Family Reunion

[bella]

As much as I pride myself on being a confident slyette, and as much as I love the sly and feel better about myself...

I just found out my mother's having a family reunion in late March and I feel sick to my stomach about what to do w/ my hair for this event.   

My mother's family, and the event, is in Dallas and they are all big, loud mouthed Southerners    Needless to say, they are not going to be okay with the sly look on me.  AT ALL.  They're already very critical of me because I was the primary breadwinner in my marriage and because I initiated my divorce, and because I don't have any babies yet at 30.  In a word, TRADITIONAL.

Sly + Texan Traditional = one terrified Bella!

My mom and one of my aunts will have my back, but I'm honestly so nervous about this that I even skipped shaving tonight. 

ACK!  Why are families so complicated?!

[Frontier Guy]

Why?

Just my opinion but because they are "family" they don't feel the need to be courteous to other family members (though being courteous to the general public seems to be on the wane).

And, again, because they are family we tend to give them much more control over our own emotions and self-esteem. 'cause they only wants what is best for us. Right? Not.

Still, I totally understand your angst.

[Gary~]

If they're 'already very critical' of you then you have little to lose.

As you said yourself so eloquently in another of your posts 'If I like it and it doesn't hurt you then f*** you."

You took control of how you wanted to look -- it would be a pity to abrogate that control to others now -- especially a bunch of 'loud-mouth southerners'.

You might be surprised at how accepting they are when they realise that you are completely comfortable bald.

[Lynchy]

Bella,

Sorry to hear its giving you that much grief

I hope you can reconcile with yourself before then.

X

[bella]

You guys are great, and correct that this is 95% existing baggage that has nothing to do with me being sly or not, but them just liking to pick on me.

My mom and aforementioned aunt are the two success stories of the family and so my cousin and I were raised in comparable luxury (private schools, both went to college, had careers straightaway) whereas the rest of the siblings in the family were not so successful.  One of my dear aunties is an active heroin addict and the only way her kids got through school and had food in their bellies was by direct intervention by me, my aunt, my mom and my cousin slipping them grocery and textbook money surreptitiously over the years.  It got bad enough that my supportive aunt ended up adopting the youngest son when he was about 15 and sending him to boarding school in California to him get away from his parents and make sure he had a decent education and enough food.

And I let these people judge me??!?  I could be a nobel prize winner and they'd have something crap to say to me.  Thank you, Gary, for reminding me of the mantra "If it makes me happy and doesn't hurt you, eff off ". 

Most of the toxicity comes from the first generation (my mom and aunt's bros & sisters) because my grandparents were some seriously effed up people.  I could care less if my uncle calls me a lesbian or my heroin addict aunt insults my personal style, for God's sake. 

I am 15 years younger than my nearest cousin but most of my cousins and my cousins' kids are genuinely good people, if not a little sheltered.  It will do them good to meet a confident single 30-yo slyette! 



Just need to keep telling myself this!

[Frontier Guy]

Bella, being a good role model is one of the ways we can give to others and empower them to break free.

You're definitely on the right track.

[slyjoe]

Bella. I understand your fears.

I am a teenager. Which makes being sly complicated.

You being a women makes it a hell of a lot harder to pull it off. Just remember you deserve a lot of respect for being a sly women. I think you should just remember people will get used to it, and after a while it wont be so bad.

[Frontier Guy]

just remember people will get used to it, and after a while it wont be so bad.

and do you really care about the people who don't get used to it?

[bella]

Too true.  You guys are right, of course: just because we share some genes and they happen to live in the South doesn't mean I should let anyone's opinion frighten me into changing who I am. 

If they can't handle me bald and happy who needs em?

[slymyke]

Bella, you have it in you, or you  would have never gone Sly.  Just remember that.  Hold your head up high... as you mentioned earlier, you have had a positive role in helping others in your family with their struggles.  You are not some "dead-beat" chick trying to find her way... you are a confident woman who is taking charge of her life.. (this outward expression of shaving your head is a physical way for others to see what is inside you.. if they don't already know). 

Family will always be critical...(loudly, in some cases)... but they will love you anyway, and will accept it with time.  My sister has never wanted to fit a traditional mold either, and I love her for it (I love her for being herself).   You look beautiful Sly.  Your eyes are beaming and your smile is contagious... just own the look like only you can! -and don't apologize for being yourself. 

We are behind you all the way, Sister Sly!

[Lee]

Find something better to do in late March.  The beaches in Florida are quite nice that time of year......

[baldjoeg]

Bella,  Good luck on your family reunion. Remember that we support you all the way.

[bella]

Ooohh now I want to change my username to Sister Sly!   

Thank you for all your support and encouragement.  My posture is back up and I feel sorry that I look so much better sly than my poor uncle does with his rug 

If I do decide to go (probably obligated to) I will be a great role model for the wee ones and my older relatives will learn that little Bella has a sharp tongue and knows who she is, now, so they can choose to enjoy me being me or try unsuccessfully to pick a fight. 

I'll probably need a few more butt kicks as the reunion approaches but thanks so much guys!

[Switchy]

Sister sly, that is cool.  Some now I feel like I am speaking to a nun. LOL  But this will all be fine.  They don't pay your bills and you owe them nothing.  You are you , and you are happy in your own skin.       

[Hingatao]

If you decide not to go, Hawaii's a nice place to visit. Nice weather and no one will even notice that you're sly. Good luck!