Sly Bald Guys Forum
Discussions About Being Bald => Reactions to being Bald => Topic started by: benlen on November 29, 2012, 08:32:03 PM
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Hey guys,
So I'm going on thirty days of being sly/shaving my head, and my mom, who has very thinly veiled her distaste for my bald head, spoke with me today about how she felt about my head. She said the following:
1) That my hair was "fine" the way it was, and that I should just bald naturally and keep what hair I have forever, even if I think that looks silly/makes me feel bad about myself.
2) The entire family hates the look, according to her.
3) Bald people are nazis and mass murderers, like the guy who shot Gabriel Giffords, and that the entire world would view me this way. I told her Hitler had hair, incidentially, but that didn't seem to go over all that well.
4) I would never experience love or romance ever again because of my shaved head.
5) That I looked ridiculous, like a cancer patient, and the bald look was not at all attractive on me, according to her.
6) She's convinced that I'm not shaving my head as an act of liberation from hair loss, but as a body dismorphic disorder related issue or something like that.
Not lastly, but I because I don't want to repeat everything she said, she wrote:
7) She will never like or accept what I choose to do with the hair on my head.
It goes without saying that, in spite of my normally confident nature, that this has been an extremely demeaning and confidence-eroding exercise.
Have any of you had such a negative reaction from family, let alone a parent? I mean, jesus, it's just a hair style! What's wrong with my mother?
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I am surprised that your mom would be so harsh on you about your sly head. You look pretty young, so I am guessing that your mom would be in her 40's or 50's. Usually people that age, which is my generation, are not that bad about headshaving. But I do understand. My now deceased, balding father, did not like my headshaving. He said, "Marshall, it looks like S&*t". My stepmom, who is almost 95 originally cried and said, "But Marshall, you're a Christian!", implying that Christian men don't shave their heads. Fortunately, my dad got over it. My stepmom has also seen me with hair about two years ago, when I had surgery and had grown it back.. So she sees that is not a lot left! But I also had a platonic lady friend try to be manipulative in trying to get me to grow it back. Here is a link to my post about that!
http://www2.slybaldguys.com/smf/index.php?topic=12795.0
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That is how mothers are. They mean well but they can be very manipulative. I am almost twice your age and I still go through things like that with my mother. She pulled out all the stops when I shaved my head and I actually grew it back a couple of times because of her comments. But then one day I decided not to let her manipulate me anymore. I ignored her comments, changed the subject each time and eventually she did give up. She never comments on my head anymore. And if she gave up, so will your mother, sooner or later. More recently she has made some negative comments about my beard, but she is not nearly as persistent now as she used to be.
As a matter of principle, do NOT let your mother manipulate you. You're an adult. Do what you want. You'll gain a ton of confidence from standing your ground.
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There are times in life where you can't please others even family. At times if you dress wrong, don't agree with their views, have long hair, hang out with certain people they let you know. Sometimes it doesn't matter what a persons age is either. Trust me been there done that trip. Finally had enough and just smiled and continued on with what ever it was I was doing that they didn't agree with. No since in any arguments it will just make it worse. I hope this helps some.
Good Luck
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Let me just add that if you were man enough to shave your head in the first place -- and it was a gutsy move considering your age and stage of hair loss -- then you are man enough to stand your ground against your mother. Just hang in there.
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Hi Benlen: You got some great responses from our fellow chrome domes. Your mom will never agree or be satisfied with everything you do. This is your mom. She will love you regardless if she doesn't like your "hairstyle".
Keep us posted to your road to slyness. You wear it well and I hope you continue the sly life. Your mom and family will learn to accept it. They may not like it but as time goes they will accept it. Take care my friend and hang in there.
WARHAWK O0
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Ben, it's ok to hear and know what your family believes, but it all comes down to what you think and what you want.
Shaving your hair is a change and people usually don't like changes. In other words time will help.
It's still you, maybe you with a better haircut and the power gained from the experience of shaving your hair.
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Hey Benlen,
While I am not fully sly yet I understand what you are saying. I am currently wearing a real short buzz cut(guard 1) and I learned that everyone will have some opinion about any change. Thankfully I have had some compliments and even my wife has been supportive.
However in the beginning while my wife was supportive she stated clearly that she preferred me with longer hair. Over time I could tell that she has gotten more used to it. I recently threw out the comment that pretty soon I am going to shave it on the lowest guard #.5 guard that came with my clippers because I want to make sure I avoid the bobo the clown look. She agreed and added or the Larry from the 3 Stooges look and chuckled. The point is she agrees that me going shorter is the best path and looks the best. She knows that I am eventually going to go sly and now knows that it will look good.
While your mom may never love it, her views on it will soften over time. As far as the whole bald people are nazis or serial killers comment. No one has ever said that Vin Diesel, Patrick Stewart, Phil Dahlhausser or Andre Agassi look like nazis or serial killers ;). Chicks dig them and they are liked by many. Plus almost all state troopers that I see these days sport the real short buzzed or bald look(those guys are definitely not serial killers lol). As a matter of fact many guys from all walks of life sport the sly or buzzed look and it looks good.
As an honest opinion from me, you look very good sly. Just stick to your guns and know that most people do not share the same view as your mom. And that your mother's view will eventually soften over time. Take care.
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Ben, if the relationship with your mom is healthy, just chalk it up to her "not letting go" Moms with always treat their children (especially guys) as their "babies" no matter what. If you are off on your own, then you have nothing to worry about. I know we want approval for all that we do, but my favorite phrase that I use frequently here is "The poorest man is the man whose pleasures depend upon the permission of others". and that applies to wearing a shaved head. I hope and pray that there is not a more undefined issue that she is using your shaved head as an excuse to "attack" you. Just be loving, respectful and understanding but be firm if a shaved head is what you want. I have an aunt who has gray hair but constantly dyes it. She told me the same thing similar to what Mom told you. I just told her respectfully..It's all about looking and feeling good, but if we want to play the "natural/graceful" game, maybe you should stop using the Clairol Nice-n-Easy and I will maybe stop shaving my head. She never brought the subject up again. Good Luck to you, man!
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7) She will never like or accept what I choose to do with the hair on my head.
Sounds like whatever you do will be wrong so you may as well get used to that concept and do what you want.
What's wrong with my mother?
Nothing. Mum's are supposed to worry about their children. Keep reassuring her that you're still the same person inside and she'll probably get used to it. She may not like it, but she'll get aroiud to putting up with it.
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You look great and confident. Don't allow this moment to set you back.
2) The entire family hates the look, according to her.
3) Bald people are nazis and mass murderers, like the guy who shot Gabriel Giffords, and that the entire world would view me this way.
4) I would never experience love or romance ever again because of my shaved head.
5) That I looked ridiculous, like a cancer patient, and the bald look was not at all attractive on me, according to her.
6) She's convinced that I'm not shaving my head as an act of liberation from hair loss, but as a body dismorphic disorder related issue or something like that.
These are all her opinions - none of them factual. Be particularly alert when someone is speaking on behalf of others. They often aren't, or they often don't accurately convey the information.
And I think on this site we have repeatedly disproven each of her points, though her position seems hardened enough not to consider the evidence.
You can't please everyone. But the person you really have to please is yourself.
You look great; you like the style; you've got a great attitude.
I think you're doing just fine.
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When I was young and still in grade school I got a crew cut. Mother had a fit - I grew it back and kept it at an acceptable length - remember this was in the early 1940's. When I got to college away from home I got a burr cut and kept it short ever since - usually really short - my nickname in college was cue ball. My mother never comment on my hair again. It became me. I shave completely in the late 70's when it was quite uncommon.
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....there's also the "surprize" factor. I was 57 when I shaved my head, mother was 90, and she was unaware of this change until she sat down to watch the news programme I appeared on. He butler said that she almost fainted with alarm and shock. That wasn't "her little boy". (I'm 6'5" so, in a sense, I hadn't been anybody's Little Boy in a very long time.) She didn't care for it, said so and then we went on. Your mother, however, is a bit of thick patch. She's bemoaning her own sense of mortality along with your hair loss; She equates bald men with growing old, hence the idiotic comment about going bald; How would she feel if she "went bald"? There's a question for discussion. Obviously all of us are on your side and what each of us would-and will-say to you is stay the course, stick to your guns and....give her a razor for Christmas. The sarcasm will be lost but she can't get much madder-she's already irrational. Don't threaten her with your absence, just be absent. And a Merry Sly Christmas to you. Welcome!
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Benlen,
I am sorry to hear what your Mother said to you. This is very cruel. My Mom doesn't really like me bald, but she has never said anything derogatory to me about it. I love being bald and I will never let anyone convience me to grow my hair back. Bald is BOLD and BEAUTIFUL don't forget that! Stick to your guns and keep doing what you are more comfortable with. The Best to You.
BaldDaniel
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Hey Ben !
Everyone here is offering good insight about baldness and moms.
For some reason, premature bald sons make a Mom feel "older" knowing her "little boy" has turned into a "man". When I was around 23, my parents and I were watching a TV movie when mom pointed out that the two villans were "bald on top" like dad and me. She then added, "of course they don't have a Hitler-Nazi moustache like you". Mom did not like my stache or hairloss. Young MPB guys like me back then did not completely shave their heads but wore the "Dr. Phil" toilet seat or comb overs. The next day I took my beard trimmer and did a no guard to my head -- and told mom "this is my new anti-villan haircut". We all laughed at that as it was my hair, what little was left, and I did what I wanted. Everyone will adjust with time.
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Let me just add that if you were man enough to shave your head in the first place -- and it was a gutsy move considering your age and stage of hair loss -- then you are man enough to stand your ground against your mother. Just hang in there.
Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner!
Good Luck, Ben.
If you like it, stick with it.
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Ben,
Your mom, like mine, is of a different generation and is far less accepting of many things including head shaving. Why not ask friends and family who are close to you in age what they think about it and ask them to be brutally honest. You will like what you hear. For most of them it is a total non issue; its just a haircut after all.
After a lifetime of allowing my parents to control me I decided about six years ago to put a stop to it once and for all. It was painful at first but they no longer have any control over me or my life and it was one of the most liberating feelings, next to head shaving, Ive ever felt. Sometimes you just have to accept that some people cant change and that those are people you need to move on from. Cut the apron strings, stop allowing her opinion and words to control what you want in your life, stop reacting when she is critical (she is feeding off of this), limit your answering of the phone when she calls, limit your visits with her, and she will get the idea. People will only control you so long as you grant them permission to do so. It took me a long time to figure this out.
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If it came from someone else I'd say f**k her, but since it's your mom your best bet is to just accept and ignore it imo.
She wants whats best for you I'm sure and probably just wasn't around nice bald men in her life before...so be the first one and she'll eventually learn to accept it. ;)
Rob
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I have only been part of this group for almost a month, so there is no way I have read even a fraction of what has been written on this forum. But, I have to say that this thread has my favorite responses of any I have read. Pretty much everything I was thinking has already been said, Plus a ton more great words of advice and wisdom.
For the guys who have started the balding process and shaved or buzzed their hair, the women in our lives would rather us have all of our hair... having ALL of our hair is not a choice any more, so they either need to live with no hair or watch us go bald over time. That is what my Grandfather did. I am not him. I wasn't born in the early 1900's. Do the women in our lives wear the beehive hairdo that their Grandmother or Mother wore in the 50's??
It is like a kid who stands up to the lead bully at school. This shows that he is not going to be bullied for his lunch money, but also helps him from being bullied about other things as well.
Ben,
You could talk to her and just tell her that you appreciate her opinion, you are sorry she doesn't like your new look, but let her know that she has insulted you and hurt your feelings.. maybe that will tug on one of her heart-strings. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. Let us know how you make out, bud.
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As a matter of principle, do NOT let your mother manipulate you. You're an adult. Do what you want. You'll gain a ton of confidence from standing your ground.
I agree Razor, thank you for the support!
These are all her opinions - none of them factual. Be particularly alert when someone is speaking on behalf of others. They often aren't, or they often don't accurately convey the information.
Totally right, that's exactly what I was thinking. I called her out on it and said that if the rest of the family really hated it the way she did, they would speak to me one on one, and not go through someone who is obviously biased.
Hey guys, thanks for the overflowing amount of support––it really helps and makes me feel better as well as affirms, for me, how I feel about myself.
My mom to a certain degree apologized for what she said, and I'm glad that she did. I told her that I would address how she felt later, as it is, at this moment, still raw and hard to sort of register and sort through.
I'm twenty-three, just graduated college and starting graduate school in January to further my career ambitions, but I'm in a tough spot where I'm home with my folks for another month or so.
What baffles me about this situation is not my Mom not liking it, but her being so devisive about it. My mother and I have always had a very close relationship. I am (was? haha) her golden child, compared with my brother, who she fights with.
Anyway, the following is how I feel about shaving my head, and I told her this when she was giving me the bad rap about it:
I like shaving my head, for the simple act of it. It feels great.
More importantly, it's also empowering, and it makes me feel like a young man again, like the young guy that I am.
When I say I once had great hair, I really genuinely had awesome hair. Extremely straight and thick. I got my dad's very thick hair like my brother, but sadly got the balding gene as well, which is why my hair loss hasn't been so apparent to other people (the more hair, the longer it takes to shed, lol).
So while some people didn't notice the hair loss, it was very apparent to me, and it was sad to have a daily reminder that I had lost that and would never get it back. I couldn't style my hair in the fauxhawk that I liked to (like soccer players haha) or wear it long.
Shaving my head makes me feel like I'm not "losing" some part of me anymore, that I'm not prematurely aging, and I feel stylish and confident again.
More specifically, shaving my head makes me feel like I'm living, and moving forward, as if each new day is going to be better than the next, as opposed to watching some part of myself wither away or decay.
I understand where she's coming from with thinking this is part of body dimorphic disorder, but the real point of it is, is that I just don't want to deal with hair loss anymore! haha. Why not shave your head?
I don't have to deal with thinning hair anymore. Shaving my head is sort of like having a full head of hair once more, in that you never really think about it. You don't have to worry about it looking good because with a mild amount of work it always looks good.
Thinning hair, however, just doesn't look good, and requires an extreme and inordinate amount of work to maintain. I think that's crazy, much more crazy than shaving your head.
My mother asked me if I was offended by what she said, and I wasn't really, so much as I was hurt and disappointed, and I think that was where she broke and didn't appear as negative. I'm not sure how it'll go going forward, but I don't want to go back to having uncomfortable thinning hair just to appease her. That isn't fair.
Moreover, I think my mother's attitudes are just plain outdated. I see tons of bald people all the time, and the ones that I judge are not those who shave their heads, but those who try to hold onto what they don't have. That to me is unsightly. I admire men who take what they have and do the best to look good. And I don't think a bald head is someone magically going to turn me into some killer in the eyes of other people or limit my job prospects. That seems stupid.
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Bald people are nazis and mass murderers,
Sounds like an ill informed comment which you can safely ignore.
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Shaving my head is sort of like having a full head of hair once more, in that you never really think about it. You don't have to worry about it looking good because with a mild amount of work it always looks good.
Thinning hair, however, just doesn't look good, and requires an extreme and inordinate amount of work to maintain. I think that's crazy, much more crazy than shaving your head.
Bullseye-- O0
Good move--oh, and when in the future you get a compliment about the dome in front of her, and it will happen--don't rub it in, just a wink will do with a big smile!
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Doesn't hairloss mainly come from the mothers side anyway so it's her fault anyway!
It's what mothers do. You have to live with it, it's your decision.
My mum was the same but I just said in fairness mum you can say nothing about my hair as you made me have it like this......
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... Bald people are nazis and mass murderers...
I knew there was something I didn't like about Elmer Fudd.
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Let me just add that if you were man enough to shave your head in the first place -- and it was a gutsy move considering your age and stage of hair loss -- then you are man enough to stand your ground against your mother. Just hang in there.
Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner!
I agree. Nailed it.
My mom to a certain degree apologized for what she said, and I'm glad that she did. I told her that I would address how she felt later, as it is, at this moment, still raw and hard to sort of register and sort through.
What baffles me about this situation is not my Mom not liking it, but her being so devisive about it. My mother and I have always had a very close relationship.
Hey Benlen. Glad you are enjoying, and feeling confident about your dome. Welcome to the club, my friend.
What your mom said to you was pretty harsh, and unnecessary. No doubt. There's no way that couldn't hurt.
I'll bet it was just her way of finally showing her true pent up feelings. Letting it all out in a tirade. If she apologized at all, then I'm sure that to that aforementioned certain degree, she regrets doing it.
If you were indeed close when you were growing up, it's just all the harder for her to see her baby boy growing up and becoming his own man... Becoming different than the little boy she remembers. That's just how life and time are. Stay the course, my friend. You are doing great. O0
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My mother and I have always had a very close relationship. I am (was? haha) her golden child
That actually explains much right there. You're growing up and becoming independent. Most mothers are threatened by that, and this is likely her way of not dealing with it particularly well.
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Having come from a similar situation (having a manipulative mother myself), I've just got to say that you have to realize it's her issue, not yours, and you can't let other people control your life like that, no matter who it is. I made the mistake of backing down once on something when I was about your age. Never again.
The most liberating thing in the world is to be yourself, regardless of who approves or disapproves.
“I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” - Bill Cosby
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Just tell her to "F*ck Right Off Bee-yatch!"
Seriously though, I agree with the great things that the others have said. There is always something really demoralising about a close family member or friend saying something derogatory about how you look. Takes the wind of out of your sales so to speak.
I think that you have done fantastically to take control of your hair loss, something I had wished that I'd had the courage to do at your age.
Like a lot of the guys have said, Mums have this image of their "baby boys" in their minds and find it really difficult when stuff happens to change or challenge that image. I think that her comments say more about what is going on in her head than the actual situation of you shaving your head. Her problem, for her to deal with.
You appear to be a really grounded guy, don't let it get you down. Christmas is coming and Santa will bring her a lump of coal if she doesn't quit!
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3) Bald people are nazis and mass murderers, like the guy who shot Gabriel Giffords, and that the entire world would view me this way. I told her Hitler had hair, incidentially, but that didn't seem to go over all that well.
The problem with convincing your mom is that she is so far off the deep end that I really think it's hopeless. I hate to insult your mom, but truth be told you can't fix stupid.
4) I would never experience love or romance ever again because of my shaved head.
By virtue of the fact that you exist I can assume that the world had someone who could love someone with a very nasty attitude. Therefore I think the world is big enough to find someone for you too.
5) That I looked ridiculous, like a cancer patient, and the bald look was not at all attractive on me, according to her.
6) She's convinced that I'm not shaving my head as an act of liberation from hair loss, but as a body dismorphic disorder related issue or something like that.
Not lastly, but I because I don't want to repeat everything she said, she wrote:
More and more dumbassery.
7) She will never like or accept what I choose to do with the hair on my head.
Remind her that it's not her place to tell you how you can look. Considering that this is your mother I really wouldn't suggest pushing it, but considering the horrible things that she said to you I think it would actually be appropriate to lay some back on her. Find something you dislike about her and lay into that. What a nasty person! Is this typical of her or was this something very outside her normal character?
It goes without saying that, in spite of my normally confident nature, that this has been an extremely demeaning and confidence-eroding exercise.
She is manipulating you, and I bet the apology she gave you (as stated in another post) was filled with a lot of *ifs* and *buts*.
If you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah, or New Years I would be tempted to celebrate somewhere else, especially if you can do so with a girlfriend or a girl who is a friend, and let the Grinch suffer the consequences of her actions. Another thing taken out of the female playbook is to do their manipulative silent treatment on her. Go and don't blatantly ignore her but give her as little attention as possible.
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;D
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3) Bald people are nazis and mass murderers, like the guy who shot Gabriel Giffords, and that the entire world would view me this way. I told her Hitler had hair, incidentially, but that didn't seem to go over all that well.
The problem with convincing your mom is that she is so far off the deep end that I really think it's hopeless. I hate to insult your mom, but truth be told you can't fix stupid.
4) I would never experience love or romance ever again because of my shaved head.
By virtue of the fact that you exist I can assume that the world had someone who could love someone with a very nasty attitude. Therefore I think the world is big enough to find someone for you too.
5) That I looked ridiculous, like a cancer patient, and the bald look was not at all attractive on me, according to her.
6) She's convinced that I'm not shaving my head as an act of liberation from hair loss, but as a body dismorphic disorder related issue or something like that.
Not lastly, but I because I don't want to repeat everything she said, she wrote:
More and more dumbassery.
7) She will never like or accept what I choose to do with the hair on my head.
Remind her that it's not her place to tell you how you can look. Considering that this is your mother I really wouldn't suggest pushing it, but considering the horrible things that she said to you I think it would actually be appropriate to lay some back on her. Find something you dislike about her and lay into that. What a nasty person! Is this typical of her or was this something very outside her normal character?
It goes without saying that, in spite of my normally confident nature, that this has been an extremely demeaning and confidence-eroding exercise.
She is manipulating you, and I bet the apology she gave you (as stated in another post) was filled with a lot of *ifs* and *buts*.
If you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah, or New Years I would be tempted to celebrate somewhere else, especially if you can do so with a girlfriend or a girl who is a friend, and let the Grinch suffer the consequences of her actions. Another thing taken out of the female playbook is to do their manipulative silent treatment on her. Go and don't blatantly ignore her but give her as little attention as possible.
I don't think there's any need to escalate the conflict. Now that Ben has made his feelings known, I'm sure his mother will back off and they can both move on without harboring any ill feelings.
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Well said, Razor.
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Well said, Razor.
Plus 1!
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I agree with Razor, too.
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So why do we keep it going ?
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Hey guys,
So I'm going on thirty days of being sly/shaving my head, and my mom, who has very thinly veiled her distaste for my bald head, spoke with me today about how she felt about my head. She said the following:
1) That my hair was "fine" the way it was, and that I should just bald naturally and keep what hair I have forever, even if I think that looks silly/makes me feel bad about myself.
2) The entire family hates the look, according to her.
3) Bald people are nazis and mass murderers, like the guy who shot Gabriel Giffords, and that the entire world would view me this way. I told her Hitler had hair, incidentially, but that didn't seem to go over all that well.
4) I would never experience love or romance ever again because of my shaved head.
5) That I looked ridiculous, like a cancer patient, and the bald look was not at all attractive on me, according to her.
6) She's convinced that I'm not shaving my head as an act of liberation from hair loss, but as a body dismorphic disorder related issue or something like that.
Not lastly, but I because I don't want to repeat everything she said, she wrote:
7) She will never like or accept what I choose to do with the hair on my head.
It goes without saying that, in spite of my normally confident nature, that this has been an extremely demeaning and confidence-eroding exercise.
Have any of you had such a negative reaction from family, let alone a parent? I mean, jesus, it's just a hair style! What's wrong with my mother?
JEESE. I'm sorry you had to go through that. That's rough. Most of my family hasn't really said much, though my grandma was disappointed because she loved my blonde hair. Our family is very proud of our roots, and our hair is part of that.
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Thanks guys for all the support in this thread! I appreciate it tremendously, because I'm in this awkward spot of being home and being constantly pestered by my mother before I go to graduate school...if I wasn't going onto more higher education/moving, I would be entering the work world full time and seeking to live in my own place, so I am grateful to my folks for financial and loving support of my graduate school aspirations.
That said, the waiting before moving to Boston for school has been awful. My mother, as she has aged, has become more pestering and more invasive in my own time, or perhaps, I have simply sought to have more time to myself. Perhaps a combination of both.
Either way, I cannot wait to get started on my grad degree so I can begin planning my financial/career/education future, and fully move out of my folk's house.
JEESE. I'm sorry you had to go through that. That's rough. Most of my family hasn't really said much, though my grandma was disappointed because she loved my blonde hair. Our family is very proud of our roots, and our hair is part of that.
See, my family has the same problem. My dad has a wicked good head of hair at 54, as does my brother, who is 21. I used to have the same awesome hair too before I started balding.
My Dad routinely makes fun of my uncles (on my mom's side) for their baldness, which I always felt was a below the belt kind of comment.
As I started to bald, and even before that, I would say to my dad frequently, "This is not a nice thing to say. You haven't had to deal with balding, how can you be a jerk about it to other guys?"
I think my parent's are now dealing with the denial I was experiencing years ago with my thinning hair. I think my parents have this image of their sons and them being perfect and very hairy and fitting in with all the pictures. I think me shaving my head/balding somehow ruins this picture, especially for my control freak mother.
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On a lighter note, you could always get some comedy wigs, afro, clown wig, Cher, and pop one on every time there is a family photo "But you prefered me with hair!!!"
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..., the waiting before moving to Boston for school has been awful. My mother, as she has aged, has become more pestering and more invasive in my own time, or perhaps, I have simply sought to have more time to myself. Perhaps a combination of both.
..., I cannot wait to get started on my grad degree so I can begin planning my financial/career/education future,...
I think my parent's are now dealing with the denial I was experiencing years ago with my thinning hair. I think my parents have this image of their sons and them being perfect and very hairy and fitting in with all the pictures. I think me shaving my head/balding somehow ruins this picture, especially for my control freak mother.
Sorry, bud. I feel for you. I'm betting your Mom doesn't like the beard either, huh? You were kinda forced to be bold and different.. but for a good reason. I would rather look cool with a sly dome up next to their full heads of hair, than be balding up next to their full heads of hair. You will be the one looking like the rock star in the family photo.. so be glad you don't have to worry with the hair anymore.
O0
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On a lighter note, you could always get some comedy wigs, afro, clown wig, Cher, and pop one on every time there is a family photo "But you prefered me with hair!!!"
I always did admire passive-aggressive humor! :*))
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On a lighter note, you could always get some comedy wigs, afro, clown wig, Cher, and pop one on every time there is a family photo "But you prefered me with hair!!!"
Hahaha! Thanks leigh! :)
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See, my family has the same problem. My dad has a wicked good head of hair at 54, as does my brother, who is 21. I used to have the same awesome hair too before I started balding.
My Dad routinely makes fun of my uncles (on my mom's side) for their baldness, which I always felt was a below the belt kind of comment.
As I started to bald, and even before that, I would say to my dad frequently, "This is not a nice thing to say. You haven't had to deal with balding, how can you be a jerk about it to other guys?"
I think my parent's are now dealing with the denial I was experiencing years ago with my thinning hair. I think my parents have this image of their sons and them being perfect and very hairy and fitting in with all the pictures. I think me shaving my head/balding somehow ruins this picture, especially for my control freak mother.
This is a "nail on the head," pardon the pun, observation. And can't they even begin to see that your deep seated angst about mpb didn't start with you? What you're doing is more than a reasonable response--they, your Father in particular, shouldn't want to have you being the brunt of his inappropriate comments.
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I think my parent's are now dealing with the denial I was experiencing years ago with my thinning hair. I think my parents have this image of their sons and them being perfect and very hairy and fitting in with all the pictures.
Why in the hell is lack of hair considered not perfect? >:(
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? I'M WAITING..... 5t*mp
Look, I shave my head more out of need than vanity. However, how I choose to wear my hair (or lack thereof) shouldn't matter one iota.
I wish your parents felt the same way. Personally, I think you're more of an adult than your parents are (and yes, tell them I said it) .
Good luck.
The Almighty Schro
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By the sound of it the bald genes have come from your mothers side of the family, simply inform her it is her fault!! ;D
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Wow that is a severe reaction you got there. My mum has never reacted quite that horribly but she does let her feelings known. She knows that my hair has always bothered me. Yet every time I shave my hair to a #1 she always has to throw in a disgruntled sigh or "you've cut your hair too short again". I cut it today and she said at supper "your hair was going to be a nice length in time for Christmas." So...what!? Hair is compulsory to celebrate Christmas now is it?
All the best buddy and we are always here!
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You young guys will make it ! A hundred years ago when I had hair, I let it grow out but back in those days wild and wooly and full of fleas never been curried below the knees ;D I couldn't even stand it . But in those times had to do it . There are always going to be people , and those we love . But we learn in life first you take care of yourself, and then others. And as we all grow up ! It shows to our elders we are coming of age to decide on what , and who we shall be. O0 8)
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This seems to be quite an extreme case but I think we do have to think how going sly can affect others around or close to us. I'm sure for some mothers it must make them think about thereselves, suddenly they have a son who is loosing his hair, how old must that make them feel!! So I do think we need to consider the views of others but obviously if they really love you then they will accept your choice even if they aren't too keen.
I'm sure it must be an uneasy position for you at the moment but I'm guessing once the old lady is used to it and realises that you are just the same as before (just a bit lighter up top!) she'll drop her hostility!
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My mom hates it.. :Xo!.but then she is a 82 year old guilt and fear monger...Doesn't mater the look, she hates it if it isn't a clean 1940s/50s. When I had a Fro she hated it and said I looked Jewish(which we are) when I grew my gotee I suddenly looked Mexican (ok, and that is bad because?) when I grew a ponytail I looked like a dirty hippie(hey, I bathe)...point is mom has hated everything I have ever done and is horribly racist...so I am polite, respectful, but I am myself...If my wife is cool with it, than that is all that matters. My Mother in law is always kind and supportive.
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That is what I love about opinions...They're not fact !
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"Friends are God's compensation for relatives."
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"Friends are God's compensation for relatives."
That REALLY made me laugh !!!
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My parents aren't fond of it, but that's fine. Just remember you're capable of making your own decisions and life is easier if you don't seek others approval.
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"Friends are God's compensation for relatives."
:*))
I've never heard that before, but like a mastercard commercial, that is PRICELESS!!!!
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Richard Bach, the guy who wrote Jonathan Livingston Seagull, wrote several other books. From one of these, I think it was entitled "One" comes an idea that set me free from meddling family:
"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life."
It doesn't sound to me like you're getting much respect or joy from mom. Maybe time to untie the apron strings? I read somewhere in here that if you have a healthy relationship you can talk to her about this but clearly you can't have a healthy relationship or a rational discussion with a person who would dump this kind of crap on you.
Imagine if she were a co-worker instead of your mother and she said these things to you. Would you hang out with her again? Would you trouble yourself to try to engage her in conversation?
Should mom's approach have been different because she's your mom and she loves and respects you?