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Continuation of a rant from the "God Bless You" thread. by buddha on 31 Mar, 2012 09:57
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I almost got started on this in the thread about the teacher who had a personal opinion about a student saying "God bless you" to a classmate who had sneezed. I figured I'd do it in a different thread so as not to hijack the other one.
A couple of months ago my stepdaughter brought the kids over for dinner and while we were eating we got started on a discussion of bullying. My stepdaughter related to us the "strategy" being employed by the kids' school to eliminate bullying from the face of the earth and to create a utopia of peace and love for everyone (I editorialized that a bit).
It is a 3-step strategy and it is so stunning that I have to relate it here and get it off my chest. When being bullied the victim is to embark on the implementation of these 3 steps in order to stop the bullying and create a world of flowers and butterflies (editorial again, for future reference when I do this I'll just describe it as "ed").
Step one is to look the bully in the eye and tell him/her "what you're doing/saying is hurting my feelings".
Step two is to repeat step one but add the warning "and if you don't stop I'm going to tell".
Step three is to inform the bully that the jig is up by use of the phrase "I'm telling". Then I go tell the teacher.
My stepdaughter seemed thrilled about the new policy until I inquired about Step Four. She advised me that there is no step four in the policy and I told her that there most certainly is. I told her that step four happens when the bully gets a week suspension from school and has to spend that period of time at home with his unemployed drunken parents who only smoke meth when they can afford it and who beat their children whenever they have a hankerin'. After a few days of "corrective discipline" supplied by mom or pop the bully starts to realize that none of this would have happened had not little Casper Milquetoast ratted him out to their 4th grade Social Issues teacher and he devises a plan to share what he has learned at home this week with Casper.
Step Four, then, takes place when Casper gets off the school bus a couple of blocks from home and his bully steps out from behind the oak tree as the bus pulls away.
Step Four can only be implemented effectively, though, if little Casper has been taught the sweet science of boxing. Or some other method of self-defense that does not utilize the spoken word as its primary defensive tactic.
My stepdaughter could only shake her head.
OK, I'm done, thanks for letting me vent. -
#1 by Razor X on 31 Mar, 2012 10:57
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I agree that the three step strategy is highly unlikely to be effective.
I don't want to make light of bullying, as it obviously is a huge problem. But all of us have gone through it at one time or another. Why is it that nowadays kids are committing suicide over it or bringing guns to school and blowing away the bullies? Previous generations seemed to be able to cope without going to these extremes. Is it because of technology -- i.e., the ability to send out texts to hundreds of people or the ability to humiliate someone over the internet?
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#2 by D.A.L.U.I. on 31 Mar, 2012 11:53
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I don't want to make light of bullying, as it obviously is a huge problem. But all of us have gone through it at one time or another. Why is it that nowadays kids are committing suicide over it or bringing guns to school and blowing away the bullies? Previous generations seemed to be able to cope without going to these extremes. Is it because of technology -- i.e., the ability to send out texts to hundreds of people or the ability to humiliate someone over the internet?
Have to totally agree. Kids can be mean and they will be mean when their parents aren't around unfortunately. The availability of the means of violence and the means to make the humiliation so vastly public have made this situation very serious. Even if there are problems with the response, it's good that there is a response and I hope the means to deal with this improves to the level that can impede the worst of the cases. -
#3 by buddha on 31 Mar, 2012 12:45
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Honestly, this whole idea might need to be scrapped in favor of a more direct approach. My dad taught me how to box when I was young and I had my share of scuffles over the years. Bullies sometimes got the better of me and sometimes I got the better of them. In either case the bullying stopped once the bully saw that I was one of the kids who was willing to fight even if I got my a$$ kicked, and that happened a few times. But bullies, like most other categories of scumbag in our society, want an easy meal. If they have to work too hard to get what they want they lose interest in that target and move on to something easier.
I think that the current system, while it pats itself on the back and tells what a good job it's doing, has basically disempowered most of the kids who would desperately like to fight back and get it over with. I have to wonder if these kids feeling as though they have no power to put these matters to rest doesn't have something to do with the horrendous violence that we've seen in recent past. If they could just take action to get a problem child off their back they might not get to the point of having to bring Uncle Bud's AK-47 to school one day and light the place up. -
#4 by Slyfive on 31 Mar, 2012 15:50
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Teachers need to be given more power to combat bullying instead of sitting around pretending it doesn't exist.
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#5 by Baldstu on 31 Mar, 2012 15:56
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I agree , the harrassment act 1998 , english law mximumpenalty is 6months custodial and up to £2000. Most businesses hand organisations hav a bullying and harrassment policy notsure what schools have now.
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#6 by Mikekoz13 on 31 Mar, 2012 18:00
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My son was bullied horribly the past two years (this year he has had no problems). Bullying is a major problem guys and anyone that tells you it is not is a liar or misinformed. I've been interviewed for a book on bullying, as has my wife, I've spent a LOT of time at the school, and I actually organized a march into a school board meeting last May where a handful of Dads and several students talked to the school board about the impact of bullying on their kids, their siblings, their families, and their Friends.
I actually had the vice principal tell me that the FACT that four VERY BIG boys picked my son up by his four limbs and try to stuff him into a toilet head first wasn't necessarily bullying. I will NOT repeat here most of what I told that a$$hole. But I also told him that I was done dealing with the school and we would now handle things ourselves.... the way I did growing in Baltimore City on the streets.
He threatened to suspend my son if he raised a hand to anyone. I told him if he suspended my son for defending himself after NOT protecting him for almost two years... he would be talking to a lawyer and a judge. I told him I would sue the school, the school board, the Superintendant, the principal, and him personally. i also told him that if I did start to handle it by the "Baltimore City" plan he was going to have a lot of bullies parents breathing down his neck.
I will not say on any public Forum what I would have done because I need to hold those cards close in case of future need.... but believe me, there is always a way to handle things old school style.
The school actually tried to bring a terrorist threat against me because I said on Facebook that if they continued to let my son be bullied I would reign Hell down on them. The police LITERALLY laughed at them when they answered the call.
We had a rough road in our home dealing with this for two years.... it dominated a lot of our lives. Luckily my son runs with a group of boys that are 1 and 2 years older tahn him and some of them are the best atheletes in our school. Those boys let it be known very early this year and very directly that if you "F'd" with Kody K this year you would probably get your ass whipped. As bullies always do.... they went back to their little pissholes. -
#7 by Razor X on 31 Mar, 2012 18:06
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Well done Mike.
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#8 by buddha on 31 Mar, 2012 18:08
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#9 by Mikekoz13 on 31 Mar, 2012 18:18
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Honestly, this whole idea might need to be scrapped in favor of a more direct approach. My dad taught me how to box when I was young and I had my share of scuffles over the years.
My Dad taught me a lesson, that has stayed with me my whole life, when I was very young. These simple effective words:
"Never, ever start trouble with someone else... but if someone starts with you, beat the Hell out of them. If the other guy is bigger than you, pick up something and beat the Hell out of them with it. Either way, they'll leave you alone afterwards." -
#10 by aarrggh on 31 Mar, 2012 19:26
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And don`t forget to grab there wallet after there down .
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#11 by Tyler on 31 Mar, 2012 23:17
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I was bullied as a kid...quite a bit actually until the 8th grade. This was mostly due to the fact that I had 4 open-heart surgeries before I was 12 and the bullies thought that I was an easy target. The interesting thing is that I knew how to fight really well as my grandfather and dad had taught me, though I never was really hurt by the words some of the guys said and I knew most of them would get their ass handed to them by their abusive dad when they got home. My grandfather was a gold glove boxer in the Navy during WWII.
So what changed in 8th grade? I kicked the sh*t out of one of the bullies in a very public way - in the locker room after PE. The guy decided to slam my locker door as he was walking by and it hit me in the shoulder. I'm not sure why it set me off as much as it did, but I grabbed him and slammed his head into my locker and then slammed the door on his head. After that I decked him a few times and then kneed him in the nuts and pushed him to the feet of the two PE teachers that were standing in awe.
Later that day 3 of his friends approached me as I was leaving my last class. I thought for sure they were going to jump me, but instead they just apologized for him and said it was time he got his ass kicked.
My point - I agree that kids need to be taught by their parents how to defend themselves; which includes getting a group of friends that will stick up for you. Bullying doesn't stop when school is over. The bullies will continue to be there in the professional world, they'll just have different tactics. These things like the three step program aren't going to teach the kids how to effectively deal with bullies.
I'm not stating there should always be an eye for an eye or things should escalate to a physical level, but kids should know that they can talk to their parents if people are bullying them and that they can react accordingly if someone is bullying them. -
#12 by Slyfive on 01 Apr, 2012 04:05
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I was also heavily bullied from 11 till 15 because I was a geek (still am) and dressed alternatively, being overweight didn't help either. I was beaten, had rocks thrown at me and was constantly threatened. The school did nothing despite several meetings, and I couldn't take it into my own hands due to the large risk of being stabbed (I went to a rough school). Fortunately I came out the other side (I moved countries) but I know some who didn't. The world needs more parents like you Mike, who are willing to take a serious stand. All this political correctness is really just a governmental sanctioning of obscene ignorance, kids need looking after, and nurturing, not for some halfwit to reprimand them for politeness, whilst ignoring the beating which is handed out to them at lunchtime.
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#13 by Razor X on 01 Apr, 2012 08:42
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All this political correctness is really just a governmental sanctioning of obscene ignorance, kids need looking after, and nurturing, not for some halfwit to reprimand them for politeness, whilst ignoring the beating which is handed out to them at lunchtime.
I'm not going to argue with that, but the truth is, schools have always turned a blind eye towards bullying. The only reason they're making half-hearted attempts to rein it in now is because the violence has escalated to a deadly level.
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#14 by Baldstu on 01 Apr, 2012 09:17
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When I was at school many bad things happened including bullying teachers ignored it , It is a criminal activity and I am not sure I agreee with the boxing gloves attitude 2 wrongs dont make a right . There is a reason why people bully and it is usually quite deep and can include being abused as a child