What to do when you don't know what to do?

• What to do when you don't know what to do? by Morthen on 05 Mar, 2011 04:03
• Hey guys, I know I haven't been around much, sorry about that.
  
  Been busy with my job( yeah I finally got one and I hate it, but its money and its supporting my basic financial needs) and school.
  
  Anyhow, the point of this post is that I have become increasingly depressed and I am rapidly losing motivation to do anything productive. My grades are suffering, I am constantly unhappy and I just don't know what to do with myself anymore(Jesus this is worse than when I was losing my hair). Anyhow the persistent tormentor that is the cause of all this is of course the same thing its been for years, I do not know what to do with my life. I have been struggling with this issue for years, I have nothing I feel extremely passionate about and I feel as if I am not adequately talented/skilled enough at anything to make a profession out of it. I do not want to end up like my father miserable in a job I hate whilst crippled with debt.
  
  The whole "just go with it, it will come to you" answer frankly just isn't good enough, I can't stay motivated without a clear goal and I'm having extreme difficulty finding that goal.
  
  the only things I feel I am somewhat passionate about are animals(though I do not want to be a vet) video games, Film, I think I am decent at writing but I don't know if I am skilled enough to make a living off of it. These are just a few of my interests that I've considered trying to make something out of, but I have this sick twisted feeling that if I pursue any of my "interests" in college I will have a huge debt hanging over my head and nothing to show for it.
  
  I'm not even quite sure why I'm posting this, I suppose a cry for help from someone who understands my situation, or to seek advice from someone who knows what to do in this position.
  
  (I apologize in advance for how poorly written this probably is, I'm not in a very decent mental state at the moment)
  
  
  Thank you all in advance.
• #1 by D.A.L.U.I. on 05 Mar, 2011 07:00
• You need to talk with a professional.  Depression is a medically treatable condition, but it does need treatment.  Talk with a counselor at school, they should be able to refer you to someone that can help you out of this.  Do it today. 
• #2 by sailor61 on 05 Mar, 2011 09:20
• I've been in a similar spot, though at a different point in life....do what Saint says, he's right.  Talking a few things out with someone was one of the best decisions I've made.
  Just remember that there is no harm in meeting a counselor and deciding you don't "click" with that person and moving on to someone else.  It is all about the fit and YOU being comfortable in the relationship.
• #3 by Mikekoz13 on 05 Mar, 2011 09:56
• In my early thirties I was a mess. My personal life was a mess, relationship problems had worn me out, I was frustrated with my job, and life in general was a chore.
  
  Then one day I literally looked in the mirror at myself and said out loud, "You need to change some things about yourself if you ever want your life to get straightened out". So I sat down and literally wrote a list of my strong points and my weak points. Sounds easy enough, right? WRONG!!!!
  
  To be brutally honest with yourself about your short comings is very difficult... but I did it. I didn't like a lot of what I saw. So I vowed to myself to take one entire year to change what I didn't like about myself and to replace those things with things that I WOULD like about myself.
  One year... no girlfriends, no worrying what others thought of me..... one year to work on myself.... to make myself the man that I wanted to be. I figured if I could do that everything else would get better.
  I was true to my self vow and nearly one year to the day I met a woman that changed my life forever. Had I met her a year before she would have just passed in and out of my life.
  I'm a big believer that if you wake up to face each day raring and ready to go, ready to walk out your door in anticipation of what that day has for you, anxious to enjoy that day of life..... you will see amazing changes. Positive energy attracts positive energy. Nobody wants to be around the kind of people I call "Eeyores". You know the type... the black cloud is always hanging over them.
  
  I talk to strangers everyday, help out people whenever I can, and anticipate every single day. Search for a couple of old threads named "The Ripple Effect" and "(I think) Kindness of Strangers".
  
  Also, if you are the type to sit around, get up off your ass and do something. Go for walks, get out in the sun, workout, get yourself around positive people. Feel good about yourself and the world will feel good about you.
  
  LAst thing... and I've mentioned this on here before. Many years ago a Friend of mine gave me a gift that changed my life at  a terrible time. He handed me a simple, paperback book. As he did he grasped my hand tightly, and begged me to read the book. I did as he asked and it helpedd to change my life. That book is "The Power of Positive Thinking". It has a bit of a spiritual bend to it but the message is universal.
  
  My Friend the solution is inside of you.... look hard enough and you will find it.
  
  PM me if you want to talk.
• #4 by chgobuzzbald on 05 Mar, 2011 20:54
• I have seen that as children most of us are taught to think in a victim and fear based way. Meaning we will be victims of - bad economy, other people, diseases, hair loss, aging, bad weather, bad people, anything really. Try writing out simply- "I release all encodements of fear and victim based thinking today on all subjects". Train yourself to think of that phrase each time a thought occurs to you that you will end up with debt and nothing to show for it etc. This has helped me generate the confidence to move on and not even get depressed about anything from nosy neighbors to plane crashes , anything!
  
  I am on my second career. The one I picked in college I picked only because I thought I could do it and make money (computers and software). I hated most of the classes and hated my first job, hated my second job...you get the idea ?  I finally spent about 5 years searching for a career based on the simple premise it had to be FUN and make me want to do it day and night, 7 days a week. Read a couple career books and finally found  that new career. I make more money than I ever did in my first career and love doing it, usually 7 days a week.
  No one can pick a job or career for you. But maybe if you look to what is FUN for you to do and find a way to make money from it your depression will reverse and try the phrase above. I use it every day several times still.
• #5 by Morthen on 05 Mar, 2011 23:05
• Thanks for all the replies guys it really helps.
• #6 by marty22 on 10 Mar, 2011 18:25
• Hang in there!
• #7 by TheBaldAndBeautiful on 24 Aug, 2011 19:34
• Sorry for digging this up.  Ever since I've done the gym thing, my confidence has lifted to extreme levels.  I remember being skinny-fat and not talking to women.  Women didn't even want to be around me.  Felt like a loser and creep.  Depressed all the time.  Ate a sh*t load of bad food and played online games all day since I didn't think anyone liked me.  Plus losing the hair too affected my confidence.  Now, I don't care anymore if people say something about my head, they're just amazed by my physique and strength.  Right now, I've turned my life around completely focusing on living healthy, thinking positive and destroying negative thoughts as well.  THe people who do nothing with their lives, I quickly got rid of and don't talk to them anymore.
  
  
  Trust me, when you do everything above, you'll forget about depression.  I'm in the same boat as you, but I feel positive, happy and know in my mind that I'm going to succeed in life.
• #8 by Spawn Of Evil on 27 Aug, 2011 11:20
• Get our of the house, Walk long and often, I walk about 30-40 miles a week and my head is always clear of crap at the end of it. Once it's clear I can think more productivly. If I have a productive thought I write it down that way I stand a chance of making it become reality. Nothing feels quite like finding one of your notes to yourself and screwing it up with the resounding thought of DONE!!! Chin up mate.
• #9 by buddha on 28 Aug, 2011 14:17
• Although I have spent a lot of time on therapists' couches over the years I'm going with TheBaldAndBeautiful and Spawn of Evil on this. Every time in my adult life that I have started getting depressed or actually fallen into the hole that is depression has been when I have not given my body the exercise that it needed. When I was on the streets dealing with bad guys on a daily basis motivation was easy. Any one of the people I crossed paths with during a day could have been sizing me up for an assault so I kept myself ready to do battle if it ever came to that. I've been off the street for over a decade so I no longer have that immediate threat to motivate me.
  My wife recently gave me an idea that has been sufficient to provide me with the motivation I need to work out regularly. I do it now just because it makes me feel better. That's all. I feel better.
  I feel better physically and I feel better mentally. I am still one of the most f***ed up people I have ever known but the fact is I don't feel that familiar old drag of depression when I'm getting some exercise. IMO walking is good, running is better because the cardiovascular effects are more profound and it tires me out and makes me sweat. That, for me, makes all the difference. Cardio and resistance training are the ideal. A guy doesn't have to pump heavy iron to derive benefits. Dumbell workouts will tone the body and increase speed and endurance.
  I am not discounting therapy. The cautionary note is this: There are many different schools of thought in the therapeutic community and many more practitioners who have their training in each school of thought. It can be difficult to achieve a good fit with a therapist. It certainly takes a good deal of time and effort to conduct a search for someone who truly fits your needs.
  My suggestion, therefore, would be to begin an exercise routine that stresses you physically. During the times that you are not otherwise engaged (working, exercising, etc) you can be taking proactive steps to find a therapist/counselor. And don't settle for a therapist. Find somebody that really gets YOU, not just somebody who applies generalized rules and techniques to you that seem (in his or her opinion) to fit.
  I am in total agreement with you on the "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" approach that a lot of our friends will offer in an attempt to be helpful. Pain of depression is individualized. People who don't get it just don't get it. I envy them. But their attempts to "help" also fall short for the same reason. If they haven't seen what I've seen or felt what I've felt then, regretably, their well intentioned efforts simply make me want to retreat from them so I don't have to hear "the speech". But as one person who has been in the same general boat I offer you what has worked for me in the past. Good luck.
  Sorry I went on so long.
• #10 by Myself on 28 Aug, 2011 15:08
• There is some great advice from people here.
  
  I am where you are too, anxiety and depression are crippling me
  
  I suffer with Body Dysmorphic Disorder (hate the look of myself) which is ruining everything. I am going to try an exercise program as some have suggested and hope this helps to ease some of the anxiety.
  
  Good luck.