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I am having a hard time accepting my impending baldness by sadwithouthair on 03 Oct, 2014 15:31
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Hey guys, I frequent a lot on other hairloss forums and I stumbled across this site. You guys all seem very nice and supportive so I need some advice.
I'm almost 27 years old with diffuse un-patterned alopecia. Basically my hair is thinning everywhere, including my sides, and my hairline has remained the same (NW0). This all started about 7 or 8 years ago when I began Accutane treatment for cystic acne. My derm at the time said hair loss is a common side effect and my hair should go back to normal after treatment, but it did not. over the years its become worse. Fast forward to today and I don't have much hair in my front and I've been using concealers for the past few years. They worked great at first and gave me a few more years of a head of hair, but the charade is coming to an end as my hair loss has progressed.
Lately I've been very depressed, with extremely low self-esteem, no confidence, and it is affecting my relationships and my life in general. I haven't left the house all week except for work. Hair loss is always on my mind from the moment I wake to the moment I sleep. I plan my life around how I will manage my hair. Its horrible, its really changed my personality and who I am. The thing is I am not really an attractive person, so I feel like I NEED hair to look decent. I've always had self-image issues and the hairloss is compounding it in the worst way possible. I feel like if I shave my head I will be even more dissatisfied with my looks and it won't solve anything. I'm even so desperate that I've began researching hair systems, aka modern-day toupees, and some look really good. But deep down I know thats not going to solve anything in the long term. But I am seriously considering it..
I notice a lot of posters here are older men (and you guys all look great bald!) but as a single 27 year old I can't fit myself in that image. None of my friends are bald. I have some friends who are younger than me and being bald will make me look like their dad when we're together. I go to clubs often and I see a sea of guys with full heads of hair, and I start feeling depressed and inadequate. Im rambling now, I don't really know what the point of this is, other than me just venting my frustrations.
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#1 by reddog on 03 Oct, 2014 16:45
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Yes, at your age, hair might seem like a very important thing. I have a full head of hair but prefer the bald look. Lucky for you, buzzed or bald hairstyles are popular. There is no denying you are losing alot of hair. I guess when you get my age you just don't care if someone doesn't like my shaved head. I think a short buzz would look better, and work toward shaving.
Do you see guys with a shaved head and like it? It is an accepted hairstyle now. The key is to own it and be confident. -
#2 by Cave Dweller on 03 Oct, 2014 20:29
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Believe it or not, sir, but I had far less than you when I was your age. You are not by any means the first man to experience hairloss in his twenties.
All I can tell you is that it will only be an issue or a problem if you allow it to be. I am completely serious. From my experience, unless they are extremely shallow, most women (even those who imagine their perfect mate as having a full head of hair) will not care or notice what is going on up there any more than they would your eye color if you do not come off as self conscious about it.
Be yourself, get out of your house and enjoy life.
Glad you joined us here. -
#3 by invaray on 03 Oct, 2014 20:50
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What we have we don't want and what we don't have we seem to want. Ever notice that? People with straight hair curl it those with curly hair straighten it. Guys with full heads of hair shave it off or even have it laser-ed off permanently. As someone said if you can't fix it feature it. Make the most of what you have or don't have.
Hair loss always on your mind it won't be if you shave it off and have a nice bald head. Nothing wrong with that, you don't need hair give it a try. You can grow it back its not a permanent option.
Try it you'll like it.
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#4 by Mike E. P. on 03 Oct, 2014 21:11
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I struggled with hair loss at a young age, too. I first started noticing it at 17 and it slowly progressed. I obsessed and stressed over it for many years. It did leave me depressed a lot and I had a lot of the same feelings you have. I tried to focus my mind on other things so not to think about it. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't.
At about 35 I finally had enough and got a crew cut. That was a turning point for me. I stopped worrying about my hair and felt liberated. As I continued to bald, I just buzzed it shorter and shorter. I eventually got to razor shaving my head.
It was a long path for me. I wish shaved heads were in style when I was a young guy. I wished I had buzzed it sooner. You don 't have to be great looking to shave your head. Buzze d or shaved bald is a better look than balding for everyone. I encourage you to do it. What's the worst thing that can happen? You don't like it? You can always grow it back. -
#5 by sadwithouthair on 03 Oct, 2014 21:32
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Thanks for the encouraging words guys. Its what I need to hear. Sadly its easier said than done. I think its going to be a long road to acceptance for me, but at least I'm on that road. When I do finally shave, I don't think I will have the option of growing it back if I don't like it. Since I've been using concealers I need my hair to be a certain length to pull it off, and anything shorter just looks atrocious. So once I shave I have to stick with it, which makes it harder to pull the trigger. To be honest other parts of my life aren't going too well either and the hairloss is tipping me over the edge into a quarter life crisis!
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#6 by sadwithouthair on 03 Oct, 2014 21:57
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Question for you guys - did you guys develop your confidence in your looks immediately after shaving, or was it something you had to work towards over time? I am asking because I see a lot of posts regarding improved confidence once shaving, but I don't see that happening for me. At least not right away. I fear my already low confidence will plummet to rock bottom.
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#7 by Cave Dweller on 03 Oct, 2014 22:56
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Confidence in MY looks? I never have been anything close to handsome, so I got past that long before my hair started abandoning my scalp.
I was very fortunate to have had some great men in my life who went bald without ever letting it bother them or get in their way. Their examples set my mind up to accept what was happening up there and move on to more important things - not that I did not go through a few weeks of anxiety when the baldness first became seriously visible in my early twenties.
Going smooth was just something I wanted to try for me. I was tired of the horseshoe style. I really have enjoyed it. Getting compliments was an added bonus. -
#8 by AJ Q-Ball on 03 Oct, 2014 23:05
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When I initially shaved, my confidence went to an all-time high. I no longer had to be concerned with the way
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#9 by Sir Harry on 04 Oct, 2014 02:51
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I started balding at 26. It wasn't as bad for me to adjust like most because I grew up in the Michael Jordan era where quite a few guys were shaving. I did wear hats for a while and would flip-flop between a bald fade and a bald head. By the time I turned 35 I started razor shaving and haven't looked back.
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#10 by SlyMike on 04 Oct, 2014 05:10
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I started balding in my mid 20's and I'm now I'm my mid 40's and have now decided to accept my baldness, I used to worry about losing my hair but now I'm not bothered by it.
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#11 by EmDe on 04 Oct, 2014 07:00
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My situation has been quite similar to yours, which you can read a few posts down in this thread. The strange thing 'we' do is idealizing having hair. But when I looked at my own hair at some point, similar to yours, I asked myself the question: "Is this hair really a strong aspect of my looks? Something worth missing? Obviously the answer is "no". It sounds a bit harsh, but at this moment your hair doesn't look great either. It is a rather common hair look (another thing we do is idealizing and over-valuating the hairstyle of others), but it is not great. So why hold on to that so firmly? Buzzing it short - or shaving it off completely - will make you look a bit different, not worse. In most cases it actually makes guys look much better. After buzzing it short for the first tim, I immediately felt more stylish, 'cleaned up' and bad-ass for taking control again. I always belonged to the majority of men saying that the look wouldn't suit me. You will get used to it and it will feel like getting rid of a burden on your shoulders. Besides people noticing a change in your appearance, they will notice how easy-going, relieved and relaxed you are even more. Go for it
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#12 by Mike E. P. on 04 Oct, 2014 07:13
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Before shaving my head, I knew that growing back my hair would not be an option for me because my hair just did not look good. As soon as I did it (buzzed), I knew it was an improvement and I felt so much better. I was not confident in the way that I felt "now I am a handsome man," because, let's face it, a haircut is not going to make that happen. But buzzing my head and looking in the mirror (which I tried to avoid before) allowed me to accept myself and a bald guy. This was me and I liked it much more than the balding me.
The road of feeling crappy about balding and doing nothing about it was long for me, but once I buzzed my head, the road of accepting myself as a bald man and feeling confident that the world was not over es a short one. I got there almost immediately. -
#13 by Liam on 04 Oct, 2014 15:38
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Or maybe someone can just slap some sense into me and make me get over my vanity!
Maybe this will:
http://hairlossbaldwin.com/what-women-really-think-about-bald-men/
Is from a member's (Hairloss BaldWin) blog, really great read and good links to youtube videos, I strongly recommend the reading. It will put things in a completely new perspective, I guarantee.
I know is a really hard thing to go through, but stay strong!
Good luck
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#14 by sunleth on 05 Oct, 2014 15:15
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Or maybe someone can just slap some sense into me and make me get over my vanity!
Maybe this will:
http://hairlossbaldwin.com/what-women-really-think-about-bald-men/
Is from a member's (Hairloss BaldWin) blog, really great read and good links to youtube videos, I strongly recommend the reading. It will put things in a completely new perspective, I guarantee.
I know is a really hard thing to go through, but stay strong!
Good luck
oh man, you can't be serious. the least thing helping a young balding man are these forum threads and studies about women and their opinion on bald guys. this is just ridiculous, especially the videos where a BALD guy is asking women how they feel about dating a bald guy, hilarious lol. has it never occurred to you that their opinion is biased when a bald guy is standing next to them and that they would feel incredibly uncomfortable telling the truth? think about it.
the next problem with these studies or forum polls is that you never know how these women who say they find bald guys attractive actually look like. and that plays a huge factor, because most of the time, these women would settle for anyone OR they would not suit your personal taste in women 9 out of 10 times.
don't get me wrong, bald guys can and do get laid. but you have to have other positive features and i found out that working out (you don't have to be a body builder) and eating clean, getting a slight tan and stubble, dressing nicely is a must in order to score. because confidence isn't everything as some say. they say it like confidence was some kind of magic potion that seduces every living female human being on this planet. i hope you get what i mean.