Asking a Woman Out

[No hair in sight]

In recent months I've noticed something about the way in which I approach relationship-seeking. It's been a while since I've been in a relationship so it's something I'm constantly in want of, but it's only just occuring to me now that so many women pass me by on a day to day basis and I don't ask them out.

This isn't due to fear as such, it's simply that there are certain 'situations' where it would occur to me to do so and others where it doesn't. For example, if I'm in a bar and notice that I'm making eye-contact with a girl a lot, then it will occur to me to ask them out. If, however, I'm using the public library or I'm in a coffee shop, it does not.

So this begs the question...is there anywhere that it is absolutely inappropriate to approach a girl and ask her out? Are we all predisposed to assuming the guy talking to you in the supermarket is a weirdo, but the guy that talks to you in a bar is a stud (context dependent)?

I should clarify I'm not saying I want to be that guy stopping people in the street to ask them out. But sometimes you might get talking to someone in situations outside of the normal social parameters and these are the moments that pass me by unnoticed.

Recently there was a girl at work I randomly got to know during one shift, but it was only upon reflection that I realised that I could have asked her out. By the time I realised this some weeks had passed and I only saw her at work (I wanted to ask her out outside of work if possible, but this never happened). She's someone that got away and though that's all fine and dandy, it did lead me to question this.

So there you go - those are my thoughts on the matter. Has anyone ever considered there to be boundaries when it comes to asking someone out? Has this ever changed due to going sly for the better or worse? So much to consider... So little time 

[TheSlyBear]

is there anywhere that it is absolutely inappropriate to approach a girl and ask her out?

At her wedding.



  (sorry, couldn't resist)

[tomgallagher]

That's funny......

[Crusher0209]

is there anywhere that it is absolutely inappropriate to approach a girl and ask her out?

At her wedding.



  (sorry, couldn't resist)

Wasn't going this but sense you mentioned wedding I was thinking in the bathroom would be a inappropriate place to approach a girl and ask her out

[Mikekoz13]

A funeral.

[Switchy]

   That really could get nasty !  So brother can we help you in some other way.   

[Tyler]

I was thinking in the bathroom would be a inappropriate place to approach a girl and ask her out

It worked in Top Gun

[TheSlyBear]

Yeah, but you have to sing the Righteous Brothers.

[Tyler]

You never close your eyes...

[tomgallagher]

It also worked for me in the bathroom of a 747 once, a while back...LOL.

[slymyke]

A funeral.

--I can just hear it now.... "I'm sorry you lost your rich husband...would you like to go out sometime?"       



 I do think that if you are in any environment where you can't strike up a normal conversation, you would have a hard time being able to get around to asking any woman out.  If you only see a woman in passing and never get a chance to talk to her, it would be awkward to just ask her out... unless you have been making serious eye contact and sharing smiles for a while.

[Mikekoz13]

When I was single (years ago) I asked women out while in all types of environments. Bars, libraries, malls, grocery stores.... you name it.... and most times they said "yes".

Look at my avatar.... I'm definetly no handsome stud. I just had a gift for talking to women and knowing when they were interested. I usually dated women that were way above me in the looks department. The guys I used to run with would often ask, "How did you get that great looking girl to go out with you"? The answer was the same every time, "I just asked her".

Most guys that have no luck with women is because of one reason..... too shy/not forward enough (within reason).

Speak up young man!!!

[gutsygirl]

I'm a sly lady here and I typically have an opinion so I could really have fun with you guys on this one!    lol

I once had a guy, who I would consider a real gentleman in all ways, ask me out literally hours after I got out of the E.R. for health problems (so I felt like &$(#).  He also happened to have a big hole in his pants at that time...right THERE...(hard for a lady not to look after she notices tightie whities)....  Let's just say, I was so exhausted and feeling icky that I hoped his asking me out was actually a NIGHTMARE.  It wasn't...and yet it was.  He is a close friend of mine, but let's just say I chose to keep it that way.

Lesson - don't ask her out when she's sick and when she feels like she looks exhausted/ugly etc.  Make her feel pretty first and choose a day when she doesn't feel like she was run over by a Mack truck. 

[gutsygirl]

I think most women do still want to be asked out by the GUY rather than having to do the asking out themselves.  I certainly feel that way.  But so many guys just either don't have the bawls anymore or they are too distracted...(sometimes by the "cheap women" they can pick up and dump off just as easily rather than having a really meaningful relationship that requires a lot of giving of both the man and lady). 

For my own personal reasons, I simply won't go out with just any guy.  I'm pretty judicious.  But then again, that keeps both of us from having heartbreak.    I believe that's the way God wants it to be.  So I put out some hints to the guys I am interested in.  I may send a text message or an email, or sit next to the guy in church or at some other event.  I'll try to start a little conversation with him and ask what he likes about his job or something he's proud of that he did this week.  I'll smile of course.  And eventually I'll invite him over for dinner but leave the date and time up to him.  If he doesn't get the hint after that and respond with "Yes, I'd like to come over.  Let's see...would Saturday work?" then I move on; he's not looking...or at least, he's not looking at me.  And I'm not going to chase him...it's his job to come get me. 

Location, location, location.  Well, a friendly guy at the grocery store can be a real turn-on for me, actually.  Why?  Because he's being a gentleman during a part of his daily life.  Being a gentleman and having a pleasant conversation or maybe helping me with my groceries out to my car (I use a wheelchair and ride with my groceries in my lap so the help is appreciated and shows me he's paying attention to my needs) or helping me reach an item up high that I'd normally have to hook with a banana and hope doesn't fall on my head... yeah, I like that.    I may not go out to coffee right yet but I may exchange email addresses or something, ask him what part of town he lives in and where he goes to church or hangs out during the week. 

I think asking for a date to a coffee shop is great.  Or getting to know someone at a coffee shop and then saying "So, will I see you here this time next week?  Do you mind if I join you at this table?"  That shows interest but it's not overly pushy.  It wouldn't scare me away.  It's not like "Hey, do you wanna come to my apartment tonight and..." to which my answer will always be NO!

If she's a nice woman, she's (IMO) not just looking to get laid or suck you in.  She's wanting to know you on a deeper level and you're wanting to know her too.  Keep it there for a good while, showing her you're a real gentleman with manners and chivalry to boot, and you'll win yourself more than just a date. 

Women want to know they are safe.  Men want to know they are successful.  This is the secret to men and women.  If a woman can show a man that she believes he's doing well in life and can encourage his efforts, praise his work, etc, then he's probably going to like her...right?  She builds him up.  She helps him feel confident.  If a man convinces her that he's always going to be there to back her up, to protect her, to really LISTEN to her (ding ding ding - that's IMPORTANT) and explore her emotions without judging her, and willing to keep her secrets until after the day he dies...wow, for a woman that's a real winner.  You can skip the flowers, gents, if you can show her that she's safe with you.  And that you're not going to try to push her into a more physical relationship than she's ready for.  Let her give you the hints there or just ASK her! 

If you do decide to try to brighten her BAD day by asking her out (first of all, that means you've either got bawls or you're just...slow), know that it could go either way.  She could up and leave in a puff of smoke.  Or she could take it as the highlight of her day and you're on.  So with women - we are very emotional beings, after all, not typically driven by logic but more by intuition - just know that it's never going to happen quite the way you anticipated, and that's the beauty and fun of it! 

Cheers!

GutsyGirl

[tomgallagher]

Great post GG.