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Give me suggestions for my profile on a dating site? by dog20 on 10 Aug, 2008 13:12
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I had trouble coming up with things to say, since I don't think of myself as a very interesting person.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile?u=achyled -
#1 by BlackJamesRackham on 10 Aug, 2008 18:03
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Honestly bro, just be yourself. Let people know who you are. In doing that, you'll reveal what makes you unique. Talk about your leisure time interests, what you'd do if you didn't have to work, etc. Let people see the real man behind the computer. Good luck
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#2 by TheSlyBear on 10 Aug, 2008 19:36
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Get some professional photos taken, without the shades and wearing a nice shirt. And for god's sake, smile once in a while.
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#3 by TheTrucker on 10 Aug, 2008 20:01
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Sly rock and roller who's into sex, beer, and sex.
Did I mention sex?
No sheep, please. -
#4 by Northernlion on 10 Aug, 2008 20:50
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Interesting = Good
Traditional = BAD
As I understand it, in online dating women have all the power because they get tons of messages from guys and so can be very selective. As guys we might tend to think that this selection is based on looks (because a lot of ours is!). Sometimes I guess that's true but any woman could go out to a bar and pick up a good looking dude no problem if that's what she wanted. So clearly they're not just gonna pick the hottest stud who says "Hey baby" to go out with -- they're going to pick the MOST INTERESTING guys.
Be interesting by evoking emotion. A common section for profiles like this is something like "Hobbies". You'll find most guys writing some kind of list format like, "Skiing, surfing, meditation and yoga". Now, all of those things are really exciting but in a list like that no one notices. It's just words. Instead, pick one hobby or activity you like to do and make it really evocative by talking about what you feel like when you do it. For example, if you surf:
"One thing I really love doing is getting up before the sun on saturday mornings and going to the beach. Once I get there I take out my surfboard and start paddling out. It's so peaceful on the water in the morning when the beach is totally empty and the sun is just coming up over the horizon. Then there's nothing like the feeling when you see that first wave coming down the stretch..."
etc.
I don't surf so I might have camped that up a little but you hopefully understand what I'm getting at. The same goes for regular conversation too. Like if a girl asked you, "What do you like to do?" and you said "Well I really like surfing!" then the conversation is dead in the water. If you answered with that there's so much fodder for conversation because she is now emotionally engaged and the two of you can have a real conversation and connection.
PS. Even if you have what you think is the most boring hobby of all time, if you're passionate about it, that passion is contagious. Believe me, my interests are marketing, psychology, business, and technology and I still get people interested in them. If you have passion, people will get excited about it as well.
The truth of the matter is that most guys write online dating (and social networking profiles) like they WISH girls wrote them (a logical list of what they're about and what they want and thus why you should choose them) and girls write online dating profiles like they WISH guys would write them (more evocative and interesting). Write your profile like girls do. -
#5 by FR8TRAIN on 10 Aug, 2008 21:03
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DOG, THAT IT THE BEST AVATAR YOU'VE HAD UP YET!!!! IT CAPTURES THE REAL YOU!!!
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#6 by Northernlion on 10 Aug, 2008 21:22
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Dog, I just took a look at your profile and I'm going to give you my honest opinion: it needs a lot of work.
A lot of it sounds like you don't even want to be a part of your own life and if you don't enjoy your life no woman is going to want to join in on it.
I'm not an online dating expert but just at first glance here's some things you should change (these changes don't mean you're lying, you're just displaying yourself better. Like the difference between wearing a tux and wearing a vest).
"I guess if I was still in high school, I would be classified as a "dork." Well, I guess the better term that describes me is "not very sociable." I am friendly and funny with people that I know, but with strangers or people that I don't feel comfortable with, I don't say much and I come off as serious. Unfortunately, I come off as a nice guy in women's eyes. Its not an act, I'm a genuinely nice person and I have a good heart... its just difficult for me to get them to see me as more then just a friend."
This reeks of self-hatred man. Don't TELL people how they should react to you ("people generally see me as a nice guy [instead of a suitor]", "I'm not very comfortable in social situations"). Just by taking this paragraph out you already seem like a more confident and sunny guy which is what people want to be around.
"I am just a good person who wants to find love. I'm honest, caring, respectful, generous, and a good friend. I don't just want to find a girl that I'm attracted to, she has to be a good buddy too. The bottom line is, I want to find someone that I can enjoy life with/have memorable experiences with."
What I would worry about here is scaring girls off by looking too long-term. Most of the girls your age on this site are probably not going to be looking for a potential future husband (at least not at the start). I'd pare this down to something like, "I'm looking for someone who isn't scared of a good time" or something. Also, the characteristics you list -- honest, caring, respectful, generous, and a good friend -- those are things every girl wants in a friend but they're not going to make any girls want to jump your bones. Cut those out. You shouldn't really have to list your qualities -- be interesting in your profile and they'll come out when you meet the girls.
"In a nut shell, If you've ever seen the show "Jon and Kate + 8," I would like to have what Jon and Kate have, minus the kids of course :p. "
Again with the marriage thing which is going to make a lot of girls feel uneasy.
"I'm a senior in college and I am majoring in finance. I however don't enjoy it... and I have no idea what I want to do with my life" and "Books: I only read textbooks and I don't enjoy them."
Both of these just send the message that you hate what you spend your time doing. Negativity brings people down, positivity opens them up. You might be a really upbeat guy in real life but no one is ever gonna see it based on your profile! You could change that to "I'm a senior in college" and "I'm not much of a reader" and you'd be 10x better off.
I'd also get rid of most of the movies/music/etc in your lists because it makes it look encyclopedic and long.
On the "I spend a lot of time thinking about" section, putting things like "What do I want to do with my life? When will I find someone special? What are some ways I can improve myself? " is a bit of a turn-off. It makes you seem desperate and needy. You don't NEED to have a girlfriend right now, you're the f**king man and you're living a sick life! Believe it. Most people would kill to be in your shoes.
On a typical Friday night you're not working, you're doing something else. Something awesome -- write it down.
The most private thing about you isn't something you should put on an online dating profile. Change it to something like, "You'll have to at least buy me a drink for me to lay that one on you".
DELETE YOUR JOURNAL ENTRY.
It seems like you're really disillusioned and cynical about the whole online dating thing. PLEASE try out these suggestions for a while, send out more messages and let me know how the results go. You owe it to yourself!
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#7 by dog20 on 10 Aug, 2008 22:56
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Thanks bro, I will redo my whole profile.
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#8 by J Digory on 10 Aug, 2008 23:30
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My advice to you is to be positive when working on your profile and trying the site out. Don't be defeatist, man. You don't know WHAT will happen. Plus, put your good foot forward. Try to share some things about yourself that set you apart. I wouldn't be worried about turning anyone away by what you write. For every woman that won't want anything to do with a guy that collects penut-butter jars, there are maybe .2 women that think it sounds cool.
I used a silly example...but hopefully you get my point. Also, I would recommend some humor in there. Not all humor has to be degrading to anyone, so use some nice humor when writing about yourself.
Also, I would ask some of your friends to tell you some things they like about you. Why they like to be your friend...what makes you unique. -
#9 by dog20 on 14 Aug, 2008 11:22
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I deleted my profile and I messaged a girl in my area. I will keep you guys posted.
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#10 by Northernlion on 14 Aug, 2008 13:01
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deleted it or fixed it?
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#11 by marty22 on 14 Aug, 2008 16:30
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Go with the basics; then your hobbies and throw in a few oddball things.
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#12 by dog20 on 18 Aug, 2008 10:58
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deleted it or fixed it?
I got rid of what I had and typed some new stuff. What do you think of it now? -
#13 by BlackJamesRackham on 18 Aug, 2008 12:18
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Any luck yet on there yet, dog?
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#14 by dog20 on 18 Aug, 2008 21:09
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Any luck yet on there yet, dog?
Nope, but I am talking to a really cool girl. She lives in my state, but she is 180 miles away.