Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => Reactions to being Bald => Topic started by: Soniktts on May 16, 2013, 05:42:45 PM
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I'm sorry, but I stumbled upon a video on Youtube which led me here and I have to say this.
I don't buy this positive attitude that, no one is going to notice, what the guy was preaching. I don't want to be crass or sound just overly negative but in my opinion this isn't true.
I am in a very bad place because of my hair loss. I am twenty-two years old, British and have spent the last eighteen months living abroad because of my degree which should have been the best time of my life, but because I lost my hair, I have spent it largely indoors, become a recluse and a very bitter and unhappy person.
Everything has piled on top of each other. You hear it a lot about people in bad situations who often say that their life is terrible, and I'm not going to preach about how terrible mine is. I am fully aware that there are people who would give everything to be where I am today because my soul is crushed, and no amount of famine and poverty will make me feel better (I realise how bad this sounds, believe me). I'm short (5"5), unattractive and yes, balding. I have had the michael taken out of me for years for being short, unattractive and bald. If there is a God, he's a mean kid with a magnifying glass and myself and many others are the ants. I've had people come up to me at parties and in clubs and question why I came. This isn't just a select few. This is spanning over four different countries.
I'm sorry, and if you find peace in 'no one is going to notice/think anything of it' then fair play to you and I wish you the best of luck but I think it's rubbish.
Sorry I had to rant, it was playing on my mind. Most likely this will be closed, I'll be banned or whatever but I just feel better in expressing my opinion.
Being bald matters as much as it matters being overweight. People notice and will ridicule.
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Welcome to the forum, I hope you don't get banned cos that would be a shame but if I am honest your attitude stinks.
Yep, harsh words there but hear me out because it's not meant to be as rude as it sounds.
I have had points in my life where I have had so much self loathing, been bullied and basically just wanted it all to end and a lot of that issue came from me, as well as the nasty bullying scumbags.
So you're overweight, rather than shut yourself off. Join a gym. You'll find mostly being in a gym is a solitary environment where you don't have to talk to others. When you start to get results you will feel more confident and that will help your attractiveness. Remember we're our own worst critic too. So you might not be as hot and ripped as Chris Daughty but who is! But fitness is good for the mind as well as the body.
Being sly is different to bald. I used to get called Captain Forehead by my mates because my hair was so far back since taking off my hair. My DECISION not loss, no one has said anything. It's no longer going of it's own accord, it's because I don't want it there and that's a powerful thing and that's the message sly bald guys tries to get across.
These are some big steps, they can't be achieved overnight and you have a luxuary I didn't when I was your age. The internet, cos believe me when I was shut away in my room there was no net to vent over.
Don't think about what you can't offer and how you might be banned, thing of what you can offer and how guys, and the occasional girl, here can help you on that journey.
I am not a believer in god, I don't believe in life after death so I think this is our one shot and that it's a miracle of nature we're here, so don't waste a moment of that one shot. Live it.
All the best.
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I didn't say I was overweight. I'm a bodybuilder (natural, no drugs, not that it'd matter health wise if I did).
Kudos on that attitude. Chances are in the future I'll feel better, true. I agree with your post.
My point was made about the video about it 'not mattering' and people won't notice. Horse rubbish. Sorry to be so blunt.
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Sorry to be blunt myself but personal experience has shown me that 90% or more people DON'T notice. What they WILL notice is your self-loathing, self-pity and bad attitude.
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Just refuse to be limited by limiting thoughts and victim based thinking.
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I'm the guy on the video and I have spent my life proving that what i said in the video is correct. I wouldn't have said it otherwise.
Have you read the posts here? Hundreds of guys have said the same thing. I get hundreds of emails a year thanking me for helping that person reach the same conclusion.
Instead of dismissing me so quickly, how about you seek what we know and let us help you?
Have you shaved your head? If so, how long did you keep it?
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Welcome Mate,
Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time. In all honesty people are so self centered they only think about themselves,
Eg, I had a beard that was probably 6 inches long and I shaved it off, only 2 people in my office commented that day.
I hope you can find peace, whatever that may be for you,
Cheers
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I'm the guy on the video and I have spent my life proving that what i said in the video is correct. I wouldn't have said it otherwise.
Have you read the posts here? Hundreds of guys have said the same thing. I get hundreds of emails a year thanking me for helping that person reach the same conclusion.
Instead of dismissing me so quickly, how about you seek what we know and let us help you?
Have you shaved your head? If so, how long did you keep it?
I shave my head, but not wet-shave.
I don't believe you can help me. It's good you try and have helped people reach peace. I'm not looking for advice, sorry.
I think it's slightly hypocritical what you're saying. Having read a lot of this forum, there is a large emphasis on ignoring what people think and say, but you say several times in the video that people don't care/won't care that you're bald. That isn't true. That's my point. I have it worse than others having the whole package, short, unattractive and poor hair genetics but in my experience (which isn't limited to a small amount of people), they're very quick to point out the fact I have a receding hair line than anything else.
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This may sound harsh and I may sound blunt here.....I'm sorry you feel the way that you do sir, and I wish you the best in finding whatever happiness you seek.....but Tyler and the others have done a wonderful job with this forum and an occasional "troll" will not change that opinion. If you want help dealing with your hairloss, we're here, but we don't do pity parties and entertain/feed trolls. Have a good day sir.
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This may sound harsh and I may sound blunt here.....I'm sorry you feel the way that you do sir, and I wish you the best in finding whatever happiness you seek.....but Tyler and the others have done a wonderful job with this forum and an occasional "troll" will not change that opinion. If you want help dealing with your hairloss, we're here, but we don't do pity parties and entertain/feed trolls. Have a good day sir.
I'm not trolling, thank you. And have congratulated you on the forum and have complimented you on the progress, just stating that I believe the video to be inaccurate.
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I initially read this last night, and took the evening to think about it. I agree with most here, pity party, self loathing, most don't notice, etc. and quite frankly, even if they did, and commented me about them, I'd tell them "that's nice, now mind your own business". It doesn't matter what they think, just what you think. If you don't like it, don't do it.
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This may sound harsh and I may sound blunt here.....I'm sorry you feel the way that you do sir, and I wish you the best in finding whatever happiness you seek.....but Tyler and the others have done a wonderful job with this forum and an occasional "troll" will not change that opinion. If you want help dealing with your hairloss, we're here, but we don't do pity parties and entertain/feed trolls. Have a good day sir.
I'm not trolling, thank you. And have congratulated you on the forum and have complimented you on the progress, just stating that I believe the video to be inaccurate.
If that is your opinion sir, I respect that. You are in the minority and you have that right. Even if the video is not what you think it should be, why don't you check out some of the other threads and see if there is/are (a) topic(s) that can catch your interest and maybe help. Good luck and take care.
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I'll be even more blunt: if the worst things you have to deal with in life are being short and balding, you are extremely lucky and should be thankful for that.
If you shave your head, will people notice? Yes, some will. Will some people make rude comments? Yes, some will. Should that ruin your life? No, it should not. That's Tyler's point and the the point that most of us on the forum will make.
From the sound of it, you are not comfortable in your own skin. That's something you have to deal with. We can encourage you to take steps, but it's up to you to decide what you want to do.
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Hi,
I agree with all the guys here.
I do empathise with your predicament, somewhat. However, the only person that can do anything about it is you. Firstly, Man-up & take life by the horns so-to-speak. Balding & being Sly are 2 different things. Balding is nature's choice...Being Sly is your decision to become a cool, bald guy by your own choice ---- I'm talking about taking the bold step & deciding that you are going to shave your head slick bald for life. The second thing I would say is change your attitude & thought processes about yourself. Be positive even if things seem negative. This definitely does work; I can personally testify to that FACT.
Keep smiling, friend. :)
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"You have It worse than others" jeez man as far as I can tell from you're not Brad Pitt lookswise and are going bald. There's people with real health issues and terminal diseases out there. Let's reality check.
You need more of a glass half full attitude
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Nobody gets banned if they state their opinion respectfully.
Self confidence is the key to happiness and yours is in a bad place right now. Become confident and your life will change.
You, and only you, are the Master of your own way in Life.
Don't place your confidence or happiness in the hands of others or in superficial things.
Simple advice, I know. You can choose to use it or not.
......... and Welcome!
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Maybe it's because I've been buzzing/shaving for over 30 years, but I honestly look back to when I was younger and losing my hair, and I can't recall it ever being a big deal to me. It makes me wonder why so may young men gauge their self-worth on whether they have something as superficial as hair on their head or not.
There are so many important things in life to worry about, hair simply didn't make my list, I guess.
As to people noticing or not, when I shaved my head the first time, my boss, about 20 minutes into a meeting, asked "Did you get new glasses or something?"
Granted I was going from buzzed to bald. Surely, going from something like shoulder-length hair to shaved would bound to be noticed. But really, who cares?
My advice is to try to rid yourself of pre-conceieved notions likely fostered by advertising and corporate interests, and assess the ideas presented by Tyler and the other guys who post here in a new and fresh light.
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Let me repeat for you a wonderful quote from Dr Suess that I posted yesterday on another thread:
"Those who matter don't mind. Those that mind don't matter"
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Jay summed it up very well. The only opinion that really matters is your own. My advice? Man up, accept the inevitable and move on. Stop letting your hair, or lack of hair, dictate your life.
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What a load of tosh. Sounds to me like OP is just very self conscious. I shaved my head and have walked with my head held high since day one. I love my receding, bald, 22 year old head, and this is not fake, I am completely comfortable being me.
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This topic appears to become a strange critique of Tyler's video and the whole idea of being "noticed."
Soniktts, you seem to have desires that are at odds with one another. As a self described short, unattractive, and bald man, you seem to be saying that these three factors prevent you from being noticed, presumably from the opposite sex, friends, etc....and yet the idea of being noticed because of having a shaved head is somehow not desirable?
Of those "three strikes" against you, Soniktts, I would say the only real issue you face in attractiveness is your height. Women don't care as much about hair, or even if you don't have the prettiest face in the world––but they do have a lot to say about height.
But hey, it could be worse. You could be crippled or missing a limb, suffer from cancer, have a terminal disease, live in a third world country, etc.
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Nobody gets banned if they state their opinion respectfully.
Self confidence is the key to happiness and yours is in a bad place right now. Become confident and your life will change.
You, and only you, are the Master of your own way in Life.
Don't place your confidence or happiness in the hands of others or in superficial things.
Simple advice, I know. You can choose to use it or not.
......... and Welcome!
Our confidence and self-worth stem from others. One can never truly be comfortable living within oneself. I disagree I'm afraid.
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Maybe it's because I've been buzzing/shaving for over 30 years, but I honestly look back to when I was younger and losing my hair, and I can't recall it ever being a big deal to me. It makes me wonder why so may young men gauge their self-worth on whether they have something as superficial as hair on their head or not.
There are so many important things in life to worry about, hair simply didn't make my list, I guess.
As to people noticing or not, when I shaved my head the first time, my boss, about 20 minutes into a meeting, asked "Did you get new glasses or something?"
Granted I was going from buzzed to bald. Surely, going from something like shoulder-length hair to shaved would bound to be noticed. But really, who cares?
My advice is to try to rid yourself of pre-conceieved notions likely fostered by advertising and corporate interests, and assess the ideas presented by Tyler and the other guys who post here in a new and fresh light.
I have always had short hair. It started receeding though in the first year of university and I've been a torrent of abuse ever since. The ideas just seem to add up to me. I think I will eventually reach a state of acceptance of comments passed at me and learn to live with it. I believe this is the best I can hope for.
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Jay summed it up very well. The only opinion that really matters is your own. My advice? Man up, accept the inevitable and move on. Stop letting your hair, or lack of hair, dictate your life.
When something infiltrates your school life, work place, (lack of) love life and personal life, it matters I'm afraid. :)
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What a load of tosh. Sounds to me like OP is just very self conscious. I shaved my head and have walked with my head held high since day one. I love my receding, bald, 22 year old head, and this is not fake, I am completely comfortable being me.
More power to you, I'm truly happy for you. :) I bet you're a good looking guy and as tall as anything however.
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This topic appears to become a strange critique of Tyler's video and the whole idea of being "noticed."
Soniktts, you seem to have desires that are at odds with one another. As a self described short, unattractive, and bald man, you seem to be saying that these three factors prevent you from being noticed, presumably from the opposite sex, friends, etc....and yet the idea of being noticed because of having a shaved head is somehow not desirable?
Matter of opinion whether a shaved head is a good idea. In mine, it's not.
Of those "three strikes" against you, Soniktts, I would say the only real issue you face in attractiveness is your height. Women don't care as much about hair, or even if you don't have the prettiest face in the world––but they do have a lot to say about height.
Height is only the anchor. Combine the three. Not nice.
But hey, it could be worse. You could be crippled or missing a limb, suffer from cancer, have a terminal disease, live in a third world country, etc.
That horse has already been beaten to death. Problems in the western world do not become unimportant because there are people suffering in physical terms elsewhere, despite being mean to say.
I consider my problems resulting in a social disability anyway.
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This definitely does work; I can personally testify to that FACT.
Keep smiling, friend. :)
If you have a 5"5, unattractive, bald at 22 happy go lucky fella on these forums, I'd love to meet him. 8)
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This definitely does work; I can personally testify to that FACT.
Keep smiling, friend. :)
If you have a 5"5, unattractive, bald at 22 happy go lucky fella on these forums, I'd love to meet him. 8)
What is it that you hope to find here? ???
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I am only 5 ft 7/8 and meet the other criteria (mpb, bald etc). I am perfectly happy and comfortable in my skin, although it may help that I have a long term partner and a child who would love me no matter what. Maybe I don't care as much about how others perceive me as most do?
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Um....You think being 5'5" and balding is a disadvantage......Well, sir, we have wheelchair bound members who participate happily.....we have members that are battling diseases but soldier on and participate happily....We have many members that are under six feet tall and don't let their height and their hair dictate their life.....So life has handed you a few lemons....what are you going to do, make lemonade or let the lemons sit there and rot making life more sour for you....Even if you don't want to shave your head, that's fine, we have members who buzz it shorter or just rock on with what they have left. You, sir are in my prayers and I'll be pulling for you to get to the level of acceptance that you seek. One more thing, if you don't like Tyler's video, that's fine and good, but I challenge you to post a photo if you are serious about getting advice and/or help for yourself. Have a good day.
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"Our confidence and self-worth stem from others. One can never truly be comfortable living within oneself. I disagree I'm afraid. "
If you truly believe this then....nothing any of us can say, object lessons we might suggest, positive input we give you will make any difference to you. Apparently you're enjoying our attention and, if that helps you, all well and good. However, routinely refuting everything, even on occasion by seeming to agree or applaud, is a waste of our time and yours. There are excellent psychiatrists in Italy, quite accustomed to dealing with self esteem issues-if there ever was a population more caught up in their appearance than the Italians I've not met them-and perhaps that's what you need. Freud said that we do not appreciate what we do not pay for. You've got a world of good, well considered advice here and you, somewhat politely, ignore it. Obviously we cannot help you, perhaps an expert whose advice you must pay for might. PJ
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Our confidence and self-worth stem from others. One can never truly be comfortable living within oneself. I disagree I'm afraid.
Letting this be a part of your belief system would have to almost guarantee the result of low confidence and low self worth. For so many reasons. Here's just a couple....
One being that in believing this, you are then saying that you are dependent on others to provide you with confidence, self worth and happiness. These are all things that can only truly come from within you and flow outward. If you observe people that other people are drawn to, you will see that is true. It flows out and that includes love as well
Secondly the very people you may be relying on for that confidence and self worth may well often have egos that need to be fed in various ways to help make themselves feel better than you, so they are not going to help you
Happiness and self confidence and self worth can be found by thinking in the complete opposite way to what you wrote. Try it and go sly too. Do the opposite to what you have been doing and you may be refreshingly surprised.
As far as people noticing things about you and ridicule you and others etc etc .... again, why do you think people do that?? To feed their own egos in an attempt to make themselves feel better than you. Problem is for them, it doesn't work, so have some empathy and compassion for people who may behave like that towards you
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I also have been wondering why you came here, Soniktts.
If you have read any of the other threads on this forum, you have seen that almost all of them are written by guys and ladies who have a positive outlook on life. You seem to want to wallow in self-pity over your situation. Guys have tried to help you feel better about yourself, but you appear to be determined to fight their efforts.
What was your point?
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IMHO, he sounds like he just wants to whine and complain and get people to feel sorry for him. If so, he's come to the wrong place.
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I think the OP has a very large problem with self-confidence.
You might be shorter than average. Okay, but you are not 1 metre tall, are you? Even so, I see "little people" with very active love lives and very happy.
You have hair loss. Yeah, you and half of the men out there. Its at least half but they grow it long to cover up the growing forehead.
You think you are unattractive. Maybe some of the women you have approached feel that way. Guess what? Everyone in the world has differing standards of attractiveness. Do you find every woman in the world attractive? I bet you don't.
The key is the search. Finding someone that likes you as much as you like them. And that is a search EVERY person in the world conducts.
However, the reality is, none of that matters until you work on your self-confidence and learn to accept whom you are. You are whom you are and that will not change.
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Join the army, mate. They will knock the self-loathing out of you & teach you about having confidence & self-respect. First off, they'll shave your hair off, give you a smart uniform, you'll make friends & you will learn to take good care of yourself & others at the same time. It's a win-win situation for you - joining the army, that is.
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Well boys, we've tried.
I've followed this thread from the start, watching the original statement and then all the various replies and the accompanying responses to those replies.
There are hundreds of members on this site. There are literally THOUSANDS of topics and conversations going on, on this site. the gentleman who posted this thread has made 10 posts. 10 posts all and only in this thread.
This isn't someone who joined the forum, made an introduction and started participating in what we are doing here. This is someone who has participated exclusively in criticizing the idea that SELF-esteem comes from ones self (I believe the quote was "it's rubbish") and then dismissing or arguing (however politely) with anyone who tries to provide any encouragement, insight or perspective.
From all appearances thus far, this isn't someone who is skeptical of or even curious about head shaving, it's someone who is cynical about their appearance (and it sounds like, his life). This isn't someone seeking advice or who is open to changing their perspective.
This is someone who wants someone to argue with. Someone who is coming here, exclusively to argue.
Soniktts : You found a YouTube video online and you disagreed with his opinion. Fair enough. But rather than contact Tyler directly, privately or even via the comments on YT to share your thoughts or have a discussion with him about it. Instead you joined a public forum to tell anyone that happens to look at it that you disagree with their friends opinion.
Your opinion is fairly stated and dully noted. Agree to disagree and move on. What you would know, if you bothered to look around these boards is that this community of experienced, informed, helpful, friendly people which exists to HELP men and women who are interested in head shaving (for any reason) as a means of self improvement and self esteem BUILDING. Giving and receiving advice, support, camaraderie and constructive criticism.
If, and only IF you are open to being a part of that, then welcome.
As for the rest of us: Good effort, guys, but let's all just let this thread fade away...
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"Our confidence and self-worth stem from others. One can never truly be comfortable living within oneself. I disagree I'm afraid. "
If you truly believe this then....nothing any of us can say, object lessons we might suggest, positive input we give you will make any difference to you. Apparently you're enjoying our attention and, if that helps you, all well and good. However, routinely refuting everything, even on occasion by seeming to agree or applaud, is a waste of our time and yours. There are excellent psychiatrists in Italy, quite accustomed to dealing with self esteem issues-if there ever was a population more caught up in their appearance than the Italians I've not met them-and perhaps that's what you need. Freud said that we do not appreciate what we do not pay for. You've got a world of good, well considered advice here and you, somewhat politely, ignore it. Obviously we cannot help you, perhaps an expert whose advice you must pay for might. PJ
Well I'm only stating what I think which is the opposite of the majority, and I'm not enjoying the attention at all. Italian society is horrendous, yes. Unfortunately a psychiatrist is often occupied with a cheating mother who doesn't know how to deal with her guilt because God is judging her. I don't really believe in a doctor of that kind being able to help certain situations anyway. :(
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Our confidence and self-worth stem from others. One can never truly be comfortable living within oneself. I disagree I'm afraid.
Letting this be a part of your belief system would have to almost guarantee the result of low confidence and low self worth. For so many reasons. Here's just a couple....
One being that in believing this, you are then saying that you are dependent on others to provide you with confidence, self worth and happiness. These are all things that can only truly come from within you and flow outward. If you observe people that other people are drawn to, you will see that is true. It flows out and that includes love as well
Secondly the very people you may be relying on for that confidence and self worth may well often have egos that need to be fed in various ways to help make themselves feel better than you, so they are not going to help you
Happiness and self confidence and self worth can be found by thinking in the complete opposite way to what you wrote. Try it and go sly too. Do the opposite to what you have been doing and you may be refreshingly surprised.
As far as people noticing things about you and ridicule you and others etc etc .... again, why do you think people do that?? To feed their own egos in an attempt to make themselves feel better than you. Problem is for them, it doesn't work, so have some empathy and compassion for people who may behave like that towards you
An interesting point of view, but like I said before, we as people appreciate the opinions of others on to ourselves. We are social beings, ultimately. A positive mind set can only go so far in certain cases, because even the people with nerves of steel (I hope this expression is correct) that say they are unaffected by the opinions of others, care just that little bit. Some don't have the mentality to ignore. I believe I am part of that some.
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I also have been wondering why you came here, Soniktts.
If you have read any of the other threads on this forum, you have seen that almost all of them are written by guys and ladies who have a positive outlook on life. You seem to want to wallow in self-pity over your situation. Guys have tried to help you feel better about yourself, but you appear to be determined to fight their efforts.
What was your point?
I'm not determined to fight anyone. I am not a troll, nor am I looking for confrontation. I came here because I disagree with the video and the idea that 'it doesn't matter if you're bald'. Wallow in self-pity means to feel for oneself? If true, perhaps, I don't know. I already said I don't think a website can help me. Any website. It is something that in time I will learn to naturally accept. It is something which is painful for me at this moment, but in time with age I will grow to not give a thought to it. I didn't contact the maker of the video directly because it's a forum, and discussion is good.
(Sorry for my English there if it's bad)
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IMHO, he sounds like he just wants to whine and complain and get people to feel sorry for him. If so, he's come to the wrong place.
Your honest opinion is wrong, my friend. ::)
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I think the OP has a very large problem with self-confidence.
You might be shorter than average. Okay, but you are not 1 metre tall, are you? Even so, I see "little people" with very active love lives and very happy.
You have hair loss. Yeah, you and half of the men out there. Its at least half but they grow it long to cover up the growing forehead.
You think you are unattractive. Maybe some of the women you have approached feel that way. Guess what? Everyone in the world has differing standards of attractiveness. Do you find every woman in the world attractive? I bet you don't.
The key is the search. Finding someone that likes you as much as you like them. And that is a search EVERY person in the world conducts.
However, the reality is, none of that matters until you work on your self-confidence and learn to accept whom you are. You are whom you are and that will not change.
I don't know how to translate this but we have an expression in Italian where, you say 'To say don't feel bad because there is always worse is silly because not everyone can cry in a Ferrari'. I don't know if you understand that exactly but I think something like, just because someone has a worse situation than you, doesn't mean your problems vanish. However, they can put them in to perspective, I agree with that.
Self-confidence is a big issue yes, and losing the hair is something which contributes greatly to that. It is very easy 'look positively' but when all the girls are taller than you in a club/pub and guys are laughing at you every time (not an exageration) you go out, and call you nicknames, it's extremely difficult to focus on the positive things of trying to have a social life. You may say, well you should get a better circle of friends, well... would you like to come to Italy for a beer with me? haha :)
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I apologise to anyone that I have offended or if I have been rude. I disagree, and still do. Please don't label me a troll.
Good luck to everyone. :)
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I already said I don't think a website can help me. Any website. It is something that in time I will learn to naturally accept. It is something which is painful for me at this moment, but in time with age I will grow to not give a thought to it.
Well then, sir, there is hope.
You are correct that it is something only you can control about yourself. If you get anything from being here, please let it be an understanding that many of us who began balding felt anxiety over losing our hair, but we got past it and realized that our hair was not the measure of who we are. The guys were trying to help you put your situation into perspective.
I truly am sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. The confidence we speak of also means not giving in to what other people say to you. In other words, don't let them see it has an effect even if it does. My experience with guys like you described is that they only make those "jokes" if they get the response they are hoping for. Show them you don't care and they might turn their attention somewhere else.
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There are plenty of women 5'5" and shorter out there so that part is sorted. If you focus on the ones taller than you that's what you will notice the most. I see 5'5" and shorter girls every day don't you?
Also people who are so insecure that they resort to putting others down in a vain attempt to feel better about themselves, are not worth taking seriously, they really aren't
That said I understand where you are coming from. I haven't got it all worked out like some kind of Zen Master! but one thing I have realised is that if I focus on my insecurities and feel sorry for myself, or have self pity, it won't get me anywhere or make me feel any good at all. It never has.
So I am scaling that pointless stuff down, putting it in its little place and scaling up big time the good stuff that people have mentioned here. Give it a go, it helps greatly. Begin to work on accepting yourself instead of battling with yourself
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Hmm...interesting.
You're right, my friend: no website can help you. And in the end, no one can help you. You have to help yourself. You have to have that self-confidence; no woman, good physique, or hair/no hair can do it for you. To gain your self-confidence from others is a losing battle, in which you'll be the loser. That's how you don't want to live-take it from personal experience.
Many of us here found that self-confidence comes from within. We shave our heads because we want to and enjoy the feeling of being bald. That being said, if you "don't buy any of this", that's your choice. However, I've seen guys try to give you some good advice.
I wish you well, that's all I can say.
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Op is a prat
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Come on, OP, Life can't be THAT bad can it?
Let's see a pic of you! I'm short (although ridiculously good looking), and I am LOVING being sly. See, I'm not ridiculously good looking, but I can say that because I have the self confidence about myself! I'm an average looking guy, not THAT tall, and bald.
Life could be worse, my friend.
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Could be posting a dead topic here, doesn't look the OP has been on since July, but if anyone else stumbles across this with similar feelings, then here is some fact. People create their own self-fulfilling prophecies. That is the nature of Karma. If you say "I am a loser and people treat me like dogshit", that will be your life. The secret to success is that simple. Change your attitude and change your life. If you need the message in more detail, I suggest you search 'The Secret' on Netflix or YouTube.
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Well said, Wigout.
The self-fulfilling prophecy is the worst type of self-sabotage. And all too prevalent.
Not to get too geeky, but a line from the Terminator series: "There is no fate but that we make."
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I have the worst self-confidence, I know. But....
When it comes to things worth having I find it. Whether a job interview, a family function, a business meeting or putting a razor to my scalp.
I learned a long time ago that "I'm not good enough" and "I am as ugly as a ______" etc. destroy the self-confidence. Cruel people said things like that to me and I came to believe it. Now I say to myself, I am important and I am needed and the people who exhibited that cruelty are gone from my life.
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Hey, man, in the end confidence counts for everything. If you don't have that, people will notice . . .
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I suppose OP is long gone, but just in case, or if someone else comes along...
Soniktts is absolutely right - we absolutely do base our opinion of ourselves heavily on what other people think of us. But where he goes tragically wrong is in thinking that other people's opinion of us is something that happens outside of ourselves. On the contrary, it's almost entirely based on our opinion of ourselves in the first place.
If you have any doubt about the fact that confidence first flows OUT from you, then just look at the course of this thread. A person with low self esteem posts, people try to lift his spirits, he insists that he isn't worth their (or anyone's) trouble and guess what... some of them start to agree. That, of course, only reinforces his initial belief, but who started that cycle? Even when people tried to get the cycle spinning in a positive direction, Soniktts actively fought to keep it spinning in the negative.
Positivity works the same way. If you meet someone new, and they're confident and happy, then you're probably going to like them, or at least not dislike them. They're going to pick up on your positive impression of them, and that feedback loop works the same way, reinforcing their positive opinion of themselves. Same mechanism, but this time, it's positive instead of negative.
I actually used to know a guy with a very similar negative attitude and many of the same physical traits that Soniktts dislikes about himself. I hated to be around him because while I felt bad for him (he had few, if any, real friends) I didn't feel nearly as bad for him as he felt about himself. Any attempt at cheer was met with resistance, and he drove everyone away, which only made him feel worse, I'm sure. I'm pleased to say, though, that he realized he needed a change. He moved halfway across the country and made a fresh start, completely from scratch - new friends, new job, new locale, the works. He broke the negative cycle and it turned everything around. Now he's married, has friends and a good steady job, and is quite good company, the couple of times I've seen him since.
So there's hope. But it all rests with you. YOU have to break the cycle. No one can do it for you, and it may take some time, and will certainly take some effort to change your inner monologue. But once you do, I think you'll find you're not nearly as alone in the world as you imagine.