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I just can't get used to how I look. by andy. on 15 Mar, 2009 17:26
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Im 19 and going bald. I got fed up of watching my hair thin so I buzzed it down to just the clippers and I have been like this for 3 and a half months. I shaved it once but I don't have the time to do it all the time.
The problem is I don't like how I look, I don't think I suit it and that it doesn't fit with my personality. I can't get used to it and I'm not happy with how I look so I don't know what to do.
People judge me for how I look and I'm scared to make a move on anyone because of them laughing at me. I'm gay but not the narcissistic type but many people are and judge me and I feel like an outcast from gay people and all my straight friends.
I don't know what to do, any advice? -
#1 by TheSlyBear on 15 Mar, 2009 18:18
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Well, we can't say anything about whether the look "suits you" unless you post a picture.
And from one gay guy to another, trust me, the buzzed or sly look will not prevent you from getting laid. Far from it.
You know what will keep you alone? Standing in the corner projecting "I'm a loser! Don't look at me!".
It's all about your attitude, man. Get over the "I'm losing my hair so I'm less of man" crap, and realize that you have the power to be confident in a look that you own. -
#2 by Tyler on 15 Mar, 2009 18:32
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I think that's great advice from BootedBear.
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#3 by Rob on 15 Mar, 2009 19:08
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Yeah: listen to the bear, coz he's speakin a lot of sense. We can't really comment till we see a pic, and I don't know what you mean by saying it doesnt suit your personality: you have to MAKE being SLY a part of your personality, but you can't do that unless you first accept it.
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#4 by SBG Math Guy on 15 Mar, 2009 19:32
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First problem is you said you only shaved it once..............bro that's not enough time to know whether or not you will like it. I don't know if you read the stuff posted on this site but the guys have come up with the 30 day rule. Try it for 30 days before you make a reliable and genuine opinion. One day is not good enough.
If I based my opinion on the first day I saw myself with a shaved head I would walk out man. I didn't like my shaved head until about 50 days after regularly shaving 2 to 3 times a week.
Secondly, buzzing it down with just clippers is completely different than shaving with a razor. Many people don't look good with a short buzz but you shave and it's like wow what an improvement. The short buzz doesn't suit me for example, but when I shave it I really like it.
Third, you are 19. You have a lot to learn. You see all that confidence Rob has (make sly part of your personality). Well bro that comes from age. So you will get better at it. I PROMISE. Just go out and don't let this one thing ruin your happiness. Time heals everything.
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#5 by Sean25 on 15 Mar, 2009 19:37
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Straight or gay friends, it doesn't matter my man. At that age there is going to be heckling about hair loss no matter what you do. I know how that feels but it will go away once you show them it doesn't bother you. That's easier said than done but it's really the only way. Post up a pic and we'll let you know how it really looks on you. To be honest even if it doesn't look that great I don't think it can look worse than a head or frail, thin hair.
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#6 by Razor X on 15 Mar, 2009 20:41
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Sometimes you just have to learn to make it work. You need to give it more time. You can't bring your hair back. What else about your appearance are you unhappy with, other than your hair loss? Experiment with the things you can control -- new clothes, facial hair, getting in shape, etc. All of these things can make you feel better about yourself and improve your confidence so the hair loss won't seem as important.
I shaved it once but I don't have the time to do it all the time.
Yes, you do. It takes a while to shave your scalp clean the first time, but after that, it only takes about 10 minutes a day if you shave it every day. It will go faster as you get used to what you're doing. Surely you can spare 10 minutes a day? You've probably spent more time than that trying to get your hair to look right.I can't get used to it and I'm not happy with how I look so I don't know what to do.
You can get used to it and you will. But first you need to get out of the negative mode of thinking. It will take a little time, but you'll get there. There's a lot more to you than just your hair. The confidence will come, with a little effort on your part. In the meantime, fake it. I'm sure no one is laughing. -
#7 by Mikekoz13 on 16 Mar, 2009 04:33
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Welcome to the Forum Andy.
Booted Bear nailed it.......... give shaving a 30 day trial run. -
#8 by PeripheralxMvmnt on 16 Mar, 2009 08:46
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The brothers nailed it quite well, as always.
You have to look at it like this: This is the hand that you have been dealt. What are you going to do about it? Its either shave bald, pump yourself full of chemicals that cause financial, emotional and possibly physical damage, or not do anything. Thats the ultimatum. Your initial reaction might not be favorable because it is such a change (even if there wasnt that much hair) but you have to be optimistic and keep up with it.
And as far as acquaintances (because friends dont do that), to hell with them. People are predatory in nature, and we instinctively seek out each others perceived flaws. And thats the trigger word: Perceived. Its all in how you carry yourself. Its different, and they can smell your insecurity about it. They are going to take their shots, and if you dont let it bother you, they will get bored and move on. It sounds pessimistic, but its a classic predator/prey mindset. If you can overcome perceived weaknesses, then you are a harder target. And why exert so much energy for a harder target?
There definitely is something about shaving your head and it being a life changing thing. Some people take to it quickly and love it, and some have to warm up to it. This board is full of people like that, and this is what we are here for. So welcome to the board, and hang in there. You will have your "moment of clarity." -
#9 by drclean1969 on 16 Mar, 2009 10:50
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Andy, you came to the right place for support! The guys here are great, and they've posted some excellent and affirming advice. So without trying to repeat what has already been said so well, I'll offer my thoughts for whatever help they may give you.
First, you have one advantage that I can see, which is that you're already "out" at age 19. To me this shows you already have a certain degree of self-confidence and self-awareness. I admire your courage for that.
Okay, so you're balding at 19. Yeah, that sucks. I myself was balding at 25. But then I didn't have the guts to come out yet or deal with my hair loss appropriately! I shaved my head once at that time but didn't have the courage to keep it up or show it to anyone, so I wore a hat all the time and grew it back. Lame, I know. And then I did the same thing a couple years later.
It wasn't until I grew up a bit more and developed some self-confidence that I both came out and took all my hair off and kept it that way. So by the time I turned 30 I was finally out and proud, and shiny bald and proud! And yes, I did get comments, but they were all good-natured and positive. And I got 10 times as much attention from other guys.
So what's my point? I guess it's all about when you're ready. You were ready to come out earlier than I was. Only you can tell if/when you're ready to wear the bald head proudly. But when you do, be assured that it will not be a negative thing AT ALL in the eyes of other gay guys. And it does not make you look older - just look at the guys on this board. Some of them are around your age, and they look young. It's the face that shows age, not the head. So just do what a lot of us do - dress well, keep your body in good shape, keep your head cleaned up, and own the look! It'll be great. Good luck and keep us posted. -
#10 by DuffRyder17 on 16 Mar, 2009 13:50
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lots of good advice here already.
let me just say that my gay friends were some of the most accepting people about hairloss, I don't know where your from and what the people are like there but I think the gay community will accept you.
secondly, the 30 day trial run really helped me get used to it. and it helped everyone else get used to it too. -
#11 by The Scottish Ambassador on 16 Mar, 2009 16:04
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Cant add anything else buddy. The brothers got this one well covered. Only thing I can say is WELCOME
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#12 by DCdome on 16 Mar, 2009 18:46
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Cant add anything else buddy. The brothers got this one well covered. Only thing I can say is WELCOME
What he said. Welcome, buddy. -
#13 by Christian on 17 Mar, 2009 02:49
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Ever noticed that a lot of gays love men with a shaved head?
Just be yourself, shave your head and be proud of beeing bald!
The first time I shaved it didn't look that great either, but I liked the feeling and wanted to be bald. So I kept shaving. Now people can't imagine me with hair and a lot of guys and women like it very much!
If I would have the courage when I was twenty I would have definitly shaved it all off. Just take the advice from all the people here and shave it for 30 days all off. Look in the mirror and be proud!
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#14 by marty22 on 17 Mar, 2009 06:21
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Agree with Christian here. If I had it to do over, I would have shaved it off or had everything lasered by 25.