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Religious nuts by frostillicus123 on 15 Dec, 2007 04:44
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After seeing another joke on catholic and the positive reveiws i'll post this
There were four country churches in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter. -
#1 by Timmay on 15 Dec, 2007 08:30
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Aint that about right. I was born and raised catholic so none of that stuff bothers me. Havent you noticed though that most patients that have to have knee and hip replacements are catholic?? I knew there was a reason I left that church.
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#2 by PBurke on 15 Dec, 2007 08:32
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we had a preist when i was a kid that was a hunter. no problem there. he enjoyed himself and only shot what he wanted to eat. sometimes, for 6:00am mass his sermon was this, "I'm going hunting this morning so we are making it quick. god bless you all." the whole mass was about 20-25 minutes.
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#3 by frostillicus123 on 15 Dec, 2007 16:59
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that's awesome. my mom is catholic however when she wanted to have be baptized they wouldn't cause i was born out of wedlock and my old man, is prodestiant or something like that..... so yup never been baptized.... i'm on a golden road to HE double hockey sticks
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#4 by froze on 17 Dec, 2007 14:48
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Good one!!!!
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#5 by Bald_freak on 18 Dec, 2007 15:08
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Had an English teacher who was also a minister. Get him to start preaching and he would forget about homework. I think we might of had a whopping 3 assignments the whole semester. My ears were bleeding by time it was over, but it was definently worth it.
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#6 by D.A.L.U.I. on 18 Dec, 2007 15:18
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that's awesome. my mom is catholic however when she wanted to have be baptized they wouldn't cause i was born out of wedlock and my old man, is prodestiant or something like that..... so yup never been baptized.... i'm on a golden road to HE double hockey sticks
Don't be so sure, there's nothing about anyone but the "Big Guy" getting baptised in the gospels, and the rest of his fishing buddies, except one, didn't do bad, all "saints" and that means wings and harps. -
#7 by PigPen on 18 Dec, 2007 16:21
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That was good
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#8 by WannaBePadre on 18 Dec, 2007 18:16
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I need practice on baptizing :-D (Any volunteers?)
Video taped a practice baptism last Spring, and decided my bald spot was too darn big.
One month later I was SLY.
Ain't nobody goin' to hell unless they want to go.
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#9 by Bald_freak on 18 Dec, 2007 20:47
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I need practice on baptizing :-D (Any volunteers?)
Video taped a practice baptism last Spring, and decided my bald spot was too darn big.
One month later I was SLY.
Ain't nobody goin' to hell unless they want to go.
"Oh crap, I drowned another one!!!"
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#10 by charlesh1609 on 18 Dec, 2007 21:02
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I need practice on baptizing :-D (Any volunteers?)
Video taped a practice baptism last Spring, and decided my bald spot was too darn big.
One month later I was SLY.
Ain't nobody goin' to hell unless they want to go.
"Oh crap, I drowned another one!!!"
I thought the bubbles were from the spirit! -
#11 by Bald_freak on 18 Dec, 2007 21:05
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"Oh come on God!!! This is the third 500 lbs. person this week!!! What have I done to upset thee"
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#12 by WannaBePadre on 23 Dec, 2007 08:04
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"Oh crap, I drowned another one!!!"
I thought the bubbles were from the spirit!
"Oh come on God!!! This is the third 500 lbs. person this week!!! What have I done to upset thee"