Author Topic: Being down abroad  (Read 4656 times)

Offline angryyoungman

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Being down abroad
« on: March 31, 2014, 09:13:16 PM »
Hello everyone,

at the moment I am faced with a situation I cannot handle myself.
To keep it short, last year I applied for a foreign year in Japan to improve my language skills and bring my studies to an end. I was a good looking confident guy and so they gave me the scholarship. I was so happy , my dream going to Japan was finally coming true.

Then within  half a year just before the project should start, the unthinkable happened I thinned so heavily all over my top hair at age 24 that I had to buzz it off for good. I don't look very good with that and I was afraid to stick out as a foreigner even more. On top of that all the stress initiated a crazy face aging for me, my face is bloated and full of new carves, wrinkles and tear sacs the size of a teabag.

I'm in Japan for 1 week now. My peers look so much younger than me that I'm ashamed to show my ugly face arround them. People reacted so surprised to how young I actually am only 24 and the Japanese seem to be disgusted by me and my hairstyle.There's definetely a cultural bias. I spend most of my time in my room occasionally forcing myself to socialize a bit, but it's very stressful.
I went from confident and funny to scared and introvert.
I force myself to exercise a bit, but I'm so afraid of how to live through this year. My youth was taken from me after I had to struggle in my youth for most of the time anyways and I feel like a worthless sack of flesh now.



Offline angryyoungman

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Re: Being down abroad
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2014, 06:36:49 PM »
Anyone?

Offline Razor X

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Re: Being down abroad
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2014, 08:21:04 PM »
If you're looking for a pity party, you've come to the wrong place.

Offline Mike E. P.

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Re: Being down abroad
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2014, 08:43:38 PM »
I'm sure you don't look as old and aged as you are describing yourself. You are 24 and are a young man. Losing your hair is not going to age you that much. I'm sure no one is looking at you with disgust. Japanese men go bald, too. It's not the end of the world. Maybe things are even more difficult for you because you are in a foreign place, away from home without friends or a source of support.

While losing your hair can be a difficult thing - it was for me, too - we eventually realize that a head of hair is not important in the grand scheme of things. There are many men who were or are in the same position as you. Your hair doesn't define who you are as a person.

This site is a great source of support. Read about others who have felt like you. Their stories and advice may help you.

Good luck!
Bronx bald and bred!

Offline slymyke

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Re: Being down abroad
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2014, 09:36:27 PM »
Have you checked with a doctor to see if there is something else going on medically?  Stress can do some weird things too. 

Offline nicolaus

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Re: Being down abroad
« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2014, 01:14:26 AM »
Hello angryyoungman, maybe I could be the best adviser for you. I'm now surprised to find a guy who is in the opposite situation of me. I come from Japan and have lived in Germany since 4 years! I experienced the same situation to you and can image and understand how you suffer from it.

I must say first of all, Japanese people look much younger than you European from the beginning. This can never be changed. We must accept it. We Japanese have much less wrinkles, curves and beard, and our hairs are very dark, hard and thick. By comparison with European  there are much less Japanese boys who go balding in his teenager or 20's. You envy of the young looking of Japanese guys, but on the contrary I envy of your looks! European guys looking older than his real age are very very masculine, sexy, gentle, calm and intelligent. I wish I could look so...

I work now in a company with 30 German colleagues. I'll become 30 soon and there are a couple of peers in 20s and 30s, however I feel often as if I were only a child, because they look much more mature and grownup than me. To look older I had tried to grow my beard, but it didn't help me. My mustache and beard are very very very thin and whiskers never grow up. I sometimes lost my confidence from this reason...

All of your conflict based on racial things. We can not change it so easily, but we can change our mind. Don't think that your older looking is only negative. There must be people who envy of your mature looking like me. If you want, I can advise you personally too. Wir können uns sogar auf Deutsch oder Japanisch reden ;-)

Offline angryyoungman

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Re: Being down abroad
« Reply #6 on: April 05, 2014, 05:43:48 AM »
If you're looking for a pity party, you've come to the wrong place.


I'm sorry if I came across this way, but don't go too harsh on me please. I'm just looking for some motivation during a very hard time.


Quote
I'm sure you don't look as old and aged as you are describing yourself. You are 24 and are a young man. Losing your hair is not going to age you that much. I'm sure no one is looking at you with disgust. Japanese men go bald, too. It's not the end of the world. Maybe things are even more difficult for you because you are in a foreign place, away from home without friends or a source of support.

While losing your hair can be a difficult thing - it was for me, too - we eventually realize that a head of hair is not important in the grand scheme of things. There are many men who were or are in the same position as you. Your hair doesn't define who you are as a person.

This site is a great source of support. Read about others who have felt like you. Their stories and advice may help you.


Well the stress, depression and insomnia is really going rough on my face, but I hope this will go away once I regain a grip of my life.
I'm reading through this site a lot, but I fear that bald is much better looking on the men here than it does on me.  I'm pale and skinny again and not very tall and possibly in the worst place in the world to go bald. Taking baby steps to improve my situation.


Quote
Hello angryyoungman, maybe I could be the best adviser for you. I'm now surprised to find a guy who is in the opposite situation of me. I come from Japan and have lived in Germany since 4 years! I experienced the same situation to you and can image and understand how you suffer from it.

I must say first of all, Japanese people look much younger than you European from the beginning. This can never be changed. We must accept it. We Japanese have much less wrinkles, curves and beard, and our hairs are very dark, hard and thick. By comparison with European  there are much less Japanese boys who go balding in his teenager or 20's. You envy of the young looking of Japanese guys, but on the contrary I envy of your looks! European guys looking older than his real age are very very masculine, sexy, gentle, calm and intelligent. I wish I could look so...

I work now in a company with 30 German colleagues. I'll become 30 soon and there are a couple of peers in 20s and 30s, however I feel often as if I were only a child, because they look much more mature and grownup than me. To look older I had tried to grow my beard, but it didn't help me. My mustache and beard are very very very thin and whiskers never grow up. I sometimes lost my confidence from this reason...

All of your conflict based on racial things. We can not change it so easily, but we can change our mind. Don't think that your older looking is only negative. There must be people who envy of your mature looking like me. If you want, I can advise you personally too. Wir können uns sogar auf Deutsch oder Japanisch reden ;-)


Das ist tatsächlich sehr interessant.^^
You look amazing bald, bro. My depression made me look sickish instead though. Can you give me an honest reply on whether you think Japanese might be afraid of me or not?






Offline Blitzed

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Re: Being down abroad
« Reply #7 on: April 05, 2014, 10:03:22 AM »
I don't know if this will help but...I'm two meters tall, have been since I was 13. Every time I have to go to the Orient I'm aware that people are looking at me and giggling because of my height. I have a shaved head but I don't believe that has anything to do with it. The Japanese on the one hand can create zones of privacy in the most public places but do not respect them in others. Occidentals are still very much in the minority and working there, as opposed to  being a tourist, is an even small number. Whatever else may be said about Japan, it's still amazingly Xenophobic and distrusting of outsiders. Also, back to being tall, I'm in more photograph albums in Japan than I can imagine. All that giggling I mentioned is usually accompanied by the clicking of a camera...You are a curiosity. As to the sudden loss and certain other changes, I agree that seeing a doctor is a good idea. This will be of no comfort but...if you were going to go bald, you've got it out of the way quickly as opposed to watching the tide flow out over years, knowing there was no repairing it, it's just inexorable. Your opposite number in Germany has some hard, cold but very prescient advice, listen to it. Remember when the "Eurotrash" look was on everyguy? I worked at the Dresdner bank at that point and had a 'tail down to the middle of my back. Styles change, bald or shaved is now completely accepted...in the West. Enjoy your experience and do get some professional advice.

Offline nicolaus

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Re: Being down abroad
« Reply #8 on: April 05, 2014, 01:44:18 PM »


Quote

Das ist tatsächlich sehr interessant.^^
You look amazing bald, bro. My depression made me look sickish instead though. Can you give me an honest reply on whether you think Japanese might be afraid of me or not?


Hey boy, it's a stupid question whether they might be afraid of you, you know? We can discuss the average philosophy or mind of Japanese. As Blitzed says, Japanese are relatively closed against outsider. It's caused by the geographical thing. Because our country is separated from the continent, we usen't to have good connection to foreign countries and aren't used to communicate with them yet. But 130 million people live in Japan. There are, of course, kind people and unkind people as well. It's important for you only whether people around you might be afraid of you or not, isn't it? I never know how your colleagues are. But I can tell you one of the most important rules to communicate with other people.

If you are afraid of them, they will be afraid of you too. If you are open to them, they will be also open to you.

Don't wait that they begin to open their heart to you, and you'll only waste time. Each person who's lived in a foreign country has experienced the depression you have now. Me too. :-) It has nothing to do which country they lived. If you begin to open your heart to the colleagues, the depression will go out. Don't be negative, don't worry about your appearance. As I said, there are people who envy of your appearance too.

P.S. Thank you for your compliment to my photo. It's took 3 years ago and now I have a normal short hairstyle. But I want to be bald again! Now I try to encourage me to do it. Your compliment became also a part of my confidence. Thank you!! :-)

Offline nicolaus

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Re: Being down abroad
« Reply #9 on: April 05, 2014, 02:20:21 PM »
I don't know if this will help but...I'm two meters tall, have been since I was 13. Every time I have to go to the Orient I'm aware that people are looking at me and giggling because of my height. I have a shaved head but I don't believe that has anything to do with it. The Japanese on the one hand can create zones of privacy in the most public places but do not respect them in others. Occidentals are still very much in the minority and working there, as opposed to  being a tourist, is an even small number. Whatever else may be said about Japan, it's still amazingly Xenophobic and distrusting of outsiders. Also, back to being tall, I'm in more photograph albums in Japan than I can imagine. All that giggling I mentioned is usually accompanied by the clicking of a camera...You are a curiosity. As to the sudden loss and certain other changes, I agree that seeing a doctor is a good idea. This will be of no comfort but...if you were going to go bald, you've got it out of the way quickly as opposed to watching the tide flow out over years, knowing there was no repairing it, it's just inexorable. Your opposite number in Germany has some hard, cold but very prescient advice, listen to it. Remember when the "Eurotrash" look was on everyguy? I worked at the Dresdner bank at that point and had a 'tail down to the middle of my back. Styles change, bald or shaved is now completely accepted...in the West. Enjoy your experience and do get some professional advice.

Hello Blitzed, the impression of Japanese to you was very interesting for me. Partly you are very right, but partly you misunderstand us or exaggerate, if I may comment about your opinion. I've already written about Japanese xenophobia in the reply to angryyoungman. Please see it.

I can imagine your discomfort when people took your photos curiously, but such a thing happens not only in Japan but also everywhere. I've lived in Germany for 4 years. When I walk in the city, someone often speaks to me "Konnichiwa!" in a sudden and giggles after that. Konnichiwa means "Hello" in Japanese. I experience such a stupid situation almost everyday. You know, they want to speak to me, only because I look obviously Japanese. There is a worse situation. Someone speaks to me "Niihao!". Haha, it's "Hello" in Chinese. :-P However I am never angry about it and don't regard German people lack respect. It's only wasting time to be angry about such a childish play, and I know also many respectful people in Germany. Once we regard a circumstance as negative, we feel as if everything around them would be negative as well. ;-)

 



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