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HELP! Needing a little advice/ideas by Plano on 25 Oct, 2012 20:53
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So, let's make this short and sweet. I'm Jewish...well, half, but the important half, so whatever.
I got a tattoo when I was 20 years old *8 years ago*, on my right bicep, under my short sleeve shirt line, so nobody EVER sees it.
I am in a serious relationship where it's definitely looking inevitable I'm going to be "wifing up". Which I'm very excited about. Get along with her family GREAT, she gets along with mine GREAT. Things couldn't be better.
Her family is very Jewish, and I know in Jewish culture we don't look too highly at body ink. Not to say it's WRONG for anyone to get one, but most Jews don't get them and some really frown upon it.
We are going on a week long cruise over the December holidays with her entire family, all of which are Jewish, and all of which I know very well. What should I do? I do have bad elbows from years of baseball, etc etc, and occasionally I have to wear a brace..should I wear a brace the entire time? LOL or what should I do?
She's not sure how her parents would react, etc etc. Should I wrap it up and say there's a scar I'm self conscious about? Or should I just blast them with the tattoo and roll the dice? I mean, virtually, I could hide it FOREVER, and although the tattoo means a lot to me, I can definitely see myself getting it removed in the future. I kick myself every day for getting it on a whim when I was 20 years old. My parents took it really hard...I don't want to relive that all over again.
What should I do?
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#1 by Frontier Guy on 25 Oct, 2012 22:07
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I have no basis for making suggestions, as I am neither Jewish or in a relationship.
But that seldom stops me from contributing my two cents.
Experience over the last five decades has taught me that concealing something is a huge effort and burden. And in a relationship, in particular, I think being completely honest is important. Even when withholding information seems to be the right thing to benefit another person or spare their feelings.
Were it me, I think I'd rather have it known that I have a tattoo rather than hide it with the risk that it might appear unexpectedly in some way (strange things happen) and then having to deal with the discovery and explanations.
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#2 by warhawk on 25 Oct, 2012 22:12
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I could not have said it better than Frontier Guy. I concur with FG. As they say... honesty is always the best policy. Plano... the sooner you reveal the tattoo the better it will be. Do not let it linger. Good luck and keep us posted.
WARHAWK
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#3 by Magoo on 25 Oct, 2012 22:52
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What they said above for sure. No sense hiding what will be found out inevitably. It's only a tattoo for goodness sakes.
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#4 by Plano on 26 Oct, 2012 07:09
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Thank you for the replies, guys. Should I just come out and mention it to her old man in a one on one setting? How should I drop the bomb? I don't envision them saying "okay you can't date our daughter anymore" because of that. They love me, I am sure I'm over thinking it. At least I hope so.
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#5 by Laser Man on 26 Oct, 2012 07:28
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In your post, you mention you regret having gotten the tattoo in the first place. Hiding it from the "family" isn't a wise course of action. Talk to her dad and be honest: you have a tattoo, it was done on a whim when you were 20. His reaction will speak volumes about the family you are thinking of becoming part of. A reasonable person would shrug it off - after all, we all have something we wish we hadn't done. Better to have him know and let him work the relations than surprise him on the cruise.
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#6 by tomgallagher on 26 Oct, 2012 07:32
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A Jew with a tattoo, not good. I assume that they are Orthodox. It would be best to man up and tell Dad that you screwed up and made a mistake and will eventually have it removed. Good luck or Mozeltov.
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#7 by Sir Harry on 26 Oct, 2012 13:26
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While they may not like it (who knows they may not even care) it is better to catch flak once for telling them now than to catch flak twice for it being discovered later and for concealing it. I assume your girlfriend knows, why can't she tell her parents? Just a thought....
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#8 by Plano on 26 Oct, 2012 13:39
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While they may not like it (who knows they may not even care) it is better to catch flak once for telling them now than to catch flak twice for it being discovered later and for concealing it. I assume your girlfriend knows, why can't she tell her parents? Just a thought....
Thank you everyone! I told her I think I want to tell them. I don't see anything too negative coming out of it. I'm talking with her this evening after work about it. She's visiting her family in Florida over the weekend, so she may get to slip the info to her mom/dad then. She is going to ask her mom about it and then we'll play off of whatever her mom says, I suppose. -
#9 by D.A.L.U.I. on 26 Oct, 2012 14:13
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Thank you everyone! I told her I think I want to tell them. I don't see anything too negative coming out of it. I'm talking with her this evening after work about it. She's visiting her family in Florida over the weekend, so she may get to slip the info to her mom/dad then. She is going to ask her mom about it and then we'll play off of whatever her mom says, I suppose.
Smart--being honest. I would think their response would be to appreciate that if your honest concerning this relatively small thing--it really is--you'll be honest on the important things--like the wedding vows! I think is is especially true since you've acknowledged that you are seriously thinking of having it removed at some point. Jimmy Buffet sort of said it all for those who come to regret ink, IMO, when he wrote the lyrics:
"Permanent reminder of a temporary feeling
Amnesic episodes that never go away.
It's no complex memento, it's no subtle revealing.
Just a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling."
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#10 by Plano on 26 Oct, 2012 16:54
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Thank you everyone! I told her I think I want to tell them. I don't see anything too negative coming out of it. I'm talking with her this evening after work about it. She's visiting her family in Florida over the weekend, so she may get to slip the info to her mom/dad then. She is going to ask her mom about it and then we'll play off of whatever her mom says, I suppose.
Smart--being honest. I would think their response would be to appreciate that if your honest concerning this relatively small thing--it really is--you'll be honest on the important things--like the wedding vows! I think is is especially true since you've acknowledged that you are seriously thinking of having it removed at some point. Jimmy Buffet sort of said it all for those who come to regret ink, IMO, when he wrote the lyrics:
"Permanent reminder of a temporary feeling
Amnesic episodes that never go away.
It's no complex memento, it's no subtle revealing.
Just a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling."
I like that! Thank you for your words. Buffet knows his stuff!!!
We are going to approach is slowly. First by discussing with her brother what they think, etc, etc. My biggest thing is that this doesn't change WHO I AM, but everyone is different. I guess I just keep re thinking how disappointed my parents were when they found out I had a tattoo, I just don't want to relive that again.
Here's hoping. Hopefully will find out some info this weekend. -
#11 by tomgallagher on 27 Oct, 2012 06:47
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Good luck man...BTW what boro do you live in.?
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#12 by Plano on 27 Oct, 2012 06:54
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Good luck man...BTW what boro do you live in.?
Thanks! Have a couple weeks to game plan this whole ordeal, so I'm definitely glad I asked here first!
Live in Manhattan, CPW to be exact. -
#13 by tomgallagher on 27 Oct, 2012 08:31
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Good luck man...BTW what boro do you live in.?
Thanks! Have a couple weeks to game plan this whole ordeal, so I'm definitely glad I asked here first!
Live in Manhattan, CPW to be exact.
CPW..nice part of town. I was just up by the reservoir the other day. -
#14 by theman on 27 Oct, 2012 12:03
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I agree with the advice that has been given. Tell them straight up. We all make mistakes .