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Living with da folks by time2shine on 04 Sep, 2008 11:28
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Hey guys. This is a follow up to Buckweet's question about what age should your kids be leaving the house. I feel that it should be as early as maturely possible. If your son/daughter isn't out by atleast 20, then they should be paying rent. With that said, I'm stuck making a decision, and I will copy/paste my post from the previous thread:
"I am currently living on my own (23 yrs old), but I am planning on moving back to my parents for the next 10 months before I get married to save up some money and/or somewhat of a nest egg. I will still be employed, and although it initially sounded like a wise decision to make, I am really not looking forward to it. My parents are surprisingly not opposed (atleast from what they say), but I'm fearful of falling into the traps of living at home - spending money on luxories, family drama, invading my parents's space. But one of the biggest downsides of moving from my current place is that its 5 minutes from work, while my parent's place is a 30-45 min drive depending on traffic (not too bad)."
The reason I would have extra money, is they would not be charging rent. It has been a goal of mine to be able to purchase a house at a young age, and I'm seeing this as an oppurtunity to store away money, that I would be spending on rent ($500 dollars, at the cheapest, in Seattle). My question to you, particularly guys that got married young, or have moved back home is: Would I benefit more from the money I save in those 10 months, or from the experience of continuing to live on my own before getting married?
Furthermore, and here's what I failed to mention in the first post, I am currently living with my girlfriend, and my parents are NOT in favor of living with your spouse before marraige, which is why they are mostly not opposed to me moving back home.
Another question, what's all your guys' takes on living with your woman/man before marraige? Given your backgrounds, would you support your son in his decision to live with his future wife?
I may get a wide range of answers, but I respect your opinions, and wanted to see if u had any thoughts. Thanks for reading. -
#1 by Sly Red on 04 Sep, 2008 11:33
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Just wonder . . . how long have you been co-habitating?
Red -
#2 by BlackJamesRackham on 04 Sep, 2008 11:45
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I live at home with the rents. I'm 24. But...that's only because I travel a lot for work and am only home on the weekends, half of which I spend out of town visiting friends. As soon as I have a more permanent location job-wise, I will be moving out.
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#3 by time2shine on 04 Sep, 2008 11:54
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Just wonder . . . how long have you been co-habitating?
Red
Roughly 2 years -
#4 by Brkeatr on 04 Sep, 2008 12:06
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My wife and I have been married 37 years and I would have to agree with your parents. No living together outside of marriage. That being said I realize everyone will have a different opinion depending on age and the values you were taught while being raised and things like what your peers do and so on and so forth.
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#5 by Sly Red on 04 Sep, 2008 12:21
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OK, I have to present the amoral view now. After two years of living together, moving back to your parent's house seems a hollow gesture. Since I've never had the option of a legal marriage I can be a little more pragmatic. How is it that you would save money by moving home. What is the rent payment arrangement in your current living situation. Also, if you are very close to work that is a big positive. Why not just get married now? (BTW, I'd be about in your parents' age range)
Red -
#6 by Brkeatr on 04 Sep, 2008 12:24
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Boy Red....your old....
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#7 by Sly Red on 04 Sep, 2008 12:28
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#8 by Brkeatr on 04 Sep, 2008 12:30
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Boy Red....your old....
Gee Brkeatr . . . you're older
Red
OK....OK.....LOL -
#9 by time2shine on 04 Sep, 2008 12:42
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OK, I have to present the amoral view now. After two years of living together, moving back to your parent's house seems a hollow gesture. Since I've never had the option of a legal marriage I can be a little more pragmatic. How is it that you would save money by moving home. What is the rent payment arrangement in your current living situation. Also, if you are very close to work that is a big positive. Why not just get married now? (BTW, I'd be about in your parents' age range)
Red
Red, I am all for getting married to her right now. Get me to Vegas, and lets seal the deal. Steph, however, wants a "real" wedding, and we already have it planned to happen in her Grandparent's backyard. She's really excited about it. I have also suggested, hey, let's get it done with a judge, we can still have a ceremony next Summer. Her reply is that it won't be the same... but I am still working on that suggestion. Also the reason we are waiting until next summer is she finishes up school soon, and this will give her time to focus on getting into the workforce, rather than planning a wedding.
I currently pay $550/month for my current living situation, and moving back home would save me that money. As far as it being a hollow gesture, it's not a gesture in my eyes, as it has little to do with pleasing my parents. But as you see, it still affects me a bit. Family get togethers are awkward, and as much as I don't want to care how my parents view me, it still is on my mind because i love and respect them.
But honestly, I would like you to convince me that not moving back is a better decision, because i just don't want to do it. I like how I'm living now, i just have the opportunity to save some cash b4 the big day. -
#10 by Sly Red on 04 Sep, 2008 12:48
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Is the $550 going toward your fiancee's apartment, or do you maintain another apartment that you call your own? If it's hers will she get another roommate to make up the difference? I'm not saying 'don't honor your parents', just saying after two years, what's the diff? It just seems like a lot of moving and inconvenience for appearances sake.
Red -
#11 by time2shine on 04 Sep, 2008 12:55
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Is the $550 going toward your fiancee's apartment, or do you maintain another apartment that you call your own? If it's hers will she get another roommate to make up the difference? I'm not saying 'don't honor your parents', just saying after two years, what's the diff? It just seems like a lot of moving and inconvenience for appearances sake.
Red
It is 1100 a month, split in the middle. Her parents pay her half of the rent (yes, lucky girl) while she has been going to school. Now that she will be graduating, she will not have that, and living with her parents may take some pressure off her trying to find a job right away. After typing that, it seems like it would be a trap for her to freeload, but she is nothing like that, and we will be living together again in 10 months, regardless. -
#12 by Mikekoz13 on 04 Sep, 2008 13:13
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I agree with Red... after two years it shouldn't make a difference. Your folks should be over it by now..... besides you're marrying her in a few months not just shacking up.
The tension of you living at home becuase you feel like you're invading your parents space, coupled with the tension of an impending marriage (trust me there will be some), coupled with the tension from your longer commute to and from work will wear you down over those ten months.
How much money will you really save in those ten months?.... my guess is not a lot. You will feel obligated to give your folks money for rent OR groceries OR utilities.... whatever. The fact that you are even asking this shows that you are very concientious.
Add the money that you give your folks to the money spent commuting and the additional time wasted everyday from your life for the longer commute and you probably aren't saving much at all. Take some friendly advice and don't make it all about money because these other things are important.
If you commute goes up to about 30 miles each way from the 5 or so you're making now (based on what you said previously) look at just the commuting costs like this:
If your car averages 25 MPG.... and we average gas at $3.50/gallon:
Currently driving 10 miles round trip per day... daily fuel cost = about $1.75 (.5 gal)
New drive at 60 miles round trip per day......... daily fuel cost = about $8.75 (2.5 gal)
Difference in fuel cost per day : $8.75 - $1.75 =$7.00 per day
About 22 work days per month : 22 x $7.00 = $154 additional fuel cost per month!!
There's $150 right there... then there is your time... which is invaluable.
Of course these numbers are approximate and you would have to calculate based on your true commuting distances and MPG of you car.
Being on your own and having the additional time is worth any money difference...
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#13 by Tyler on 04 Sep, 2008 13:25
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While no longer living with your girl may be morally hallow in some respects, I think it would be great for your relationship if you guys lived separately until you get married. Doing so will allow you to appreciate the things that are nice about living together. And saving money is a wise thing to do since many fights between a married couple are caused because of money.
Though, before moving in with your folks, make sure to get some rules agreed upon. When I moved back in with my parents for two months after college it was tough because my mom initially thought she could interrogate me like I was still in High School. -
#14 by StumpyDave on 04 Sep, 2008 13:26
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My 2p
I'm an atheist so a religious marriage service means nothing to me. The commitment between 2 partners is the binding issue. My wife and I had a legal ewdding in a nice hotel to celebrate our love for each other with our friends and family. WIth or without I'd have felt the sae. We lived together for 3 years before we got married.
My parents are anti-pre-marital-cohabitation. Once they saw our deication to each other they accepted it and when we visited we shared a room. I was older than you at that point, having already been through a failed marriage. Before I married my first wife we did not share a room at my parents house as that was their wishes. However we rented a small place and then bought quite young.
There's nothing like pressure for focussing the mind on getting a job. I have (fortunately) never been out of work. I may have taken some pretty awful jobs to get by, but I always worked. $1100 is a lot to find on a single salary.
How much will you save living with your parents?
I would pay them some rent myself, but they may not want to take much. You are going to have to spend more on travel.
Having lived together for 2 years it will be hard to be apart for a few months.
Personally, I'd rather stand on my own feet with the partner of my choice than move back to the parents for a while. I am strong willed/stubborn/pig-headed (delete as applicable).
Sorry, I can only lay out the facts as I see them, not tell you which way to go.
Get yourself 2 pieces of paper, one for live together in your own place, one for move back to parents. Make 2 columns on each. List all points for and against each option.
Once you've your lists put a weighting factor against each item (as most important or least attractive).
Add the fors, subtract the againsts to get a score.
Go with the best score.
Be 100% committed to you choice.
Good luck