Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => General Discussion => Topic started by: Cameron on January 28, 2008, 09:40:26 PM
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Look, from the outset, I'm gonna say, this topic is a bit personal, odd, and, at first glance, superficial. But bear with me. Its only my 2nd post, after all.
I've been struggling slightly with something, and I realized this is the perfect place to pose such a query.
I'm sure everyone on here shaves their heads for different reasons. But it is probably safe to say that some of us shave our heads (and lift weights, fix cars, etc) to be... well... tough. Sure, there are tons of other reasons for shaving, but getting down to it, we wanna be those guys to whom people give the pickle jars to open, the guys whose friends call them first when they get in a fight at a bar... the real tough guy's guy. For the purposes of this thread, I will call this trait "Baldness". Kinda like Boldness. But bald. Even better :)
Well, maybe I'm the only one who desires this in himself. But I doubt it. Anyway--I'm facing a bit of a dilemma in life right now. I'm 22 and in law school. I have, for various reasons, gone from planning on applying to be a breaking-down-the-door FBI Special Agent to being a behind-the-desk lawyer. My life's career has subsequently lost all of its "Baldness".
Now life behind a desk is quickly becoming imminent, and my dreams of being some Vin-Diesel-knocking-heads is fading. I worry now that my career has lost its "Baldness", so will my lifestyle; that I will eventually loose, or in the alternative, never attain, that quality in my own life. I'm worried that I have lost any excuse to be tough.
This Navy commercial speaks to this dichotomy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqkU3WSfw9Y
Are any of you like me and feel like the minivan guy, and not the warrior? (Not that anything is wrong with a minivan--I'll have one soon enough, I'm sure.) But am I alone in these sorts of feelings? Basically, the question is, how does one keep alive one's inner Vin Diesel (or insert your particular favorite here) and still live practically? How do you all do it? Or is this not really a problem for you guys?
Thanks for your thoughts. I love this place already.
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You could always buy a Harley or some other chopper and join your local professionals "bike gang" and wear leather on the weekends while riding in a pack. C#)P
That or become a lawyer for your local mafia.
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Pretty much the "haircut" has helped me keep some kind of "man-ness" when it comes to everyday living and my profession...
for cryin' out load it had to be that...
for almost 20 years I've made my living drawing girlie princess stuff and cute Disney characters..
we used the word "cute" way to friggin' much when I worked there...!!!!
Bro, the bald head WILL be your Vin Diesel ...THAT will be enough! O0
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Once your lawyer career takes off you can still bust some heads :x! on the weekend and have enough money to settle out of court. ;)
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Cameron-
You CAN be all things that you desire. Your job is only one small component of the make-up of the man. I look at my job as the way to pay my bills, not as a main portion of my life. Remember... it's a job, not your life.
Your life is so much more. That beautiful wife you have, those great kids you may have one day, your extended families, and most importantly the way you live your life day to day.
Carry yourself with confidence and that in itself will let people know that you are a man to be reckoned with.
I'm a confident guy about pretty much everything in my life..... some see this as arrogance but most see it as toughness. That aura of toughness will serve you well in life.
One last thing.... the toughest men I've ever known were also the most compassionate. To me they go hand in hand.
Again..... You CAN be all things that you want to be.........
Stand tall, be confident, and the world will know that you mean business-
Mike 8)
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Cameron, For those of us who were losing it before shaving it, the attitude and "baldness" as you put it, were not my reasons for shaving. The attitude and confidence that came with it were an added bonus and have made me love it even more. What ever you do, you've got to be comfortable with yourself and who you are. Hopefully you can figure that out and hopefully your job and your look will all be a part of it.
Best of luck.
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Cameron,
I think of many lawyers as bad-asses. One of my divorce lawyers was like a piranna. He always had a mean look on his face and when he walked in a room he always received everyone's full attention. Perhaps that's not the type of lawyer you'd like to be, but the bad-ass angle worked very well for him nonetheless.
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Thanks for all the responses, guys. I'm glad to hear that you are able to maintain the vigor and boldness, even while living normal lives, or drawing princess characters, lol. My wife and I will probably start trying for kids in the next couple of years--my luck, they'll all be girls.
I know this all sounds pretty silly and superficial, but its really something I've been struggling with lately. Your responses really have helped... This is definitely a sort of issue that the students at my law school can't relate to as well as you guys. Thanks.
Looking forward to being able to contribute to your topics!
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Cameron,
I own my own company along with my wife. I find that my baldness is an asset. People remember me very vividly, and when you do sales that is always an asset. I also am very active in my church and most everyone knows who I am because of my haircut. I'm fairly young as well (37) so it's not like the "old bald guy".
It's obvious I choose to be bald and stand proud!
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Welcome to SBG, Cameron.
Can I be brutally honest? And this is in addition to the good comments from my other sly bros, not to trump them. The dynamic, purposeful shaved look does enhance whatever you do, as GASlick pointed out.
But as far as the agonizing self-conscousness you seem to be wrestling with.....with the exception of your wife and close family & friends.....you're not that "important" that people at large really give a rip about what you look like and how that fits with what you do.
Now I say this from personal experience and evaluation. I've posted this on another thread. But Lemme share a little story about my vain little sister that totally changed and revolutionized my view of self-consciousness.
She was so worried about looking silly that she wouldn't embark on learning cooool stuff like skiing, surfing, skating....all kinds of stuff. She didn't want to look like a "beginner." One time we went to the mountains as a family. I already knew how to ski, but Micky didn't want to join the fun for the above reasons. I heard my dad tell her---and it really stuck with me. He said, "Micky, c'mon, honey....you're not that important to these people."
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Thats really good advice, Robmeister. I'm sure you're a hell of bartender. If your bar was in Nebraska, I'd have a pint or two over lunch... actually, after this class sounds even better (who cares that its 9:30 am?)
So as long as we square ourselves with ourselves, thats what matters. I'll keep that in mind.
And I love brutal honesty.
What do you guys do to keep excitement and boldness in your lives (for your own sake)? Or, are your kids and careers enough and leave you just wanting a comfortable Laz-E-Boy in the evenings?
A motorcycle is a good idea, I've definitely thought about that. I bet that's a blast. My wife was riding in a bus when it hit and killed a motorcyclist, so that might be a tough sell with her, but she'd get over it.
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It also depends on your definition of "tough". Is it just a door bustin', hard drinkin' badass? Waking up next to the same woman for 20 years, sticking it out through the rough times, building a home, midnight feedings, dirty diapers, driving that mini van to pee wee football, sitting through hours of ballet and piano recitals, being the cub scout leader because there are no other dads to do it, giving up what you want so someone else can be happy, now that's tough!
Shaving your head doesn't make you tough. You just look sly in the process! O:O
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great post okie. i know coaching baseball for 8yrs was way tuffer than being a bouncer or a bullfighter(rodeo clown)
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Thats really good advice, Robmeister. I'm sure you're a hell of bartender.
Thanks....no more bartending for me though....I was good at it, though, and my customers loved me
I'm actually a financial consultant.
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great post okie. i know coaching baseball for 8yrs was way tuffer than being a bouncer or a bullfighter(rodeo clown)
I coached my daughter's volleyball team one year. That was enough coaching for me. I hung my whistle up real quick!
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Thats really good insight. I'm really happy I posted this question, silly as it was.
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Hello welcome, Cameron!
Our look is just one facet of us.
Life is itself sometimes hard and you need all your strength and power and toughness to do a good job. I wish all the best for you and your nice wife!!!!!!
J
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What do you guys do to keep excitement and boldness in your lives (for your own sake)? Or, are your kids and careers enough and leave you just wanting a comfortable Laz-E-Boy in the evenings?
I bought 3 different houses, lived in them 2 years consecutively and flipped them all...with a full time job,with redo's on those houses, working on a few clients houses and trying to stay social...
who has time to feel like they're livin' wimpy?!
get your hands dirty...that'll make you feel a lot more tough on the inside!
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Great point BA, that always helps ya feel macho.
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Well I find that a good day of dirtbiking or snowboarding makes me realize how much of a p***y I really am. You want that Vin Diesel adventure, go huck yourself up and down a mountain on a dirtbike.... Go play tackle football in the mud....
I see alot of guys that are weekend warriors on their Harleys and other v-twin cruisers that actually seem to strap on the tough guy attitude with their brain bucket. Now dont get me wrong, playing tough guy biker like kids play "Army" or "Pirates" is ok I guess but the feeling of keeping my wife happy, staying in good shape, fixing my house and BUILDING my own bikes keeps the "lack of toughness" feelings at bay... I know I am tough, I dont need a superficial fantasy to affirm it.
My advise, be tough, dont act tough.
Acting tough will result in your ass being handed to you.
Being tough will only occur as a result of dealing with life like a real man... being a good parent, treating your wife with love and respect, speaking up when others are to chicken to do so... you know the things that are much tougher than getting your ass kicked in a bar fight.
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Once again... MARZ hits the nail squarely on the head.........
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Being tough will only occur as a result of dealing with life like a real man... being a good parent, treating your wife with love and respect, speaking up when others are to chicken to do so... you know the things that are much tougher than getting your ass kicked in a bar fight.
Aww, Master Marz , uh, speake the truths!
(That was my best Shaolin monk voice, btw ;))
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Well, maybe I'm the only one who desires this in himself. But I doubt it. Anyway--I'm facing a bit of a dilemma in life right now. I'm 22 and in law school. I have, for various reasons, gone from planning on applying to be a breaking-down-the-door FBI Special Agent to being a behind-the-desk lawyer. My life's career has subsequently lost all of its "Baldness".
What are you talking about???? I've been a "behind the desk" lawyer almost my entire practice. Your going to need "baldness" everytime some other member of our honored profession tries to play games w/ you--a much more common event in the "behind the desk" practice and much more subtle at times. People remember you when you're sly, you're just a place filler w/ a fringe or dying mop. You are the "man" at the table when you arrive at a meeting, dome shining, and PROPERLY PREPARED. Never, but never, go unprepared, and always assume that attorney on the other side of the table knows more than you. That way you'll rarely be suprised, and will do the best job for the client--& that's what you've studied for, professional representation of your client's interest.
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I've been building online businesses one the side of my "day job" and let me tell you, sitting down and negotiating with CEOs and owners of companies can help you feel like a bad ass when you close a deal.
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Too much good input to respond to each.... I am thoroughly convinced that my fears were unfounded. I really appreciate that. I've been spending a lot of energy second guessing my decisions, and I think I can put that to rest.
Good advise about the practice of law. I'm glad to hear of other people in the field who shave, I've caught a bit of flack about that here (not that I care what they think, but if my future clients are disadvantaged because of my hair choices... but it does not seem like that is the case).
I agree that Marz (and pretty much everoyne else) is right that manliness or whatever is exhumed by living virtuously in daily life. I really like that, I'll have to keep it in mind.
Rghh! I fear I'm spending too much time on this forum when I've got a big legal memo due next Monday! :) :)
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I fear I'm spending too much time on this forum when I've got a big legal memo due next Monday! :) :)
Get used to it, bro. Unless you wanna go cold turkey, it's hard to stay away. ;)
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I agree that Marz (and pretty much everoyne else) is right that manliness or whatever is exhumed by living virtuously in daily life. I really like that, I'll have to keep it in mind.
Not completely... you still have to throw back a couple of beers with your buddies now and then (just to solve the worlds problems and save mankind from certain peril).
The occasional physical sacrifice helps as well (snowboarding, arm wrestling, football, whatever). If you dont wake up a little sore or with a couple of bruises, you did it wrong.
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Oh, I'm an absolutely fanatical weight lifter. I'm always sore. But some football does sound like a good idea. And beer is always on the menu, though I have to limit it for financial reasons (both my wife and I are full time students).
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Oh, I'm an absolutely fanatical weight lifter. I'm always sore. But some football does sound like a good idea. And beer is always on the menu, though I have to limit it for financial reasons (both my wife and I are full time students).
All part of a balanced man diet. O0
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I hesitate to share my sorted story .. but here goes ..About 6 months ago I was fired from my IT Management position. I was replaced by the consultant that was hired to assist me .. go figure. It was nothing personal. At first I was really mad about it, but then, I used my energy to start my own business. Now, if that guy offered to hire me back at five times the salary I wouldn't do it. Owning my own business is amazing. I feel like all my effort comes back to me.
My previous boss told me that since I shaved my head I looked like a gay forest ranger; and there were other comments from time to time. Some positive, some curious, some wanting advise on dome-care. When I became unemployed I thought seriously about growing my hair back to be a more attractive employment candidate. Then one day I woke up and said, "Screw it". I really love being sly and this is who I am. Rather than shave every other day I started shaving every day and using some of the head blade product.
So .. here I sit, in my upstairs home-office working for myself, making a paycheck for my family, and I am bald to boot. I am loving it, I never plan to go back. I guess there is a sort of confidence in being bbc, being my own man, sporting my own look and not caring who cares!
.. and it occurs to me that that may have been a bit off topic, but you'all were talking about professionals who are bald and confidence and it just got me going ..
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I hesitate to share my sorted story .. but here goes ..About 6 months ago I was fired from my IT Management position. I was replaced by the consultant that was hired to assist me .. go figure. It was nothing personal. At first I was really mad about it, but then, I used my energy to start my own business. Now, if that guy offered to hire me back at five times the salary I wouldn't do it. Owning my own business is amazing. I feel like all my effort comes back to me.
My previous boss told me that since I shaved my head I looked like a gay forest ranger; and there were other comments from time to time. Some positive, some curious, some wanting advise on dome-care. When I became unemployed I thought seriously about growing my hair back to be a more attractive employment candidate. Then one day I woke up and said, "Screw it". I really love being sly and this is who I am. Rather than shave every other day I started shaving every day and using some of the head blade product.
So .. here I sit, in my upstairs home-office working for myself, making a paycheck for my family, and I am bald to boot. I am loving it, I never plan to go back. I guess there is a sort of confidence in being bbc, being my own man, sporting my own look and not caring who cares!
.. and it occurs to me that that may have been a bit off topic, but you'all were talking about professionals who are bald and confidence and it just got me going ..
Right on! Thats awesome!
That Gay forest ranger thing... I would have definitely said, "Funny, you look like a guy wishing I was a gay forest ranger".
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But bald. Even better :)
Are any of you like me and feel like the minivan guy, and not the warrior? (Not that anything is wrong with a minivan--I'll have one soon enough, I'm sure.) But am I alone in these sorts of feelings? Basically, the question is, how does one keep alive one's inner Vin Diesel (or insert your particular favorite here) and still live practically? How do you all do it? Or is this not really a problem for you guys?
Thanks for your thoughts. I love this place already.
Part of the solution might be to HIT THE GYM, big time; after you're done working at your desk. You will soon find yourself livining up to your tough guy self image even behind the desk.
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Marz
Sounds like the "Lets layoff the higher salary guy and let the lower salary woker take his job, and we wont replace the higher paid employee....." stuff. Think what life must be like for the person who replaced you; double the workload for fewer bucks. You're far better off not being there.
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Gay forest ranger? C'mon. You know, though us bald guys are few and far between, I would still put our money on us versus the whole rest of humanity. Really doesn't seem prudent to insult us as a group--just look at the photos of all the bad motherf'ers on here! And such a bad insult, at that.
Excellent story, Shane, thats exactly what I'm talking about... that confidence is what its all about!
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I hesitate to share my sorted story .. but here goes ..About 6 months ago I was fired from my IT Management position. I was replaced by the consultant that was hired to assist me .. go figure. It was nothing personal. At first I was really mad about it, but then, I used my energy to start my own business. Now, if that guy offered to hire me back at five times the salary I wouldn't do it. Owning my own business is amazing. I feel like all my effort comes back to me.
My previous boss told me that since I shaved my head I looked like a gay forest ranger; and there were other comments from time to time. Some positive, some curious, some wanting advise on dome-care. When I became unemployed I thought seriously about growing my hair back to be a more attractive employment candidate. Then one day I woke up and said, "Screw it". I really love being sly and this is who I am. Rather than shave every other day I started shaving every day and using some of the head blade product.
So .. here I sit, in my upstairs home-office working for myself, making a paycheck for my family, and I am bald to boot. I am loving it, I never plan to go back. I guess there is a sort of confidence in being bbc, being my own man, sporting my own look and not caring who cares!
.. and it occurs to me that that may have been a bit off topic, but you'all were talking about professionals who are bald and confidence and it just got me going ..
Right on Shane...I'm glad you're making a great go of it on your own..good inspiration for ME this time!
I'm really diggin' that it got you to be an every day shaver..
Bald 24/7 is the best way to be...and I remember when you had doubts brutha!
Very cool bro! O0 O0 O0
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That's awesome Shane!
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I used my energy to start my own business. Now, if that guy offered to hire me back at five times the salary I wouldn't do it. Owning my own business is amazing. I feel like all my effort comes back to me.
Awesome, Shane! That's a really tough decision! Your life is in your hands - each day and you rock it!
J
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All I will say is being Bald and Sly ROCKS!...no one can take that away from me....no matter how many negative comments one makes....I have an invisible shield around me...what ever they throw at me ...just bounces off and sticks to them. I mean..look at it....if someone is constantly throwing out negative thoughts...what does that say about them????? They have their own insecurities in my book. So before you start judging someone else....clean out your own closet!
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It doesn't take a big man to knock somebody down just a little courage to lift him off the ground!
Bro, you don't need to be a hulk to be tough, its 90 percent attitude and 10 percent how you carry yourself.
Your becoming a lawyer right? If you look at every case as a fight to the death your going to come out on top time and time again, and you will gain respect and might even become feared by your opposition. "Be all you can be" Be the best damn lawyer you can!
That sounds tough as balls to me.
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WELL... you said "A motorcycle is a good idea, I've definitely thought about that. I bet that's a blast. My wife was riding in a bus when it hit and killed a motorcyclist, so that might be a tough sell with her, but she'd get over it" does she STILL ride BUS'S ? That always gets me... ya have a car accident and NO PROBLEM , ya get another car/truck and go on just like nothing happened BUT if your on a motorcycle THATS a whole nother story .... probally the last time you ride. Almost 90% of motorcycle accidents involve left hand turns , people just DONT have any depth/speed perception when dealing with left hand turners ! A large percentage of CAR accidents involve left hand turns ALSO !
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definitely you make your life completed if you have a motorcycle with a blast, i think you can ride any day you like..
_________________
buell motorcycle parts (http://www.buellparts.net/)
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I completely identify with this post. I would've responded sooner, but haven't been on in a while. I'll admit, I've wondered too if I'm tough enough for the look. I'm a lawyer. I'm also the father of three young kids and thus, often behind the wheel of the family minivan. To make matters worse, I'm not your stereotypical tough guy. I sing. I play the piano and guitar. The only sport I "played" in high school was running track. Don't get me wrong; I can shoot a gun and ride ATVs. I camp and get my hands dirty regularly with home remodeling projects, etc.
I think the first impression people have of me is not accurate. But, that's another reason I advocate the sly look for me and anybody who likes it. It makes people more interested when they get to know me. I'm not what they expect. ;) I also think the sly look counterbalances all the stuff going against my "toughness." I needed something to avoid being a total fairy.
I've been in private practice for 5 years. I've been sly for about 3 months and the responses have been mostly positive. My haircut has never cost me a client.
Of course you're right for the sly look. The very definition of sly is confidence, casting off the ridiculous social notion that being bald is inferior, and embracing who you are. If you want to be sly (even while driving a minivan instead of a motorcycle), sport it proud my brutha. O0
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Hey man I'm gonna tell you I've had a lot of "tough guy" jobs: dock worker, boat hand, construction, etc. But, the toughest thing is being enough of a man to give up the things you want for your family. I now raise my two children as a single father and it's harder than anything else I've ever done. So no matter what job you've got if you can support your family, keep them happy, and be a man and not complain about it then your tough as nails in my book. Mini-van or not.
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I bought 3 different houses, lived in them 2 years consecutively and flipped them all...with a full time job,with redo's on those houses, working on a few clients houses and trying to stay social...
who has time to feel like they're livin' wimpy?!
get your hands dirty...that'll make you feel a lot more tough on the inside!
I completely identify with this post. I would've responded sooner, but haven't been on in a while. I'll admit, I've wondered too if I'm tough enough for the look. I'm a lawyer. I'm also the father of three young kids and thus, often behind the wheel of the family minivan. To make matters worse, I'm not your stereotypical tough guy. I sing. I play the piano and guitar. The only sport I "played" in high school was running track. Don't get me wrong; I can shoot a gun and ride ATVs. I camp and get my hands dirty regularly with home remodeling projects, etc.
You guys are my life story too.
I just bought my third house in five years. The first two I lived in for 2 years each and flipped them. MAJOR remodeling.
I play the piano and bass guitar. I never played any sports (I'm playing church league softball now and I suck, it sometimes hurts my manhood but we all just have fun). I can shoot a gun and have an ATV. I get dirty will all my home remodeling (this weekend I was crawling on my belly in standing water and mud under the house).
All of us have things we do that are very manly but we take for granted. Men respect the fact I can fix anything on a house. To me, re-wiring a house is no big deal. Other men don't have a clue. Playing the piano doesn't seem too tough, but there are "tough" guys who wish they could play. I lift weights several times a week, too.
The problem is that we don't always get recognition from the man-brotherhood. Stereotypes say that being tough is riding a Harley and weilding a blow torch on a daily basis. That's not true. Just don't take for granted who you already are and the things you already do.
I've struggled with these same issues. I never really grew up with many good guy friends (still don't have too many). I just have to take advantage of opportunities to put myself into those "man" situations, like playing ball, going on 4-wheeler rides, or helping a buddy on his house.
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You guys are my life story too.
I just bought my third house in five years. The first two I lived in for 2 years each and flipped them. MAJOR remodeling.
I play the piano and bass guitar. I never played any sports (I'm playing church league softball now and I suck, it sometimes hurts my manhood but we all just have fun). I can shoot a gun and have an ATV. I get dirty will all my home remodeling (this weekend I was crawling on my belly in standing water and mud under the house).
All of us have things we do that are very manly but we take for granted. Men respect the fact I can fix anything on a house. To me, re-wiring a house is no big deal. Other men don't have a clue. Playing the piano doesn't seem too tough, but there are "tough" guys who wish they could play. I lift weights several times a week, too.
The problem is that we don't always get recognition from the man-brotherhood. Stereotypes say that being tough is riding a Harley and weilding a blow torch on a daily basis. That's not true. Just don't take for granted who you already are and the things you already do.
I've struggled with these same issues. I never really grew up with many good guy friends (still don't have too many). I just have to take advantage of opportunities to put myself into those "man" situations, like playing ball, going on 4-wheeler rides, or helping a buddy on his house.
Great post, man. You are right on about the recognition from the man-brotherhood. I love the "weilding a blow torch" part. Right on.
I've been there on the church softball league. I sucked too. It's all good - just have fun. Since you have a shaved head, if anybody talks trash, all you have to do is make a scary face.
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little late to jump into this thread but i liked your story and how your career shifted, mine shifted as well but that didn't shift my personality, my lifestyle, ect.
I previously worked security, rode a motorcycle, managed a rock band in chicago, was a guy that had "baldness" as you call it and people wanted me on their side in a fight.
now, I have a MBA, Work as a finance manager for a large company, have 12 direct reports, ---- still sly, still ride, people would still want me on their side in a fight.
My "Career" is not filled with "baldness" but my life is. My identiy and life is not wrapped up in the job. My beard gets a little long from time to time and I have to trim it back, but after I am done for the day I jump on my bike and ride home forgetting all the "troubles" of the day..
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Hey I think thats a dilemma we all go through to some extent.. or at least I can relate to it so you are not alone.. used to be all about guitars .. now I spend all the time with excel sheets.. But I am always dreaming of taking time out to be both of these things.. it is hard sure.. but it can be done
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Good lord there is a pack of us - all these lawyers, can we hear from the used car salesmen and the politicians (the three most despised professions)?
Sly hasn't hurt me in law - in fact I think it may help, increases that "wiff of lucifer" that people like in a litigator
have to agree to what everyone has said to the younger guys - don't make your career the sole source of your identity (10 years in law) -