Author Topic: SOS I suffer a great deal!  (Read 9023 times)

Offline baldtribesman

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SOS I suffer a great deal!
« on: April 26, 2010, 05:54:14 PM »
Dexter I am going to let the cat out of the bag and tell you as well as my other Sly brothers what I suffer from.  I have body dysmorphic disorder.  For me this takes the form of really thinking constantly whether I look in the mirror or photos of myself or just thinking in my head, I believe that I am ugly, I believe I need plastic surgery.  I feel when people look at me they see a hidious looking man.  I feel my complextion and my facial skin is horrible.  I have been to hundreds of dermatologists and they say the lesions that I have are harmless, they also say do not look into the mirror to closely and then you will be happy.  Thats really know consellation to me and no matter what anybody would tell me I feel I am ugly ugly ugly ugly.  I have depression and low self esteem as a result.  I constately fantasize about having cosmetic surgery but I do not have the money for that.  Having Body Dysmorphic Disorder is particularly painful to me because I suffer from OCD as well so I obssess and obsess and look at the fine details of my face in the mirror close up. 

Why am I telling you this Dexter, and the rest of the Sly Crew hear?  Becuase first of all I want to tell you you are not alone in having mental anguish, even though I know your situation is unique to you as we are all unique.  The other is I want to ask the Sly Guys what I can do, whenever I do anything requiring me to give a photo out such as online chatting or dating I have experienced firsthand that when the lady sees my photo she no longer wants to talk with me.  And this is not even in person, I cannot get through the front door.  That sends the message to me that in real life face to face situations people that think I am ugly are not going to say that to me, and that people who say I look okay are only doing it to try to make me feel better but are really insincere in their compliment which I get rather rarely anyway. 

I also want to admit that I have a fear of putting an updated photo up because I feel that the photo which you guys currently see is at a good angle and that the lighting actually makes me look better.  I am sitting hear with my mac afraid to take an updated photo of myself to post because I have felt lately that I am particularly ugly.  I am depressed and have no confidence and self esteem.  I guess this may go on until I get enough money to have plastic surgery or have enough money to pay a prostitute or get a girl that is a gold digger, until then I am in this pititful situation guys.




Offline RyanJP

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Re: SOS I suffer a great deal!
« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2010, 06:43:46 PM »
Tribe my friend, I salute you for opening out and explaining your tribulation but at the same time I'm advising you to you stop beating yourself up. You mentioned that your afraid to upload a new photo/avatar, tell you what I put up a new photo of myself and do I think it's perfect, Hell no and I could critique it and say look at the scar on my right side of my cheek because it's a old nasty scab healing, I'm here for you my friend, Believe me when I say that I've gone through everything that you are going through one time in my life.

PM me if you want to talk.
« Last Edit: April 26, 2010, 06:45:26 PM by RyanJP »

Offline Razor X

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Re: SOS I suffer a great deal!
« Reply #2 on: April 26, 2010, 06:46:04 PM »
You're not even close to being ugly.  You look perfectly normal to me -- take that as a compliment because I'm highly critical when it comes to these kinds of things.  Granted, if you really were ugly, I wouldn't be rude enough to say so, but I wouldn't be saying you weren't if I thought you were.   :D

We all have cosmetic flaws; if you are going to get really close to the mirror and look for them, you will find them.  The view is never good from that close.

I assume that you're getting professional help for this disorder?

Offline baldtribesman

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Re: SOS I suffer a great deal!
« Reply #3 on: April 26, 2010, 06:53:47 PM »
Yes I am getting professional and I make some progress if my general mood but the feeling that my face is ugly is very deeply ingrained in me, next week I am starting Cognitive Behavioral Therapy on an outpatient basis at a hospital.  However I want the truth I want to hear from guys on this forum what I look like for real, for real not to flatter me or make me feel better, but the honest to g-d truth about my face.  I will find it hard to believe it when a psychologist or other clinical professional tells me what the deal is because as my former professor in college once said "psychologist and psychiatrists are like prostitutes they get paid to be your friend"

You guys here are not paid by me or forced to, this is a fraternity of real men, good men, and I appreciate your honest and candid viewpoints.

Fred

Offline Razor X

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Re: SOS I suffer a great deal!
« Reply #4 on: April 26, 2010, 07:07:02 PM »

However I want the truth I want to hear from guys on this forum what I look like for real, for real not to flatter me or make me feel better, but the honest to g-d truth about my face. 


The God's honest truth -- if I ran into you on the street, I'd probably take notice of you because of your shaved head (I'm just programmed to take note when I see other sly guys out in public).  But aside from that, I wouldn't think of you as anything other than an average guy.   There is certainly nothing wrong with how you look. 

Offline Mikekoz13

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Re: SOS I suffer a great deal!
« Reply #5 on: April 26, 2010, 07:17:09 PM »
Hey Fred ..... Look at my photo. I'm not exactly blessed with the world's greatest looks.

But I have been blessed with a real sense of who I am as a man. You can work on this my Friend. Be a good man and your confidence in yourself will grow.

You can find your answers in your own heart thru thought and your own Faith.
"What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?" W.C. Fields

Offline baldtribesman

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Re: SOS I suffer a great deal!
« Reply #6 on: April 26, 2010, 07:53:47 PM »
I did a pic just now despite my phobia of having my pic taken to show you guys the most current photo of me and more close up then the previous photo.  I am not much of a babe magnet if not monsterous looking in my own eyes.  I would define myself as having a ghoulish looking face.  If I do turns heads its because I scare people.

Fred

Offline sq

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Re: SOS I suffer a great deal!
« Reply #7 on: April 26, 2010, 08:02:25 PM »
Yes I am getting professional and I make some progress if my general mood but the feeling that my face is ugly is very deeply ingrained in me, next week I am starting Cognitive Behavioral Therapy on an outpatient basis at a hospital.  However I want the truth I want to hear from guys on this forum what I look like for real, for real not to flatter me or make me feel better, but the honest to g-d truth about my face.  I will find it hard to believe it when a psychologist or other clinical professional tells me what the deal is because as my former professor in college once said "psychologist and psychiatrists are like prostitutes they get paid to be your friend"

You guys here are not paid by me or forced to, this is a fraternity of real men, good men, and I appreciate your honest and candid viewpoints.

Fred

Offline sq

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Re: SOS I suffer a great deal!
« Reply #8 on: April 26, 2010, 08:11:10 PM »
opps didn't to that right

I had to reply to the bit about a college professor and "paid friends" - and I should say I'm not a psychologist or in any similar profession - you could make the same comment about any profession that you pay by the hour (humourous possibilities there) - just because one professor said something witty does not make it true - I would think that going in thinking "you are a charlatan" is not going to assist in the efficacy of any treatment -   I would offer another possible way of vieiwing psychologists - in alot of ways they are similar to rabbis/priests/pastors - these are people who are attempting to assist you with resolving problems in how you face the world -

Offline baldtribesman

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Re: SOS I suffer a great deal!
« Reply #9 on: April 26, 2010, 08:21:13 PM »
sq you are right, when I start therapy this week I will make an effort to have a positive attitude.  But hey the proof is in the putting, prostitution and porn where made for me.  I am ugly and I cannot get girls.  

Lets follow the logic-

Good looking guy + confidence=>babe magnet

Ugly guy+ Confident (I say confident because I have some talents and strong points and I know I am special and unique, but in the looks department I am severly lacking => Not only not a babe magnet but a babe repellent.  

and heres the last piece of logic

babe repellent=>cannot be succesful with women

cannot be succesful with women=>Lonely and horny

Lonely and horny=>Loneliness persist and for horniness I would have to resort to paying a babe or getting my kicks with porn.

So the conclusion is that I am a babe repellant but I dream of being a babe magnet.

Follow my logic?

Fred

Offline pdxtodd

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Re: SOS I suffer a great deal!
« Reply #10 on: April 26, 2010, 08:41:09 PM »
Fred you're a good looking guy.  I thought that all along.   Its interesting though that we project our self image to others around us.  I applaud you for sharing your story with us.  I am sure that you're not the only one out there who feels the same way.   I think you're a good looking guy -- I would introduce you to any of my single women friends in without reservation.    Be confident that you're a good looking guy,  throw away all the mirrors,   smile and watch the reaction of others to your smile and confidence.   

Offline aarrggh

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Re: SOS I suffer a great deal!
« Reply #11 on: April 26, 2010, 08:49:20 PM »
    Dammit Fred ; you need too get away for a bit --" take a vacation "
    Don`t waste money on a problem that does`nt exist . . . . .
                      
                                                                                                                                

« Last Edit: May 09, 2010, 08:02:54 PM by aarrggh »

Offline Razor X

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Re: SOS I suffer a great deal!
« Reply #12 on: April 26, 2010, 09:06:36 PM »
Fred, without naming names, what do you think when you see the photos of the other members here?  Some are inevitably better looking than others.  How would you rank yourself in comparison to the others here and why?

Offline DuffRyder17

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Re: SOS I suffer a great deal!
« Reply #13 on: April 26, 2010, 09:09:42 PM »
Wow, tribe I got a lot of respect for you... it takes a Man to open up and share his insecurities.
Let me start out by saying that you are a good looking dude...
and let me share something about myself.
I used to spend hours a week standing in front of the mirror wondering what I would look like with a prominent Jaw and chin. I can even say I'd rather have a strong jaw than have my hair back. and I told myself if I ever get the money I would get the plastic surgery.
I spend ridiculous amounts of time wishing and worrying. My subconscious has become conscious, when I check out girls I look at their jaw more than any other feature... It's absurd, but I can't help it.
Generally speaking, I do not have abnormal problems meeting/dating women. however deep down I feel like my jaw is inadequate.
I did see the shrink here at school and it did help. the thing is the most freeing is when I don't allow myself to linger in front of the mirror and I just go out and Be Myself.  

everyone has insecurities, even the Brad Pitts of the world
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, That's why it's called the present!

Offline andrew

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Re: SOS I suffer a great deal!
« Reply #14 on: April 26, 2010, 09:12:30 PM »
Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred ....

You're a normal looking guy.  What's all the worrying about?  Take a look at my mug.  It ain't pretty my friend and I'm overweight (which I'm working on).    But, women have always liked me.   I've never had a problem finding  girlfriends (when I was single).  As many of the other guys have mentioned already, it's all about confidence and the image you're projecting.    If you're constantly worrying about being ugly, you'll project the image of being ugly.

One thing that's worked well for me is to smile all of the time.  It helps in every type of social setting and at work.  Be friendly to women and everyone and you'll find them coming to you.
 
“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.”
–Albert Einstein



 



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