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#30 by Razor X on 01 Dec, 2012 15:11
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3) Bald people are nazis and mass murderers, like the guy who shot Gabriel Giffords, and that the entire world would view me this way. I told her Hitler had hair, incidentially, but that didn't seem to go over all that well.
The problem with convincing your mom is that she is so far off the deep end that I really think it's hopeless. I hate to insult your mom, but truth be told you can't fix stupid.Quote4) I would never experience love or romance ever again because of my shaved head.
By virtue of the fact that you exist I can assume that the world had someone who could love someone with a very nasty attitude. Therefore I think the world is big enough to find someone for you too.Quote5) That I looked ridiculous, like a cancer patient, and the bald look was not at all attractive on me, according to her.
6) She's convinced that I'm not shaving my head as an act of liberation from hair loss, but as a body dismorphic disorder related issue or something like that.
Not lastly, but I because I don't want to repeat everything she said, she wrote:
More and more dumbassery.Quote7) She will never like or accept what I choose to do with the hair on my head.
Remind her that it's not her place to tell you how you can look. Considering that this is your mother I really wouldn't suggest pushing it, but considering the horrible things that she said to you I think it would actually be appropriate to lay some back on her. Find something you dislike about her and lay into that. What a nasty person! Is this typical of her or was this something very outside her normal character?QuoteIt goes without saying that, in spite of my normally confident nature, that this has been an extremely demeaning and confidence-eroding exercise.
She is manipulating you, and I bet the apology she gave you (as stated in another post) was filled with a lot of *ifs* and *buts*.
If you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah, or New Years I would be tempted to celebrate somewhere else, especially if you can do so with a girlfriend or a girl who is a friend, and let the Grinch suffer the consequences of her actions. Another thing taken out of the female playbook is to do their manipulative silent treatment on her. Go and don't blatantly ignore her but give her as little attention as possible.
I don't think there's any need to escalate the conflict. Now that Ben has made his feelings known, I'm sure his mother will back off and they can both move on without harboring any ill feelings. -
#31 by TheSlyBear on 01 Dec, 2012 17:37
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Well said, Razor.
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#32 by D.A.L.U.I. on 02 Dec, 2012 10:21
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Well said, Razor.
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#33 by Laser Man on 02 Dec, 2012 11:22
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I agree with Razor, too.
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#34 by Switchy on 02 Dec, 2012 12:18
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So why do we keep it going ?
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#35 by YoungSlyBaldGuy on 15 Dec, 2012 10:15
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Hey guys,
So I'm going on thirty days of being sly/shaving my head, and my mom, who has very thinly veiled her distaste for my bald head, spoke with me today about how she felt about my head. She said the following:
1) That my hair was "fine" the way it was, and that I should just bald naturally and keep what hair I have forever, even if I think that looks silly/makes me feel bad about myself.
2) The entire family hates the look, according to her.
3) Bald people are nazis and mass murderers, like the guy who shot Gabriel Giffords, and that the entire world would view me this way. I told her Hitler had hair, incidentially, but that didn't seem to go over all that well.
4) I would never experience love or romance ever again because of my shaved head.
5) That I looked ridiculous, like a cancer patient, and the bald look was not at all attractive on me, according to her.
6) She's convinced that I'm not shaving my head as an act of liberation from hair loss, but as a body dismorphic disorder related issue or something like that.
Not lastly, but I because I don't want to repeat everything she said, she wrote:
7) She will never like or accept what I choose to do with the hair on my head.
It goes without saying that, in spite of my normally confident nature, that this has been an extremely demeaning and confidence-eroding exercise.
Have any of you had such a negative reaction from family, let alone a parent? I mean, jesus, it's just a hair style! What's wrong with my mother?
JEESE. I'm sorry you had to go through that. That's rough. Most of my family hasn't really said much, though my grandma was disappointed because she loved my blonde hair. Our family is very proud of our roots, and our hair is part of that. -
#36 by benlen on 19 Dec, 2012 09:06
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Thanks guys for all the support in this thread! I appreciate it tremendously, because I'm in this awkward spot of being home and being constantly pestered by my mother before I go to graduate school...if I wasn't going onto more higher education/moving, I would be entering the work world full time and seeking to live in my own place, so I am grateful to my folks for financial and loving support of my graduate school aspirations.
That said, the waiting before moving to Boston for school has been awful. My mother, as she has aged, has become more pestering and more invasive in my own time, or perhaps, I have simply sought to have more time to myself. Perhaps a combination of both.
Either way, I cannot wait to get started on my grad degree so I can begin planning my financial/career/education future, and fully move out of my folk's house.JEESE. I'm sorry you had to go through that. That's rough. Most of my family hasn't really said much, though my grandma was disappointed because she loved my blonde hair. Our family is very proud of our roots, and our hair is part of that.
See, my family has the same problem. My dad has a wicked good head of hair at 54, as does my brother, who is 21. I used to have the same awesome hair too before I started balding.
My Dad routinely makes fun of my uncles (on my mom's side) for their baldness, which I always felt was a below the belt kind of comment.
As I started to bald, and even before that, I would say to my dad frequently, "This is not a nice thing to say. You haven't had to deal with balding, how can you be a jerk about it to other guys?"
I think my parent's are now dealing with the denial I was experiencing years ago with my thinning hair. I think my parents have this image of their sons and them being perfect and very hairy and fitting in with all the pictures. I think me shaving my head/balding somehow ruins this picture, especially for my control freak mother.
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#37 by leighmundo40 on 19 Dec, 2012 10:52
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On a lighter note, you could always get some comedy wigs, afro, clown wig, Cher, and pop one on every time there is a family photo "But you prefered me with hair!!!"
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#38 by slymyke on 19 Dec, 2012 10:54
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..., the waiting before moving to Boston for school has been awful. My mother, as she has aged, has become more pestering and more invasive in my own time, or perhaps, I have simply sought to have more time to myself. Perhaps a combination of both.
..., I cannot wait to get started on my grad degree so I can begin planning my financial/career/education future,...
I think my parent's are now dealing with the denial I was experiencing years ago with my thinning hair. I think my parents have this image of their sons and them being perfect and very hairy and fitting in with all the pictures. I think me shaving my head/balding somehow ruins this picture, especially for my control freak mother.
Sorry, bud. I feel for you. I'm betting your Mom doesn't like the beard either, huh? You were kinda forced to be bold and different.. but for a good reason. I would rather look cool with a sly dome up next to their full heads of hair, than be balding up next to their full heads of hair. You will be the one looking like the rock star in the family photo.. so be glad you don't have to worry with the hair anymore.
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#39 by CraftyGuy on 19 Dec, 2012 10:55
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On a lighter note, you could always get some comedy wigs, afro, clown wig, Cher, and pop one on every time there is a family photo "But you prefered me with hair!!!"
I always did admire passive-aggressive humor!
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#40 by benlen on 19 Dec, 2012 15:18
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On a lighter note, you could always get some comedy wigs, afro, clown wig, Cher, and pop one on every time there is a family photo "But you prefered me with hair!!!"
Hahaha! Thanks leigh!
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#41 by D.A.L.U.I. on 19 Dec, 2012 15:35
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See, my family has the same problem. My dad has a wicked good head of hair at 54, as does my brother, who is 21. I used to have the same awesome hair too before I started balding.
This is a "nail on the head," pardon the pun, observation. And can't they even begin to see that your deep seated angst about mpb didn't start with you? What you're doing is more than a reasonable response--they, your Father in particular, shouldn't want to have you being the brunt of his inappropriate comments.
My Dad routinely makes fun of my uncles (on my mom's side) for their baldness, which I always felt was a below the belt kind of comment.
As I started to bald, and even before that, I would say to my dad frequently, "This is not a nice thing to say. You haven't had to deal with balding, how can you be a jerk about it to other guys?"
I think my parent's are now dealing with the denial I was experiencing years ago with my thinning hair. I think my parents have this image of their sons and them being perfect and very hairy and fitting in with all the pictures. I think me shaving my head/balding somehow ruins this picture, especially for my control freak mother. -
#42 by schro on 19 Dec, 2012 18:45
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I think my parent's are now dealing with the denial I was experiencing years ago with my thinning hair. I think my parents have this image of their sons and them being perfect and very hairy and fitting in with all the pictures.
Why in the hell is lack of hair considered not perfect?
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? I'M WAITING.....
Look, I shave my head more out of need than vanity. However, how I choose to wear my hair (or lack thereof) shouldn't matter one iota.
I wish your parents felt the same way. Personally, I think you're more of an adult than your parents are (and yes, tell them I said it) .
Good luck.
The Almighty Schro
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#43 by Viking on 20 Dec, 2012 02:01
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By the sound of it the bald genes have come from your mothers side of the family, simply inform her it is her fault!!
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#44 by The Sheep on 20 Dec, 2012 14:18
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Wow that is a severe reaction you got there. My mum has never reacted quite that horribly but she does let her feelings known. She knows that my hair has always bothered me. Yet every time I shave my hair to a #1 she always has to throw in a disgruntled sigh or "you've cut your hair too short again". I cut it today and she said at supper "your hair was going to be a nice length in time for Christmas." So...what!? Hair is compulsory to celebrate Christmas now is it?
All the best buddy and we are always here!