Sly Bald Guys Forum
Confidence and Success => Relationships/Dating => Topic started by: PBurke on January 28, 2007, 09:01:31 AM
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get your notebook out pig pen!
1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea:
I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I'd like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in 'em.
6) If you was a tree 'n I were a squirrel, I'd store my nuts in
yer hole.
7) You might not be the best lookin' girl here, but beauty's
only a light switch away.
8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."
9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.
10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room.
11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin', we kin sleep
til afternoon.
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench:
every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
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:*)) :*)) :*)) ;D ;D :*)) :*))
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get your notebook out pig pen!
1) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.
3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea:
I can't hold it in.
You're killing me!! :*))
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8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."
12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin', we kin sleep
til afternoon.
:D ;D O0
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You ever use any of these Paul?
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You ever use any of these Paul?
He wrote them all. ;D ;D
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You ever use any of these Paul?
He's from louisiana, what do you think? :*))
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You ever use any of these Paul?
He's from louisiana, what do you think? :*))
Wrote and used!
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You ever use any of these Paul?
He's from louisiana, what do you think? :*))
I'll bet his favorite song is " I'm my own grandpa" by Willie Neilson. ;D ;D
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You ever use any of these Paul?
He's from louisiana, what do you think? :*))
you are thinking of arkansas. ha ha. no redneck here. 100% pure cajun.
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Didn't need my notebook, I printed 'em
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Didn't need my notebook, I printed 'em
your wife probably heard all of 'em before yall got hitched, huh?
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Didn't need my notebook, I printed 'em
your wife probably heard all of 'em before yall got hitched, huh?
as did yours.
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Didn't need my notebook, I printed 'em
your wife probably heard all of 'em before yall got hitched, huh?
as did yours.
nah, she picked me up in a bar. started as a friends with bennies thing. bet she regrets it now. MMMUUAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Only the one about the mirror in the britches
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:*)) :*)) :*)) :*))
But you did forget "squieel like a pig city boy".
still top chat up line's to say to your sister err......i mean woman in a hoe-down pmsl
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LOL man that's pretty funny
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:*)) :*)) :*))
Fat Penguin... Thats pretty good. I am going to have to use that one. Sounds like something that would break the Ice alright, that and the silence when she starts laughing histarically.
:*)) :*)) :*))
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:*)) :*)) :*))
Fat Penguin... Thats pretty good. I am going to have to use that one. Sounds like something that would break the Ice alright, that and the silence when she starts laughing histarically.
:*)) :*)) :*))
which works pretty good itself. making them laugh i mean.
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my favorite redneck pickup line is..."git in the truck B****!"
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:*)) :*)) :*)) :*)) :*)) :*))
Woo, that's some funny stuff.
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my favorite redneck pickup line is..."git in the truck B****!"
That's foreplay in Texas
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Thought Texas foreplay was popping the beer top.
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My favotire red neck pick up line.
Booyyy, You sure do have a perty tooth.
So we all know the forplay line but did you know what a redneck girls says after sex?
Get off me daddy, your squishing my cigarettes.
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So we all know the forplay line but did you know what a redneck girls says after sex?
Get off me daddy, your squishing my cigarettes.
Now that just ain't right. ???
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If it comes out of my mouth, 80% of the time it is raunchy.
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If it comes out of my mouth, 80% of the time it is raunchy.
Same here bro. I was just joking. I have a sick sense of humor. My wife has just as sick of a sense of humor as I do. Maybe that's why she has been able to put up with me all these years??? ??? :/O :D >:D
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Here's one you missed...
"Pardon me little lady. Would you think I was terribly forward if I asked you if I could give you a poke?" :o
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That's messed up Sarge. Good, but messed up. ;D
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That's messed up Sarge. Good, but messed up. ;D
I know, I'm a bad little Marine... I'm going to go to my room now. b*n!
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"com'ere sis."
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"com'ere sis."
You're sick brother. :/O ??? But I like it. ;D O0
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ya'wanna...
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Kid you not, I saw a "lady" haul ass into a parking lot after a guy said "Git in the truck b!#$@" She was standin out there sayin, "OK, which one?"
Guess that's foreplay in TX
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I guy runs into a buddy of his from the south. He notices he is with an attractive woman and ask his pal off to the side" who's that fox your with?".
He replies " oh that's my daughter"
so then the guy says " If you don't mind me askin, Is she sexually active?"
his buddy reponds "Nah, she just lays there like her mother" :o
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I guy runs into a buddy of his from the south. He notices he is with an attractive woman and ask his pal off to the side" who's that fox your with?".
He replies " oh that's my daughter"
so then the guy says " If you don't mind me askin, Is she sexually active?"
his buddy reponds "Nah, she just lays there like her mother" :o
LMAO
:*)) :*)) :*)) :*)) :*)) :*)) :*))
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"I know your my cousin, but would a six pack of PBR change your mind?"
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A hillbilly mechanic retires after 40 years of running his own garage with his 2 sons.
After about a week of retirement, he tells his wife that he feels empty and bored and decides he wants to kill hisself, cuz in his mind, life just aint worth living if yer not working.
So one night he goes down to the lake with a cinder block and a length of rope. He puts the supplies in his rowboat and rows out into the middle of the lake. He ties 1 end of the rope around the block and the other end he ties around his neck. He then throws the cinder block overboard. He is jerked out of the boat and sinks to the bottom and dies.
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A hillbilly mechanic retires after 40 years of running his own garage with his 2 sons.
After about a week of retirement, he tells his wife that he feels empty and bored and decides he wants to kill hisself, cuz in his mind, life just aint worth living if yer not working.
So one night he goes down to the lake with a cinder block and a length of rope. He puts the supplies in his rowboat and rows out into the middle of the lake. He ties 1 end of the rope around the block and the other end he ties around his neck. He then throws the cinder block overboard. He is jerked out of the boat and sinks to the bottom and dies.
and?..............
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JDog, seriously startin' to worry about ya bro :o
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Oh yeah forgot to make a punch line didnt I?Whoops :o
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Freakin weirdo....I read it like 3 times thinking is it just me??
So typical of you!
Who do you think you are?? Yuggler??? :*))
Oh yeah forgot to make a punch line didnt I?Whoops :o
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Oh yeah forgot to make a punch line didnt I?Whoops :o
Thought something was missing bro! ;D
Keeping us in suspense, huh?
And who's Yuggler? Inside joke? ???
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Oh yeah forgot to make a punch line didnt I?Whoops :o
Thought something was missing bro! ;D
Keeping us in suspense, huh?
And who's Yuggler? Inside joke? ???
The punchline of the joke was that he made the rope too long and the cinderblock fell all the way to the bottom of the lake. ;D ;D
Yuggler is an old friend Joe, yeah inside joke!
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Yuggler is a good mate of jdoggys!! hehe
Oh yeah forgot to make a punch line didnt I?Whoops :o
Thought something was missing bro! ;D
Keeping us in suspense, huh?
And who's Yuggler? Inside joke? ???
The punchline of the joke was that he made the rope too long and the cinderblock fell all the way to the bottom of the lake. ;D ;D
Yuggler is an old friend Joe, yeah inside joke!
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I was thinkin he had some sort of deep hatred of rednecks for a minute thier. I don't know maybe he had a real life "Deliverence" experience or something. :o
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I dunno but Jdog better watch it...his wife is rippin on him lol
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Paul, where do you get this stuff. That was funny. :*)) :*)) :*))
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MEET PBURKES FAMILY
Hi y'all...muh name id's PBurke and dis is muh fameily:
Furst is me... Mom said I got all the good looks and no brains. I love being a babe hound. Girls make spit roll down my chin. I have a stomach problem and fart alot.
My Mom has lots of boyfriends. One of them has a job. She says with a little luck I could be a garbage man one day.
My brother Hank is in jail right now. When he gets out he is not allowed to be around animals and kitchen appliances.
My grandmom lives with us in our trailer. Shes smells real bad. She likes to hang out in bars and drink beer. Grandma has sores all over and they leak yellow stuff on the furniture. The flies are terrible.
My mom says she is almost positive this is who my Dad is. He lives in a Federal Penitentiary in Montana. When he gets out in 55 years we are gonna go fishing. The blood stains inside my Dads truck are almost all gone!
My younger sister Jill lost all her teeth. She was licking a egg beater after mom made a cake and my cousin Jimmy turned it on by accident.
We are proud of my older brother Barney. He is only 27 and all ready in the 4th grade. He wants to be a Doctor and can write his own name!
Then there's my half brother Jim Bob and his wife. She is a hottie. They raise Possum in their back yard. They are not allowed to have children.
My older sister Sue Ellen has 15 kids and they all look different. We depend on her welfare check to get by. She has a disease that makes her itch.
Jethro is my 1st cousin. He runs a tomato stand down by the highway. He once went 53 days without taking a bath.
Buck is my second cousin. He is pretty smart. Buck is going to be a dentist some day. He does all the work on our teeth.
My sisters boyfriend for now is Larry. He fixes lawn mowers in the city. My sister says he has a hairy butt.
Michael used to be my best friend but got killed by a bus on the interstate. I still wear his underwear.
Jake is my new friend. He holds the park record. He once jumped over 7 trailers. Jake crashed alot and talks real slow now. His doctor told him to wear a helmit.
My uncle Marky is still having problems. He doesn't know what he wants in life anymore. He is a Veitnam War hero and now sells perfume at a department store.
My step brother Phil had a hunting accident years ago. The bullet is lodged just over his right ear. It's hard to understand him sometimes and he always stinks like rotten cheese.
That's the END OF MUH FAMEILY!
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Funny Tim, but you had better watch out cause now Pburks gonna come to Indiana and kick your butt... :*))
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ALABAMA LICENSE APPLICATION
Last name: _________________
First name:
(Check appropriate box)
[_] billy bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue
Age: ______ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: _____M_____F_____Not sure
Shoe Size: _____Left_____Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Unemployed [_] Dirty Politician
Spouse's Name_________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: _________________
3rd Spouse's Name: _________________
Lover's Name: ________________________
2nd Lover's Name: ___________________
Relationship to spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet
Number of children living in household: _____
Number of children living in shed: _____
Number that are yours: _____
Mother's Name: ___________________
Father's Name: ___________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?
___ Total number of vehicles that you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Where your firearms are kept:
[_] truck [_] kitchen
[_] bedroom [_] bathroom
[_] shed
Model and year of your pickup: _______ 194_
Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; if no, please explain:
_____________________
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not applicable
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A
How many?_____
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: [_] Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 200-400 miles
[_] over 400 miles
[_] what's a miles?
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LOL :D Tim that is funny right there.
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OMFG timmy's on a roll !!! can't wait to see Paul's response.....if the thread doesn't get locked down first.
>:D :*)) :x! O0
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im still waiting on a response. Maybe he is searching for a pay back..LOL
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actually boys, i have been bobbling around in the gulf of mexico for five days. my response is this.
I WAS WONDERING WHO HACKED INTO MY ANCESTRY.COM ACCOUNT. DAMMIT DUDE CHANGE MY PASSWORD BACK. :x! :x!
OR MY REAL RESPONSE WOULD BE...........nah, i can't do it. look at the source. just ain't worth have a battle of wits with an unarmed person. >:D
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You guys are all sick and twisted, thats why I love it here, keep it rollin.
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deuling banjos anyone?
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SQUEAL PIGGY!!! :*)) :*))
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SQUEAL PIGGY!!! :*)) :*))
you sure do got a purty mouth boy :o ??? :*)) :*)) :*))
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NOMAD???????????????? :/O :/O :/O :/O
LOL
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Oh God what have I started? :o :D
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Paul started with the deliverance lines???? ??? ??? ???
lol
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Paul started with the deliverance lines???? ??? ??? ???
lol
negative...... that would have been the freak:
deuling banjos anyone?
see. he started it, i just instigated. >:D
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Paul started with the deliverance lines???? ??? ??? ???
lol
negative...... that would have been the freak:
deuling banjos anyone?
see. he started it, i just instigated. >:D
My bad Bro I missed that
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good job for starting that freak. ha ha tighten up nomad. you give credit where credit is due brother. >:D
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Nomad....is that your sisters portrait you are hiding behind?? LOL..or is it your cousin?
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You guys are all sick and twisted, thats why I love it here, keep it rollin.
i second that. ;D ;D ;D
WARHAWK O0
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Nomad....is that your sisters portrait you are hiding behind?? LOL..or is it your cousin?
[In my best redneck voice]
Shez kinda purdy. Is she currently seeing/dating any of her bothers, sisters, cousins or dads? :D :D :D
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LOL....thats too funny
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here's one for ya...
baby you look so good you can pose on my mud flaps anyday
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Nomad....is that your sisters portrait you are hiding behind?? LOL..or is it your cousin?
[In my best redneck voice]
Shez kinda purdy. Is she currently seeing/dating any of her bothers, sisters, cousins or dads? :D :D :D
All the above :*)) :*)) :*))
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Swinging this back on topic ;D ;D .....my two favorite lines (never used them personally :) ) would have to be:
"Nice tooth!"
and
"Get in the truck!"
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Swinging this back on topic ;D ;D .....my two favorite lines (never used them personally :) ) would have to be:
"Nice tooth!"
and
"Get in the truck!"
i have used them together. ha ha
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Swinging this back on topic ;D ;D .....my two favorite lines (never used them personally :) ) would have to be:
"Nice tooth!"
and
"Get in the truck!"
Why am I not surprised? :*))
i have used them together. ha ha
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Hilarious!
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married 28 years here-very retired from pickups. (I better be.)
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married 28 years here-very retired from pickups. (I better be.)
So does that mean you're a redneck, but just can't remember any pickup lines? :*))
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Side note: Today I was watching a special on the History Channel about the history of hillbillies and I discovered the origin of the word "redneck". It comes from a fight between coal miners and the companies in Southern West Virginia called the Battle of Blair Mountain. The coal miners all wore red handkerchiefs around their necks, so they became known as "rednecks".
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If you was a booger, I'd pick you first