Help! I need some advice..

[Tomistoma21]

I've been lurking here for a bit, and I have to say the site is great.  So I need some advice:  I've been losing my hair slowly since i was 19, and I'm 22 now.  I have a receding hairline, and I was sick of styling my hair exactly the way needed to cover up thinner parts, so I went to the barber and just said, "buzz it to a 2."  I was really excited to just be free of having to make sure my hair looked ok (to say the least of having terrible hat hair).  After the buzzing was done, I was horrified to find that my hair was thinning on top except for "the island."  My excitement destroyed, I didn't really know what to do.  So what I have now is that LOOKS like a terrible haircut on top using a #1, #2, and #3 razors, with the island looking like the front of a failed mohawk.  So that's what I've been telling my friends.  So, frustrated, I decided that I want to shave my head with a buzzer with no guard.  But before going forward with it I decided to ask my friends and girlfriend.  I was shocked at their answers.  "I love your hair!"  "Don't shave it!  It looks great!"  "If it ain't broke, don't fix it.  It looks good." (all of these are about my hairstyle before any buzzing was done at all!).  So I don't know what to do.  Now I have an awful buzz cut that will look awful until it grows back to where it was before (and then I have to go back to combing it JUST SO, etc.), or shave it with a buzzer with no guard, which none of my friends or girlfriend thinks I should do.  Thanks a lot.     

[Antimidas]

It is going to be a matter of choice, but I would recommended going to a #1 and letting it all grow evenly if you want to grow it back.  Try the shave though and keep shaving it for 30 days.

I have the same problem and will try to post pictures tomorrow of what my hair looked like.  I had a bald spot in the back and receding on the sides making it look like horns.  After getting a clipper cut with a #4 on top and a #1 on the sides and back, it left a stripe of longer hair running from side to side across the front of my head.  A mohawk of sorts turned 90 degrees.

In basic training, they shaved with a #1.  I admit I cried.  I was 18 at the time.  Swore I would never do that again, so imagine my apprehension at shaving it.  But that is exactly what I did a week ago this past Monday and it looks so much better than the sideways cockeyed mohawk.  I like the look.  Family objected as did some friends because they loved the red hair.  But I am not kidding myself that I have the capacity to ever have a decent haircut that does not look like i am trying in vain to grow something.  I only have about a 2 inch circle on the top of my head that still grows with the little jutting point on the front.  That looks horrible.

Thought I would hate the shaved head, but I am so glad I did it.  Wish I would have kept it that way YEARS ago.

[Paul]

You are obviously dissatisfied with the way your hair appears regardless of the style.  It would seem that the only logical choice would be to go for the freedom that can come with shaving it slick.   You are the one who has to live with it, not family or friends so go for it.    If they truly care for you they will come around when they realize it makes you happy.  And if the sly look doesn't suit you after 30 days you can always grow it back and go back to the length of hair and style you started with.   If you DO decide to go sly you will find plenty of support and advice from the folks on here.

[SBG Math Guy]

welcome to slybaldguys.

The important thing to keep in mind is most of the guys who shave their heads have one regret.
I wish I had done it earlier is the regret.   So don't be one of those.   Shave it now and enjoy life.

[Razor X]

You are obviously dissatisfied with the way your hair appears regardless of the style.  It would seem that the only logical choice would be to go for the freedom that can come with shaving it slick.   You are the one who has to live with it, not family or friends so go for it.    If they truly care for you they will come around when they realize it makes you happy.  And if the sly look doesn't suit you after 30 days you can always grow it back and go back to the length of hair and style you started with.   If you DO decide to go sly you will find plenty of support and advice from the folks on here.

Exactly.  One of the first lessons a lot of us learn in your situation is that a buzzcut isn't always enough.  It looks better than longer hair, but can also reveal how thin some areas are and if there are bare patches on your scalp, or your hairline is severely receded, it doesn't always solve the problem. 

The general rule of thumb is that shorter is better.  I would take it down to at least a #1 or maybe a zero-guard.  It will look more even and will be a lot tidier.  Shaving it smooth is the best option, but you might need some time to work up to that.

Our loved ones usually mean well, but their opinions can often hold us back from doing what we need to do.  It's your head; don't feel obligated to wear a hairstyle you don't like just to keep someone else happy.

[D.A.L.U.I.]

, I was horrified to find that my hair was thinning on top except for "the island."  My excitement destroyed, I didn't really know what to do.  So what I have now is that LOOKS like a terrible haircut on top using a #1, #2, and #3 razors, with the island looking like the front of a failed mohawk.     

This is a "tough love" approach I know so please don't take it as criticism, just a statement of the probable future of your hair.  I too, although at a later age, had a carefully arranged and sprayed tight haircut--great barber.  But, a time came when I realized the thinning was getting bad, and taking my wife's makeup mirror I looked at the top of my head--I had two clumps of hair up front, then a very thin strip of skin, then a strip of thinning hair, then a hole in the back--not a pretty sight as you know.  I dithered about it for 7 months, I checked the net, I found shorter was better w/ mpb, so I went and had it buzzed.

Like you, except I had two, not one clump up front, a fading strip and a large hole.  I had waited too long, the buzz accentuated the loss particularly in any light stronger than candle light, but as noted I knew that long hair didn't work either.  I accepted the fact that the thinning of my hair and the increasing amount of skin would continue.  My choice was then, as your's is now, either shave it all and accept mpb was eventually going to leave me totally bald anway, or continue to slowly, hair by hair, day by day go bald.  I decided to get ahead of the game, I did and I've never regreted it.  Do I get comments, yes.  Wife hates it as do a couple of friends--particularly balding buddies who won't accept the fact on their own heads.  But many more like it, compliment it and most pleasantly, for a guy of my age, some young ladies now strike up random conversations w/ me--I married so I don't know how far I could go, but I know I can still attract young attractive ladies. 

It's a simple choice in my opinion, but I also dithered for 7 months so I can understand your hesitation.  Try it, 30 days, I and the other guys here, as noted above, think you'll like it.  There is a feeling of liberation and freedom when you finally wipe of your newly smooth head that is unbelievable. 
Hope to see you on the Sly Side Soon,

[Tom McGarry.]

First off, Welcome to the SBG Family Tom, (great name btw) seccondly, you've already recieved some great advise, Paul is correct to point out the fack that you are unhappy with both your new buzz cut and your past "just so" comb over look.

So I think the solution is to just go SLY, you might just get a big confidence boost, and I know your g/f said she likes your hair, but I would think that she likes the person under it more!!! If not, than it will not last anyway, and you will find someone who loves a confident man, sly or not.

[crazy.irish.celt]

Hey, Tom!   

If I may offer my two cents... 

Your first mistake with this was asking for the opinions of others.  Doing so gives them power over you by letting them know that their approval is needed.  I too asked my girlfriend what she would think, as well as my mother and a couple of friends (about buzzing).  I too got the "NO!!!  You aren't losing your hair, or at least you can't tell yet!  Just leave it alone."  You and I both know that these people do not get out of the shower with you every day and see the thinning/receding in the mirror.  They don't notice the subtle changes and experience that feeling of impending, unwelcome change.  That being said, knowing as we both do that this change is coming...  and change is something human being abhor (unless it is a know, desired change).  Your family/friends/girlfriend will obviously be opposed to it because they'll have to work a little harder to process your new look.  They'll be forced change their mental image of you and they don't want to because they're lazy without meaning to be. 


Human beings also crave uniformity in all things.  We can't help it.  We rip up natural forests full of various random species to build ordered housing subdivisions with imported trees planted in neat, deliberate patterns.  I could go on all day, but you see my point. People are going to be more "upset" with the island (which I fell victim to as well) than they will with a totally hairless head.  Skin here, hair there, more skin here, little hair there... not uniform.  Slick dome=flawless, symmetrical, "clean".   I would agree with buzzing your hair if you only had an evenly-receding hairline, but that is not in the cards for you.

I would just go for the no-guard look and not ask for permission.  It's your life, man.  If you let others make your decisions for you regarding things that are TOTALLY up to you at all times then you will end up living a half life. 

[Tom McGarry.]

Hey, Tom!   

If I may offer my two cents... 

Your first mistake with this was asking for the opinions of others.  Doing so gives them power over you by letting them know that their approval is needed.  I too asked my girlfriend what she would think, as well as my mother and a couple of friends (about buzzing).  I too got the "NO!!!  You aren't losing your hair, or at least you can't tell yet!  Just leave it alone."  You and I both know that these people do not get out of the shower with you every day and see the thinning/receding in the mirror.  They don't notice the subtle changes and experience that feeling of impending, unwelcome change.  That being said, knowing as we both do that this change is coming...  and change is something human being abhor (unless it is a know, desired change).  Your family/friends/girlfriend will obviously be opposed to it because they'll have to work a little harder to process your new look.  They'll be forced change their mental image of you and they don't want to because they're lazy without meaning to be. 


Human beings also crave uniformity in all things.  We can't help it.  We rip up natural forests full of various random species to build ordered housing subdivisions with imported trees planted in neat, deliberate patterns.  I could go on all day, but you see my point. People are going to be more "upset" with the island (which I fell victim to as well) than they will with a totally hairless head.  Skin here, hair there, more skin here, little hair there... not uniform.  Slick dome=flawless, symmetrical, "clean".   I would agree with buzzing your hair if you only had an evenly-receding hairline, but that is not in the cards for you.

I would just go for the no-guard look and not ask for permission.  It's your life, man.  If you let others make your decisions for you regarding things that are TOTALLY up to you at all times then you will end up living a half life. 

Well Said!!

[Tomistoma21]

Thanks for being so supportive guys.  I really want to buzz my head with no guard, my only issue is that I may want to let my hair grow out a little bit more, and if I buzz it now, I'll have to wait even longer for it to grow back.  I may see if I can handle my hair a little longer, maybe a #5 or #6, enough to cover the thinning.  Then if that doesn't work, I'll have no choice but to buzz it with no guard.  Thoughts?

[D.A.L.U.I.]

It's more tough "love" I think.  You know you're going bald, it's going to happen.  You can either get in front of this mule or behind it--and behind it, you'll be stepping in everything the mule of mpb drops--the anxiety, the concern about what happens if it rains and you get soaked--that happened to me and it's not pretty, etc., I don't have to spell them out you're experiencing them now. 

In the final analysis, you have got to decide what you want to do, what's best for you in your opinion, not mine, the brothers or any of your family and friends.  You  will have to look in the mirror and say, "I'm happy with this!" emphasis on the "I'm."  So if an attempt to cover up a little longer makes you feel better, that's what you should do.  No matter what length you buzz to, mpb will continue, day by day, hair by hair--and the thinning eventually will turn into larger balding areas. 

The only real bad things would be to have a hair transplant--read the sites on that, such as Bald R US for the regrets on that score, drugs--the problems are only beginning w/ that stuff and Rogaine will only grow you're skin doctor's wallet if it develops into a painful rash, or finally a rug--so if you want shag carpet, at a high price, do shag carpet. 

It's your life, no one else but you has to deal with your head 24/7/365 but you.  It's your choice.  Everything, except going bald--that you will be.  It's your genetic makeup. 

[Professor Melon]

 
Dear Tom:

 RazorX and Saintc said it best. Don't think we're brusque or insensitive. It's just that we've been there, know that MPB is inexorable, and that real relief is only a razor away. Like many others, I lived in denial longer than I should have. My buzzing from #2, to #1, to shave-it-all off took three and a half hours. It is traumatic, but, as the guys point out, after 30 days you'll be remarkably at home in your own skin. And there is no more careful combing, useless pills, spraying, and worrying about the wind. It's your head. If you embrace the new you with an upbeat attitude, the people whose disapproval you fear will follow suit. From what you mention, you have to find a new image for this next phase in your life. Look forward. Family sometimes find it hard to let go of your old image because doing so reminds them that THEY are growing old. In retrospect, I wish genes had pushed me sooner and faster, so that my reality and self-image could get together without prolonging the division, dishonesty, and embarrassment. Best, Professor Melon

[Razor X]

Thanks for being so supportive guys.  I really want to buzz my head with no guard, my only issue is that I may want to let my hair grow out a little bit more, and if I buzz it now, I'll have to wait even longer for it to grow back.  I may see if I can handle my hair a little longer, maybe a #5 or #6, enough to cover the thinning.  Then if that doesn't work, I'll have no choice but to buzz it with no guard.  Thoughts?

The one regret most of us have is not shaving our heads sooner.  Trust me, some day you'll look back at photos of yourself from today, and you'll be very sorry that you waited to shave.  The thinning isn't going to get any better -- we like to kid ourselves that it's not so bad; I know I did.  But when I look back at old photos, not only do I realize that it was that bad, it was much, much worse than I'd ever realized.

Please don't put yourself through that.  Accept the inevitable. As hard as it may be to understand right now, the healing process begins once that last bit of stubble is scraped off your scalp.  There will probably be a brief adjustment period, but you'll feel much, much better very soon after the deed is done.

[Antimidas]

To better illustrate Razor X's point, bear in mind that I HATE my picture taken.  But here is me about six months ago with hair.  Note that you can only see the receding hairline and not the bald circle on the crown that I was only able to see if I used two mirrors.  And the hairline is covered because I had always parted my hair from the side.  Pretty bad, huh?

[Razor X]

Pretty bad, huh?

Pretty typical, actually.  I have a lot of photos like that, and some that are a lot worse.  After I started getting buzzed down to a #1, we had an offsite luncheon/meeting at work.  They wanted to put together a big  Powerpoint presentation of photos of all the employees, so a couple of weeks before the event a photographer came around and took pictures of all of us at our desks.  On the day of the luncheon, when the slide show started, I nearly died when my photo came up on the huge screen.  I was directly under a fluorescent light, which made it look like I had absolutely no hair at all on the whole front of my head.