So, being as how I guess that old age is a time for reflection I've been wondering about some of the choices I've made in life starting when I was fairly young and right up to the present date. A certain percentage of my life experience is derived from my history of relationships and I wonder sometimes what the ramifications would have been had I had a closer relationship with my dad and, following that, what kind of advice he would have given me based on his experiences in relationships.
That relationship, mine with my dad, laid a lot of the groundwork for my future because I had to learn from my mistakes. That's not entirely a bad thing but an argument can be made for the theory that it isn't necessarily a good thing, either. So finding my way through the dating/relationship/marriage/divorce/widower minefield has not been efficient or painless but it has left me with a few pieces of advice that, were there a way to do it outside The Twilight Zone, I would certainly impart upon a younger me in the hopes of limiting the number of glaring errors and the resulting pain that goes along with them.
But, since that hasn't been figured out yet I'm thinking that us bald guys can probably come up with a few pieces of useful advice that was either handed down from an elder or learned via the pain of experience. I have one that I've done a whole lot of thinking about and it strikes me that it might have some validity for younger guys who are starting to gain experience in the realm of relationships.
Here's my first one:
MAKE SURE THAT YOU HAVE LIVED YOUR DREAMS BEFORE YOU HELP SOMEONE ELSE LIVE THEIRS.
There are other ways to say this like "don't set yourself on fire to warm somebody else", I think it's a way of saying that a certain amount of selfishness is essential for individual survival.
The caps are not intended as "yelling", just to differentiate the advice from the rest of it.
So I would say to my younger self -
Don't be so bashful with relationships. I spent too much time not communicating with ladies for fear of rejection.
Don't be so shy with your appearance. I kept myself from hairstyles that I liked at the time due to my desire to comply with norms. I really wanted that mullet, but never grew it. Now that I don't really care about expected norms, I have no hair.
And if I had known that my father would pass away when I was 14, I would have spent as much time as I could to learn from him before then. He was a very good father to me in the time we had.
Avoid toxic narcissists before it's too late.
I'm probably the last one that should give relationship advice. I was married inn my early thirties, and divorced a year later. I've had several serious relationships over the years. Whenever things got rocky, I would end the relationship. I guess my advice would be, try to work things out. Nobody is perfect, give people a chance.
The two most important relationships I had were with gals that were bi-polar. It's very hard to live with a BP woman. I actually tried to get them to seek help, but they refused. That's when I ended things. Hard to do when you're still deeply in love!
Now I'm 70yo, and while I miss the companionship, I choose to remain single. My life is very comfortable and quiet, so starting a relationship would be to hard.
What would I tell my younger self. ? I?m now 82 years old. The thing that comes to mind is. Worrying about things that could happen. Most of what caused extreme anxiety, never happened. To this very day I still have this problem. Somethings as hard as we try , we still can?t change. Just remember what ever your going through, ? This to will pass.