Stupid comments from parents

[popperkarl]

Hi all,

Hope you're all well. Last week I made the change to sly and I'm absolutely loving it, especially as I was really self-concious about my thinning hair. I'm aged 20 and will soon be doing an internship with my uncle's business; I told my parents via email that I've shaved my head and their response was:

"Let the shaved head grow back over the next few weeks as you'll need to look less criminal-like for working with [uncle]"

Now it's very difficult for anyone's negativity to have any impact on me, I'm a very calm and confident guy, especially since shaving my head. But this comment has really really wound me up, as my parents knew how much my thinning hair was affecting my life they should, of all people, realised the importance of what I've done.

I initially typed a pretty angry response to their email but I've left it and tried to calm down for a bit first, but I'm still really wound up.

How do you deal with comments like this? It's especially wound me up as my one fear about going bald was to do with it affecting my career, and their first comment was exactly this.

Cheers!

[TheSlyBear]

Parents will always see you as "their little boy". You won't look like a criminal unless you dress or act like one.

[Hingatao]

This is true. It's all in how people perceive what they see. If you dress appropriately, people will see you for what you are, a business man.

[Slyfive]

I was told by my parents before I did it that I would 'look like a criminal' then they saw me and got over it. Like Bear says, they will always see you as their little kid, hair included, but as soon as they realise that shaving has made their son happier, they'll understand.

And if they don't, in the end it's all about you!

[Hingatao]

The stupidest comment I've heard came from my mom.

She agrees that I look good bald but the first time she saw me like this and wearing my Harley-Davidson jacket with a pair of Levi's she said I looked like I should have a swastika tattooed on the back of my head. That kinda hurt!

[popperkarl]

Thanks for the great words as always, guys.

Hingatao, I can sure relate to that!

To make a more general point about reactions, it seems to me that the people who have the strongest reactions are those who are too scared/lazy/embarrassed/shy/unwilling to make any significant change to their own appearance, so they look negatively upon others doing just what they can't do.

Like I said it's easy to ignore the comments (I usually enjoy hearing them) but it's weird hearing them from your parents. I guess it's a generational thing  

[waine]

That's a bit of a harsh, insensitive statement for a parent to make, I must say. But it is not perhaps directed at you more than the perception of you by your uncle that your parents think he will think.   To some parents, their bald son projects the look of a "criminal" or a "skinhead" or even a drug addict. Its difficult to change perception. Other than by positive behavior.

I would tell your mom that this is a choice you have made for your personal image, but that you will do everything in your power to be a decent employee with good values, adhering to the dress code and applying sound work ethics. Re assure her that you won't let her or your uncle down.

Communication and a little gentle self assertion should do the trick.

Good luck! 

[Slyfive]

I would tell your mom that this is a choice you have made for your personal image, but that you will do everything in your power to be a decent employee with good values, adhering to the dress code and applying sound work ethics. Re assure her that you won't let her or your uncle down.

Communication and a little gentle self assertion should do the trick. 

Sage advice sir!

[Hingatao]

Yeah, the best thing to do is just ignore the negative comments and move on. The people who know us best will realize that being sly won't/doesn't change who we are or who we might become.

[Frontier Guy]

Preconceived notions of what a bald guy is or isn't like are generally wrong. Nearly every time.

[Razor X]

Parents are usually the worst critics in these situations.  If you stick to your guns, they'll get over it.  It may take a while, but they will get over it, I promise.  Don't give them or anyone else the power to make you do what THEY want you to do as opposed to what YOU want to do.

[Laser Man]

Your parents's reaction is exactly the same as my freinds' when their 20 year old son announced he wanted to shave his head just before starting a summer internship last year.  He gave in and now regrets it ( he told me so).

A shaved head is common now and is no longer associated with the types your parents think about.  Prove them wrong by performing in a stellar fashion in your uncle's business. Almost without exciting, performance trumps appearance!

Good luck!

[Sir Harry]

Surprisingly, I got the "prisoner/criminal" comment....but it came from my grandfather who was in his 70s and was "stuck in his ways". He had MPB (donut hole), but I think that because he and all but one of his brothers had MPB, and in the old days, he said, that you were taught to "deal with it", he had a hard time liking shaved heads. I told him that  hairstyles don't change personalities....In your situation, parents will be parents....just remember this: The poorest man is the one whose pleasures depend upon the permission of others....and once we become men and move out from under our parents' roof....the circle of "others" extends to parents as well. Good Luck with sly and with your new job with your uncle!

[Slyfive]

npsbg and sirharry made a really good point, it is their preconceptions of what a shaved head means that cause the issue. think about how a lot of the older generation respond to tattoos, I got the criminal talk from them as well, but I am a teacher and an honest citizen, so just like you will find, people see past their preconceptions if they care at all.

[Paul the Headblader]

oh, sweet hell. let others think about themselves. you can not live to please others. you'll never achieve your life  target if so.