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#15 by Argyle on 27 Apr, 2010 09:35
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Hi I am not sure whether me posting this will help or not but here goes.
I have posted about this previously but deleted it. I also have the same issue and suffer from BDD so I can associate with where you are coming from. Mine all started about 6 years ago, which coincided with the break up of a long term relationship amongst other things.
That was the day that I became massively aware of the fact that my hair was going, quickly and pretty badly. I never viewed myself as an oil painting but I could compete. Now you are one better than me as I am not sure I could post a pic in my avatar at the moment as it would mark the end of visiting this site!! However I thought I would post picture links below. These are from my wedding last year and as yet I havent been able to look at them in a positive way, which can almost make me cry just thinking about it as I want to be proud of them and remember the day.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/49187552@N03/4509813395/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/49187552@N03/4509817695/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/49187552@N03/4509820791/
It is funny as everyone I have shown them to think they are ok, but I think they are lying and being nice. For me my obsessions are very similar to yours. I hate my complexion, I hate the shape of my head, I hate my flat face and I hate the amount of hair I have lost and how my shadow looks. In the past I have obsessed about all of these things sometimes for hours at a time.
I suppose I have quite a different life to you as I have a wife and child. I am not sure how old you are but I am 32 and really determined that this will not take over my life.
I too have just started CBT on my fourth session and what I would say is be prepared for a slog. There are some tough times ahead, but I am led to believe that this by far the best sort of treatment for this. Don't hold back, lay it on the line and dont view your problem as trivial. I know most people will tell you that it doesnt matter, but with BDD (for me anyway) it isnt the root cause of the problem as I know there are people worse off than me, but it is the irrational way in which it manifests itself.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know you arent alone and if you want to chat at any point I am only too happy.
Take care,
Chris
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#16 by DuffRyder17 on 27 Apr, 2010 09:50
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nice post Argyle... once again I think we are all our own biggest critics.
it is a journey to self acceptance -
#17 by omegapd on 27 Apr, 2010 09:51
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I don't have much to add to this, but my prayers and thoughts are with you guys that suffer from this. Good luck- and for what it's worth, both of you guys are better looking than me.
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#18 by D.A.L.U.I. on 27 Apr, 2010 09:57
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Now you are one better than me as I am not sure I could post a pic in my avatar at the moment as it would mark the end of visiting this site!!
Take care,
Chris
Don't even think about not visiting this site, just put that idea in the trash--you're part of the Brotherhood, and your reaching out as you have now done proves beyond a shadow [that's a weird word to use on the Forum isn't it???] of a doubt you're one of us. -
#19 by Argyle on 27 Apr, 2010 10:02
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Dont worry i am going nowhere, I just meant that if i posted an avatar pic i would find it difficult to read my own posts lol. I love this place and actually think that if and when i come out of this positively i will have a lot to impart on others who go through the same thing. I plane on being around for a long time this is the best bunch of guys on the web.
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#20 by D.A.L.U.I. on 27 Apr, 2010 10:15
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I love this place and actually think that if and when i come out of this positively i will have a lot to impart on others who go through the same thing. I plane on being around for a long time this is the best bunch of guys on the web.
You'll get through it, since you've been in the sessions you know the work ahead, and you can do it. The prize is just too great not to get the ball to the goal post. -
#21 by Argyle on 27 Apr, 2010 10:24
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Yep indeed.
Also Fred.I meant to mention that I met my current wife when I was 27 and I was largely bald by then. She said she never minded and actually liked the look. I think she is the most beautiful woman alive.
As an aside, I was at a conference today. As you will probably know one of the symptoms of BDD is comparing yourself to others. I do that a lot!! Anyway I was sitting in a dull breakout session with about 50 people 90% of them women (I work in childrens social care so am in the minority). I was looking and thinking I wonder who at first glance I would immediately attractive. There was 1 person. Ironically though I was sitting next to a woman who I have met before at a previous event. She was very normal looking and if I am honest and with a deeply critical eye she had a huge nose. Yet during our conversation (dont tell my wife) I thought she was sexy as hell. Intelligent, funny, engaging, had I been single I would have happily met her for a drink yet at first glance she didnt catch my eye. -
#22 by marcx on 27 Apr, 2010 11:57
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Very brave to sharere..and I think it's great to see ll the support that is coming out! Truly this is a case of your mind making mountains out of moleholes! There is nothing wring with the way you look at all!
That being said...I think the truth is that we can all tell you that from here until tomorrow but there are issues preventing you from hearing it. I hope the professional you are seeing can help you with that end of things!
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#23 by pdxtodd on 28 Apr, 2010 06:52
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Argyle when I saw the pictures I thought the two of you could have come straight off the pages of a magazine. Both you and Fred are great looking guys.
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#24 by Argyle on 28 Apr, 2010 06:56
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PDX.....are you flirting with me?
Thanks in seriousness for the comments. I think one of the transitions I have struggled to make since going sly is that i dont see myself as a bald guy I see myself as a guy with some hair odd eh?
But we will get there for sure. -
#25 by Morthen on 02 May, 2010 08:39
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I'm sorry that you go through this. I hope it helps you to think that I personally (and judging from what im reading many others as well) think you look great, you don't have to get any sort of plastic surgery to improve your apperance, you're a handsome guy. Same goes to your Argyle, I hope you both can overcome these problems you face.
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#26 by Tdawg7669 on 15 Jun, 2010 21:57
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What up broskis. This is my first post here so let me give a brief introduction. I am a 20 year old man going into his final year of college. I still have a NW2/2.5 of thick hair but I know the time will come for me to be sly soon enough(I would do it now but I like my current short hair cut that is flipped up in the front) and I have finally accepted that. In fact I have decided to quit the propecia I was on. Not because of sides(if anything my sex drive has increased) but for a variety of other reasons.
1) I got on propecia because I noticed my hairline creeping back but the same thing happened to my dad at my age and he is still a solid NW 2.5 25 years later. So I might be messing with hormones for no reason. Actually I AM messing with hormones for no reason, even if I am destined for a NW 6/7 that is not justification to mess with something like DHT.
2)It's expensive as ****
3)I dont want to become a slave to a medication I dont need and would need to take for the rest of my life.
So right now my plan is to just let things fall into place themselves without tampering with my hormones. If I keep the hair I have now great, if not Ill shave. Hell even without further loss ill probably shave eventually just to see how it looks.
So now that I have got that out of the way. This thread in particular caused me to go from lurker to registered member because I am also a BDD sufferer. Although I think I have realized it was mostly in my head. And something I want to point out, is that this was before I had any hairloss. I have always hated taking pictures. Hell there was a time where I hated myself, and everybody else as a result. I wondered why I was even born. And like you I didnt feel like going to a professional because they would tell me what I wanted to hear, or take my money and put me on some drug and call it a day. So I had to take matters into my own hands, either I was going to fix this myself or it would destroy me. Literally. I was able to see the signs. I would spend time during class lectures not paying attention and instead searching for cosmetic surgeons on the web.
So what did I do? I broke myself down completely. Identified everything I was unhappy about in both my appearance and life in general. Then I identified what was in my control and what wasnt. I set attainable goals for myself and worked to achieve them.
I also tried to identify why I had this feeling of self worthlessness. I believe it dates back to being made fun of as a child in school. I had really bad teeth and allergies which clogged up my nose, so I breathed through my mouth giving me a slack jaw appearence. Kids were so cruel, but they were honest. So I guess those comments stuck with me.
Its not easy to do but I think if you are able to break yourself down in a similar manner you can change your life. -
#27 by Myself on 11 May, 2012 11:39
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I know this is an old post but so much rings true with me.
I suffer with BDD too and am becoming housebound as a result. I also now have the problem of Hairloss and all that's goes with it and I am suffering terribly as a result. I have posted many times previously and included a photo in one which is very difficult to do as you guys know.
I am getting therapy soon hopefully as I think the alternative is not good.
Just wanted to say I understand your pain, you guys look normal, I don't