New Office Policy

• New Office Policy by SlickCountry on 22 Mar, 2007 19:32
• OFFICIAL OFFICE POLICY
  
   Dress Code
  
     You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
     If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore, do not need a raise.
     If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore, you do not need a raise.
     If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore, you do not need a raise.
  
  Sick Days
  
     We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
  
  Personal Days
  
     Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays.
  
  Bereavement Leave
  
     This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives, or co-workers.
     Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the funeral arrangements.
     In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
     We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
  
  Bathroom Breaks
  
     Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit.
     At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
     After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
     Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
  
  Lunch Break
  
     Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so they can look healthy.
     Normal-size people get 15 minutes for lunch to eat a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
     Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
  
  Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, and consternation should be directed elsewhere.
  
  
• #1 by wpruitt on 22 Mar, 2007 19:50
• Sounds like my place of employment!
• #2 by tomgallagher on 22 Mar, 2007 20:07
• i think i used to work there.
• #3 by PigPen on 23 Mar, 2007 07:18
• What if you moon the camera when the stall door opens?
  
  HAHA!
• #4 by SlickCountry on 23 Mar, 2007 16:35
• Quote from: PigPen on 23 Mar, 2007 07:18

  What if you moon the camera when the stall door opens?
  
  HAHA!
  

  lol  Only you man!
• #5 by iBald on 23 Mar, 2007 20:21
• Sounds like my job and I'm a contractor.
• #6 by frostillicus123 on 23 Mar, 2007 20:28
• that sounds like here.
• #7 by MR. CLEAN on 23 Mar, 2007 21:13
• Ha, I am not complaining, I get to sit at my job and dick around! 
• #8 by PigPen on 26 Mar, 2007 11:55
• Quote from: SlickCountry on 23 Mar, 2007 16:35

  Quote from: PigPen on 23 Mar, 2007 07:18

  What if you moon the camera when the stall door opens?
  
  HAHA!
  

  lol  Only you man!
  

  
  If you're gonna get caught, have fun doin it
• #9 by HotCajun on 27 Mar, 2007 21:33
• hahahaha....how did we know PigPen would come up with mooning the camera.....
• #10 by PigPen on 28 Mar, 2007 09:22
• Quote from: HotCajun on 27 Mar, 2007 21:33

  hahahaha....how did we know PigPen would come up with mooning the camera.....
  

  
  Cause that's how I roll