Getting over a relationship

• Getting over a relationship by zeroallover on 14 May, 2012 17:12
• Hey guys... A general question for you and I'd be interested to hear what a smart group of guys has to say. Myself and a few buddies were watching forgetting Sarah Marshall today. Funny movie but started a big debate about how best to get over a heartbreak. What you guys think? Experiences?
• #1 by b.driscoll on 14 May, 2012 18:02
•    Go on living your life...................yes it hurts like hell and some days you feel like absolute crap. But each day that goes by it does get better. You'll realize that people break up for a reason and I have found that things tend to work out for the best. I married a great girl who is perfect for me. The previous ladies, who at one time I thought I couldn't live without  would have been a DISASTER if I had somehow managed to stay together. Good luck and although it is very cliche'.................the right girl is out there.
• #2 by Frontier Guy on 14 May, 2012 20:39
• Move on, don't look back, don't over-analyze.
  
  Despite the emotional/mental anguish, I find everything always works out for the best - though we may not recognize it at the time.
• #3 by Baldstu on 15 May, 2012 01:26
• I think unrequited love is very cruel , but just take one day at a time , its like a breavement of a partner without a death , tryand stay friends , and move on when your ready . Dont crave for a new relationship it usually happens when you least exprct it .
  Also a list of the person youwant to meet is good in the future keep it private on your shrine if your Buddhist or Christian
• #4 by PBurke on 15 May, 2012 01:59
• my saying (right or wrong as it may be) is this: THE BEST WAY TO GET OVER THE LAST ONE IS TO GET ON TOP OF THE NEXT ONE!
• #5 by Sir Harry on 15 May, 2012 04:03
• Just remember..it's ok to be angry, but eventually forgiveness is most important. Holding a grudge ultimately hurts the grudgeholder more than the ex and prevents you from moving on....
• #6 by Mikekoz13 on 15 May, 2012 05:16
• I've been very happily married for 17 years so it's been a long time since I've had to deal with that crap BUT....
  
  I always found that a little self introspection served me well. Think about the things you may have done to make the relationship difficult (be 100% honest with yourself) and then try to improve those things about yourself. If you REALLY had no blame in the relationship falling apart then move along.
  
  And as Harry said, don't hold that grudge too long..... be mad and get over it. That doesn't mean letting a fgool back into your life..... it just means not letting your anger at them continue to ruin your own life. Peace in your own mind and heart will make you happy.
  
  Women can smell the stink of a broken hearted man like a fish that has been laying out in the hot Summer sun. Be done with the stink and move on.
  
  
• #7 by RoWilJr on 15 May, 2012 07:23
• Ride that emotional rollercoaster...it won't last long! Make sure you spend time for YOURSELF before jumping back in the "so-called" dating game. Learn from it, and before you know it, you'll be back in the groove! Like the fellas before me have said, don't hold a grudge...it will NOT help you in the long run.
• #8 by buddha on 15 May, 2012 21:44
• I'm going to have to differ with conventional wisdom here and say that I would consider taking a considerable amount of time away from the dating game after a breakup. And I think that the longer the relationship lasted the more time a guy needs before dating again.
  Obvious reason: The rebound. That one speaks for itself.
  What lies beneath are a couple of things. In every relationship both parties kind of meld into each other. To an extent I think that means that we lose sight of some parts of ourselves in the relationship if we don't lose them altogether. I think this happens where there is a constant battle as to what kinds of activities each partner enjoys and what kinds of activities they hate and which of those they refuse to do. A guy who loves camping gets into a relationship with a city princess who is afraid of spiders. If he is strong and centered he continues camping without her and if she is confident in herself she encourages him to go. But you have to have 2 mature people for that to happen. So maybe he forgets about camping for a couple of years, sells his equipment, and after the breakup wants to get out in the woods again but just never gets motivated. So he should take a couple of years off the dating scene so he can get back in touch with himself and what brings him contentment. That way, in the next relationship, the activities he loves will act as his guide in helping select a mate. If he jumps too soon.....
  And that brings me to the second thing. If he doesn't reconnect with the things he loves and with himself as an individual he might get into a relationship with the twisted sister of his last mate because he has unfinished business with the old one. He's got to get to know himself all over again and take time to consider the things that were wrong in the relationship and what the red flags were or he's destined to repeat the mistakes all over again.
• #9 by Sir Harry on 16 May, 2012 05:08
• Wise words, Buddha....A few other important things (coming from a guy whose last marriage ended 51 days ago).....You can be friends with your former spouses/lovers if: a. you are strong enough to not be jealous when s/he finds someone else and that someone else can accept you (though that happens rarely, most people do not want someone from their lovers' past in the picture unless they had [a] child[ren] together) b. the relationship ended mutually meaning that one wasn't blindsided with the breakup c. If (a) minor child(ren) was/were produced during the relationship, it may be ideal to keep some kind of friendship for their sake and d. Switch "you" and "s/he" in statement a. Secondly, never ever bash your ex constantly....Too often that leads to a story being told differently from the way the story was told by the originator, and it also makes you look like a whiny loser who had no life....And as Mike said earlier, sometimes we have to look back at some of the things we did that may have caused the breakup. Most importantly, we still have to be true to ourselves after a breakup...meaning don't avoid places/activites that you did before and during the relationship because of your ex or because they remind you of your ex, and as Buddha said, avoid the rebound relationship. Finally, keep your business off of social networks...that's not fair to the ex and that's a chickensplit way to express anger...JUST MOVE THE HELL ON ALREADY!