Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => Reactions to being Bald => Topic started by: outsider82 on January 14, 2008, 01:24:52 AM
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I wanna ask fellow sly guys this, Why do family hate my slyness?
I'll tell you a quick story of how things have been till now since going sly.
The first time my parents saw me was at my Mother's birthday party. Needless to say they were shocked. My Dad the hypocrit had the nerve to tell me that my hair was "too short!". My mum joined in on similarly on the rants. My dad shouldn't even comment in my opinion since he has MPB and is pretty much bald too. He doesn't shave his head but he at least buzzes it to a number 1.
Ever since then, i've been a whimp and every time I have to see my parents i don't shave for three or four days so it has some growth on it. I am pretty much sick of having to please them, but don't have the heart to disappoint them.
This weekend my brother and his girlfriend told me that i should have hair. He initally said it looks great on me.
All in all, I like being sly, I think it looks great on me and on fellow sly bros.
Any words of encouragement for a sly guy that is feeling disappointed by my family and friends reaction?
Out
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I'll make a slight correction.
My best friend and flat mate told me this weekend that he likes my head when its not so shiny, like a freshly shaven dome.
I've only had one or two you look better with Hair comments. Its been mainly my immediate family that has expressed disapproval.
Out
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Welcome back to the forum Out.
As far as your parents and your brother not totally digging your bald dome, All I can say is to continue with it and eventually they will see how much it makes you happy and they will come to accept it and even like it too.
It can be quite a shock for your family to know you for years with hair and then they see you with no hair.
I went through a same situation with my wife and a few friends and they cannot imagine me with hair now.
Best of Luck mate.
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My wife wasn't real sure about my slyness at first either. Now she loves it. Just give it some time.
My parents aren't real keen on it, but they are kind of used to me doing my own thing, so they just accept it and move on. A few relatives have joked about it, but I'm happy so who really cares. Being Sly is more than just shaving your head, its an attitude. Not a bad one, just a specific one. It shows self confidence and a willingness not to just "go along" with everything.
Hang in there and they'll come around.
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Hey outsider....do something for me. Place your parents and brother to the side for a moment. Now, how do you feel with a shaved dome? Feels great doesnt it. Just imagine for a moment that you arent going be seeing your parents or brother for some time...Feels AWESOME now doesnt it. The first and foremost thing you have to worry about is YOU!, not what your parents or brother has to say about it. Yes maybe their comments do sorta hurt you and are against you, but the longer you remain sly and smooth, the more confidence you will build up and those comments that are darted at you will only become easier to deal with. I was the same way. Confidence doesnt come immediately with shaving. Confidence comes with time. The more time you spend keeping your dome shaved the easier it will get. I find it hard to believe that your parents and brother love you any less for shaving your head. Its called unconditional love, something all parents should have, but I know a few who dont. You seem to be pretty young in age, maybe it is just that your parents are having a hard time to adjusting that they no longer have a say so in what you do. My mom on one had has only made one comment, it was...YOU NEED TO GROW YOUR HAIR BACK and then she gave me that look of....AND YOU KNOW I MEAN IT!. Well my response to her was Mom I still love you and I aint changing it...if and when i do decide to grow it back....believe me you will be the first to know. I will take what you said into consideration but until then....this is hte way it is going to be so there is no use in trying to convience any differently. So the subject is closed until then. Never has she mentioned it to me again. Hang in there bro....we are here for you if you need any other advice...Good Luck!
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I wanna ask fellow sly guys this, Why do family hate my slyness?
All in all, I like being sly, I think it looks great on me. Any words of encouragement for a sly guy that is feeling disappointed by my family and friends reaction?
Out
Little bro, welcome back to the forum. I chatted with you during the summer at Jeff's Board, just before you took the plunge.
You've got the right idea. If someone disapproves of your SLY-ness, tell them just what you've said, that "I like being sly and I think it looks great on me".
You have only one life to live. Don't let others dictate your life. Who cares what others think. As long as you're not hurting them you've got to do whatever it takes to make you happy.
Rodger, Over and Out! O0
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Your family should be happy that you are happy.
Often change is hard to accept for people. Once they get used to it and see that its staying, they will come around.
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I can relate to this from a family response side, as well as time spent sly--I'm in my fourth month sly, just over five months since buzzing. You probably get a lot of good comments, or got by now, from people at work etc., but those closest, not family are a mixed bag, mostly positive, w/ family dragging up the rear complaining like hell.
My only explanation would be that the family is still looking at you from a memory perspective, and they are having a hard time taking the shock that they had been ignoring the thinning, the hole, receding hairline etc. Now, they're in "mourning." Well, for my part for what it's worth, sly is the future and they'd better get used to it and find something else to b_tch about, this ain't changing absent a miracle reversal of MPB with glorious, not-grey, easy to manage hair. I've accepted that's not going to happen and they'd better. :x! :x! :x!
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Hang in there bro...
i would just take one of those perfect times to at least talk to your folks (since they're the one's you want the "ok" nod from)...and tell them it may really sound silly to them, but having a slick bald head is really a great, confidence boosting thing to you...and tell them you know it's hard for them to understand...
but it makes you happy and you just want them to take you at face value and support your "haircut" choice....heck would everyone be on your mum if she had a short than normal "do"?
Like the bros and myself always say...just shave it clean daily dude...never let anyone see stubble...then THEY have only one choice of "outsider" to choose from...
the bald, very sly version! O0
Hang in there bro and keep your head shinin'!
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I've thought about this from more angles than just shaving the dome in '07. I bought a bike last year even though the folks hate all motorcycles. I rationally discussed it with them, after the purchase ;) , and said "I'm 35 and figured I'd just get one since I've always wanted it." (Of course the safety course was under my belt too because I'm not totally stupid) It's funny, after that they treated me the same but different. Like that bike stored in the shed finally forced them to see me as an independant man and not their little boy anymore.
Saintc touched on it. Your shaving is forcing them into seeing you more as an individual and more adult. In their minds eye you will always be their little boy, brother or whatever who looks exactly the same as you did when you were 5. No one likes to admit they are getting old, and when someone close to you forces you to realize that you are aging through a "drastic" change you naturally fight it. I know I'm still 23 in my mind O0 but the body claims 80 some days
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Outsider, I've gotta tell ya ... some people ... especially relatives.
When I first went Sly was at university in '05. Nobody there knew me with hair. When I went home, I'd grow it out, too ... to avoid conflict. Whenever it was growing out, people would ask me why I was doing that.
When I graduated, I grew it out all summer, and started seminary.
After a year non-sly, I shaved it for the summer. People who knew me during the summer noticed me growing it out at the end of the summer (in preparation for seminary in the fall) and asked me why I was doing that (i.e. growing it out.)
I finally said, enough! And have kept the sly look since.
People who know me sly like me sly ... people who knew me with hair, like hair.
What do I like? Sly. Hands down.
Like everybody's said, bro -- you've gotta do what you've gotta do, and be who you wanna be.
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Thank you guys so much for you words of encouragement, they mean alot. It's just tough sometimes with their opinons.
I made a promise to myself that would shave it everyday from New Years Eve onwards. Since then i've only let it grow for three or four days before it promptly went back to shiny. (that was partially due to sunburn, OUCH!, and my parents needing me to take them to the airport for a holiday).
I was talking to a friend about this whole situation, and the outcome of the discussion was that i need to learn to say "F*** IT!" sometimes. I'm quite sick of wanting to please everyone when I really want to please myself not them. Just hard to get out of that mind set.
One thing I have noticed in myself is i feel so much better once i've had a shave. I'm not sure of how to discribe it but most would agree with what I mean.
A good positive of all this is that my technique for head shaving is improving immensly, I rarely cut myself anymore. Trying to get the time taken down to a couple of minutes but so far it sits at 10mins. The post-shave burn is something also am working on.
Out
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I think our families just get used to seeing us a certain way and the change is hard for them to handle. My mom was the same way. I never thought she'd shut up about it, but eventually she did. And if she did, anybody will. ;D Occasionally if I see her on a weekend when I haven't shaved, she'll make a comment like "Your hair looks good that way" but that's about the extent of her comments these days.
I know exactly what you're going through. All I can say is stick to your guns. Once they know that they can't cajole you into growing your hair back, they'll give up trying. It may be hard to deal with until then, but it is well worth persevering through.
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Occasionally if I see her on a weekend when I haven't shaved, she'll make a comment like "Your hair looks good that way" but that's about the extent of her comments these days.
Amen!
RazorX, that could be my mom!!
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Hey outsider....dont worry about speeding up your shaving process right now.....focus on what makes you feel good. The speediness and dealing with razor burn will come later. Just get in the mid set that this is what YOU want to do, Not what I want you to do or what ANYONE ELSE in here wants you to do. We are just here supporting you because you have shown an interest in becoming a full time Sly Bro. We will support you in either way.......but its natural for us to push for you to go all the way bro. YOu are experiencing the good reasons already. So why not make it permenant????
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Occasionally if I see her on a weekend when I haven't shaved, she'll make a comment like "Your hair looks good that way" but that's about the extent of her comments these days.
Amen!
RazorX, that could be my mom!!
I think it applies to most moms. Haven't heard of one yet that liked to see her son's head shaved bald.
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Remember it is your life and not your parents, although many parents try to push their values, ideas and hopes on their children, it is yours to live for yoruself.
Might be a good time to sit down with all the naysayers and explain to them that this is your decison and that they will have to accept it or not.
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Outsider,
Stand tall when they're calling you out.
Don't bend, don't break, don't back down.
Stand your ground and tell the neighsayers -
It's My Life
It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Frank said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life
This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky
Got to make your own breaks
It's my life
And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Frank said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life
Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down
It's my life
And it's now or never
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Frank said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I'm alive
I just want to live while I'm alive
it's my life!
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We could a learn a little from Jon Bon Jovi
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Hey outsider....dont worry about speeding up your shaving process right now.....focus on what makes you feel good. The speediness and dealing with razor burn will come later. Just get in the mid set that this is what YOU want to do, Not what I want you to do or what ANYONE ELSE in here wants you to do. We are just here supporting you because you have shown an interest in becoming a full time Sly Bro. We will support you in either way.......but its natural for us to push for you to go all the way bro. YOu are experiencing the good reasons already. So why not make it permenant????
Thanks Timmj
Since the last couple of posts I had some time to think, and i have noticed change in the way i'm thinking. This is good thing as its boosting my self confidence, which has always been lacking. It has given me the chance to actually be me instead of wanting to be someone other people want.
I'm glad I have guys like you arround to help.
Currently my parents are away up in tropical Far North Queensland (lucky ducks!) when they get back I'm going to show up at their place, freshly sly ;D, if they whinge and moan about my hair, i'm going to tell them that its my head, i like it as does everyone else and i'm going to keep it.
Thanks again,
Out
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Very good post!
J
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we've all had the moans from our parents I should think. My mom has just about given up, but if ever i don't shave for a day or two she always takes the chance to tell me how nice it looks when u can't see my scalp!
But I like it sly, and shiny, and its me I gotta please, no one else. So I please me. 8) In the end, like the other bro's said, it's 'memory' versus 'growing up'. Even at 37 I'm sure my mom still sees the little boy of five, and the hair I used to have when i was younger.
Becoming sly is a sign of independent thinking, and of confidence. It IS a major change in attitude, as well as appearance, and sometimes it takes family a little longer to see it than friends. But eventually, when they see a stronger, more confident person shining through, they'll except the slyness as being a part of the real you.
Stick with it, bro. O0
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Since the last couple of posts I had some time to think, and i have noticed change in the way i'm thinking. This is good thing as its boosting my self confidence, which has always been lacking. It has given me the chance to actually be me instead of wanting to be someone other people want.
Awesome bro....
THAT'S what going SLY and being SLY is ALL about! O0 O0 O0
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some folks don't adjust to change well.
my family is just starting to get used to seeing me sly and it's been almost 7 years since i went sly.
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hey Outsider82-
Sometimes the uninitiated need time to adapt. My Dad also has MPB and when I shaved mine his exact words were, "What are you nuts?!!?" Funny thing is.... I have only slightly less hair than him and I have none!
My 6 year old daughter and 8 year old nephew don't believe that I ever had hair. My daughter just said to me yesterday, "Daddy, you would look funny with hair".
last week my nephew saw a 13 year old wedding photo of me when i still had tons of hair. He wanted to know "who's that man with my Aunt Cheryl". When my sister-in-law told him it was me, he didn't believe her!.
One more thing....... don't worry about what others think..... be yourself Dude-
Mike 8)
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I know how you feel. I have terrible problems with my mother. I have no problem with most people liking it or not liking it, but most of them keep their opinions to themselves and I am more than happy with no reaction.
But my mum is a totally different situation. I did turn up back home with a #0 and she went very quiet. I was later told by my stepdad that she had got really upset and had said that if I went back like that again she would disown me. Now I am very close to my Mum, emotionally (but not physically - they live 150 miles away) so I can't afford to risk it. I like my bald head but not that much, and the shave when I get back home is very satisfying
So I stay addictively shaving my head until its time to pay a parental visit and I have to stop shaving a get a weeks growth or two on the scalp before I get there. Its a bit of a nuisance but I will have to stay doing it and carefully planning and scheduling my visits.
Tony
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Out you look outstanding sly.
I'm a lot older then you and all I could say is I have no answer other then, if it really makes you happy, then just do it. I'm sly for a few days now and my wife is getting ready to draw up the divorce papers if I don't grow it back.
Just be who you are and whatever concequences come from it so be it. You shouldn't feel bad for being yourself. Don't let em bring you down Bro.
Good Luck
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Nobody's mother ever likes her son's shaved head. If you live far enough away where you don't have to see her every day, then your solution sounds like a good way to keep the peace. Just don't give in to the emotional blackmail. It's your decision, nobody else's.
Hang in there, stemikger. She'll come around.
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I wanna ask fellow sly guys this, Why do family hate my slyness?
I'll tell you a quick story of how things have been till now since going sly.
The first time my parents saw me was at my Mother's birthday party. Needless to say they were shocked. My Dad the hypocrit had the nerve to tell me that my hair was "too short!". My mum joined in on similarly on the rants. My dad shouldn't even comment in my opinion since he has MPB and is pretty much bald too. He doesn't shave his head but he at least buzzes it to a number 1.
Ever since then, i've been a whimp and every time I have to see my parents i don't shave for three or four days so it has some growth on it. I am pretty much sick of having to please them, but don't have the heart to disappoint them.
This weekend my brother and his girlfriend told me that i should have hair. He initally said it looks great on me.
All in all, I like being sly, I think it looks great on me and on fellow sly bros.
Any words of encouragement for a sly guy that is feeling disappointed by my family and friends reaction?
Out
You look great mate.
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My mom was the same way at first. I was just starting college when i began buzzing my hair. She would make similar comments (about how it looked "better" if I hadn't cut it in a while). Of course, whenever she said something like that I would cut it even shorter the next chance I got! It seems like with parents (or at least mothers) everything turns into a battle being parental control and child's independence. The hair is just a symptom of that underlying conflict.
I live close to my parents and see them often, and they never say anything anymore. Maybe my parents are just quitters (which works out well for me), but once it was clear their comments wouldn't change me, they seemed to stop. haha
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Hey guys,
Been a while, bit of an update. My parents have kinda quit making the comments. Mum has actually started to ask me how i shave and how often, how long it takes. Etc.
Im happy.
Just and update since last visit. I went for a job in the Australian Defence Force (i.e. Navy) so I had to let my hair grow out. Strict haircut guidelines. Anyway, Im back to sly again.
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I went for a job in the Australian Defence Force (i.e. Navy) so I had to let my hair grow out. Strict haircut guidelines.
Exactly what were the haircut guidelines? I have sly friends in both the Navy and the Coast Guard, and I know people in all branches of US service who take it down to a 1 or zero.
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your going into the ADF & they make you grow it out, HUH, good to see another aussie on SBG. Hope its going well.
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My wife really hates my SLYNESS, and has threatend to felt my head while I slept if I didn't stop shaving it.
Like this.....
(https://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi156.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ft33%2FJB59901%2F4ctv1gx.jpg&hash=4e9d806b1fc588e9fb3348d7238b9d7b89664a3b)
I looked at her and just grinned. She asked what was so funny, and I told her that she would look awful funny with perm felt pen all over her face while she slept.
This could get very nasty, ya know!