Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => To be or not be...Bald => Topic started by: Scarecrow on December 05, 2013, 08:34:48 AM
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Hey guys. This is my first post on the forum.
I'm a 27 year old guy with diffuse hairloss. I'm about a Norwood 4 on the scale and it's getting to the stage where people are commenting on it. Some have even suggested I just shave it off.
I'm torn. On the one hand I don't want to spend the rest of my life popping pills and rubbing chemicals on my head but on the other hand I really don't think that the bald look suits me (or most guys for that matter).
Obviously I'm most concerned about how women will view me. You can't deny that a lot of women are turned off by bald guys...
I've posted on hairloss forums before and the responses are obviously biased in favour of using Propecia and Rogaine and possibly getting a hair transplant.
I come to you to hear the opposing viewpoint.
Allay my fears bros.
Thanks in advance!
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Welcome to SBG!
>I don't want to spend the rest of my life popping pills and rubbing chemicals on my head
I think this sums it up perfectly. Think about it -- especially when it comes to Propecia, you want to attract the ladies, so you pop pills that risk making you impotent? Does that really make sense?
>but on the other hand I really don't think that the bald look suits me
You don't know. Try it. Likely you'll like it if you give it a fair shot.
> You can't deny that a lot of women are turned off by bald guys
It's like natural selection -- helps to weed out the shallow ones.
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Welcome, Scarecrow
You are not the first man to worry about his hair loss. An entire industry of hair "restoration" products and procedures is out there ready to separate you from your money by stirring up insecurities and taking advantage of your anxiety. Personally, I would not invest in that stuff. In my opinion, they just create new sets of problems and anxieties.
Men have been losing their hair for millennia. Most of us did not like it when it started, but we came to accept it as just another aspect of who we are. Look around you and take note of how many men have thin or balding hairlines but are going about life with little thought or worry about it. It is NOT the end of your world or your charisma unless YOU allow it to be.
Unless the woman is extremely shallow, she is not going to reject you just because you have less hair than another man. Most women are interested in the man beneath the hair. I was balding all through my twenties, yet never had trouble meeting and dating women. My wife never even considered the fact that I had a bald dome and horseshoe when we met.
You might try buzzing your hair short. It makes the thinning less noticeable without going fully shaved. But, as SlyBear said, you just might find out you like the shaved look.
The bottom line, however, is that you have to have confidence in who you are. Men who act insecure or as if they are not confident in themselves usually are immediate turn offs for most women.
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Welcome, Scarecrow.
You came to the right place for the "opposing viewpoint"! There is nothing to gain for any of us to say you should go ahead and speed up the naturally occurring process that is already taking place in a big way on your head. The chemicals and hair clubs, on the other hand, have a lot to gain by feeding on the insecurities and false hopes of balding men.
Realistically, you must have thought to yourself already that if any of these methods were as good as they claim to be, there would be no balding men walking around. (There are plenty of BALD men, however.) These are men who -for one reason or another- have embraced the look as a choice of hairstyle. Women are more turned off by balding men than they are turned off by bald men. Also, since the majority of men are not bald or balding, you have to know that there are a great percentage of men with full heads of hair who aren't attracting a mate either. It is about so much more than hair.
Read around the forum and see countless stories of men just like you who felt the same way... and are now so glad they made the choice to shave their heads (or buzz closely). Take note of the many men who worried about how their heads would look without hair, thinking they didn't have the head for it...that it didn't "suit them". I felt this way too. Nobody has a PERFECT head, and in my opinion, a badly balding head looks way more silly than any shaved head I've seen.
You said you don't think the shaved look suits some other guys you have seen too. I really think you opinion will change on that too, if you embrace the look for yourself. I think it is your inner insecurities about the bold move of shaving that are causing you to see it that way. It is such a bold move, and I have such respect for anyone (man or woman) who chooses to do it for themselves... to free themselves of SO much garbage... and to reap the rewards of the freedom and boldness it gives them.
My vote is: Give it a try. Buzz it down first, if you feel more comfortable doing it gradually. If others are already telling you that you should shave it, I'm imagining you will have great reactions from those people and others, and it will be a huge boost for you..... WATCH OUT ladies! O0
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Welcome to the forum, Scarecrow.
You are not likely to find anyone here that will recommend drugs, hair transplants, or wigs to address your hair issue. My hair only started thinning in my lat 40's, and I still have enough hair to sport a full head of hair - only its thinner. So I cannot speak from the experience of loosing hair at your age. There is not much I can add to what the others have said. The major side affects of the drugs are usually permanent. You can always give buzzing or shaving a try, because what you have will grow back if you don't like it. Just be prepared, it may not be love at first site, that is why we recommend giving it at least 30 days to adjust. Some also have gone the route of buzzing progressively shorter.
If you do shave and give it 30 days, you will likely like the style, and find that ladies will too. The ones who don't like you with or without hair are really superficial.
You haven't posted a photo, but some facial hair also helps with the bald look. If you don't already have some facial hair, consider that as well. Others have also found with their step to shave, new confidence and motivation to make other improvements as well, such as working out more, loosing weight, dressing better, etc. Embrace it as a time to make overall lasting improvements that are good for your health. The confidence boost will do more to attract ladies than any hair ever would.
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Hi all.
I'm more or less in the same place as Scarecrow, same age, my balding is less advanced though. This thread urged me to participate since I can relate perfectly.
I too would never consider chemical castration to save my hair. But letting go is tough. I did try shaving last summer and I felt like a complete wreck for weeks. I know I am going to have to contemplate taking the plunge for good sooner or later, and believe me, I am not looking forward to it.
I wanted to address what you guys said about some ladies being superficial.
I can't help but think, if I respond to looks in a female, why should I judge them for having the same attitude? And why would they be any different from us in the world of today?
There's a good chance that women with more options(those I obviously am attracted to the most), will be more picky, and seen as shallow. Especially at our age, and having to wait for them to lose their youth and attractiveness is a depressing prospect.
Sorry about the negativity.
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I know what I am about to say is a generalization, and there are many exceptions. If I offend anyone, my apologies. I am also talking about straight guys and girls, it may not hold true in the gay community.
Most men find their first attraction to a woman is based on her looks. We soon go beyond that, but a woman's look is always near to the top of the list for attraction. The ladies, on the other hand, usually see through the looks of a guy and are more interested in confidence, security, and personality. Hair is not on the top of their list of qualities they want in a guy. That is why when a guy gains confidence in himself after shaving a thinning/balding dome, he notices an increase in attractiveness with the ladies. The confidence gain may not be instant, you need enough time to become comfortable with the new style.
There will always be some ladies that say they will never be with/date/marry a bald guy, but we cannot please them all. The older those get, the fewer choices they will have. In the end, they will compromise their standard and/or become bitter and lonely.
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This is exactly where my problem is actually: the fact that women might become less shallow as they age. I don't like the idea of missing out romance and sex with women who are still in their prime years, having to wait on the sidelines while they are getting pumped and dumped by the handsome jocks until they realise they are less attractive and panic to finally settle for a provider. I don't want to be that guy, who will get the leftovers.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cock%20carousel
I hate to sound that bitter but this is far from being a myth, this is what I saw during my twenties.
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If that is the only type of women you are interested in, it sounds like you will have to wait for your turn.
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But as I said I don't see why women would be less visual and shallow as we are. The science behind attraction is pretty clear and I've read countless studies that confirm this. The women we usually see as shallow and superficial usually are the prettiest, let's not kid ourselves. Why? Because they have options, a high value on the dating market. As a balding man my value on the dating market isn't exactly sky-high:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/lifestyle/5065461/Women-prefer-men-with-a-full-head-of-hair.html
Dividing my options by five doesnt sound very exiting, what am I going to be left with?
I think a lot of you guys went through this later in life and that you are also mostly married and settled. But for the younger single guys out there it's a different pill to swallow. It takes a lot of courage and you sure have a lot more of it than me, although I'm certain some of you went through the same doubts.
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Stick around, I am sure some of the younger guys will post.
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> You can't deny that a lot of women are turned off by bald guys
It's like natural selection -- helps to weed out the shallow ones.
Slybear - I just had to say how much I loved that comment!
Scarecrow - Going sly is extremely freeing. You won't have to spend your life a slave to pills, ointments, or chemicals. And once you're used to the look, there will be no more worrying about your hair loss. Personally, I think the sly look suits most guys. I'm guessing it would look good on you, too. But you'll never know unless you give it a try.
As far as women go, I think there are plenty out there who don't care that much and there are others who like a sly guy. And see Slybear's comment above. Who wants a woman who is so superficial that a head of hair is requirement?
Welcome and good luck. This forum is a great source of support.
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But as I said I don't see why women would be less visual and shallow as we are. The science behind attraction is pretty clear and I've read countless studies that confirm this. The women we usually see as shallow and superficial usually are the prettiest, let's not kid ourselves. Why? Because they have options, a high value on the dating market. As a balding man my value on the dating market isn't exactly sky-high:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/lifestyle/5065461/Women-prefer-men-with-a-full-head-of-hair.html
Dividing my options by five doesnt sound very exiting, what am I going to be left with?
I think a lot of you guys went through this later in life and that you are also mostly married and settled. But for the younger single guys out there it's a different pill to swallow. It takes a lot of courage and you sure have a lot more of it than me, although I'm certain some of you went through the same doubts.
I am an older guy now but thinking back to my days at school, I remember a lot of really beautiful girls going out with guys who were not what you would call matinee idols. These guys, though, had something else besides their looks that attracted girls - lots of times it was the funny guy or the smart guy, or the athletic guy. Maybe it was charisma or just confidence. They thought they were good enough to get the good looking girl.
I started losing my hair young, too, and I remember worrying about being able to attract girls. But I managed to do okay and I somehow I ended up marrying a girl who probably could have gotten a much handsomer guy!
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But as I said I don't see why women would be less visual and shallow as we are.
Welcome Raison.
I really hope I am misunderstanding your post, but are you stating that you will reject a woman outright if she does not possess every physical trait you find attractive? If so, may I suggest that you are seriously limiting yourself?
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Stick around, I am sure some of the younger guys will post.
SlyBeard, are you calling me old? :*))
Raison_d_etre, the article in the link you provided included this line:
The profile showing the man with a full head of hair received 108 responses, compared with 22 received by the page showing him with thinning and receding hair.
I have to admit, I didn't read the whole article, but I'm assuming they didn't do a comparison of men with a full head of hair vs. a men with shaved heads. There is such a difference in the look.
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Welcome, Scarecrow and Raison!
@Scarecrow-It's understandable to be scared about going bald, especially if it's for the first time....There are many things we feel nervous about doing for the first time, it's just human nature. Just remember if you try sly and you feel it's not for you, unlike more permanent things like tattoos, hair does grow back....but if being bald makes you happy, don't let others deter you from it.
@Raison-I started losing hair at about 26 years old....I still was able to marry a nice woman, in fact, I shaved my head for the wedding after I missed a barber appointment, and my then wife, a hot woman, loved it...but she loved me for me, not for the lack of hair. Same for my second wife. While I am not presently married, I am dating a very attractive lady who loves me for me bald head and all...There is someone for you, but you have to present yourself as being a good catch. If you present yourself negatively, things may not go as well. Hang in there and good luck to you.
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Thanks for the replies everyone!
It's good to see that you guys have managed to deal with hairloss and move on with your lives. I wish I could do the same...
Raison d'Etre: That's exactly what I'm worried about. I know several girls who've told me that bald men are disgusting and that they would never date them.
Then there are those people on the hairloss forums that say that baldness is a genetic weakness and that we're doomed to a life of celibacy and rejection...
When I read stuff like that I just want to kill myself...
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The profile showing the man with a full head of hair received 108 responses, compared with 22 received by the page showing him with thinning and receding hair.
I have to admit, I didn't read the whole article, but I'm assuming they didn't do a comparison of men with a full head of hair vs. a men with shaved heads. There is such a difference in the look.
Quoted for emphasis. There is a huge difference in appearance between receding/thinning and sly. Comparing oranges to penguins.
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Then there are those people on the hairloss forums that say that baldness is a genetic weakness and that we're doomed to a life of celibacy and rejection...
When I read stuff like that I just want to kill myself...
Woah! Lets just get clear on ONE THING! The only weakness involved here would be to believe that 54!T! Don't read that garbage. How does extra testosterone translate as a weakness? It sure looks that way in some cases, where the weasely doughnut look is being rocked so tragically... but how masculine, bold and badass are the shaved-headed role models!?!?!
Again, those forums are feeding the insecurities of the balding man... to sell products and procedures. I'm sure they have all kinds of negative things to say about shaving and those that shave their heads, but seriously take a look around the forum and you will notice that the vast majority of us are completely happy... young and old.
I hate to see people hurt by the lies of those with an agenda that is about self-profit.
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Baldness is not a consequence of higher testosterone levels, many hardcore bodybuilders inject crazy doses of testosterone and still keep a teenager head of hair. It's all about the sensitivity to DHT.
In fact, bald men have been found to have lower levels of serum testosterone:
http://www.hairloss-research.org/serumtestosterone.html
While men like Jay Cutler can shoot ten times the normal amount of testosterone and retain their youthful mane. It's still our follicles being "weak", or simply unable to handle DHT without shrinking.
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Baldness is not a consequence of higher testosterone levels, many hardcore bodybuilders inject crazy doses of testosterone and still keep a teenager head of hair. It's all about the sensitivity to DHT.
In fact, bald men have been found to have lower levels of serum testosterone:
http://www.hairloss-research.org/serumtestosterone.html
While men like Jay Cutler can shoot ten times the normal amount of testosterone and retain their youthful mane. It's still our follicles being "weak", or simply unable to handle DHT without shrinking.
You are right about the Testosterone levels.. my comment was only based on old beliefs and studies. Somehow, I do think that the majority of people are not reading up on the actual causes of baldness to make some kind of false correlation to bald men being weak.
I just don't want you to be thinking poorly of yourself because of this. There is no doubt that it "sucks" but so do a lot of other non-life-threatening things... we push through and become stronger.
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Yeah hairloss sucks BIG TIME!
It's Friday night. I should be out drinking and partying like normal people my age. But instead I'm sitting at my computer reading about hair transplants...
I wish this curse had never befallen me.
Raison d'Etre: you're right. Hair loss is a huge cosmetic flaw for a man.
I wonder if any of the guys here would choose to shave their heads if they had the ability to grow a NW1... Do you guys all suffer from MPB as well?
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Many men choose to shave despite not having MPB, but to my eye there's a big difference between a shaved head with a visible hairline stubble(or just the roots being visible because collagen hasnt closed the follicles) and the roots just visible in the horseshoe area.
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Scarecrow, seriously?
You have chosen to sit at home and be depressed? It sounds like you are creating your own self-fulfilling prophecy of being dejected and lonely, sir.
If you want to be out having a good time with friends, then go do it. YOU are the only one holding yourself back.
Like I said in my first post to you, I was balding all through my twenties. The hair loss started when I was seventeen. I can empathize with how it feels to realize you are going bald. I also can assure you that if you do not take on the attitude that it is some cosmic tragedy, and go on with life, you will be surprised at how little your hair means to anyone but you. And I include the ladies when I say that.
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Scarecrow,
I have MPB and many other here do too. There are also lots of guys on here who are bald by choice. The look has gotten more popular these days. I am thankful for that. It sure makes it a lot easier to just do it and make it intentional. Owning the decision does something empowering to you. If you shave in desperation, you may not have the same positive experience. You have to be ready to do it.
I could not have done it any sooner than I did. I wish now that I had done it sooner.... but I didn't know how I would feel about it. It was not as popular and I just deal with my hair getting thinner and thinner. I just tried to ignore it.
If you decide to go the transplant route or use chemicals, there will be no judgement from me... (I know I may be coming across like one who will make fun of you for trying it). I think each man has to chose what is best for him at the moment. If you try those routes and then decide to shave... so be it. You will not be alone in whatever decision you make. There are guys on here who fit any scenario you can think of. No judgment or shame on this site. We are just guys who support the sly method of dealing with hair loss.
Each of us looks at life through our own filter, and many of us have similar stories.
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It's still our follicles being "weak", or simply unable to handle DHT without shrinking.
Yep, I was just too much man for my hair to handle. O0
On a more serious note, yes, going bald sucks. Being bald, however, turns out to be a very liberating experience.
Do I have MPB? Yep. Does it bother me? No. Do I hide myself away, ashamed of my lack of folicular fortitude? Hell no!
The thing to remember is that more than a few of us on this board have been through this, and have come out the other side.
I'm not saying this is an easy thing for you to go through. It isn't. Another thing it isn't is the end of your life. I'm bald. I've got male pattern baldness. I'm not going to say that I'm suffering from it, because I'm not. It's no longer an issue.
That's the key here, for you it's an issue. You're loosing your hair and you hate that. That isn't going to bring it back though. Accept the way you are, buzz your hair short, shave it off, keep the hairy horseshoe if that's what it takes, but whatever you do, do it with confidence and with a smile.
THAT'S what the ladies are after.
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I hear what you guys are saying.
I wish I could be confident and just accept it like you did...
But when you read stuff like this:
http://www.hairlosstalk.com/interact/showthread.php/62828-Women-below-30-are-shallow-and-balding-is-unattractive-Deal-with-it
http://puahate.com/showthread.php?t=106750
http://puahate.com/showthread.php?t=90126
It really gets you down...
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listen you two.
I'm 24 and sitting right around a very solid NW 3, going on 4. I used to have a magnificent mane, I'm a good looking guy who has loved the company of the ladies since puberty hit me upside the head with a 2x4, and to say losing my hair in the years between 18 and now hasn't been largely traumatic would be a lie. Add in severe cystic acne coming out of left field right beforehand and well, not fun. At least you haven't had to contend with that too, thank god for accutane (although I'm pretty sure that drug is what kicked my hair-loss into gear at this age). I felt like the guy in the movie "Beastly"(I was in self esteem debt), and still have scarring from it that I'll be carrying with me for life, most likely.
You feel like your the most unlucky S.O.B to ever walk the planet. Every guy around you who's your age has a full mane of hair and is full of confidence, and you look like a old guy (no offense to the older gentlemen here, but looking 40 at 24 isn't fun, when I'm 40, no problemo). You give up on socializing with anyone, because who would want to hang out with you? Women or men, you feel like a joke, a freak.
BUT, eventually you gotta let go. Let go of all the limiting beliefs. They are toxic, and are completely self created and self sustained. You always have the choice to take a deep breath and let go of them and choose freedom. Life's way too short.
The truth is, we have a unique opportunity to inspire everyone around us. To be bold, fearless, completely carefree. We can lead by example and show people that it is possible to live that kind of life. To be happy, confident, carefree, no matter what we look like, what we do for work, what clothes were wearing, anything. It's just a choice. People our age really need to see that right now, seeing it inspires, it shows them there's another way. And it also attracts.
Personally, I choose to believe I'm the sexiest G.D man on planet earth (okay, a couple guys have me beat, but I'm up there). Reading your guys' posts about women not finding balding men who've shaved/very close buzzed attractive, and having to wait until the women get all worn out, how hair-loss forum people say bald men are weak and doomed to a life of celibacy and rejection, it just doesn't compute. It makes NO SENSE.
Let. It. Go. It's all bullsh**. I have yet to be rejected by a woman I've chosen since lopping whats left of my hair off. I have more confidence now than I had back in the day of the full mane and perfect complexion. Let that sink in. I truly believe the scarring I have makes me look like a badass motherf*****, it adds to my look and makes my facial hair look awesome and unique. Not having hair brings out my facial features and draws attention to my eyes, which are sexy as all get out. Its absolutely not a problem to not have hair, it makes you stand out, thats a good thing. Its a powerful, clean, bold look.
Women take one look at you and think "I gotta break me off a piece of THAT", not "wow, he's incredibly confident and carefree and powerful, but he doesn't have a full mane of hair. Oh well, deal breaker." How does that last reaction make ANY SENSE??? Please enlighten me, really. Your afraid of nothing, you've made something out of nothing. We all have who have gone through this.
It's like how we prefer a woman with a nice rack. Do we REQUIRE IT? If she's super cool, carefree, passionate, alive, fun loving, confident, takes care of herself and dresses well, do we really go "well, all thats nice, but she's got sub-optimal jugs, so forget about it". Maybe a rare and particularly confused soul does that, maybe. And those are prime sexual areas, the top of our head isn't anything. Women love rubbing my head actually, so maybe it is a sexual center. Could be onto something.
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I hear what you guys are saying.
I wish I could be confident and just accept it like you did...
But when you read stuff like this:
http://www.hairlosstalk.com/interact/showthread.php/62828-Women-below-30-are-shallow-and-balding-is-unattractive-Deal-with-it
http://puahate.com/showthread.php?t=106750
http://puahate.com/showthread.php?t=90126
It really gets you down...
how about this, stop reading that idiotic crap, and just read what I just wrote. I've actually been through this and come out the other side better than new. If I can do it, you can too. We are no different.
I didn't even click those links because I know exactly what in them, but the last 2 have "pua" in it. Isn't the main pick up artist guy totally bald? Style? how's that worked out for him? like I said, IT MAKES NO SENSE.
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I was about to post a reply, but nothing can top what Tofur just said.
Bravo, sir.
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what it really is, is choosing to let go of the unfounded and downright ridiculous limiting beliefs that you are holding onto (even if they feel real and separate from you and like they're forcing themselves on you, they are only here because you have let them in, you've accepted them as gospel and given them free reign over you) and choosing to believe something different. It's a CHOICE. You can't tell me it isn't, because it flat out is. you can CHOOSE to believe that it isn't, but thats still a choice.
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I didn't choose to go bald though...
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I didn't choose to go bald though...
So? Not many of us did. How you deal with it is the difference.
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tofur99, Excellent post!
Thanks for sharing your personal input on the subject. I think it is very helpful for men of all ages!
I did read over the links a little. They did not "get me down"... I had a pretty good laugh. They are the most idiotic things I've ever read! I do have to point out again that they are geared mostly toward balding vs. full head of hair.---not much mention of shaved heads. (although one of them mentioned "slybald" in a derogatory way. I am sad for those who buy into all that is being said there.
One of the links said that a bald man can't enjoy a convertible car. Really? A sly bald guy can enjoy a convertible more than anyone. Am I missing something?
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how about this, stop reading that idiotic crap, and just read what I just wrote. I've actually been through this and come out the other side better than new. If I can do it, you can too. We are no different.
I didn't even click those links because I know exactly what in them, but the last 2 have "pua" in it. Isn't the main pick up artist guy totally bald? Style? how's that worked out for him? like I said, IT MAKES NO SENSE.
Neil Strauss? He's a known scammer, he's been exposed to fake a lot of his stories and has money and status. On the other hand it's not hard to find hard proof that females are turned on by LOOKS just like we are: see what happens when you set up an online dating profile with male model pictures:
http://www.incelrage.com/
It's so depressing...
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It's like how we prefer a woman with a nice rack. Do we REQUIRE IT? If she's super cool, carefree, passionate, alive, fun loving, confident, takes care of herself and dresses well, do we really go "well, all thats nice, but she's got sub-optimal jugs, so forget about it". Maybe a rare and particularly confused soul does that, maybe. And those are prime sexual areas, the top of our head isn't anything. Women love rubbing my head actually, so maybe it is a sexual center. Could be onto something.
Of course we dont require every quality on a female.
However females want us to be the full package in order to be considered attractive.
Any female can get attention if she's young, not too overweight and wears make up. A man needs to be model tier to be seen as handsome by the ladies.
We judge women on their best feature they judge us our our worst. Short=out of the game. Fat= out of the game. Bald=out of the game if you're young. While most men are ready to jump on any female they are only into the top percentile.
(https://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2F86Zcsvnl.png&hash=ceef4f7f233ca345731275282ce5b9c07c53093e)
http://www.businessinsider.com/female-standards-of-male-attractiveness-are-way-unrealistic-2013-4
(https://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn.okcimg.com%2Fblog%2Fyour_looks_and_inbox%2FMale-Attractiveness-Ratings.png&hash=34fb59eec66f65330cb4a8751476f0a43b99ad82)
(https://www.slybaldguys.com/smf/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcdn.okcimg.com%2Fblog%2Fyour_looks_and_inbox%2FFemale-Messaging-Curve.png&hash=0224195bea32f6f00967ab2ae772a36f843f3270)
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/
Are those studies "limiting beliefs"?
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Girls are programmed to think handsome = Prince Charming. That may require not just hair, but the best head of hair possible. (That pretty much limits it down to a handful of guys)
Okay, now that those few guys are taken, what are you going to do to attract the rest of the women that got left behind... surely they are still outnumbering the men (as women naturally do anyway). Once the Prince Charmings are taken, it is pretty much equal ground for all the guys left. Some may be too heavy, some with too small of a chin, some with thin hairline, some with a shave head... and so on.
Women get over the "good looking man" stage way quicker than men do for women. That's when the field gets more narrow. A true Prince Charming will still be on top... he's got it all, right? That's okay... there are still plenty of beautiful women left. Don't be on the sidelines with your tail between you legs having a pity party... you will miss out for sure.
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man. You guys have really invested in being totally and completely miserable. You do realize that, right?
scarecrow: yeah dude, you didn't choose to go bald. Obviously. I didn't choose it either, also didn't choose the horrible acne. Guess what? It happened. You can, from right now in this moment:
A: bitch and moan and play your little violin while wailing "woe is me", until you literally drop dead and cease to exist (or go to heaven if it exists, where God will promptly kick you in the shin and go "you idiot!" then give you a big hug or something, lol). Thats option A. Not particularly fun. Not to mention the fun-sucking effect you will have on everyone you interact with, and you will inspire exactly 0 people in the process.
B: Let go of all the negative, suffering causing, un necessary beliefs that aren't even actually yours (you've just collected them from other people), and choose to respond in a freeing and empowering and inspiring way to the undeniable and unavoidable fact that your hair has decided to vacate your head.
Given those two options, which one you gunna choose? Notice rugs and hair transplants and drugs that make you impotent are absent, they aren't viable options. The day a legit cure comes out, I'll be first in line to get my hair back. I might not even like it anymore, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Until then, I'm gunna rock what I've got and not let it slow me down from living my life the way I want to live it.
Raison: I didn't know the style guy exaggerated his stories. That has nothing to do with his bald head and everything to do with what kind of human being he is, I was just making a point that a prominent pua is bald.
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Thank you for sharing those statistics.....However, I find that life is more enjoyable when you live life on your terms and not statistics and others' opinions....One of my favorite phrases is: "The poorest man is the man whose pleasures depend upon the permission of others". Do you think it's possible that women are turned off more by the negativity than the hair (or lack thereof?) Just a thought.
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You are right about the pity party going nowhere Myke.
However I can't get over how unfair this is, still going through the anger phase.
Those women would rather share a prince charming than give the average guy a chance.
This is called hypergamy and it's common to many other animal species, the best male specimen gets most of the females.
You are wiser than me I'm wasting my best years worrying about a battle that was last before I was even born.
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online dating is NOT REALITY. Okay? It's a buffet of pictures, it allows you to be as picky as you can possibly be. You also aren't meeting the person IN PERSON, where actual relationships and hook ups happen. Its just a picture, and some words that usually don't get read. There is no vibe there, no body language, conversation, nothing. It's just a small piece of the puzzle.
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man. You guys have really invested in being totally and completely miserable. You do realize that, right?
scarecrow: yeah dude, you didn't choose to go bald. Obviously. I didn't choose it either, also didn't choose the horrible acne. Guess what? It happened. You can, from right now in this moment:
A: bitch and moan and play your little violin while wailing "woe is me", until you literally drop dead and cease to exist (or go to heaven if it exists, where God will promptly kick you in the shin and go "you idiot!" then give you a big hug or something, lol). Thats option A. Not particularly fun. Not to mention the fun-sucking effect you will have on everyone you interact with, and you will inspire exactly 0 people in the process.
B: Let go of all the negative, suffering causing, un necessary beliefs that aren't even actually yours (you've just collected them from other people), and choose to respond in a freeing and empowering and inspiring way to the undeniable and unavoidable fact that your hair has decided to vacate your head.
Given those two options, which one you gunna choose? Notice rugs and hair transplants and drugs that make you impotent are absent, they aren't viable options. The day a legit cure comes out, I'll be first in line to get my hair back. I might not even like it anymore, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Until then, I'm gunna rock what I've got and not let it slow me down from living my life the way I want to live it.
Raison: I didn't know the style guy exaggerated his stories. That has nothing to do with his bald head and everything to do with what kind of human being he is, I was just making a point that a prominent pua is bald.
All PUA's are a joke. This industry is a scam, I can expose any of the top gurus for being a fraud who scams virgins but cant get laid with legit hotties when you want.
Your attitude makes a lot of sense and you are making the most of what you've got . I just can't let go though. At least you admit you'd love to see a cure on the market, even though this is not gonna happen any time soon.
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online dating is NOT REALITY. Okay? It's a buffet of pictures, it allows you to be as picky as you can possibly be. You also aren't meeting the person IN PERSON, where actual relationships and hook ups happen. Its just a picture, and some words that usually don't get read. There is no vibe there, no body language, conversation, nothing. It's just a small piece of the puzzle.
Why wouldnt it be reality? I think it's actually even more realistic since in this context women are anonymous and truely speak their mind.
Also, I know the club scene pretty well, and it's even more brutal.
Vibe, body language, all that stuff is dependant on the halo effect, a hot shy guy is mysterious, his less attractive version lacks confidence, and so on. Those are the tests you can pass once you have passed the first test: LOOKS.
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online dating is NOT REALITY. Okay? It's a buffet of pictures, it allows you to be as picky as you can possibly be. You also aren't meeting the person IN PERSON, where actual relationships and hook ups happen. Its just a picture, and some words that usually don't get read. There is no vibe there, no body language, conversation, nothing. It's just a small piece of the puzzle.
Well said. I had just written something that was getting to the same point, and lost the whole comment.
I will just add to not over-think or over-analyze it. We can either study life or we can live it.
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I hear what you guys are saying.
I wish I could be confident and just accept it like you did...
But when you read stuff like this:
http://www.hairlosstalk.com/interact/showthread.php/62828-Women-below-30-are-shallow-and-balding-is-unattractive-Deal-with-it
http://puahate.com/showthread.php?t=106750
http://puahate.com/showthread.php?t=90126
It really gets you down...
I'd stop reading this s--t if I were you.
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online dating is NOT REALITY. Okay? It's a buffet of pictures, it allows you to be as picky as you can possibly be. You also aren't meeting the person IN PERSON, where actual relationships and hook ups happen. Its just a picture, and some words that usually don't get read. There is no vibe there, no body language, conversation, nothing. It's just a small piece of the puzzle.
Why wouldnt it be reality? I think it's actually even more realistic since in this context women are anonymous and truely speak their mind.
Also, I know the club scene pretty well, and it's even more brutal.
Vibe, body language, all that stuff is dependant on the halo effect, a hot shy guy is mysterious, his less attractive version lacks confidence, and so on. Those are the tests you can pass once you have passed the first test: LOOKS.
I just mentioned why it wouldn't be reality. Its just a picture, you aren't just a picture right? Your a dynamic human being that has to be appreciated in the flesh, in person.
Here's the truth man: the inner affects the outer. Your beliefs, opinions and stories, both about yourself and the world, come out in what people call your "vibe", and in your body language. When your inner world is one of freedom and empowering/very un-limited beliefs, you automatically change externally to fit it, and the world starts relating to you differently as a result. You can't fake the inner state it takes to authentically come across externally as confident, masculine, powerful, charismatic, relaxed, carefree, and so on.
This is where letting go of all this stuff is so powerful, and why being bald isn't the deal breaker most people choose to believe it is. A bald guy who has a inner world filled with negative, defeatist, self loathing, extremely limited beliefs, isn't getting anywhere with anyone. Neither is a massively attractive guy with a magnificent mane of hair. I have heard this from women more than once, that they went from being potentially interested in a really attractive guy to downright repulsed in a matter of about a minute, the first minute they interacted. The guys' vibe was awful, usually its because he was dull, he wasn't alive, engaged, he was bland, had nothing to offer besides his appearance. Most likely from relying on his looks his whole life. Lots of beautiful women fall in the same trap. Hair and extreme good looks are no guarantee of anything besides a slightly raised default level of interest from women, and few men have both of those things so why worry about it anyway.
Walking into a club over flowing with authentic confidence, a rock solid belief that your perfect the way you are and you don't need anyones approval to allow you to feel that way and your ready to get this party started and help people have fun, is attractive. Women take notice. When your that kind of powerful guy, every trait of yours starts to turn into a positive. All of a sudden being bald just add's to the effect, it makes you stand out even more, it makes you more interesting. Girls will come up to you just to rub your head, it becomes an excuse to approach you.
You can live an extraordinary life with a bald head, make no mistake. It starts and ends with the inner world your living in.
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man. You guys have really invested in being totally and completely miserable. You do realize that, right?
scarecrow: yeah dude, you didn't choose to go bald. Obviously. I didn't choose it either, also didn't choose the horrible acne. Guess what? It happened. You can, from right now in this moment:
A: bitch and moan and play your little violin while wailing "woe is me", until you literally drop dead and cease to exist (or go to heaven if it exists, where God will promptly kick you in the shin and go "you idiot!" then give you a big hug or something, lol). Thats option A. Not particularly fun. Not to mention the fun-sucking effect you will have on everyone you interact with, and you will inspire exactly 0 people in the process.
B: Let go of all the negative, suffering causing, un necessary beliefs that aren't even actually yours (you've just collected them from other people), and choose to respond in a freeing and empowering and inspiring way to the undeniable and unavoidable fact that your hair has decided to vacate your head.
Given those two options, which one you gunna choose? Notice rugs and hair transplants and drugs that make you impotent are absent, they aren't viable options. The day a legit cure comes out, I'll be first in line to get my hair back. I might not even like it anymore, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. Until then, I'm gunna rock what I've got and not let it slow me down from living my life the way I want to live it.
Raison: I didn't know the style guy exaggerated his stories. That has nothing to do with his bald head and everything to do with what kind of human being he is, I was just making a point that a prominent pua is bald.
All PUA's are a joke. This industry is a scam, I can expose any of the top gurus for being a fraud who scams virgins but cant get laid with legit hotties when you want.
Your attitude makes a lot of sense and you are making the most of what you've got . I just can't let go though. At least you admit you'd love to see a cure on the market, even though this is not gonna happen any time soon.
I agree about the PUA's. They're focused on the wrong things and in the wrong directions.
Yeah of course man, hair is nice to have. You don't fully appreciate it until its gone.
You can let go, your just not. If you sit quietly with yourself and really pose the question "could I just let go of all of this?" and sit with it, open yourself to the possibility of it. If you could let it go, would you? If you'd be willing to, when? why not now, why wait?
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Mike (E.P.), I completely agree with you (SlyMyke also). I was depressed many years ago about losing my hair, but I got over it. I know lots of men with shaved heads who are partnered--in fact, men with horsehoes! I can't advise you how find a lover/partner, since I don't have one myself, but the first step is like and respect yourself. If you don't do that, the only person you'll attract will be someone either very superficial or into dumping on you (after all, you're doing it to yourself!). Stop reading the negative websites and look around this one. It's a good group of people. I know that you don't want to be bald (very few people do, altho some post messages here), but there are some things I'd like to change about myself. I hope that I focus on the things I can control. I'll never be swimmer like (or look like) Michael Phelps, but I'll play the cards I was dealt.