A first-timer with a balanced opinion...

[newbie29]

I started to lose my hair when I was 18 and I panicked. I was always the kid with the huge pompadour -- being bald was simply inconceivable for me at the time. I started taking Propecia and gutted out the side effects for five years before switching to Rogaine for five more. Really and truly, I can say I was obsessed with the state of my hair for a decade. I even, for about a year, turned to concealers when I'd lost enough it was no longer possible to cover with combing and products.

I've an extremely reflective person, and I think I have a very balanced opinion on hair loss. My first and most immediate thought is that it is nothing short of insane to be so incredibly worried about something as shallow and insigificant as hair. This is, of course, much easier to say than to practice. We live in a hyper-visual society; we are powerfully image conscious. But to let your hair negatively affect your emotional state is crazy, especially over a long period of time. I can tell you now from experience -- no one cares as much as you do. And, more to the point, no one really -- not REALLY -- cares about your hair, or even about if you have any or not. You are the one who cares. You are the one with the microscope. 

Here's the simple reality: most people look better with hair. Unless you're Bruce Willis or Vin Diesel, you're probably one of these people. That's the bad news. Here's the good news: the difference, once you've given your friends and family time to get used to your new look, is not big at all. And for many people, it's almost nothing. And for me, that's the heart and soul of the argument, because when I was spending all of that time -- all of those years -- agonizing about going bald, I had this picture in my mind of a bald version of myself that was hideous. And the truth is, I look fine bald. And my wife -- who is beautiful, by the way -- really likes it. And my friends don't have a problem with it. Did I look better with hair? Yes. Did I look better by leaps and bounds? No. And for single guys, here's more good news: women are interested in confidence above all else. Not fake, "pick-up line guy" confidence, but genuine, soul-deep confidence that comes from knowing who you are and believing in yourself as a person. The second thing they're interested in? Ambition. And humor. And caring. We, as men, employ the fallacy of self-projecting bias onto the fairer sex: we think that just because men are intensely visual creatures women are the same. They're not. It starts with your confidence, not what's on top of your head.

I guess I'm mostly speaking here to a younger version of myself. So if that's you -- if you're in your 20s (I'm just hanging on to the last few months of mine) and you're agonizing, as I was, about what to do with your hair, please understand something: what you have under there is not nearly as bad as you think, and it's worth at least getting a look at. So here's what I recommend:

1. Be gradual. Don't have a mass of thinning hair one day and a slick scalp the next. That's just asking for people to gawk at you, and for you to develop anxiety about going out in public (at least at first). Cut your hair shorter than you usually get by a degree or two, and then, over a period of a few months, get it cut shorter and shorter. People will barely notice. I had my head shaved down to a 1 on the top, and when I Bic-ed it, it essentially looked exactly the same. I know it's tempting, especially if you've battled with your hair for so long, to just say screw it one night and shave it all off, but that's not the path of least resistance here.

2. Develop some perspective. It's easy for me to sit here and tell you your hair isn't the most important thing in the world, but you really have to internalize it. It's not worth spending hundreds and thousands of dollars for chemicals to hang on to what you, in your heart, know is going to be gone eventually anyway. Trust your intuition. Stand on honest ground.

3. Make shaving your head an exercise in self-improvement. Shave your head and then make it a point to go up and talk to people. If you're not naturally, force yourself to be more outgoing. If you're going to change your appearance, why not also make a positive change in a venue that truly matters?

Please don't think this is a string of platitudes from a bald guy who just wants to make himself feel better. You don't lie to yourself, so I'm not going to lie to you: if you've had hair your entire life, bald is a big change. And some women -- especially younger women -- might not like it. But you won't look like a freak. And, probably, your physical attractiveness won't even be diminished, or at least not significantly. But the point is, that's not what it's all about. You could make up whatever insignificant gap in how you are viewed -- and much, much more -- with confidence, genuineness and ambition.

So here's my call to you: put down your swords and quit this battle. It's not worth it. You have known that for a long, long time. It's time to lay down your demons and get square with yourself. Make a plan to shave it off, and then rejoice in the freedom it brings you. 

[kalbo]

Thanks for sharing your objective insight. You are helping a lot of undecided brothers to make the right choice. Welcome to the bald brotherhood. You wear bald really well.

[warhawk]

Hi Newbie29:  Welcome 2 the sly fraternity.  That is a great intro.  Glad that ya joined us.  Post up your head shave routine in the "head shaving" section of the forum under "your shave routine".

WARHAWK

[Sir Harry]

Welcome! Nice intro and post....you may be a newbie, but your words are spoken like a true SBG veteran!

[Frontier Guy]

Another welcome. Glad you've come to terms and can share your experience with others.

[stasiu]

Big Bald Welcome !  What a great article you wrote !  You need to have it published somewhere.  Here's a link to a perfect place:

http://younghairloss.com/2012/06/when-old-friends-see-that-youre-bald/

[Natedawg]

Hell of a first post, newbie! Excellent write up. Thank you for sharing your story here. I hope it inspires many younger men to not be afraid to try bald. 

And for single guys, here's more good news: women are interested in confidence above all else. Not fake, "pick-up line guy" confidence, but genuine, soul-deep confidence that comes from knowing who you are and believing in yourself as a person.

I just wanted to emphasize this for those who are worried about their sex appeal as a baldy. It's sage advice, and very true.

[Mr Jules]

Welcome Newbie 29.

Great post and great sly look.

[mrzed]

Well said.  Welcome.

You look fantastic with a BIC'ed head!  Looks great.

[AJB1015]

Great post, man. I do disagree with you on one point thought. I personally think that many men look better bald. I would say about 50% look better clean shaved or buzzed than with longer hair. Just another reason to go sly!

[balddoc]

Awesome post! Welcome to the brotherhood.

[Pike Mayne]

great post man

[Pike Mayne]

great post man

[Ozzzy3z]

Hello everyone.  This post really hit home with me.  I have been balding for too many years and finally decided to do something about it a few weeks ago.  My wife wasn't completely on board with me going sly (I was a bit nervous too!) so I decided to take it slow.  

As Newbie29 states, if you gradually go shorter and shorter the impact isn't that significant and people barely notice.  I am currently down to a #1 blade and feel comfortable right now.  The feedback I have gotten has been extremely positive (my wife loves it too!).  I don't know when I will go sly, but know that time will be sooner than I ever thought.

This forum has been a great resource for me and I am continually amazed by the support and encouraging words the members' share.  Thank you everyone for helping me in my journey to freedom!

[Frontier Guy]

Welcome Ozzzy3z, each person has to find the right approach for them. Whether it's "all the way at once" or "gradual" - doesn't really matter because it seems the overall experience and increase in confidence is similar.

If you have a moment, I recommend you post an intro in the Introductions forum so everyone can get to know you. Then, sit back, participate, and enjoy the camaraderie here. This place is filled with wisdom, encouragement, support and occasionally some straightforward balderdash!