be easier to deal with this in the summer when I'm home

And will there be another excuse to delay it at that point? What's the holdup really?

but I'm not sure if I can wait that long, I'm going crazy

Then don't wait. Take the advice that you've already been given: grab your balls with one hand and a razor in the other and just do it.

Right now.

Also, what should I tell people when they ask me why I shaved my head

"I wanted to". End of conversation. Why do you need to justify it to anyone?

and how do you deal with negative comments.

Same way as if someone says "I think your shirt is ugly".

My confidence is pretty low as it is. I don't want it to get any lower.

You know what builds confidence? The answer is not "hair". It's manning up and taking responsibility for your own actions and your own life.

[mrzed]

I only told my supervisor at work, and a few out of town buddies, including SBG guys.  Had a great reception from all. Shave your head, put on a smile, and walk into school confidently.

[stasiu]

Premature balding is not fun ... trust me !  I am a survivor !  Keep it buzzed tight or go ahead and try going smooth.  Spring break is a good time to "just do it".  Keep it for 30 days then you'll be set and free.  Or wait til summer and smile at that good looking bald guy looking back at you in the mirror.  No pressures but its obvious you are almost there with the razor !

Keep us posted !  Your low confidence is not unusual.  How many guy friends your age who are balding?  More than likely you are the only one ... don't worry ... good things will happen.  Enjoy the detour scenery during this balding phase !  Good luck !

[Frontier Guy]

The suggestion of Mikekoz was spot on. As for a location, if you are in a moderately large metro area with a good-sized park I'd plan to go there. Outdoors, fresh air, likely people biking, playing sports, sitting on benches, etc. And perhaps ice cream sellers and such so you can "treat" yourself AND interact with people.

As for the question about "why" you shaved ... you don't need to justify it to anyone. But a simple "It was time for a change" should suffice.

And about telling people in advance ... no. People around you don't want you to change from what they know and are comfortable with. The slightest negativity from them will cause you to backtrack.

As the others have said above. Just do it. It's a haircut. But the difference is that it will be life-altering in a positive way. You are investing way too much time and emotion in this issue. It's time to get on with things.

And one last word on the subject: MarkusToe. Find his userID in the members list and look at his posts - the time will be well worth it. Why? Because you are going to read about someone (26 years old) who went from this

Hey Guys, now is the second night I can't get any sleep because I feel so depressed about my hair loss. Even with hair I never have been really happy with my face and my big forehead and when I get bald I fear it will look even bigger. At the moment I can't imagine getting any self-esteem soon and I tell myself things like: when I am bald everyone will notice how unhappy I am with myself and then they will also feel that I am somebody to pity and people will reject me and this will make it even harder to build self-esteem and I feel like I will always have to feel inferior compared to other people - man, I am really depressed. I think the thing is I never have been really happy with myself but I had the hope that different hairstyles will give me a chance to feel better, but when I am bald there is no hope and I will always have to stick with what I've got - hm, I think I am just really anxious and in denial now, because I always had attractive girlfriends which thought I am attractive, but with hair. A the moment I don't know how I could ever accept this, but in the end, what chances do I have?

to this:

Things I think you will find:

• Huge relief (part 1) from hair worries – whether it’s thinning or graying or moving hairlines.
• Huge relief (part 2) from hat worries (this may not apply) – where is it?
• Huge relief (part 3) from weather worries (this also may not apply yet) – wind which may blow a combover the wrong way, rain which causes thin hair to become stringy.
• Ease of maintaining - you'll always have the same great look.
• Surge of self-confidence (part 1) – which I thought was most surprising.
• Surge of self-confidence (part 2) – freedom to do things which “hair terror” prevented – like swimming or standing in a room underneath a bright light with your scalp glowing through the remaining hairs.
• Reallocation of time previously spent obsessing over hair to more fun endeavors (you can figure out this list on your own).

although I didn't believe that those points would be true for me I can approve them now. It took me about a week to get used to my new looks - so take some time and don't rush things - if there is no reason to shave and you find out that you are happy with your new haircut keep it that way - try the 30 days rule because from my experience I can say that in the first week I went through a lots of feelings about my new haircut and now 3 weeks in I am really happy with it

[Bald Hobbit]

Here's how it is: Basically, your hair is dead. And it's giving you emotional gangrene. Its rot from it's dead husk is ruining your confidence socially and personally. You're having a hard time with self image. It's emotional gangrene. Gangrene is a result of not cutting off a dead body part. It's time to cut it off.

Oh, and by the way, I'm 19. I'm not even balding, but I shave it anyway. When you do that, it feels like you care more about looking good, and you don't care at all about how people see you, both at once. It feels incredibly natural, and is an incredible confidence boost. Pretty much every guy looks great bald, but the only real thing that causes worry is that it's a huge change. There's nothing to be afraid of.

You know why everyone on here talks about it so casually? Because after the fact, you just don't care anymore. We don't care about hair, it's out of our lives, and we're fine with keeping it out. We might have been really excited and agitated the first time we did it, but now it's just a normal aspect of life that we don't obsess over in a negative way. It is normal to us. It is not a huge deal. Just do it, enjoy the ride, and calm down. You'll like it.