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#15 by time2shine on 04 Sep, 2008 13:48
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Very insightful feedback guys, i appreciate it all.
And Mike, with the gas equations and everything! And actually the 5 and 30 were in reference to minutes, so my current drive to work is even less than 5 miles... its about 5 miles roundtrip. Very very nice.
I guess I implied it in my last post, but didn't make it clear - she would be moving back home as well, to live rent free while she looked for a job, so that would be a benefit for her, money wise. But I also agree with not holding money as the highest importance, as that will come and go..
But like Dave said, I just need to make a list with a weighting factor on each item, and figure it out.Be 100% committed to you choice.
That's probably the best thing I can do. Thank you. -
#16 by GASlick on 04 Sep, 2008 19:02
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I came in on this late, but I think I have something to add.
I got married at 21 and my wife was 20. We did not live together before we were married, my parents and hers both were staunch against it. Which is fine. Quite honestly, WE didn't want to live together before we got married. I would be against my children living with someone before getting married too. If they want me to pay for a wedding, they play by my rules.
It will do your relationship good to actually NOT live together for a few months. Both of you can do "your own thing" before it's the two of you for the rest of you lives.
My parents were very clear: If you move out, you are out. And I quote: "We love you very, very much. But if you make adult decisions, food clothing and shelter are part of being an adult". Pretty clear where they stood, huh?
With all that said though, I did get married very young, which I don't recommend for everyone. My wife and I practically grew up together after we got married. We made mistakes, me more than her, and got through them together. I don't know how much that helps, but there it is.
Good Luck and ppssstt - little secret........better let her have the wedding she wants.
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#17 by wpruitt on 04 Sep, 2008 20:30
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I think a bigger issue facing our parents is them having to live with us - or us having to move in with them - as they age and their health fails. No one likes to think long-term health care facilities. My parents always said they would hire in-home health care. We have learned that is easier said than done, though.
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#18 by PowerOfCheese on 04 Sep, 2008 20:55
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I'm all FOR living together before marriage. I lived with my wif... wait... I'm in the middle of a divorce..... I say DON'T live together before marriage. Moving back home for a bit after having been living on your own can be a good experience for your whole family.
For me, when I moved back home I was a better son. I had a deeper understanding about what it takes to run a home and the added respect I gave to my parents came back to me 10 fold. Aside from right now, we never got along better.
Unfortunately I don't think I ever managed to save money living with my folks. Because I didn't want to hang out with them every single night I ended up going out a lot to give everyone the space they were accustomed to. Going out and enjoying life can be quite expensive. My plans went poof and I ended up moving out because I found a better job for more money.
In any case, it sounds like you have good stuff going on and you get the girl in the end. Awesome! Best of luck to you. Life's an adventure.
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#19 by time2shine on 05 Sep, 2008 12:38
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Thanks again for the feedback.
As of yesterday, we made it official to go with our original plan of moving out by the end of this month. We sat down and decided that at this point in our lives, this is the best decision we can make.
Although you guys made some great points to stay in my current situation, this will be a great oppurtunity for us to be close with our families in the coming months before our marraige. Both our parents are not going to charge rent (I feel guilty just typing that) to help us save a little as well. I'm extremely grateful, but I will be volunteering to help out with money, we'll see how they respond. The 10 months will go quicker than I think, and I'm sure I will look back at it as a smart decision.
GA, I agree with you that the time not living together will be beneficial. Not that I want to be away from her, but because we can have a fresh start, and do things right the first time, when we move back together.
I do not want to turn this thread into a religion talk, but I am also making this decision for religious reasons. It's hard to understand why one would make decisions to possibly make life harder, because of their religious beliefs, but it's what I feel is right. I'm not proud of some decisions I've made, but all I can do is move forward and make the decisions that I believe are right.
Beyond that, my dad is a marraige and family therapist, and has told me that statistics show that couples who live together prior to marraige are more likely to divorce. Of course, I don't know where he got these statistics, and what the differential is, but if you knew my dad, it would be hard not to be persuaded by that comment. Not only is he a marraige and family therapist, he has this silent assasin quality about him.. it's like he's just observing the situation and holding his thoughts to himself - I know he never wants to impose, but I'm always whats going on in that brain of his
I'm babbling, and I'm surprised if you're still with me, but the bottom line is, when/if I have kids of my own, I want to be able to back my big bad laws, with some valid experience.
edit - LOL.. didn't mean to put a kissy face...i was looking for more of a
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#20 by Brkeatr on 05 Sep, 2008 13:06
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Best wishes to you young bro !!...and by the way.....sounds like your Dad is a wise man
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#21 by Mikekoz13 on 05 Sep, 2008 17:52
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Time2Shine--
I know you're not married yet but you will find it harder to save money once you ARE married.......unless you know the secret that married men everywhere have figured out. Since you're a SLY brother I'm going to give you the secret now so you'll be prepared. Here's the secret:
The day before your wedding take a very large jar and place it in an indiscreet place in your bedroom. From your wedding day until your first anniversary, every time you and your new bride have sex put a dollar in the jar. Starting the day after your first anniversary every time you and your wife have sex take a dollar out of the jar.. You'll never empty the jar...thus a nice savings.
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#22 by GASlick on 05 Sep, 2008 17:53
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You know Mike, I have heard that hundreds of times. Has anyone actually done that?
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#23 by time2shine on 05 Sep, 2008 17:59
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The day before your wedding take a very large jar and place it in an indiscreet place in your bedroom. From your wedding day until your first anniversary, every time you and your new bride have sex put a dollar in the jar. Starting the day after your first anniversary every time you and your wife have sex take a dollar out of the jar.. You'll never empty the jar...thus a nice savings.
LOL. thanks -
#24 by Mikekoz13 on 05 Sep, 2008 18:01
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You know Mike, I have heard that hundreds of times. Has anyone actually done that?
Of course you've heard it before....YOU"RE MARRIED!!!!!
Well I've been married nearly 13 years and I just counted what was left the other day...... still have $7421 left (it was a busy first year).........
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#25 by GASlick on 05 Sep, 2008 18:02
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You know Mike, I have heard that hundreds of times. Has anyone actually done that?
Of course you've heard it before....YOU"RE MARRIED!!!!!
Well I've been married nearly 13 years and I just counted what was left the other day...... still have $7421 left (it was a busy first year).........
you wish.
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#26 by Mikekoz13 on 05 Sep, 2008 18:04
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You know Mike, I have heard that hundreds of times. Has anyone actually done that?
Of course you've heard it before....YOU"RE MARRIED!!!!!
Well I've been married nearly 13 years and I just counted what was left the other day...... still have $7421 left (it was a busy first year).........
you wish.
Stephen-
If I'd have gotten laid that many times the first year I would have weighed 27 lbs. and been blown away in the first stiff breeze that came by!!!!
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#27 by Timmay on 06 Sep, 2008 23:26
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I did that...and all i had was 50 cents...
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#28 by Kojack on 07 Sep, 2008 04:46
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If anyone in this world will allow you to live with them for nothing… take advantage of the situation and make the best of the opportunity. Doesnt matter if you're 17 or 87.
Save up enough cash to buy a house, a car, a hot tub and a boat. (At the very least)
I wouldn't worry too much about the moral aspects.
especially if you've been living together for 2 years.
(Unless of course you're a eunuch)
It's always better to rely on others and vae your cash if you have that opportunity. I'm currently 37 and moved out when I was 19 years old. If I could find a sucker to take me back in so I could save my cash, I'd be all over that deal!! Unfortunately at this point I make like like 5x more than my folks and they live in a small house in the middle of no-where.
If anyone is interested in a room-mate wth ALOT of baggage. PM me. -
#29 by time2shine on 08 Sep, 2008 08:37
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Best wishes to you young bro !!...and by the way.....sounds like your Dad is a wise man
Thanks Brkeatr. He is a wise man.If anyone in this world will allow you to live with them for nothing… take advantage of the situation and make the best of the opportunity. Doesnt matter if you're 17 or 87.
Great point.